18. Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Eighteen
D inner had gone better than he’d imagined.
And now he didn’t want the evening to end.
Owen drove them toward the beach. The sun had sunk low in the sky. If he wanted to have anything real with Maxi, he knew he had to be honest with her.
His chest tightened at the thought of revealing his past to her. What would she think of him once she heard what a fool he had been?
He parked the cart near Beachcomber Park. They walked together down the steps to the beach. Maxi slipped off her dress shoes and walked barefoot in the sand.
He took her hand in his. It made him feel calmer when their fingers were laced together. Then he searched for the right words.
With the crash of the ocean in the background and the sea breeze rushing past them, they walked just out of the reach of the water.
He could envision doing this for the rest of his life.
And the funny thing was that before Maxi entered his life, he had written off sharing a future with someone.
Now he could imagine a lifetime of strolls on the beach with Maxi by his side. The acknowledgment was powerful.
He swallowed hard. “I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone again.”
Maxi was silent. He wondered if she was feeling the same way, but he wasn’t going to push her into admitting her feelings. If she was going to speak them, they had to come from her freely.
Right now, he needed to get this admission out in the open. “I was in a relationship last year.”
“The woman that your mother mentioned that she never met?”
He nodded. “Her name’s Regan. I should have seen the warning signs.
She never wanted to go out in public, and she was totally opposed to meeting my family.
I had convinced myself that she was an introvert and that once she felt safe and secure in our relationship that she would get to know my family. ”
He paused, waiting for Maxi to ask questions, but she didn’t. It was like she was waiting for him to tell this story at his own pace. He appreciated it.
After a few more steps, he said, “I thought we had a strong relationship. I thought we had a future. It was the end of summer, and I didn’t want her to leave.
I…” He paused, surprised to find that recalling that time didn’t get him all worked up.
It was finally behind him. “I wonder if Regan suspected that I was going to ask her to stay and that’s why she bated me into the argument.
In the middle of the fight, she threw out the revelation that she was married and they had a child. ”
He expected Maxi to say something about how stupid he’d been to fall for a married woman. He wouldn’t blame her. The signs had been everywhere, including the phone calls that Regan would slip into the bedroom or bathroom to take in private.
“I had no idea that she had a family. Maybe I should have asked her more questions. I don’t know. Shouldn’t I have figured it out?”
There was a slight pause. Then Maxi spoke in a gentle tone. “Not necessarily. She was hiding it from you, and you trusted her.”
He nodded. “I did trust her. And then she ripped my world apart. I had everything figured out in my head. At least I thought I did. Then again, I thought she loved me. I had never been so wrong about anyone in my life.”
Maxi gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t blame yourself. You believed in the woman that she portrayed to you. It’s not your fault for loving that illusion.”
“For the longest time, I thought I was gutted because I lost the woman I loved. It wasn’t until recently that I figured out that the pain and anger weren’t aimed at her. It was aimed at myself for being fooled. I swore off relationships after her.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “Well, until now.”
Maxi was still walking with him. She was still holding his hand. That conversation had gone so much better than he’d ever imagined. He felt lighter. It was like a load had just been lifted from his shoulders.
He stopped walking and turned to her. “I care about you. And I mean it. This has nothing to do with our fake relationship. The thing is, I can’t tell if you feel the same way.”
Her heart leaped into her throat.
Maxi never had anyone talk to her this way. And there was a part of her that wanted to throw herself into his arms and kiss him. But there was another part of her that warned her that they were just getting caught up in the moment—that they were never going to work out.
“Maxi, what are you thinking?” Owen’s voice drew her from her thoughts. “If I’m moving too fast…”
“Owen, stop. Please. I… I’m not who you think I am.”
His eyes widened in horror. “Are you married? Do you have a child?”
“What?” And then she realized he was thinking about his ex. “No. I’m not married, and I don’t have any kids.”
He expelled a visible sigh. “That’s good.” Then his gaze searched hers. “What do you mean that you’re not who I think you are? I think you’re gorgeous. Wildly talented. And gifted with a wrench and screwdriver.”
His kind words made her heart flutter. She stifled it. She couldn’t let herself get distracted. “You’ve been honest with me, and I’m going to be honest with you.”
“You’re starting to worry me.” He took both of her hands in his. “Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it.”
He made it all sound so easy, but it wasn’t. Her life was the way it was for a reason. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, and then she released it. She closed her eyes so she didn’t witness the disappointment in his eyes. “I didn’t graduate high school.”
When he didn’t say anything, she opened her eyes. There wasn’t disappointment in his eyes. In fact, she couldn’t detect any sort of emotion.
She rushed on. “I have dyslexia. That’s a problem with reading.”
