Chapter 14
BLAKE
In only a moment, everything had changed.
No, that was a lie. When I met Cassandra, everything changed.
But at that moment? That precious, perfect moment where I’d taken her hand, and she didn’t let go?
That was the culmination of all of that.
An ache ran through my veins, lighting me up like fire.
I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other.
This was not good. I could stop this still, I knew.
But I knew she wanted me too. I saw her shiver when I’d stroked her palm.
I knew this was bad, what I was doing. I was playing with fire, a fire that could easily destroy every part of our lives. But I didn’t care about anything else. I didn’t care about my life; I didn’t even care about our business, or my business partner.
I only cared about Cassandra.
That was the worst part. That was selfish of me. I wasn’t thinking straight. But she’d consumed me.
These past weeks with Cassandra, I’d felt like I’d been allowed a glimpse into what other people got to have. What it was like to be truly alive.
And it had scared the shit out of me. Being around Cass was exhilarating and terrifying. I woke up with her on my mind, and nothing felt right until I got to her office and she’d look up at me with that smile.
That fucking smile; every time I saw it, something tore up inside of me.
Lila and Brynn had been looking at me like my head wasn’t on straight. After hearing me joke around with a potential client, telling them Harrington was ‘pretty good’, they’d both asked me if I’d been drinking. Or had lost my mind.
The truth was, I hadn’t touched alcohol since that night at the staff dinner. I would again, I was sure. For now though, I wanted to be present for this review.
For Cassandra.
But in the past week leading up to the end of our time in the office, the shadow had come back. I knew our time was dwindling, that soon we’d be on the other side of this review and everything—even Cassandra—would be a memory.
A painful, beautiful, heart-wrenching memory.
And even memories could be lost. I knew that better than anyone.
This weekend I’d nearly destroyed my body at the gym I’d been going to in downtown Quince Valley. I’d lifted and pressed until my muscles were a wobbly, shredded mess. But nothing could take the feeling away—a sensation of loss so strong it was like a knife in my chest.
And I hadn’t even lost her yet.
So this morning, when Cassandra had surprised me with my fishing rod, my heart had gotten lodged in my throat.
Her smile was so wide that for a moment I forgot to take a goddamned breath.
It was that smile I’d seen on the island; the candid one in the photo.
I hadn’t seen that smile since we’d been working together.
Sure, she’d smiled, but they’d been furtive, controlled smiles.
Pinched off so as not to let herself get happy.
She couldn’t let anyone see her happy around me.
And that had finally made me snap.
It was my fault, I knew. I’d wondered for the thousandth time how things would have been if it weren’t for my fucked-up situation. Maybe she wouldn’t have wanted to be with me, but at least she wouldn’t be tempering her feelings. Hiding herself.
Or worse, blaming herself. When she’d said that thing about me being horrified at the thought of spending the night with her—when I’d seen the ways her eyes went wet, I hadn’t thought.
I’d been filled with a flash of rage at the fact that our lives and situation had made her come to that messed-up and completely incorrect conclusion.
I couldn’t abide by that. I was sick of the secrets, sick of all of it. And I needed to show her.
The last thing I wanted to do now was go with Jude on this walk down to the clubhouse.
What I wanted to do was take Cassandra’s hand again; but this time, not leave it at a furtive touch.
I wanted to run away with her back to that secret room she’d brought me to that night.
I wanted to peel the clothes from her body and spend all day showing her just how much I desired her.
Showing her with my hands, my mouth, my tongue.
My cock stiffened even now at the thought of her naked.
Of all the things I wanted to do to her.
God help me if anyone noticed, because walking through the grounds of the resort with a boner was not a good look.
I glanced at her now. She looked gorgeous, with that purposeful stride and pushed-back shoulders.
As she tucked a strand of her waves behind her ear, I nearly groaned in pain.
I wanted to fuck her, to show her she was mine, all mine.
Luckily, Jude was oblivious to my torture, and his words—along with his happy-go-lucky attitude—provided at least a little distraction.
