Chapter 15 #2
We’ve only been playing for fifteen minutes, but everyone is sweating already. I was thankful they showed up, though. Working out with Noah Van der Berg by myself was the last thing I wanted tonight. He found a girl he’s presently spotting on the weight bench anyway.
Jax picks up the ball, tosses it in the air, and whips it at the wall. “Don’t senators spend much of the year in D.C.?”
“And there are no term limits,” Jared adds to Madoc. “You could be gone for the rest of your life. Is that what you want?”
“I feel our relationship can endure this challenge,” Madoc says sweetly.
Jared scowls. “Fuck you.”
I rumble with a laugh as I slap an overhand. Jared’s embellishing. Madoc wouldn’t be gone the rest of his life. But he would be gone a lot, and Jared would miss him. Of course, he’s not going to admit that to Madoc.
“We got everything,” Jared pants. “And getting greedy is a good way to lose it. Can’t you just be content?”
The ball comes for Madoc, but it’s lost behind him as he turns to Jared.
“There’s no stopping,” he tells his stepbrother. “Like you said, we have everything. Now it’s time to serve.”
“No politician actually thinks like that.”
“They should,” Madoc retorts. “When life is good, you can help. When life is bad, you can still help. No matter what happens to us, we can always focus on others first. It’s that purpose that keeps us connected to the world. Do you know how many people don’t know that?”
Jared’s eyebrows are etched in a deep V, but he doesn’t say anything.
He loves his life. No matter how much he pouts or grumbles or bitches, he loves everything exactly as it is, and is desperate to keep it that way, because he and Jax know how bad life can get. They’re grateful and don’t want to tempt fate.
Madoc’s childhood was different. He doesn’t really know darkness. He has enough dreams to share with those who don’t have any.
A senator, though… People will dig into his life.
And the lives of those he loves. I almost shrink, my past still forefront in my mind.
The air is still, and no one moves.
Suddenly, Jax asks, “Is your dick still pierced?”
Jared actually breaks into laughter, and I snort, going to pick up the ball.
“Really?” Madoc gripes.
I serve the ball. “That might look bad in the press.”
“It’s the least of what could look bad.” Madoc slams the ball back. “There are pictures of things.”
Jared spins around, Jax quirks an eyebrow.
Madoc shrugs. “Fallon likes to tie me up for sex.”
Everyone reels with joy, laughing so hard we’re damn near crying. Of course, she does.
We volley for another minute, and I relish this. It’s not like I’m his kid anymore. It’s like I’m one of his brothers.
Jax slams the ball too hard for anyone to respond. “It’s getting late.”
“Did Quinn make it home safely?” Madoc asks, his eyes moving around to all of us as he collects the ball.
“I didn’t get a call for a ride,” Jared breathes out.
“That Farrow Kelly kid is pissing me off,” Madoc grumbles. “He keeps hanging around her.”
Jax moves for the door. “He’s not that bad.”
“He’s a criminal.”
“So was I.”
We trail out, Madoc bringing up the rear. “And do you want him doing to Quinn what you did to Juliet?”
I pull on my hoodie, catching the corner of Jax’s grin as he no doubt reminisces over his and his wife’s volatile early days together.
A brick settles into the pit of my stomach. I’m not so worried about Farrow now. Or Noah. But they won’t resist her if she’s interested. Not for a second.
“Find her someone we like then,” Jared chimes in. “Otherwise, she’s just going to end up with one of these guys simply for a lack of options.”
I open my mouth to shut them up. She’s twenty-one goddamn years old. What’s the hurry?
But I’m afraid my irritation will reek of jealousy. I feel like it’s burned into my forehead for everyone to see.
Jax tosses his racket to Jared. “I got to get back to the summer camp. Can you stop by the bakery and check on her?”
“I got it.” I wipe off my forehead with my sleeve. “I wanted to see if I could steal some leftovers for Fallon’s workshop in the morning anyway.”
Jared gives me a nod of thanks as I move to grab my bag and water.
Madoc slaps me on the back. “Give her a hug from us.”
