38. Jack
38
JACK
H oly shit . Even though I came just a few minutes ago, my dick twitches. I might have finally met my match with someone as depraved and unhinged as I am.
Bunny flails on the ground, pelvis thrusting up into nothing as he wails through what looks like one hell of an orgasm. I thought it would be hot to piss on his dick, but I didn’t expect him to get off from it. Which means that as his panting breath slows and he starts to shiver, coming down from that orgasmic rush, I realize I need to get him inside, warm and cleaned up before he crashes.
I shake the last few drops onto his prone body, which draws a low whine out of him, before tucking my dick back into my pants and zipping up. His eyes widen when he sees me reach for my pocket knife. “Just figured you might be tired of the zip ties,” I explain with a chuckle. I pull him to his feet to cut through the plastic on his wrists and release him from the collar. When I take it off his neck, he exhales a huge sigh.
Bunny yanks on his jeans, but he makes a face when he looks back and forth between his filthy feet and his boots. “C’mere.” I pick up the boots, then scoop him up. “We’re not far from the house, but I’m not going to make you walk back like this.”
“I’m all… I don’t want to lean against you,” he mumbles.
“Shh. It’s OK. I don’t give a shit.” I kiss a dry spot on the top of his head. Ah, the hell with it. I lower my head and drop a kiss on his forehead. He makes a little sound of surprise. “Do I look like the kind of guy who’s afraid of a little dirt?” I ask him in a teasing tone.
“I guess not,” he says in a small voice.
He’s more asleep than not, limbs dangling and head heavy against my chest, by the time I get him into the house, undressed and in the shower. Like last time, I set him down on the shower floor, strip down and block the spray with my body until the water heats up.
I sit with my legs apart and pull him into me. “Keep your eyes shut,” I tell him, but I don’t think I really need to. I’ll be lucky if he doesn’t nod off on me right here.
I gently clean the mess off his face, then the rest of his body, before squirting a dollop of shampoo into my palm. He purrs with contentment as I run my fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp as I work the suds into it.
“Feels nice,” he murmurs.
“Mm-hmm.” I’m agreeing with him just so he doesn’t think I’m ignoring him when it hits me: It does feel nice, in a weird yet intimate way. Actually, it feels like the exact inverse of when I stood over Bunny in the woods, soaked him with my piss and watched him blow his load from the abject degradation of it all. It’s something that’s not supposed to feel good but does anyway. Something that should be awkward as hell but just makes me love him even more.
Fuck. Yeah, so there’s that. I sigh heavily.
“Wassamatter?” he mumbles sleepily.
I’m annoyed at myself when I realize my heart has suddenly taken off into a full gallop. “Nothing.”
As soon as I’ve rinsed the shampoo out of his hair, he wipes the water off his face and looks at me with big eyes. “Are you sure? You sounded mad.”
“Nope.” I shut off the water and wrap Bunny up in a big towel before grabbing one for myself. “Not in the least.” I tousle his hair, sending droplets of water flying. Hopefully the affectionate gesture will put his mind at ease. I’m not quite ready to say what I need to say yet.
“How are you feeling?” I ask instead.
“OK.” His smile looks a little shy. It’s adorable. As much as it turns me on to look into his eyes and see pain, fear, embarrassment — all of those dark emotions — there’s just something about the way he looks at me in moments like this that I struggle even to put into words. The way he looks at me like I’m the only thing in the world. Like I’m everything. His everything.
It thrills me. And it scares me. Because if I’m his everything, what happens if — when — I disappoint or fail him? What’s that look going to become? I can’t think about it. And I can’t even pretend I’m not in deep —all the fucking way in.
I’m still mentally grumbling as we get into bed. When Bunny rolls over to face his side of the bed, I put an arm over him and tug him against me. He lets out a little squeak, which makes me snicker. My heart is still racing, though. At this point, the only remedy is getting it out there.
“Hey.” I give his earlobe a nip. “I didn’t say it before, but I love you, too. You know that, right?”
“Yeah,” he says quietly. He sniffles a little. For a minute, I think he’s going to cry. Son-of-a-bitch. Did I really manage to fuck this up?
“But I’m one of those people who likes to hear it, too,” he says, sounding more awake than he did a moment ago. After a pause, he adds, “So, I don’t know if it was hard or whatever for you to say that, but thank you for telling me.”
I frown as I turn it over in my head. “I don’t think it was that,” I say slowly. “OK, maybe the first time just now,” I admit. “But I’m not one of those guys who’s allergic to saying it in general.”
“Did you tell Nathaniel you loved him?” Bunny asks. My body stiffens against him. “Sorry, sorry,” he says quickly. “It’s none of my business. Forget I even asked.”
I sigh. Maybe if I let myself think it one last time and say it out loud, I can just exorcise the bad feelings instead of burying them again. “Yeah. I would tell him. But he would usually be sort of flippant about it —you know, crack a joke or something. I never did find out what was up with that. I wondered for a while if he felt awkward because the feeling wasn’t mutual, or if he was trying to be snide about it because he didn’t believe I actually did love him.” I blow out another sigh, this one harsher. “Or maybe because he didn’t believe I could love him.”
“Damn,” Bunny mutters. “What a dick. You were too good to him. And way too good for him.”
I laugh so hard I choke. Bunny wiggles away from me. “You OK? Do you need me to get you water?”
I wave him away, but when I look up and see he’s holding out the tumbler that was on his night table, I relent. “Thanks,” I say after taking a swig. “Also, give me a fucking break.” I poke at his damp hair. “You get brain damage from those shocks or something?”
He just frowns at me and folds his arms. I expect him to cop an attitude, so I’m thrown off-guard when he tips his head back and lets out a sudden peal of laughter. And I’m entirely in what-the-fuck territory when he flings his arms around me.
“OK, OK — fine,” he giggles against my neck. “Your secret is safe with me. You can keep your asshole street cred. I won’t tell anybody that you’re actually hiding a soft side underneath your dick attitude.”
I snort out a laugh and roll over to pin him underneath me. “Fucking brat —take that back!” He just grins at me. “You little snot —I swear to God, you’re not going to be able to sit down for a week.” Still snickering, he squirms underneath me until I roll off of him with a sigh. He tucks himself back against my chest again.
“You are a bossy asshole. But I love you.”
“You dumb bunny. I love you, too,” I say into his hair. When he lets out a hum of contentment, I realize that my heartbeat has returned to normal. I inwardly sigh with relief as I shut my eyes.