Chapter 8
Sierra
It had been a week since Sierra and Teresa decided to be cordial roommates , and it felt like years.
Track practice should have been her one escape, but that wasn’t much better than her dorm room, thanks to Ellie.
She was so hot and cold that it gave Sierra whiplash.
One moment, she was whispering with Juniper and laughing as the two of them clearly talked about Sierra, and the next, she was giving Sierra a longing look, as if Sierra owed her that conversation they never ended up having.
She hadn’t attempted it again since Sierra walked away after hearing Juniper call her a bitch on the phone, but it was obvious there was something she wanted to say.
Part of Sierra wanted Ellie to just leave her alone, but there was another part of her that wished Ellie would say what she had to say to put Sierra out of her misery.
Sierra knew who she needed to talk to, but she had been avoiding it, because it meant she had to be honest about the secret she had been keeping for over a year.
She and her twin sister—the only blood relative Sierra knew—never kept secrets from each other.
At least, that had been true, until Teresa convinced her to keep this one.
She couldn’t do it anymore, though. If she continued to hold it in, she might pop.
“Hey, stranger! What’s up?” her sister, Sienna, asked as soon as she answered the phone.
Sierra wasn’t sure what her biological parents had been thinking when they named their identical twin daughters Sierra and Sienna, but since they disappeared after placing them in foster care before their second birthday, she was never going to find out.
“Not too much. School and track are kicking my ass, but what else is new?”
Sienna laughed lightly. “That was about to be my line. What is new? I feel like I never hear from you anymore.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Sierra was ashamed. She had always been close to her sister, and even though she wouldn’t say they weren’t close anymore, they had definitely drifted apart over the past year and a half.
The worst part was that Sierra knew it was all her fault.
At first, it was because she was so wrapped up in Teresa and the change in their relationship, but then it was because she felt like there was so much she couldn’t tell her sister.
It only got worse when things ended with Teresa.
Sierra knew if she talked to her sister too much, the whole story would come spilling out of her, and she wasn’t willing to let that happen. Until now, at least.
“It’s okay.” Her sister’s voice was soft and sweet. “Tell me what’s going on. I know you have something to say, so just say it.”
Sierra had so much to say, she didn’t know where to start. “How are you?” she asked. “We haven’t talked in so long. I don’t want this conversation to be all about me.”
“First of all, we text every day. Secondly, this conversation isn’t about me. There’s clearly something on your mind. You need to let it out.”
Sierra’s heart warmed from her sister’s words. She was so lucky to have her. She hated the fact that they were at schools hours away from each other, which was, unfortunately, not something she had thought too much about when her head was up Teresa’s ass.
“I’m gay.” Sierra didn’t realize those were going to be the first words out of her mouth, but her lips had made that decision before her brain could catch up.
“Obviously,” her sister answered right away. “And?”
Sierra shook her head at the phone. “What do you mean ‘obviously’ ? Also, and what?”
In the silence she could almost hear Sienna rolling her eyes. “I’m your twin sister. The person who has been by your side since birth. Do you really think I wouldn’t realize that you’re gay?”
“Well, I mean…” Sierra’s mouth opened and closed. Had she really been that obvious? “Do you think moms know?”
Sienna laughed. “I’m not sure. Probably not.
For two women who love women, their gaydar seems to suck most of the time.
It wouldn’t surprise me if I found out it took them forever to realize they were gay themselves.
I mean, come on, they told us they’ve known each other since middle school, and I don’t think they started dating until at least college, maybe after. Who does that?”
Sierra knew this was as good of a segue as ever, so she might as well say the next part. “I kind of did that.”
“Not really. It was only a few years for you and Teresa.”
Her and Teresa? Sienna not only realized she was gay, but also knew she had been dating Teresa? Now Sierra’s head was really spinning. “Teresa?” she asked dumbfounded, the sound of that name rolling off her lips causing her heart to ache.
“Well, yeah, you two are obviously together. Right?”
Even though Sierra knew her sister didn’t mean to, those words were like a knife to her heart.
They weren’t obviously together anymore because Teresa had ripped her heart from her chest and left Sierra to bleed out on the floor.
Sierra couldn’t talk because tears were stinging at her eyes.
God, she was so sick of crying. It felt like it was all she ever did any more.
“Are you still there?” her sister asked. “Are you okay?”
“No.” That one word came out so weak and broken, that now Sierra did burst into tears. Thank god she was alone in her dorm room. She didn’t need anyone to see her like this. “I’m not okay at all. My whole world feels like it’s falling apart, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“That bitch broke your heart, didn’t she?” Sienna practically growled into the phone. “I knew I never liked her. Harrison thought I was just jealous, but deep down, I could tell she was no good.”
“Wait. You and Harrison talked about me and Teresa?”
Harrison was Sienna and Sierra’s older brother.
He was also adopted and ten years their senior.
Even with the age gap, Sierra was pretty close to him, but they had never been close enough to discuss their love lives together.
