8.
Maggie
I was a bundle of nerves as I stepped into my tiny flat. Shay and his dog made it feel even tinier. A ball of tension sat in my gut over telling him about Nigel. I wanted Shay to know how his friend behaved when he wasn’t around, but I also didn’t want to drive a wedge between them, especially because they’d been friends for such a long time.
I flicked the light switch on, then turned to Shay, who stood close to the door looking around. My stomach sank as I wondered what he must think of the place. His house was so cosy, lovingly furnished and cared for, with a pretty front and back garden. By contrast, my flat left a lot to be desired. It was also the first time I’d invited anyone inside. Well, aside from Siobhan. Her flat upstairs was almost a carbon copy of mine in terms of layout. Shay’s eyes wandered over the worn couch and coffee table, lingering for an extra beat on my bed before he returned his attention to me.
“Um, I can take your coat if you like,” I said. “And you can let Daniel off his leash, so long as he doesn’t tear my couch to shreds or pee on the furniture.”
Shay smiled at my attempt at humour and unhooked Daniel from his leash. The dog proceeded to wander around the small space, sniffing everything he came across. I took off my jacket and hung it by the door, then watched as Shay removed his coat. My attention went to the strong, muscular lines of his broad shoulders before I caught myself ogling and glanced away. Shay handed me his coat, and I hung it next to mine.
I gestured to my navy two-seater couch. “You can sit. I’ll just go put the kettle on.”
Shay nodded and sat, Daniel hopping up onto his lap immediately.
In the small nook of my kitchenette, I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I was incredibly nervous having Shay there, wondering what he thought of the place. Because it was a studio, everything I owned was on display. My bed was only a few feet away from where he sat on the couch. I was vaguely aware of the tap dripping as I took out two cups and set them down in front of the kettle. Suddenly, Shay was behind me, and my breath caught when the warmth of his body hit me. He studied the dripping tap, tilting his head. I watched as he turned it on and off, then knelt to look under the sink.
Was he trying to fix the drip for me?
My heart beat wildly, and my cheeks flushed. I’d never had anyone to fix things when they broke. My landlord tended to ghost me whenever I left messages about repairs. I’d just end up doing a mediocre job myself or simply living with the inconvenience of whatever was broken. The radiator near my bed hadn’t been heating up properly for months, but it wasn’t something I was confident trying to fix, and I couldn’t afford a plumber, so I simply slept with a hot water bottle every night.
Shay emerged from beneath the sink. I wasn’t sure what magic he’d used under there, but the drip had stopped. I was filled with a wave of gratitude when I asked, “You fixed it?”
Shay nodded. I stepped forward on instinct, going up on my tip toes and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “Thank you,” I gushed. “That’s been bothering me for weeks.”
He glanced down at me, and something shifted in his grey-green eyes. When they flicked to mine, my pulse hammered. I suddenly realised that kissing his cheek, though innocent enough, might’ve been a little over the top, given all he’d done was fix a dripping tap. But I’d just been so overcome with gratefulness I’d acted purely on impulse.
He continued to hold my gaze, and there was heat there, something simmering just below the surface. I swallowed thickly, not knowing what to say, when the button on the kettle clicked, signalling the water had boiled. The noise broke me from whatever trance I was in staring at Shay, and I stepped away, clearing my throat.
“So, um, do you like milk in your tea?” I wasn’t looking at him, my insides still all aflutter from the strange moment we’d just shared. I inhaled sharply when his fingers lightly touched my chin, turning my face to his so he could nod. Then he made a small gesture with one hand, which I took to mean, just a little bit. Butterflies filled me at the simple touch.
“Sorry,” I said, shaking my head at myself. “I should look at you when I ask a question. Rookie mistake.” Pausing, I blew out a breath and willed my pulse to calm down. “So, a small drop of milk?”
Again, he nodded, and I smiled. It seemed the more time we spent with one another, the better we were getting at communicating effectively.
I carried the two cups over to the sofa, placing them on the coffee table before taking a seat. Daniel tried to sniff at the cups, but Shay made a soft clicking noise, and the dog settled back down. “He’s a gorgeous dog,” I said as Shay came to sit next to me. The couch was small, which meant our thighs brushed as we sat side by side. “How long have you had him?”
Shay held up eight fingers before lifting his tea for a sip.
“Eight years. That’s a long time. Have you had him since he was a puppy?”