Yeah. I don’t tell him that I’m a criminal, too, but the irony isn’t lost on me.
I leave the treadmill area, hearing Jax behind me. “Is she on birth control?”
Jesus. I shake my head too little for anyone to see.
“We’re her birth control,” Jared replies.
I exit the gym, leaving them behind and climbing into my car. Something about how they talk about her bugs me, and it shouldn’t because I hover and talk down to her, same as them. As if I have more of a right to be invasive than they do.
But maybe I do. I want to be her friend. I want her to be happy.
And they do, too, as long as that path includes celibacy.
I lay on the pedal faster than I wish, hating that I’m anxious to see her. Is she still at work? Did she get a ride? I nearly hold my breath, waiting to make a left, and then another, until the shop comes into view.
Parking in the alley behind the bakery, I leave the car running and knock on the back door.
We’re friends…
I want the world for her.
“Who is it?”
I lean in. “Lucas.”
She unlocks the door, greeting me without a smile, but her eyes are soft and wide. She just wears her black pants and sneakers, with a T-shirt. Her baker’s jacket is gone.
“Missed you at the gym,” I tell her.
“I know.” She turns and walks back into the bakery.
I follow.
“I’m overloaded with orders in red, white, and blue.” She laughs, turning back around and slipping her purse over her head. “I have to be back in seven hours.”
Locks of hair spill out of her ponytail, and she doesn’t look the least bit overworked. Her big, brown eyes gleam fresh and happy.
I clear my throat. “Want a…a ride?” I jerk my thumb to the door and my car parked on the other side of it.
She hesitates. “I’m going to Weston.”
My gaze falters, but I nod to hide it. If she had a crush, like she said she did that night on my bed, then wouldn’t she like to be where I am? I’m in her damn house, for Christ’s sake.
“It’s okay,” I say instead. “I could use the drive.”
She tosses a cloth into the laundry bag. “Thanks.”
Walking back out the door, I head for the driver’s side while she locks up.
Climbing into the passenger’s seat, she buckles up. Her scent fills her brother’s car, and I can’t help but look at her.
“Don’t tell me I look tired, okay?” she says, meeting my eyes.
I tear my gaze away, starting the car. “You look content.”
Backing out of the alley, I head to Weston and roll down the windows. She tilts her head back, her eyes turned outside, watching the houses and businesses give way to trees.
Her hair blows across her neck, and I keep glancing at how pretty she looks.
“So,” I say, trying to think about anything else. “Did you know Farrow Kelly bought my house?”
Her gaze flashes to mine, and I see the amusement on her face. “You thought I bought it.”
“And you let me think it.”
She squeezes her eyes shut, laughing. “It bought me time,” she muses. “I did think about it. For a few seconds. But I needed space. Real space.”
“Yeah, I know.” I concede. “You don’t have to explain.”
I get it. Her family will show up in Weston uninvited and unexpected just as much as they would in the Falls, but it’s not about getting away from them. It’s about finding something new. An unfamiliar environment is what everyone needs.
Before all they want is to come back home.
Quinn opens the glove compartment, finding some tissues, but I watch a string of condoms spill out.
I widen my eyes.
She holds them up, and I debate for a second.
This is Jared’s car. He wouldn’t still be using condoms with his wife, would he? Why does he have them in here?
She smirks, stuffing them back in the glove compartment. “I think Hawke used the car last,” she jokes. “I’m told he lost his virginity in here, actually.”
“Good.”
She casts her surprised eyes on me.
“I just didn’t want you to think they were mine,” I admit.
She breathes out a laugh and stares at her clasped hands in her lap. The wheels in her head turn.
“You know, I used to have a crush on you,” she says in a low voice. “Did you know that?”
“Well, yeah.” I swallow. “You said you were going to marry me when you were eight.”
I grin, remembering her always being around me.
But then she replies, “I don’t mean when I was eight. I mean, I did then, but also later too.”
I don’t look at her now. The lines on the road rush underneath my car, one after the other.
“When I was thirteen and you left,” she tells me, “and still at fifteen and sixteen.”