So did the cool air when we stepped outside.
The sky was thick and dark and looked like it might burst at any second.
Just like me.
Cassandra’s phone buzzed as we reached the road, and she didn’t even glance at the screen before answering.
She needed a distraction as well as I did.
As she spoke to the person on the other end of the line, I had the oddest stroke of possessive jealousy.
I wanted to be the one speaking to her. I put Jude between us because I knew if I could see her, I wouldn’t be able to pay him any attention.
My mind, and every cell in my body, hummed a song strictly to the tune of Cassandra.
“So,” I said to Jude, needing to block it out—I was freaking myself out. “You have a son, right?”
“Yeah,” Jude said. “Jack.”
Jude blessedly filled the rest of the short walk to the clubhouse by chatting about his three-year-old. Apparently, Jack had just figured out how to ride a glider bike and just this weekend had put his tooth through his lip careening down the driveway.
“Shit, is he okay?”
“Oh yeah,” Jude waved his hand. “That kid is bouncy.”
Jude seemed like the least likely of all the Kelly siblings to have kids, and yet he was the only one who did. I didn’t know the story, and it wasn’t exactly appropriate for me to ask, given it had nothing to do with my work. But I knew the mom wasn’t in the picture.
“Check it out.” Jude pulled up a photo on his phone of an adorable boy with Gallic features—dark hair and straight-across brows over big brown eyes and a sharp nose. A good-looking kid, but so different from his all-American blond father with his easy smile.
“See?” Jude said. “Only two stitches.”
“Jude!” Cassandra exclaimed, hand on her mouthpiece, her eyes on the image. “Why didn’t you say anything? Is he okay?”
“He’s good,” Jude said.
Cassandra shot her brother a look, then her eyes landed on me. A new streak of need shot through me, and I clenched my hands in my pocket. She turned away fast, returning to her call.
Jude, meanwhile, shoved his phone back in his pocket. “This is why I don’t tell my sisters shit.”
He smiled as he said it, but there was an undercurrent of defensiveness in his words. I recalled him showing up for our first meeting looking kind of hungover; and how his siblings had made some kind of comment about him being irresponsible.
“My brothers and I broke or bashed up pretty much every part of our damn bodies growing up,” I said, hoping to alleviate what I was pretty sure was guilt on Jude’s part.
“So did we,” Jude said. “Cass has just blocked that from her memory.”
Despite the admonition and eye rolling, the two siblings did seem to get along well enough.
I’d learned in my time here that Jude was the second youngest in the family, and I guessed he was less like a peer to Cassandra than a charge.
My youngest brother Mitch had been the same in my family—he’d been an accident on my parents’ part—a happy one for Mom, not so much for Dad.
Mostly when I looked back on our childhood, I remember him being young enough I had to babysit him rather than play with him.
“Where are your brothers now?” Jude asked, interrupting my thoughts. Cassandra, listening on her phone and saying the odd word, looked up, her eyes on me.
No getting personal.
Did wanting to get her naked count as personal? How about that twist in my heart when she laughed?
“They’re both back home in Seattle,” I said.
Close to my mom. I was the one who sent money home instead of visiting.
Guilt punched at me, but I shoved that away—nothing I could do about it now.
“My brother Conrad has a son—Arthur. He’s ten, but I remember him having a few trips to the emergency room at Jack’s age, too. ”
Jude gave Cassandra a look that said, see?
But she was still on the phone. I realized then she’d probably gladly taken the call so she wouldn’t have to talk to us.
My own phone was in my pocket on silent—I’d gotten into the habit of turning off the ringer when I was around Cassandra.
I’d said it was so I could put all my attention on the review, but I couldn’t help thinking about that calendar deadline looming ever closer.
The one where I left the Rolling Hills, and Cassandra, and went back to my slick, back-to-back appointments, all-work-no-play life in New York.
Cassandra ended her call and, just like that, all thoughts of anything else vaporized.