Shay nodded, then pulled out his phone. My pulse quickened when I saw him writing me a message, but I wasn’t as self-conscious or ashamed of my slow reading around him anymore. Shay was always patient as he waited for me to read whatever he’d written.
I took his phone, our fingers touching, causing a zing of awareness to zip through me. I concentrated on what he’d typed.
Dad got him after Mam passed away. We were both still grieving, and he thought a dog would provide some comfort.
When I finished reading, I handed him back the phone. “That was a good idea. They say dogs are nature’s anti-depressant, right?”
Shay nodded, smiled, then gave Daniel’s head a ruffle. The dog looked up at him, eyes shining with love. Something about seeing it made my chest hurt. I wanted someone, animal or human, to look at me that way. Even once.
“I work for this couple,” I continued, needing to distract myself from the hole of yearning inside me. “They have a dog called Noddy. He’s a Labradoodle and so cute and friendly. I swear he has the best life. If reincarnation is real, I want to come back as a rich person’s dog. They get to live in the lap of luxury and never have to work a day in their lives.”
Shay’s eyes crinkled with humour.
“Your dad is a delight by the way. You’re lucky to have a father like him.”
His soft expression said he agreed with me on that. A small silence fell, and I was so hyperaware of his closeness I found myself jumping up. “Oh, you probably want some biscuits for your tea. I’ll go grab some.”
I hurried to the cupboard and pulled out a packet of chocolate digestives before returning to Shay. I offered him one, and he accepted it with a smile. We sat in companionable silence before I heard his phone vibrate. He pulled it out, frowned at the screen, then returned it to his pocket without responding.
“Nigel?” I asked tentatively, and he nodded, looking irritated.
Guilt nipped at me. “I … I probably should’ve kept my encounter with him to myself.”
Shay vehemently shook his head, signalling his disagreement.
“Well,” I went on. “I hope you two can sort things out. I’m sure he’s not all bad, and I know firsthand how alcohol can affect people.”
Shay shot me a questioning look, and I blew out a breath, finding myself opening up. I’d made the decision to let Shay get close, or at least closer than I’d let others get, and that meant telling him things about myself.
“My mother and her boyfriend, Darren, would drink heavily and do drugs together. I only lived with them for a few months after they got together. Then Mam became pregnant with my little sister, Vivi, and Darren decided I should move out and start making my own way in the world. He didn’t like thinking of Mam having a romantic past before him, which was crazy because she’d had a string of boyfriends before he came along. I never knew my father. He wasn’t in my life, but I suppose my presence was a reminder to Darren that Mam had been with other men.” I paused, taking a breath and seeing Shay’s eyes were levelled on me as he listened intently. He typed something on his phone and handed it to me.
I thought your parents were dead?
I shook my head. “No, I … I’m sorry I let you and your dad assume that. I just didn’t want to talk about it. My family history doesn’t exactly make for pleasant conversation.”
Shay nodded, understanding in his eyes as he motioned for me to go on. I cleared my throat.
“Well, anyway, I was only sixteen at the time, but I was probably better off without them. Mam and Darren together were like a whirlwind of destruction, wrecking everything in their path. The only good thing that came from their relationship was my four half-siblings, Vivi, Robbie, Shelly and Eamonn. They live with their foster parents now, but I go to visit them most weekends.” I started to feel self-conscious and stopped speaking to drink some tea.
Was I revealing too much? It was hard to tell. All my life, I’d gone out of my way to keep my past to myself, yet there was something about Shay that had me rambling. The same part of me where the hole of yearning resided contained a section that wanted to be known and accepted by another person. But to be fully known and accepted, I needed to reveal things I wasn’t always comfortable revealing.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and noticed Shay’s eyes tracking the movement before I asked, “What about you? Any other siblings besides Ross?”
He shook his head.
“And you’re close to your cousin, Rhys? Your dad said you two work together?”
Shay nodded once again, and I noted the glimmer of frustration in his eyes. I suspected he wanted to say more, but because the sign language he’d taught me was extremely limited he was restricted. More than once when I asked him a question, I noticed his hands rise as if to answer, then he’d catch himself and lower them again.
