Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Quinton
Only after I hit call did it occur to me this might not be the best game plan.
First, he was supposed to have lost my number.
The phone rang.
Yeah, but you didn’t lose his number…did you?
I hated when my subconscious was smarter than me. Of course I hadn’t deleted the phone number of the best lay I’d ever had.
The phone rang again.
The line connected.
He cleared his throat. “Uh, hello?”
“Heya. It’s Friday night, and I’m not working this weekend. How in the world did you think I might not be up?” I eyed my cooling shepherd’s pie.
“Well—” He grunted.
Was he rearranging himself?
“I’m in bed and about to fall asleep, so asking politely felt like the nicest thing to do.”
“As opposed to losing my number?”
He drew in an audible breath. “I was hoping that wouldn’t occur to you.”
“Well, you got that wrong.”
“But you knew who I was and didn’t block me. So you hadn’t lost my number either.”
“Oversight. I can delete it right now—”
“Please don’t.”
I wasn’t going to, of course, but the desperation in his voice had my attention. “What’s going on, Leo?”
“It’s…been a rough week.”
“How’s the transplant patient?”
“Holding her own. For now. I just checked in to see how she was doing.”
And how I’d known he’d be doing that was beyond me—but I’d been certain.
“You did your best, Leo. That’s all anyone can ask.”
He chuckled. “That’s what my ex-husband said.”
“Oh?” Try not to sound too eager…
“Yeah. Well, something like that. He still knows me well.”
“How many years were you married?”
“Around fifteen.”
“And neither of you cheated?”
“No.” Solid. Emphatic. Uncompromising.
Much like the man.
“Well, then I’d say there’s a good chance you know each other fairly well.”
“You realize you can be married to someone for sixty years and still not know them, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, I suppose. My parents were open both with each other and with me.”
He sighed. “I endeavor to be honest. I was just remembering I made that promise when we brought Melodie and Trevor home—that I would never lie to them without a damn good reason.”
“Ah, the promise of parenthood. Finding it tough these days?”
A long silence followed.
“You know, in all our talking the other night, you didn’t tell me how your kids came into your life.” Part of that was an oversight on my part—I should’ve asked. Part, undoubtedly, was his desire to hold that piece of himself outside of my reach.
Another sigh. “When I started my residency, Gideon and I decided to explore adopting. We were approved and, within a few months, the social worker contacted us. She had a young woman who’d just given birth.
She had a two-year-old, a newborn, and no way to support herself.
She was also…in a bad headspace. After a long discussion with the social worker, she decided she wanted to give her kids up for adoption. Together.”
“Jesus.”
“Right? And she saw our profile and felt a surgeon and a longshoreman who’d been married thirteen years would be perfect for her children.”
“Wow.” I swirled some beef, potatoes, and peas with my fork. This was one of my favorite meals…but I was no longer hungry. I pushed the plate away.
“We offered to take the kids as fosters. We offered, if she insisted on adoption, that it could be an open one.” He blew out a breath.
“She said she needed a fresh start and that meant walking away entirely. I couldn’t fathom it.
I worried she might be suffering postpartum depression.
And that she might change her mind.” He sighed.
“She never did, though. She walked out of our lives, and we haven’t heard anything since. That was more than four years ago.”
“So your kids are how old?”
“Melodie’s almost seven and Trevor’s turns five this year.”
Somehow, I hadn’t thought they were so young—even though I’d seen a picture of them the other night.
“I kept Trevor from Gideon for almost half his life. He’s too young to understand, I think.
Melodie isn’t, though. She worries she won’t see the other father when she’s not with them.
No matter how many times I reassure her that Gideon will always be in her life—and just a three-minute drive from here—she can’t be convinced.
Even tonight, they said they hadn’t been certain I’d show up. ”
“Ouch. That’s got to hurt.”
“Yeah.” More rustling. “I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for my kids, and I’ve only ever screwed that up.”
“That sounds like catastrophizing. You kept your ex-husband away when he was abusing painkillers. Now he’s sober and you’re sharing custody. Is he—” I sought the right word. “Bitter?”
“No.” The answer came out as barely a whisper. “He should be, though.”
“Why? I mean, the better question is—why do you continue to beat yourself up about this all the while being self-righteous? It’s an interesting contradiction.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Oh, I think you do. Tell me this, Leo—why did you call me tonight?”
Another very long pause. Then a low chuckle. “If I recall correctly, you called me.”
I huffed out a laugh. “Okay, that’s fair. But why did you text me? That’s on you.”
“Yeah.” This sigh sounded even heavier than the last one.
“I’ve spent the past two years as a single parent.
Now I’ve got someone to share the load, and it feels weird.
I mean, our nanny was a nice young woman, and she just had a baby, so timing was good in that I didn’t have to find someone else.
Gideon and Archer will, of course, have the kids every single second they can. ”
“Do you feel like you’re competing with them?”
“How?”
I dunno…again—you’re the one who called me. “Like, status? You said Archer is rich, right?” Because even I was aware Leo wasn’t that far into his career. “Or are you jealous of the time they can give the kids? You’ve got an extremely demanding career.”
