Chapter 22
Millie
I shouldn’t feel giddy, but I love the ache pulsing between my legs. It’s been gradually growing since I ran out of the gym and went straight to bed, texting Hyde that I have a headache and I’m staying in all day.
I smile, stretching in bed while the soreness rolls through my body. It feels good. A tangible proof that I’m tougher than whatever tries to break me.
I press my face into the pillow, even though I slept through the morning and the afternoon without waking once. I haven’t been this rested since Evan. It feels nice to stay under the comforter a little longer when Creed invades my mind.
I shouldn’t feel giddy about him, either, but I do.
Well, maybe not exactly him, but about feeling more myself than I have in months. Powerful, pretty, whole.
Creed didn’t hold back when I kissed him. He didn’t act like I’d shatter if he bit my lip or bruised my skin. He didn’t see me as defective and it meant more than I could’ve imagined.
And then he had to ruin it all.
A bitter taste clings to my tongue when I remember the look in his eyes as he stared at my blood.
He acted like he’d taken something from me when the truth is he gave me back something vital. It’s been too long since I felt centered, steady, and calm.
Hyde, my parents, the lawyers, and doctors, even my psychiatrist... they made me feel small. A broken mess of a person they reduced me to with their overprotectiveness.
Somewhere between the overdose and now, I learned to believe them. I started shrinking. I became a victim, a broken girl who hid from the world and erased who she was.
Creed doesn’t treat me like I’m weak. He reminds me that I’m not... all I am is lost, confused, and scared.
It’s evening by the time I crawl out of bed, soundtracked by Abby’s humming while she’s busy preparing something in the kitchenette. I get in the shower, washing away Creed’s scent and the specks of blood between my thighs.
I should’ve done that the second I got in, but I wanted to hold on to his touch a while longer.
Every part of my body stings and aches, making the smile curling my lips widen further. It’s pure bliss. I feel alive, in control of my mind, body, and choices.
I towel my hair dry in front of the mirror in a pair of cotton panties so I can admire Creed’s work blooming across my skin in shades of pink and purple.
Purple from his fingertips all over my hips, waist, wrists.
.. each one equally tender. Pink from his lips and teeth, little rosy love bites peppering my breasts and collarbones.
I trace one with the tip of my finger, recalling his hot mouth sucking and marking while he made me forget the world.
I turn my back to the mirror, studying the burns running along my spine and shoulder blades where the mat scraped me raw.
My smile only deepens.
I look fierce.
Every mark is proof that I’m not made of glass. Proof that, at least once, someone saw strength where others see weakness.
The bathroom door swings open abruptly, catching me off guard. I jump, fumbling with the towel to cover myself up but I’m not fast enough.
“Millie, have you seen—?” Abby freezes in the doorway, her voice catching. “Oh my God!” Her hand flies to her mouth, tears instantly springing to her eyes. “What... what happened?!” she whisper-shouts, rushing over.
I frown at the panic flooding her features, clutching the towel to my chest. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” she echoes, snatching the towel away. “Millie...” She sucks in a sharp breath, her tears spilling over as she stares at the bruises. “You were assaulted.”
My stomach tightens unpleasantly.
“Who did this?” she demands. “You can tell me.” Her fingers tremble as she grabs my hands, her eyes frantic. “Who hurt you?”
My giddiness quivers. I look at my reflection again, trying to see what she sees. The bruises don’t look the same anymore.
“No one hurt me,” I say, slower this time. “I’m okay.”
“Okay?” She shakes her head, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Millie, this isn’t okay. I’m calling your brother. Whoever did this has to pay.”
Panic explodes in my chest. Hyde can’t find out.
He won’t stop digging until he uncovers the truth and who knows what he’ll do when he realizes his best friend touched me after he warned them all off?
My heartbeat stutters into a frantic rhythm, and my hand shoots out to snatch Abby’s wrist, halting her in place.
“Don’t,” I plead. “Don’t tell Hyde.”
“He needs to know! You’re his sister, and you...” she chokes, pinching her lips, her voice dropping to a broken whisper. “Millie, you were raped.”
The word makes me shudder. Is that really what it looks like to her? I’m tender all over, but I wanted this. Creed didn’t do anything I didn’t silently beg for.
“I wasn’t raped,” I say, wrapping the towel back around myself. “It wasn’t like that at all.”
Abby steps back, shaking her head. “Then what was it like? Because this...” She helplessly gestures at my body, “...this looks painful. This looks like someone hurt you.”
I don’t answer, my mind dragging me back to Creed noticing the blood. The way his jaw tightened and the anger in his eyes...
“You let me fuck you,” he seethed. “Let me hurt you.”
Shame crashes into me and the marks along my collarbones burn hot, no longer pretty. They don’t look like proof that I’m strong... they look like proof that I’m unhinged because, a minute ago, I loved them.
I swallow whatever’s lodged in my throat, making room for words. “No one hurt me, Abby. It was consensual.”
She stares like she doesn’t recognize me, disbelief and fear marring her features. “You wanted this?”
I nod, even though my stomach twists. “Yes.”
The silence stretches while she studies me. I’m not sure if she’s looking for a crack, a tell, or maybe she hopes I’ll change my mind and admit what she’s convinced must be the truth.
“I’m fine, Abby.”
“I just...” She hugs herself. “I don’t know what to think. You say you wanted this, but I don’t understand how you can want something that looks like this.”
Neither do I...
My memories shift under Abby’s words. What felt reverent, hungry, and electric a moment ago starts twisting into rough, brutal, and painful.
That’s not something I should enjoy... is it?
“Promise you won’t tell my brother, or anyone else,” I whisper, holding the towel like a shield.
She watches me for a long moment. The pity softening her features makes my insides knot and chest cinch with barbed wire.
How did I go from feeling invincible to feeling defeated?
“Alright,” she sighs. “I won’t tell, but you have to promise me something.” She steps closer, hesitant now. “I know we’ve been awkward lately, but if someone hurts you, if you ever feel unsafe, you come to me, okay?”
“I promise.” I force a smile, gesturing over myself. “This just got a little out of hand.”
“Yeah, clearly.” She wipes her face and pulls me into a hug, still shaky, her heart racing against mine. “I’m here, Millie.”
The second she leaves, the room tilts on me. I unwrap the towel, staring at my reflection. The purple and pink marks had meaning a moment ago. Endurance, strength, recovery.
Now I can’t unsee Abby’s perspective...
Every mark that made me smile now screams this is wrong. I run my hands over my ribs, pressing in to feel the pain. I liked that sex was hard, desperate, and raw. I wanted to be devoured. That’s wrong, right? Loving the way Creed handled me is wrong.
What the hell is my problem?
I should want slow and sweet. Candles, flowers, and whispered I love yous like in Abby’s rom coms. That’s how my first time was supposed to look like. Fun, worshipful, and gentle.
But that’s not what I wanted. Not what I want. The truth is, given the chance, I wouldn’t change a thing.
You’re really messed up, baby, you know that?