“I’m sorry,” I told him. “I’m asking you all these questions, and you can’t—”
Before I could finish, he placed his hand on mine, a look in his eyes like he didn’t need me to apologise. My breath caught, and I stared at him, fixated by the way his pupils dilated as he gazed at me. A long silence fell before he finally withdrew his hand. He picked up his cup, drank the last of his tea, then rose and motioned to Daniel. The dog readily stood and waited for his leash to be clipped in.
“Oh, you’re going?” I asked, a tendril of disappointment in my belly. I didn’t want him to leave, not yet at least.
Shay nodded and put on his coat. “Well, thanks for having me to dinner and for walking me home. Oh, and for fixing my drippy tap.” I gave a self-conscious chuckle.
Shay tapped out a message on his phone, then handed it to me. Again, it took a while to read as I pieced together the letters and words. I hated how inept I was because I knew I could do a little better if I put the effort in. I really needed to face my fears and start attending that literacy class.
Thank you for inviting me in and for the tea. And I’d like you to come to dinner on Sundays whenever you can.
My breath caught. He was giving me an open invitation to dinner at this house every week? It sounded too good to be true. Apart from Nigel, Shay’s family had been so kind and welcoming. I didn’t normally get to spend time around people like them.
I glanced at him, a little hesitant. “Are you sure your dad would be okay with that?”
Shay bobbed his head, and a small fizzle of happiness shot through me. “Okay, well, I might not be able to make it every Sunday, but I’ll try my best.”
Who was I kidding? I’d eat dinner at Shay’s house every single day if I could. But I didn’t want to come across too eager. That might scare him off.
He seemed happy enough with my response as he took his phone back. I stepped by him to open the door, then went out into the entryway to open the main door. Shay moved past me, Daniel at his heel, and I almost had a heart attack when he bent down and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead in farewell. His hand gently cupped my cheek, and his lips lingered a moment while my stomach did a somersault. Finally, he drew away, and I instantly missed the connection.
I stood there, my insides dancing around like crazy, as he and his dog walked away down the street.
***
Over the next two days, Shay and I fell into an easy rhythm. We sat next to each other on the bus, he’d teach me some sign language, while typing the things out on his phone too difficult to explain merely by nodding or shaking his head. A new aspect of our friendship was him walking me to my flat after we got off the bus in the evenings. I offered for him to come inside on both occasions, but he declined.
I couldn’t tell if it was because my flat was grotty, and he didn’t want to spend time there, or merely because he had to get home to his dad. I hoped it was the latter. And besides, my flat might’ve been worse for wear, but it was spotlessly clean. It wasn’t like it was a messy dump or anything.
On the third day, Wednesday, I just arrived at work when I noticed something small and rectangular in my coat pocket. I pulled it out and realised it was Shay’s phone. Oh, crap. He’d been typing me more and more messages using his notes app lately, and with practice, I’d been getting better at reading them. I’d been so engrossed in our conversation that morning I must’ve slipped his phone in my pocket by mistake before we left the bus.
Feeling panicked he might need it in case of an emergency, I considered hurrying over to the hotel where he worked and trying to find him. If it were any other day, I would’ve gone, but that day, I was cleaning for Mrs Reynolds, and she’d tear me a new one if I started late.
Deciding my best option was to walk to the hotel and find Shay during my lunch hour, I sighed and placed his phone in my bag for safekeeping. The screen was blank, and I didn’t know his pin code. If I did, I might’ve been able to call his dad or his cousin, Rhys, to let them know I had his phone. But it was probably for the best I didn’t have the pin. That way, Shay would know I hadn’t tried to snoop in his messages. Not that I would have anyway.
I got to work, starting on the bathrooms, and I was about to move onto the kitchen when Mrs Reynolds appeared in the hallway. She wore pressed pants and a pale pink blouse, her hair looking fresh and voluminous like she’d just been to the salon. I tensed when I saw her, just as I always did. Any interaction with Mrs Reynolds had the potential to bruise my confidence and ruin my day.
“Maggie, there you are,” she said, and I prepared myself for possible criticism or a dressing down. To my relief, it never came.
“I’m hosting a surprise party for Clark’s fortieth birthday here at the house this month. It’s going to be a large affair, and I was hoping you’d be free to work that night? I thought it a good idea to have a cleaner on hand to keep everything tidy during the party. The guest list has a few famous names, so I need everything to be just perfect.”
Clark was her husband. As far as I knew, he was an investment banker and had a lot of influential friends. “Yes, I can make sure I’m available. Just let me know the date and times.”
