Chapter 17
Lucas
Fuck, I could be inside of her right now. Buried to the hilt in all that soft, tight skin with my mouth sucking on a body that felt like a goddamn cloud.
Her breasts, her stomach, her thighs… Smooth, like silk, and smelling better than heaven.
No idea what the hell heaven smells like, but if it’s anything other than that, I don’t want it.
I’ve never touched anyone who sent a simultaneous current of electricity to my dick and to my brain.
I mean, what the fuck? I was jacked, and it was Quinn.
Quinn.
Just the thought of what I could be having right now—her, alone, hidden, and in my hands—brings my body temp up so high, I’m still sweating even though it’s seventy-two outside and the air conditioning is on.
What the hell am I going to do? I love her too much to just throw her down like she’s anyone else. I would open a vein if she needed me to.
But I can’t make love to her. I’ll lose her completely then.
Kicking the car into a higher gear, I race through the night, away from her, like I have a monkey on my back. And I go to the one place that will recalibrate my perspective.
The train tunnel, Hugo had said.
Images had flooded back when he said it, and I suddenly saw myself there all those years ago. Outside my body. Hazy, like everything was that night, because all I’d felt was small. Something small inside of a man’s body, hidden deep in a head that I didn’t recognize anymore.
It was as if I was looking through my own eyes with binoculars from far away.
How the hell did I forget about the tunnel?
I knew that the body was in the forest off the highway.
I even remembered it was before Camp Blackhawk, not after.
But I wasn’t aware of much else that night.
Parking, I walk, rain pummeling my bare shoulders and chest. I stare down at the old leaves covering the dark earth as I drift and drag my hand over the smooth stone.
Leave, Drew had said. Or I’ll have twenty people back me up when I tell the cops what you did. And Madoc Caruthers will ruin his reputation, buried in a legal battle for you for the next five years.
Gazing down at the soft mound of earth, I ball my fists to stop them from shaking. “I’m sorry.”
My chin trembles and tears fill my eyes.
“I did the right thing,” I whisper, rain spilling off my lips. “I couldn’t do anything fucking good back then, but I could protect them.”
Who knows what Drew would’ve done to target the Trents and Caruthers? He had a fucking gang.
But in my heart, I wanted to run. It was easier than having to face anyone who loved me. My mom and what she’d already been through, losing my father, and Madoc and Fallon and their world of everything so beautiful and perfect.
I was sick. I hated myself.
However, there’s nothing noble in letting a soul rot in a grave no one will ever visit.
Quinn deserves better than me.
I gave up everything, so I wouldn’t have to do the hardest thing. What a piece of shit…
I leave the grave and climb back into my car, racing through Shelburne Falls and back to Quinn’s parents’ house.
Closing the garage, I shut off the light and step into the house, locking the door behind me. I kick off my muddy shoes and throw them in the mudroom sink. I should grab a towel to dry off my chest and back, but my ire is still up, and it’s cooling me down.
Climbing the back stairs, I head to the guest room, close the door, and sit on the edge of the bed.
“What the fuck am I gonna do?” I mouth to myself.
What if Isobel doesn’t come up with anything in her research? I have her scouring for any info on the Trents and Caruthers, so I can be ahead of it if Hugo has an ace up his sleeve. Not that I think Jared, Jax, or Madoc have anything to hide, but it’s best to be sure.
But what if she can’t come up with something I can use as leverage on Reeves or Navarre? What’s my next step?
The man deserves a proper burial, certainly. And I won’t leave until he has it. But I need to stop Green Street first. If I don’t, and I’m arrested, I won’t be able to protect my family. Or Quinn.
I stayed because the rumor of the land being developed forces me to face this. I stayed because Green Street has grown, and they’re a danger. I stayed because I love the Falls and I’m nothing without the people here in my life.
But really, it was Quinn. I stayed because I can’t walk away from her.
She hurts me when she’s angry, and she hurts me when she’s soft.
I have tunnel-vision with her.
Fucking tunnels. Long, and dark, and the only way out is through.
I shake my head, clenching my teeth. God, I wanted to fuck her tonight. I loved being back in that town and knowing that the tattoo would empty that room in an instant. I loved the power, and I hate that I loved it. She’s turning me into that man again.
I may as well have fucked her, given that Jared, Madoc, and Jax won’t see any difference between me being inside of her and me taking off her clothes tonight.
