Chapter 5 #2
“You look different with your hair down,” I say as we begin walking. “Cute, too, glaring at me without your glasses.”
“You talk too much,” she whispers.
I grin, even though she can’t see it. God, I missed this.
“Well, at least now we have to help you home.”
Nora’s hand goes stiff in mine. I know it’s because I figured out where she lived.
I’d asked for her address via text a while back, so I could send her some drawings Cap made. She hadn’t responded. I think she thought I’d show up on her doorstep. Hell, I probably would have.
“Unless you want to come back to our hotel?” I continue as I lead her around the corner. “Cap’s right, it’s pretty awesome. You could come feel it for yourself.”
But Nora doesn’t laugh at my dumb joke.
My heart sinks.
I lead her down the aisle, my hand beginning to sweat with hers in it.
“Jude,” she says as we round the corner into the main hallway. We’re almost back at the open area, with all the people. “Why are you here?”
My stomach flops. I’ve thought about how to say this a million times over the past year.
How to tell her how hurt I was that she’d applied for this school without saying anything to me.
How I’d sensed she had a secret but hadn’t thought much of it because what kind of secrets did Nora Albright have?
I knew everything about her. She could trust me with anything.
But she hadn’t been able to trust me with this.
I’d thought I’d gotten all the anger out. I kept reminding myself I’d behaved like a dick when she told me she was leaving, and that had to cancel out her not telling me sooner. But feelings didn’t just disappear because I wanted them to.
But my words fail me. I’m good at running my mouth off, except when things really matter.
“We’re here to see you,” I say finally. “Cap misses you.”
She pulls her lips tight. “I miss him too.”
I have to bite my cheek to keep from blurting out But what about me, Nora? Did you miss me? Because I’ve missed you like I’ve lost a fucking limb.
I will my feelings to calm down. “I thought if I told you ahead of time, you might say no. Like you were too busy.”
She starts moving again. We have to hold hands so she doesn’t fall, but I feel like she’d rather put several feet between us. And that fucking stings.
“You didn’t come all this way just to visit me.” We move toward the open room. Cap’s standing on the other side of the seating area with his hands on his hips, looking up at the bewildered librarian, who looks like he’d rather be in Bermuda.
“Farrah just moved to London. So, you know, two birds.”
Nora’s hand stiffens in mine once more.
That was an asshole thing to say. But the truth—that I’d travel the world a hundred times just to spend a moment with her again; that she’s the only person who sees me and she left, and I’m a wreck without her—is too pathetic.
“Well, that’s great,” she says. “I’m glad you’re making it work with Farrah.”
I jerk us to a stop. “There’s nothing to make work, Nora. It’s not like that.”
I don’t know why I’m so adamant about her knowing that.
But it’s complicated. If she wasn’t Cap’s mom, I’d arrange it so I never had to hear her name again, let alone see her.
Getting to know Cap’s mom again through calls and texts had been so awkward.
At first, I’d still been so pissed. Then, when she visited, she asked if I wanted to be a family again.
It was weird as hell, and I’d told her no, straight out.
That part hadn’t been hard. I didn’t have an ounce of feelings for her.
And honestly? I didn’t think she really did for me, either.
Mostly, she wanted to be a part of Cap’s life.
Which I couldn’t exactly ignore. I wouldn’t do that to either of them, as much as it pained me.
“It just worked out with you being here too,” I say.
We’ve reached the table with her stuff on it. I get her coat on her, carefully pulling her hair out from its back.
Because she hasn’t said anything, I say, “You were right, you know. About her parents.”
“Oh yeah?”
“They convinced her that being a mom would ruin her life. They made her sign that modeling contract in Tokyo right after Cap was born.”
“So, she didn’t actually want to leave you guys?” Her voice sounded weirdly tight.
“Well, she didn’t exactly put up a fight. She was an adult. Sort of. She had a choice to leave her son and she took it.
I’d finished stuffing her books in her bag and gripped it in my hand.
I missed the way her eyes were always amplified behind those bug-eye lenses, so I felt like I always knew what she was thinking. Now, I couldn’t tell.
“Do you think there’s a chance she might move to Quince Valley?” Her voice is almost timid.
“I fucking hope not.”
Several eyes turn our way.
I ignore them. I’m used to eyes on me. But Nora’s lips have pulled tight. “What does Cap want?”
I glance toward my son, still in a heated discussion with the librarian.
“He wants to spend time with her. But only because she asked him to,” I add quickly.
“She invited him to come on his own, to take a trip with her.” I laugh with no humor.
“I don’t think she knows how kids work. Or parents. Like hell I’d let that happen.”
“So you’re going with them.” She always did put things together faster than I ever would have.
“We leave next week.”
“Where are you going?”
“Not far.” I hesitate. It’s long enough that her eyebrows fly up.
“You’re going to Switzerland!”
I clear my throat and look down at the table, suddenly wishing we were going literally anywhere else. “Yeah.”
This was the trip I always wanted to go on with Nora, and she knew it. As soon as we found that lead about Eleanor and JEQ spending time in Switzerland. She always thought I was joking.
But the more I think about it now, the angrier I get. Nora bailed on me with this trip, just like she did our whole relationship.
“Well, that’s great,” she says brightly. “I hope it’s fruitful.”
“Fruitful?”
“You know, that you get some good clues. Or at least that it’ll be fun.”
Fun? Farrah’s sucked the fun out of it. My irritation heats up then, without me seeing it coming. It’s bullshit that I’m going on my own, without Nora. This was always our thing.
“It’ll be good for Cap to spend time with her though, right?” Nora asks, thankfully not reading my thoughts this time.
“Yeah, it will, even though the last fucking thing I want to do is spend a whole week with the woman who dumped her own son like—”
I cut myself off, looking toward Cap, whose eyes are on me, though thankfully he’s out of earshot. I hope.
“So, you still haven’t forgiven her.”
I gather up her books. “Come on, Cap’s waiting.”
We cut across the open space toward him. “I know we showed up unannounced, but Cap’s really hoping you’ll hang out with us a bit before we go. The guy said your exams would be over by Monday, and—”
Nora makes a frustrated sound, then snaps her head up. “Wait, what guy?”
“The guy in your building. The same one who said you always go to the library on Fridays.”
“Murray?” she exclaims. “How did you—”
“He told me a surprising amount about you.” She doesn’t need to know I had to ask my brother Griff to help me find out where her apartment was. He’s good at stuff like that.
Nora presses a palm to her forehead, grimacing, and that old familiar punch of screwing up lands in my gut.
“Nora, I’m sorry, okay?” I hate how defensive I sound. “I knew you weren’t going home for Christmas, so I figured you might have some time.” She doesn’t say anything, and somehow this means I can’t stop. “You wouldn’t return my texts! How else was I supposed to know where you’d be?”
“That wasn’t an invitation to come over here and make plans without telling me!”
Heat flares in my chest. “Well, what would you have said? ‘Sure, Jude, no problem. Let’s hang out like we used to before I took off across the fucking ocean without telling my best friend my plans!’”
Nora’s jaw is set, but I see the slightest tremble in her lip.
Oh shit.
But now the whole library is staring, Cap included. And for once, I feel self-conscious about it. I wasn’t expecting to have this fight at all, but especially not here.
Finally, I say, “Let’s just get Cap and go. We’ll take you home, then get out of your hair.”
A moment later I’m dragging a bewildered Cap away from the librarian—he’d been trying to talk him into buying Nora a new pair of glasses, apparently—and heading down the stairs.