Mrs Reynolds beamed. “You’re a doll. I’ll text you the details.”
With that, she left, her expensive high heels clicking as she went. It was a rare occasion Mrs Reynolds was in a good mood. She must’ve had high hopes for the birthday party. Well, of course, she did. Sariah Reynolds loved nothing more than being able to show off her beautiful home to esteemed guests.
I got back to cleaning, then hurried in the direction of the Balfe Hotel at lunch. I only had an hour to spare, but the hotel was a short walk away, so I knew I’d be able to get there and back quickly.
It was windy out and my hair was completely frizzed up by the time I reached the hotel. When I arrived, I went to the front desk, which was probably a bad idea because the smartly dressed receptionist gave me a sharp look up and down as I approached. I knew it was a five-star establishment, and I didn’t look like their regular clientele in my cheap coat and worn shoes. Still, there was no need for him to look at me like he just smelled something bad.
It brought on an unpleasant feeling—the same feeling I’d get as a child when Mam never bothered to wash my clothes, and I had to go to school in dirty ones. Other kids would look at me like I was unclean and refuse to play with me out in the yard during breaks.
“Hi,” I said to him, shoving down the bad memory. I wasn’t a child anymore, and I refused to let anyone look down on me. So, I plastered on a polite smile in the face of his obvious disdain and continued, “I’m looking for Shay Riordan. He works here as a security guard.”
The receptionist, whose name tag read “Lloyd,” narrowed his gaze. “I don’t know anyone here by that name.”
“Oh,” I replied, frowning and glancing around, momentarily wondering if I’d gotten the wrong place. There were a bunch of hotels in the neighbourhood. A middle-aged couple came to stand behind me, waiting to be checked in.
“If you don’t mind, there are guests waiting for my assistance,” Lloyd said, motioning to the couple.
“Are you certain he doesn’t work here?” I asked. “He’s tall with dark brown hair.”
Lloyd exhaled impatiently, which somehow worked to make me feel like an unimportant nuisance. “As I said, I don’t know who that is. Now, please step aside, Miss.”
“I think she wants the guy Rhys Doyle hired,” one of the other receptionists, who was standing at the other end of long the desk, said. “You know …” she trailed off, eyeing Lloyd meaningfully. “The one who doesn’t speak.”
Lloyd’s gaze widened as he turned back to me. “Well, you could’ve just said you were looking for the mute security guard. That would’ve been far more helpful,” he sniped, and my expression flattened. I didn’t like him talking about Shay so dismissively.
“Since it’s your job, you should consider being a little more polite to the people asking for your help,” I told him sharply.
Something about the guy’s attitude just rubbed me the wrong way. Especially the way he’d spoken about Shay. The female receptionist at the other end of the desk stifled a grin at my statement. Clearly, she wasn’t Lloyd’s biggest fan either.
“Miss, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” Lloyd responded, his face darkening.
Before I could respond, a familiar voice asked, “Is everything okay here?”
I turned and found Rhys standing a few feet away. Shay was next to him, his expression surprised but his eyes warm as they landed on me. It looked like they were in the middle of something because Rhys was holding a radio and a scratchy voice came through giving details of an incident in the hotel’s restaurant. Shay’s eyes held a question, and I stepped up to him, pulling his phone from my bag.
“Hi,” I said, my voice breathy. “I’m so sorry for just turning up like this, but I mistakenly put your phone in my pocket this morning, and—”
My words cut off when Shay stepped closer, taking his phone and briefly pressing his hand to the small of my back before he turned and signed something to Rhys.
“It’s fine. I can deal with this myself. Jean is in the office. Go and tell her she can take her break,” Rhys replied to him.
With that, he went, and Shay took my hand, his fingers gripping tightly as he motioned to the left and led me away from the reception desk. I took a quick peek at Lloyd, who was still glowering at me while checking in the couple who’d been waiting behind me.
The whole time Shay held my hand, my heart pounded, my skin tingling where our palms touched. He opened the door to a windowless office room that had a wall of monitors showing security footage from various parts of the hotel. A woman with short brown hair sat on a swivel chair, turning when we entered.
“Is it my turn to go on break?” she asked as soon as she spotted Shay.
He nodded, and she stood immediately, rubbing her hands together. “Great. I’m fecking starving.”