“Welcome to my alternate lair,” Jude said, waving at a staff member coming up the path, and again at one of the caddies. A few of the mostly older crowd of golfers milled around the front entrance of the garage, but they appeared to be of the wrong generation to recognize him.
“It must be exhausting for everyone to know who you are all the time?” I said.
I already knew what it was like to walk into a conference lunch in Manhattan and be surrounded by people who knew me in the industry.
It felt gratifying, sort of, but also overwhelming when I wasn’t in the mood for eyes on me.
Which was more and more often these days.
“It’s fine,” Jude shrugged. “At least, I’m used to it.”
“You love it,” Cassandra said.
Jude shrugged, but the corner of his mouth went up. “Most of the time.”
I still wasn’t sure if he was putting on a show or not. Cassandra’s brother was more complex than I’d first guessed.
“Alright,” Jude said then, unlocking the door to the garage. “I’d like to introduce you to my beloved girls.”
He switched on the fluorescent lights overhead, revealing a large concrete space filled with a fleet of a half-dozen carts.
There were empty stalls for at least as many more.
It was cool down here and smelled vaguely of gasoline and grass-clippings, thanks to the other fleet of drivable lawnmowers on the far wall.
“Now, because you’re family, I’m going to recommend you take my favorite cart, Skeleton Sally.”
“You’re not serious,” Cassandra said.
“Of course I am! Nothing but the best for family.”
“I meant the name!” Cassandra said. “S-Kelly-ton.”
“There’s also Five-hole Harriet—which I know sounds kind of rude,”
I coughed out a laugh as I walked along the line of carts. I stopped at the one at the end of the row. Unlike the others, which were glossy and fresh, this one was scuffed-up; dented on one side; and even had a screw sticking out, sideways and bent.
“Ah. Sweet Chitty-Chitty,” Jude said. “A good ol’ gal. She’s got a few miles on her. Reliable though, and full of flavor. Will she veer right when you steer left? Maybe. Does her horn sound like a dying duck? Most definitely. But will she show you a good time? I guaran-fucking-tee it,”
Even Cassandra laughed then. She came around to the side of the car where I stood. She was so close now. So fucking close.
“Let’s take it,” I said. I just wanted to get the hell out of here. I needed to be alone with Cass.
“You’ll be the first one to drive this puppy in a while though. She doesn’t get much use these days.”
“Perfect,” I said.
Jude grinned and tossed me the keys.
“Your man’s got taste,” he said to his sister, not registering that what he said might be misconstrued.
Your man.
She shifted closer to me—close enough that we were standing side-by-side, almost, but not quite touching.
My skin was on fire. I reached out, blood roaring in my ears, and placed my hand on the small of Cassandra’s back.
You’re mine.
“Alright kids, I’m going to go open the garage door for you from outside so I can clear the driveway. Hang tight.”
Jude whistled as he crossed the garage.
“See you,” Cassandra said, while I slipped my hand under her blazer, tugging up the soft silk of her blouse.
Reaching her skin and hearing her swallow a gasp.
Jude gave a wave and a little smile as he opened the door.
“Bye,” I nodded as he passed through, drawing my fingers in circles along Cassandra’s bare skin.
The door felt like it took an eternity to close.
Then it clicked home, and I was on her, pulling Cassandra Kelly toward me with the hand already on her back, my other gripping her jaw as I leaned down and slammed my mouth to hers.
Our lips were hungry, tongues searching.
The moaning, gasping sounds she made turned me into some kind of beast, walking her back until she was pressed up against the wall.
“Fuck, Cassandra,” I said. My hand slid down her throat, tipping her jaw up as I lunged for her neck, knowing we had only seconds before the garage door rolled open.
“We said we weren’t doing this,” she whispered as I drew my mouth down her neck, kissing the hot flesh there with raw, unbridled need, my dick already throbbing and fat.
“Fuck what we said,” I growled in her ear, sucking on her earlobe. “Fuck it all.”