It had taken almost a year for Sierra to meet her brother’s now-wife after they started dating.
“Only briefly. He asked me about you two after he visited for Christmas last year and saw you together. I told him I was pretty positive you were dating, but I didn’t think I was a fan of the relationship. He told me I was jealous, because you were so close to someone other than me.”
“Well, I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear that you were right.” Sierra laughed through her tears. “She completely shattered my heart, Sienna.”
“Oh, honey, I’m not happy to hear that at all. What can I do? Should I drive to West End this weekend? Do you want to meet up at home? Seriously, whatever you need, tell me, and I’m there.”
Sierra wanted to tell her sister to hop in her car right now and come to see her, but there was no way she could ask her to do that. “That’s not necessary. Seriously. I’m sure you’re busy. Plus, we’ll see each other soon for Thanksgiving.”
“As long as you're sure. I hate the thought of you going through this alone. Do you have friends from the track team you can talk to? Or at least, hang out with to take your mind off of things?”
Sierra laughed again. She was starting to get closer to some of the underclassmen sprinters, but the track team wasn’t exactly a safe space for her right now.
Since she was being honest, she decided to tell her sister about all of those troubles as well.
She let the whole story spill out, barely taking a breath between words.
“Let me guess,” her sister said after Sierra finished. “Ellie Finch is hot, isn’t she?”
“Wait. What?” After everything Sierra had just told her, she was confused how that was what her sister had taken from it. Ellie was hot. Sierra couldn’t deny that, no matter how much she wanted to. But that had nothing to do with the story she had just told her sister.
“I don’t know. I just figured this girl must be hot if she has you this frazzled.”
Sierra shook her head as if her sister could actually see her. “She has me this frazzled because she’s made my first semester a living hell.”
“Hm.”
“What?” Sierra let out a long sigh. She hated when her sister gave her a non-response like that.
“It sounds like her best friend has done even more to make your first semester hell, but you barely focused on her.”
That wasn’t true. Okay… it kind of was. But Sierra had a perfectly good reason for that.
“Ellie drives me crazy, because there’s random moments where she’ll suddenly act like she cares.
I think it would be easier if she just flat-out hated me like her friend.
The back and forth gives me emotional whiplash. ”
“Plus, she’s hot,” Sienna said with a laugh. “I just looked her up. This is the girl you used to be obsessed with, right?”
“Obsessed with?” Sierra had no idea what the hell her sister was talking about. She was never obsessed with Ellie Finch.
“Oh, come on. Don’t act like she’s not the whole reason you chose West End. You used to get a lady boner just from talking about how fast she was. It’s part of the reason I knew you were gay.”
Sierra wanted to deny it, but she knew her sister was right.
When Sierra started considering what school she wanted to go to, she took notice of Ellie right away.
Obsessed might be too strong of a word, but she’d be lying if she said Ellie had nothing to do with choosing the school she did.
“Okay, whatever. You’re right. I guess that’s why they say you should never meet your heroes. ”
Sierra cringed when she pictured Ellie’s face after saying those exact same words to her.
There was so much pain in her eyes, Sierra almost felt guilty about it.
Almost. This girl was part of the reason her freshman year wasn’t going anything like she planned, so she couldn’t get herself completely in knots over it.
“I’m sorry she disappointed you. You could definitely do worse, though. I mean, you have done worse. Teresa is a cunt.”
Why was her sister acting like Sierra was actually considering dating this girl? She was trying her best not to kill her. Dating her was the last thing on her mind. “What am I supposed to do?” Sierra asked Sienna as if she could wave a magic wand and make everything better.
“The first thing you need to do is request to switch roommates for next semester. You can’t keep living with Teresa. It’s awful for your mental health.”
Even with everything going on between them and how miserable it was to share a room right now, the thought of switching roommates had never crossed Sierra’s mind.
Switching roommates felt so final . It was like she was giving up on Teresa, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that yet.
“I don’t know. If I switched roommates, moms would start asking questions. ”
“Who cares? I don’t think our two moms are going to be super disgusted that you like women.”
“No, but they will probably be upset that I lied to them so I could live with the girl I was dating.”
“Eh, they’ll get over it. You know the most important thing to them is that we’re happy. They wouldn’t want you to be struggling.”
“I’ll think about it.” Even as she said the words, Sierra knew it was a lie.
If she switched from her room with Teresa, the two of them wouldn’t have any reason to see each other anymore, which means Teresa would be completely out of her life.
Even with all of the pain Teresa had caused her this year, Sierra couldn’t imagine losing her completely.
“Any other suggestions in the meantime?”
“Just get through these next few weeks. Call and text me anytime you need to. Keep reminding yourself that soon you’ll be home with the people who love you the most.”
Sierra took a deep breath and blew it out. Just talking to her sister had already made her feel so much better. “Thanks, Sienna. I love you too.”
Thanksgiving break couldn’t come soon enough.