He nodded. “I know what it is.”
“Well, my mother used to help me with it. School was challenging, but I was getting through it. Then my mother died, and I struggled. Her loss devastated me. For a while life was a struggle. My father saw that I was having problems in school, and so, he took me out. I became his assistant at the garage.”
“That’s why you know everything about cars.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
Owen blinked. “What am I supposed to say?”
“Don’t you understand. You love to read.
I don’t. It always feels like a struggle to me.
I didn’t finish school. I’ve been working on my GED, but I don’t even have it either.
I’m going to guess you have at least one college degree.
” When he didn’t argue, she continued. “Don’t you see? We don’t belong together.”
Tears pricked the backs of her eyes. She’d never had this conversation with anyone—no one had ever meant enough to her to lay it all on the line. And now her heart felt as though it was going to break.
Owen drew her close and hugged her. Her cheek came to rest on his shoulder. She felt so safe there—like it was exactly where she belonged.
“Thank you for trusting me with all of that.” His voice was low and comforting. “If you want to continue your education, that’s great. I would totally support you. But if you don’t want to go down that road, I’d still support you in whatever choices you make.”
“You really mean that? You’re not just saying it to make me feel better?” She held her breath while she waited for his answer.
“I meant every word I said. And none of what you told me would ever come between us if we don’t let it. I really care about you.”
“I care about you too.”
He proved his words by kissing her again. She couldn’t help but wonder if she’d found her very own Prince Charming. He certainly fit the part: handsome, charming and kind.
By the time she made it back to her aunt’s house, her mind had replayed their conversation over and over again. Her aunt was sitting in the living room with a book in her hands.
Her aunt glanced at her over her reading glasses. “Did you have a good dinner?”
Maxi thought of Owen and smiled. “Yes. It was really good.”
“What did you have to eat?”
“Uh…” She tried to remember.
Aunt Bonnie smiled. “It’s okay. I have a feeling the company was much better.”
Maxi smiled. “Yes, it was.”
She told her aunt about what she’d told Owen about her education.
It wasn’t news to her aunt. She lived through the decision with Maxi.
Aunt Bonnie had been totally opposed to her dropping out of school, but still grieving her mother’s death, Maxi didn’t care about her education or how it might affect her future.
“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you,” Maxi said. “I was having a hard time back then.”
Her aunt nodded. “I understand. Losing your mother was hard for all of us, but most especially you. And I think your father was worried that if you stayed in school, you wouldn’t need him anymore, and you’d leave him.”
“I wouldn’t have done that.”
“Really?” Aunt Bonnie gave her a look that made Maxi reconsider her answer. “If you had graduated high school, you could have gone to college or a trade school. You would have had choices.”
Was that true? Was her father worried about being alone? That would have never happened whether she had choices or not. She loved her father.
Aunt Bonnie stood. “I’ll be right back.” A few minutes later, her aunt returned with some letters in her hand. She handed them to Maxi. “These are for you.”
Maxi took them. She looked at the top one and recognized her mother’s handwriting. “What are they?”
“They are letters your mother wrote me over the years. Her words might help you with the struggle you’re dealing with.”
Maxi cradled the letters to her chest. “Thank you.”
She took them and rushed upstairs. She kicked off her shoes and flounced down onto the bed. The envelopes appeared to be in date order. She started with the oldest letter and devoured her mother’s words.
Even though the letters were addressed to Aunt Bonnie, her mother talked a lot about Maxi. Her mother wanted her to follow her own dreams. It was her fondest wish.
In the next letter, her mother confessed to feeling guilty about not having more children and giving her husband a son to help him at the garage. She knew it was a lot of work for her husband.
There was a lot about their daily life, just little things about the garden or updates on her mother’s canning. Sometimes she’d share a recipe that she really liked. Maxi was anxious to jot down the recipes to try when she got home.
And then there was this one letter that contained a secret—one that Maxi hadn’t known.
Her father had dyslexia too. His parents and the school had given up on him.
Her mother swore she wouldn’t let that happen to Maxi.
Her mother knew that Maxi could overcome any challenge she faced.
A tear dripped onto the page. Maxi swiped at her cheeks and kept reading.
Her mother felt that the garage was her father’s way of hiding from his problems. She didn’t want Maxi to hide from life. She wanted her to be courageous and face the world on her own terms.
The tears kept coming as Maxi finished reading the letters.
She had no idea her mother wanted so much for her.
She was thankful her aunt had shared the letters with her.
It was like Maxi had been gifted the chance of speaking to her mother again.
With the letters still clutched in her hand, Maxi closed her eyes.
She didn’t open them until the next morning.