She smiled at me politely before heading for the door. Just before she left, she motioned to the swivel chair next to the one she’d been sitting in. “Don’t sit on that one, by the way. The spring’s broken. It’s a bloody death trap. I already mentioned to Rhys it needs to be replaced.”
Shay acknowledged her with a glance, and she went, leaving me alone with him in the small room. I had a sandwich in my bag I needed to eat before I got back to work, but I could spare a few minutes with Shay.
He took the seat his coworker had vacated, then grabbed a mouse and flicked through footage on one of the screens. When he was satisfied with whatever he was looking at, he turned around to face me.
“I feel so terrible about taking your phone. I would’ve waited to give it back to you on the way home, but I worried there might be an emergency, and you wouldn’t be able to call anyone.”
Shay’s expression softened as he gazed at me. He didn’t respond with a written message, nor any other form of communication, but from the way he was looking at me, I could tell he wasn’t mad at me for turning up.
“That receptionist is a bit of a snoot, isn’t he?” I continued because he just kept looking at me in a very intense way, and I felt the need to fill the quiet. “He kept saying he didn’t know who you were when I asked for you. Well, I suppose that doesn’t sound very rude on the surface, but it was the way he said it, you know?”
Shay’s expression was flat, a flicker of annoyance in his eyes as he listened to me, like he was bothered on my behalf. I glanced at the time on the digital clock next to one of the monitors. “Anyway, I should probably get going. I’m on my lunch break, and I haven’t eaten yet.”
Stay, Shay signed at me, and I was so surprised I understood what he said.
I smiled. “Did you just ask me to stay?” He nodded, and I smiled wider. “Wow, I actually got that. All those bus journey lessons are beginning to pay off, eh?”
I was so pleased with myself I moved to sit on the seat next to him before I remembered his coworker saying it was a death trap. Instead, I perched on the edge of the narrow desk before digging in my bag for the sandwich and bottle of water I packed. I gestured to the wrapped sandwich. “Do you want half?”
He shook his head, and I started to unwrap it. “You’re probably better off. It’s only plain cheese.”
Taking a bite, I chewed and tried to get comfortable on the desk, but it wasn’t big enough to accommodate me. The next thing I knew, Shay was taking my hand and pulling me over to sit on his lap. His other hand went to my hip to balance me, and my heart beat rapidly as my bottom met his strong thighs. I had to take a moment to calm myself because sitting like that was more intimate than we’d been so far. My entire body fizzled with sensation as I tried to contain all that I was feeling.
“You could’ve given me a little warning,” I said with a breathy chuckle.
Of course, he didn’t respond, just turned the chair a little so he could concentrate on the monitors while I ate. It was difficult to focus on my sandwich, especially when his arm came to rest loosely around my middle. I took a bite, barely tasting a thing, while Shay flicked between cameras, keeping an eye on the hotel’s communal areas. He leaned forward as he concentrated on what appeared to be the main lobby, his chest warm and solid at my back.
“I’m in your way,” I said quietly, moving to climb off him, but his arm around my middle tightened, holding me in place. Electricity zinged through me. I willed my heart to slow down as I continued, “Okay, well, just let me know if you need me to move.”
The next few minutes passed in silence while I finished eating. I was incredibly aware of Shay’s heat at my back, of every time our arms brushed, every rustle of fabric. It was nearing the time when I really needed to leave, but I didn’t want the moment to end. Sitting on Shay’s lap was perhaps the most exciting thing to happen to me all year. I found him so incredibly attractive, even more so as I got to know him better.
I glanced down at his hand where it rested in the centre of my lap. It was oddly mesmerising. I liked being that close to him, so close I could smell his fresh, citrusy cologne, could feel his warmth.
“I have to be getting back now,” I said at last, and his arm finally loosened, allowing me to stand. I mourned the loss of his hold and knew I could’ve happily spent all day sitting there while he watched those security monitors.
Zipping up my coat and hitching my bag over my shoulder, I did something I never imagined I would’ve been brave enough to do only a few days ago. I bent and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth, right where it always creased whenever he smiled at me. I felt him inhale sharply and nervous energy flooded my system. I could hardly believe I just did that, and a part of me wanted to do more. I wanted to kiss him fully on the lips, but I didn’t have the courage. His eyelids lowered to my mouth as I drew away, and I wasn’t mistaken at the heat I saw in his expression.
Unable to handle the intensity for a second longer, I blurted, “See you later,” then hurried from the office.