CHAPTER 13 Cassie Fields
Onward and Upward
“We’re thrilled to offer you the position,” Dr. Hayward says. “We’ll start by having you shadow me for a few weeks before we give you your own patients, but I’m confident you’ll pick things up quickly.”
“Thank you so much. I won’t let you down.”
“I know you won’t,” he says, and he says goodbye before he ends the call.
I have a job. I can move forward and start taking my life back.
And maybe I can even stop dwelling on the one-night stand that I never should have taken part in.
Maybe it’s silly to be stuck on it an entire week later, but given that it’s my first—my only —I’m not sure exactly how I’m supposed to feel about it. I’ve given up talking to Jess about it. She doesn’t get it because she’s been with more guys than I have. She has a living, breathing manifestation of one of her one-night stands in Dylan, and I know for a fact that even though it’s hard being a single mom, she wouldn’t change that for the world .
So talking to her about the regrets I have about my night feels a little strange to me. Katie is a lot like I was, but back before the divorce, and I’ve never been as close with Natasha to discuss this sort of thing without the other women present.
So I’m kind of at a loss as to who I’d even talk to about this sort of thing. I tell myself it must not be that big of a deal. Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s more common than I realized, and I’m building it up to this big thing in my head when it really isn’t.
This job is my signal. It’s my sign that I need to leave the past where it belongs and move onward and upward.
Easier said than done.
Today is the last day of camp for the kids, but school doesn’t start for another week. Dr. Hayward was fine with me starting once the kids are back to school, and Luca comes running up to me excitedly after he gets off the bus.
“Mom, Mom, Mom,” he says as he tugs on my arm.
“What, what, what?” I ask.
“Connor said his mom is taking them to the San Diego Storm’s training camp next week. He said it’s free. Can we go? Can we go? Please?”
“Oh, honey, I don’t know anything about that,” I say. And not that I would tell my child this, but I’m not exactly interested in watching football after my wild weekend in Vegas.
“Please please please,” he begs, and I know he’s serious when he’s begging in threes like this.
I glance over at Lily for help. I’m hopeful she’ll get me out of this one, but instead, the opposite happens.
“Claire’s going too, and she said there will be a bounce house. Can we, Mama? Please?”
I blow out a breath. “I’ll see if I can look into getting us tickets,” I say. I’m hopeful they’ll forget about it, but it comes up again a couple hours later at dinner .
“Did you look yet, Mom?” asks my seven-year-old in his sweet little voice.
The last thing in the world I want to do is let him down. “We’ll get tickets together after you both eat a good dinner, okay?”
“Yes,” he says, punching a fist into the air.
I keep my promise, and both kids are correct. It’s free, and there are bounce houses and all sorts of kids’ activities—including a chance for kids to meet some of the players, which I’m sure is the dream of many football fans.
Luca is thrilled to pieces, and he goes immediately to his iPad to look up a team roster. “How do you spell San Diego Storm roster?” he asks.
I tell him as he sits on the couch, and I clear the dinner dishes from the table. He punches in the letters as I say them. He’s getting pretty good at reading, and he tries to sound out some of the names of players.
“Does QB mean quarterback?” he asks.
“I don’t know. Probably.”
“Did you know the Storm got a new quarterback this year?”
“Nope,” I say absently. “I don’t know who the old one was, either.”
“He’s supposed to be really, really good. That’s what Connor said anyway, and Dad said that, too.” He flips the television on and navigates to ESPN—clearly a habit instilled in him by his father—and they’re talking about the NFL and training camps around the league. I’m only half-listening when I hear the name Nash mentioned.
I glance up and spot Asher Nash, who plays for the Vegas Aces. That’s not my guy, either.
Maybe I’ll never really know who he was other than some mystery. Maybe he’s just a figment of my imagination created by one too many margaritas .
I finish the dishes and start the bathtime routine, which consists of me telling Lily for ten minutes to get in the tub, washing her, and then telling Luca for another ten minutes to go take his shower once she’s out. Then it’s another fifteen minutes each of our goodnight routine, and then I get the next hour to myself before I go to bed and start it all over in the morning.
And it’s all going to be thrown into a tailspin in another week once school starts and I start my new job. It’s been a lot of chaos over the last few months, first with me telling Alex I wanted a divorce and then him moving out. It’s been upheaval and unpredictability, and I’m very much looking forward to the routine that school provides us.
But tonight, I pour myself a glass of wine and sit in front of the television to catch up on my favorite reality television—the show my mom calls trash but watches anyway because we both love a good love story.
Except in this episode, we discover that Chad still has feelings for his ex, and poor Fiona, who thought she’d found love with Chad, is shit out of luck.
I sigh. Are all men liars? It sure feels that way lately. First Alex, then Grayson—or whoever he was, and now reality star Chad.
I flip off the television and sit in silence with my wine. Honestly, men are simply exhausting, and the truth is that I’m just fine on my own. I don’t want the complications that come from relationships, and I’ve never betrayed myself the way it feels like every man who’s entered my life has.
I’m glad I have this new job to throw myself into, and I can’t wait for one more week to get started. It’s exactly the distraction I need since my personal life is at a complete standstill…just the way I plan to keep it for the foreseeable future.