We cross the bridge, and I watch her pull out a penny and let her arm whip out into the night, tossing the coin over the side.
I guess I should’ve known about the crush, but I just thought she was a bit lonely, like me.
She fills her lungs with fresh air and exhales. “I shouldn’t have put pressure on you to be here, or to be someone I imagined as a kid.” Her eyes soften. “It was unfair.”
It’s not.
I want to matter to her.
“Friends?” she says.
I can’t look at her, the ceiling of the car seeming to come down on my head. I want to be who she imagined. Exactly who she imagined.
It’s like she’s woken up from a dream to the disappointment of reality.
My eyelids flutter, searching for something to say. “Unless your favorite movie is still The Shawshank Redemption,” I grumble over the needles in my throat.
“Oh, okay, Fast & Furious,” she teases.
“The Matrix, thank you.”
We smile at each other as she points for me to take the hill, and we cruise through Weston, bypassing Green Street down the road on the right.
Yes, her film preferences are a little more sophisticated than mine, but her choices produce far too many emotions for me to go through more than once a year.
I guess my taste was shaped by her brothers.
Jax raised me on Mission Impossible. Jared loved martial arts films. And Madoc loved old school action.
“In fact,” I tell her, “You need to see both franchises again. Got a TV yet?”
She directs me right and points to the house on the left. “Yes.”
I park, looking up at one of the many massive brownstone townhouses of Knock Hill. I drove around this town many times in college, but I didn’t think anyone lived here anymore. Three stories, worn wooden door, ornate stairwell up to the front door.
It must’ve been beautiful back in the day.
I follow her up to the house. “I’m going to log you into my streaming accounts.”
“Fix the settings in there while you’re at it,” she fires back. “I don’t like that TruMotion, or whatever it’s called.”
She unlocks the door and steps inside. I start to follow her, but something catches my attention, and I see Farrow Kelly standing at the window of the brownstone next door, shirtless and smoking a cigarette.
He lives next door?
I turn away. Great.
“I’ll be back,” she calls out, heading up the steps.
Drifting through the door and into the foyer, I let my eyes roll around the entire space, taking in all the disrepair—the damaged floors, the broken walls, the ancient electrical running across the ceiling to the chandelier.
The house creaks when I walk, and as she moves upstairs, immediately making my heart palpitate.
Can her bedroom floor even support proper furniture?
She couldn’t have had this place inspected because it wouldn’t have passed.
I can already see that. Everything needs to be gutted.
I could start a fight and bring her home.
Or maybe she’ll let me help her. I am an architect, after all.
I see her flatscreen and dip down for the remote on the coffee table. Her old notebook lays open, a pen discarded on top as if she was in the middle of writing, and just as I look away, I notice the page titled Birthday Presents.
I don’t mean to read it, but after the first one, I just keep going.
Blow him while he’s on the phone.
Have sex with him while my brothers are in the house.
Flash him while he’s in a meeting.
Read erotica to him.
Feel what it’s like to have my panties ripped off.
Let him make me come with a rose or a feather.
Wear a collar.
Perform for him.
Wash him.
Be really loud. So loud, I
So loud, she what?
She stopped writing mid-sentence. Breathless, I rise, squeezing the muscles in the back of my neck and feeling sweat. What the fuck?
I see her on my bed again. I’m behind her. Number five…
My cock swells in my pants, and I groan.
I reach over to close the book in case she thinks I read it, but I stop myself. If I touch it, she might know then.
I rise with the remote in my hand. She could’ve made this list years ago. She said she recently dug it out to review it.
But no, she was adding to it. Oh, Quinn.
Flipping on the TV, the moaning hits my ears before the images, and in a moment, I’m staring at two men pumping their fucking dicks into a young woman.
I fumble with the remote. What the hell?!
Quinn!
But I don’t shout. I can’t even catch my breath.
I flip off the television. I don’t tell her I’m leaving. I don’t say goodbye.
In fifteen minutes, I’m back in Shelburne Falls, on High Street.
I climb the stairs to the historical society, whip back the tarp covering Jax’s set up, and snatch the case of small security cameras.
She needs more fucking supervision.