I reach into my pocket and pull out her panties, staring at the white cotton. Pulling back my comforter, then my sheet, I lay them in my bed, the fantasy that she’s there, naked and ready, making every single muscle hard. Every one.
I should’ve brought her home to the Falls with the blackout in Weston. I just didn’t want another fucking fight.
Taking out my phone, I open the app and check the cameras, still not detecting any lights. Front door is closed and better be locked.
Maybe I should go back. What if the blackout was on purpose? I don’t trust anyone over there.
But as I check the one near her bedroom window, I see her on her bed inside her room. What looks like a camping lamp sits on the bedside table, and she wears my dark gray T-shirt as she sits alone, staring at her lap.
My throat tightens, but I can’t tear my eyes away.
I didn’t point the camera at her bedroom, nor did I point the one on the front of the house into the living room.
Maybe it was wind. Maybe it was her, but as soon as I saw she was having a party earlier with Noah and Farrow in attendance, I didn’t care. I kept watching.
And when I saw her head upstairs with Noah, I slammed on the gas, lucky I didn’t get pulled over with how badly I was speeding to get there.
She was doing it on purpose, but I wasn’t entirely sure how far she would go to prove how grown up she was, so I let her fucking have it. I’m not sorry.
My chest warms at the sight of her bare legs crossed in front of her, her light-colored panties peeking out between her thighs.
Then, I see it. So quick, I almost missed it, but it’s unmistakable. The little swipe of her fingers across her face, and then immediately under her nose, before she puts her hand back down on the bed.
Why is she crying?
Tapping the Call button, I dial her and put her on speaker, so I can watch her. My line rings, and a moment later, she’s turning and patting the bed to find her phone. She looks at the screen and answers, holding it to her ear.
Her breath curls into my head.
“Still up?” I ask before she says ‘hello.’
“No.”
“Liar.”
She straightens one of her legs, drawing in a breath. “You’re watching me?”
She glances to the camera maybe twenty feet away outside her window.
“I can’t stop, it seems,” I whisper.
I knew she’d find out about the cameras. If she didn’t notice them, someone in the neighborhood would’ve seen me installing them this morning and warned her.
“What’s wrong?” I ask in a low voice.
She drops her head, and I can’t tell her facial features clearly enough to see if she’s still crying.
“I’m so hot,” she pants.
Hot?
“You…don’t have AC?” I ask.
“That’s not what I mean.” I hear her swallow as she places her hand on the inside of her thigh. “It hurts.”
I close my eyes, my cock twitching. “I know.”
My groin throbs, warm blood flooding my legs, and I should hang up. For both our sakes.
I sit back down on the edge of the bed again, my elbows on my knees as I stare at her.
“I loved everything you did earlier,” she tells me in the smallest voice, cracking with tears. “You’ve felt that with other women. I never have, and I feel like I’m sinking to the ocean floor, farther and farther from air. You just made it worse.”
We could argue about whose fault it was earlier when I was there, but I don’t blame her.
She’s feeling things whether I stand in her way or not, and maybe I expected her to ease her pain on her own like what I was planning to do once I left her, but apparently, she didn’t.
“Keep going,” I whisper.
Uncrossing her other leg, she bends them slightly and leans back on one hand. “What if I said I hated you?” she gasps, rolling her hips. “What if I said that you’re not the man I thought you were, and we don’t get along anymore, and whatever bond we had is just gone?”
My dick presses against my jeans. Does she hate me?
The tips of my fingers hum, feeling her dripping all over again. I lift my hand to my nose, still smelling her.
“What if I said I’m going to let myself meet someone now?”
I press my teeth together so hard my jaw aches.
“What if I said the man in my bed is the only one I’ll let protect me now?” she goes on. “And he won’t like anyone else stepping on his fucking turf.”
My heart aches, and I wince. Fuck. If someone else comes into her life, he will establish boundaries. If he’s worth his salt. I knew that, but now she does too.
“It will only feel good with a good man,” I growl, straining to keep control. “Don’t go wasting it on assholes.”
“I haven’t met any.”
“Quinn…” I warn.
You’ve met plenty.
But she looks right up to the camera. “Lucas.”
Her chest rises and falls, her heated breaths drifting into my ear and making my eyes nearly fall closed.
“Where are my panties?” she asks.
Sweat dampens the back of my neck, and I look over, picturing her in them with my mouth on the triangle of fabric.
“In my bed,” I tell her.
“Why?”
I unclench my jaw, unable to stop myself. “Because I want to feel them on my dick tonight.”
I hear her suck in a breath.