“Yeah. Before…I mean, before the accident…everything seemed simpler. Gideon took parental leave and stayed home with the kids. Then we put them in daycare and he went back to work. He injured himself and, as I said, things spun out of control. I guess I just wish we’d been able to stay in those simple days when we first brought the kids home.
We were sleep-deprived, exhausted, but in a constant euphoric state because we had the family we’d always dreamed of. ”
“You still have that family, Leo. It just happens to look different now. Yes, you’re now a single dad. But you’re still a dad. It’s okay to ask for help if you need it.”
“I have no one, Quinton. That’s the thing.
I literally have no one. My parents are dead and had pretty much disowned me when Gideon and I came out and announced we were a couple anyway.
Well, his family disowned him outright. Mine was more disinterested, and then both my parents were gone by the time we brought Melodie and Trevor home. ”
“That’s rough.”
“We were both only children.”
“I was, too. But I always had so many friends that I never felt alone.”
“That sounds nice. Gideon and I always had each other, and so it often felt like us against the world. Now…I don’t have that.” He sighed. “Oh, are your parents still around? Sorry, did we talk about this? My mind’s muddled.”
My breath hitched. “My dad died of a heart attack a few years ago. Just after I finished my nursing degree. Mom’s going strong.”
“She’s a nurse at the hospital, right? Well regarded.”
“Mama’s the bomb. Everyone loves her. I want her to retire, but she claims she’d be bored.”
“Would she be?”
I shrugged—even though he couldn’t see. “She could always volunteer or take up a hobby or something. Just not working so damn hard.”
“Does she—” He cleared his throat. “Does she miss your dad?”
“Every damn day. I think she wants me to marry and pop out a few kids so she can have grandchildren to dote on.”
“That sounds nice.”
“Uh, I’m twenty-six. I don’t need that kind of pressure.”
“Hence going to nightclubs?”
“And gay bars? You bet. I also host epic parties. Valentine’s Day is next Saturday. This is your formal invitation.”
“I have the kids next weekend.”
“Oh.” I frowned. “Could you, like, get a babysitter?”
“Quinton, I hardly ever see them. I’m not going to hand them over to a babysitter so I can go to some damn party. What kind of parent do you take me for?”
“Back down, big boy.” In more ways than one. “I’m just issuing an invitation. I think you’re allowed to have a life—but that’s just me. If you come late and leave early, then you’d only be gone a couple of hours. You might meet interesting people. Oh, Adam and Dean are coming. You remember them?”
“The Aussie and his husband? Yeah, I remember.”
“Well, something special’s going to happen at this party. I’m sworn to secrecy, but I think it would do you good to come.”
Another sigh. “That’s a considerate invitation, but I won’t be there.”
“Your loss.”
“Yeah. Possibly. Probably.”
I tapped my finger on the table. “Leo?”
“Yeah?” Said on a yawn.
Which, because I was an empathetic yawner, made me yawn as well. “Have you really dealt with things?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean have you really moved on with your life? Or are you still hung up on your ex?”
“Where is this coming from? Have I said anything that would lead you to believe I’m hung up on Gideon?”
I bit my lower lip. “Just…your reaction was over-the-top. I merely suggested a babysitter. Thousands of parents use babysitters, and they’re not bad parents.”
A resounding silence followed my statement.
“You don’t understand.”
“So explain it to me. Because I want to support and in order to support, I think I need to understand.”
“Why would you want to do that? You don’t even like me.”
“Jesus, Leo, even you can’t be that dense. I wouldn’t sit in my kitchen Friday night and talk to a guy I didn’t like instead of heading over to the bar to see if I might get some action.”
“Oh. Right.”
I waited.
“So I should let you go. Uh, sorry to have bothered you.”
“That’s not what I was—”
“Goodnight.” He cut the line.
I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it. How the fuck had things gone so sideways so fast? I’d said I wanted to support and in order to support, maybe I needed to understand…
Huh.
Obviously I’d misstepped there somehow. Maybe because you implied he needed counseling?
Huh.
Had I done that? Had I thought that?
Possibly.
Probably.
Along with a shit ton of love for his kids was a shit ton of regret for the way he treated his ex. I understood the impulse to protect. If I ever thought someone was a threat to Mama, I’d take them out.
I put myself in Leo’s shoes. If I’d been the one to come home and find my husband passed out from drugs and our two young children in the next room, I’d have lost my shit as well.
Huh.
I tapped the phone and the screen lit. I considered long enough that the screen went dark again. To text or not to text—that was the question.
Better not. He knows where you are.
I rose from the table and retrieved a container. Enough of my dinner remained that I wasn’t going to put it in the compost. Nope, I could eat it for lunch the next day.
Once all the leftovers were organized, I gazed down at my outfit. Tight jeans, super tight T-shirt with a unicorn vomiting glitter. I’d done my eyeshadow to perfection, and I was ready to hit the town.
Except…now I didn’t feel like it. What I really wanted was to drive over to Dr. Leopold Rodgers’s house and to give him a big, old hug.
Letting out a long sigh, I headed to the bathroom.
I was too tired anyway. I’ll go out tomorrow night and paint the town neon pink.
Yeah, except I didn’t do that either.