CHAPTER 2 Cassie Fields
Fine, I’ll Go to Vegas
“I’m not going anywhere without my kids.” I purse my lips pointedly as I raise my eyebrows over FaceTime.
“Kids and Vegas don’t mix, Cassie. Come on . You deserve this. They’ll be fine with Alex for a couple days, and even if they’re not, your parents are close.” Jess, my best friend and cousin, is very convincing when she wants to be.
And she’s right. Alex will have the kids this weekend, so why not take a quick trip to Vegas? It’ll be both the getaway and the celebration I’ve been waiting for.
I sigh heavily. “Fine, I’ll go to Vegas.” I use my most dramatically annoyed voice to agree.
“You will?” she asks, total skepticism in her voice.
“Yes. Book it before I change my mind. And make sure to book us massages on you for forcing me to go.”
“Eep! Wait until I tell Natasha and Katie!” Jess squeals, and then she cuts the call, presumably to go book some reservations.
I guess I’m going to Vegas this weekend with my girls .
Lily and Luca’s bus from summer camp is set to arrive in ten minutes, and I use eight of those ten minutes to stare at the piece of paper that came in today’s mail.
Judgment of Dissolution.
It took nearly seven months from when we filed for divorce to get this little piece of paper letting me know it’s officially over—in the eyes of the state, anyway. It was officially over for me quite a bit longer ago than just today.
I think it was over the first time I caught Alex lying to me. But that lie snowballed, and when I found out he’d been cheating on me for two entire years, that was the end of the road for me. I refused to stay in a marriage with someone who could so easily betray me. The apologies meant nothing. The damage was done.
He slaughtered my self-esteem single-handedly as he really tried to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough or woman enough for him, and now he can go fuck himself.
When the kids aren’t over there, of course.
Even though he was an epic douchebag to me, at least he’s good to our kids. I know how hard this has been on them—not the divorce, per se. They were sort of used to not seeing him much during the week when we thought he was putting all his effort into his work as a doctor but was secretly sleeping with his medical assistant—the oldest cliché in the book.
But now they have to be without me for nearly seventy-two hours every other weekend, and that’s been rough on them, in particular Lily, my five-year-old. She’s very attached to her mama, and I fear what long-term effects will hit her since she was so young while her parents went through a divorce.
I always worry about things like that. Even my son, Luca, who’ll be starting second grade this year, seems affected by this whole thing, though we’ve done our very best to make it easy on the kids.
Still, it’s hard to be fair and impartial knowing what I know about Alex, the fucker.
I should feel sad when I look at the paper in front of me. It’s a physical representation of the end of the last two decades of my life.
Instead, all I feel is relief.
And a little bit of excitement for the road ahead. Maybe I’ll find some excitement in Vegas to give me some little pieces of myself back again.
If nothing else, it’ll be a break for four moms who desperately need a little time away.
I use the final two minutes before I need to head out to draft a text to Alex. My lawyer advised me to get everything in writing, and that includes text messages.
Me: I’m going out of town this weekend. If you need anything for the kids, my parents can help.
The last thing he ever wanted to do was to rely on them even when we were together, but I make the note that emergency help is available anyway.
His reply is immediate, which is more than I can say for the time we were married.
Alex: Where are you going?
It’s none of his business, and I debate how to reply. It’s such a game of politics now, to be honest.
So I don’t reply at all. His question is out of line, and he doesn’t deserve that information.
Instead, I head toward the bus stop and find Katie, who lives in my neighborhood, already standing there under the one tree that offers shade.
“Ahh!” she yells when she sees me, and she grabs me into a hug. “Congratulations!”
I giggle as I hug her back. “Thank you.”
“Are you okay?” she asks, pulling back and holding me at arm’s length to check for any signs of distress.
“I’m fine. Good, actually. Great, even. It’s final, and it’s like a huge weight off, you know?”
She presses her lips together and squeezes my shoulders. “I know. Any news on the job front?”
I nod. “I got called in for a second interview at the place that was my top choice, so fingers crossed.” It’s an office run by a physical therapist I used to work with, one who still works with my ex upon occasion, but he’s willing to work around school hours so I can continue to be there for my kids. I’m both nervous and excited to talk to him again.
She nods and crosses her fingers for me. “When is that?”
“Next Tuesday, so all traces of hangovers need to be gone by then.”
She giggles. “No promises, but you’ll rock this. Cassie post-divorce is a force to be reckoned with.”
I suck in a nervous breath. “Let’s hope so. But first, girls’ weekend in Vegas, baby!”
She squeals a little, and then some of the other parents from our neighborhood start to show up, so we keep our plans on the down low.
The bus arrives, and the kids bounce off. Lily’s my mini me with her long, blonde hair and blue eyes, and Luca looks a lot like his dad with his darker eyes and hair. I stand in the middle and hold both their hands as we walk toward home, and they tell me about their days.
And then it’s the usual chaos—snacks, more snacks, starting dinner, forcing everyone to eat when nobody’s hungry because they ate too many snacks, baths, and bedtime .
I went from a stay-at-home mom to a divorcée today, and I’ve spent much of the last seven months trying to decide what exactly I wanted to do once the divorce was finalized.
Well, that day is here, and I have my answer.
I want to do whatever the hell I want.
And what I want is to be able to independently support my kids in all the ways that matter. I want them to see me stepping up and taking care of them, of sacrificing whatever I have to in order to ensure they’re fulfilled and happy and have every opportunity to do whatever and be whoever they want to be.
Before I was Mom , I was Cassie. I was a Doctor of Physical Therapy. I was interested primarily in sports medicine, and I worked with a lot of gymnasts as I helped them through injuries with both therapy and training. Gymnastics was my thing when I was younger, but I knew it wasn’t going to be a career for me, so I gave it up when I started high school. I didn’t give up watching it on television, though, and I got Lily into it when she was two.
I kept up with continuing education courses even when I was at home with the kids just in case I ever wanted to practice again, and I started the process to renew my license the day I filed for divorce.
And now I’m ready to jump back in with both feet.
After my girls’ weekend in Vegas, of course.