Chapter 24
Sierra
Ellie had been completely respectful toward Sierra all day, and if Sierra was being honest, it was kind of driving her insane.
She knew Ellie wasn’t trying anything because she wanted to leave it up to Sierra, but Sierra wished she would stop being so damn chivalrous and kiss the hell out of her already.
She had already thought about doing it herself about a million times, but each time, a voice in her head told her to slow down. She wanted to shut that voice up, but she knew the only thing that could do that was Ellie’s lips, and those lips were waiting on Sierra. What a fucking cycle.
“Are you getting hungry again?” Ellie asked Sierra from where she was sitting on the opposite end of the couch from her as they watched TV.
Seriously, couldn’t this girl be just a little bit less considerate?
“I am, but I think we should talk first,” Sierra said before she could convince herself not to.
Ellie scooted the tiniest bit closer to her (but still not close enough). “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
“I’m… well…. I think I might be ready to hop in.”
Ellie’s eyes went wide, and she moved even closer, so they were now inches apart but still not touching. “Cool. And what does hopping in look like to you?”
“I’m not sure. It’s not like any of our former problems have gone away. I still have my ex to deal with, and you have your best friend.”
Ellie shook her head and grabbed Sierra’s hand, causing a spark to ignite inside of her.
“I’ll tell her, don’t worry. I’m not going to lie, it might be a little awkward at first, but she’ll get over it eventually.
” Ellie squeezed Sierra’s hand and looked deep into her eyes, her expression so sincere that Sierra had no doubt that she meant whatever was about to come out of her mouth.
“I know how much it hurt you that you had to be your ex’s secret, and I don’t want to do that to you.
I don’t ever want to make you feel like I’m ashamed of you, or this, because I’m not. ”
“I really appreciate that, but,” I can’t believe I’m about to say this.
“Maybe we should keep this between us for a little bit. I’m only out to a handful of people so far and as much as I don’t care if anyone knows I’m gay, I don’t know if it’s necessary for me to leap out of the closet right now.
Plus, we don’t actually know where this is going.
I really like you already, so I’m sure this isn’t the case, but I haven’t been single for that long.
What if…?” Sierra couldn’t say the words because nothing about them felt true.
“You’re afraid that I’m just a rebound.” It wasn’t hard to miss the disappointment in Ellie’s voice, no matter how hard she was trying to cover it up.
Sierra hated that she had caused the slight downturn of Ellie’s lips, which was even more of a reason to take things slow between them.
“It doesn’t feel that way. Trust me. I don’t think that's the case at all. I wasn’t looking for this, and I definitely didn’t expect it, but I can’t get you out of my head, no matter how hard I try.
I thought once I left after Christmas, some of the magic would wear off, but I started to like you even more when we were apart.
My heart skipped a beat every time I saw your name pop up on my phone.
I was constantly waiting for your calls at night, and every time we hung up, I would just stare at my phone wondering where the hell you came from.
So, no, I don’t actually think you’re a rebound, but I also want to take things slow, because I would never want you to feel the way I did these past few months. ”
The smile returned to Ellie’s face and her dark eyes shined as bright as the sun.
“I’ll take things as slow as you need to.
And don’t worry, I’m a big girl. You’ve been very honest with me about where you’re at emotionally.
If you realize this isn’t what you want, I’ll bow out gracefully.
I don’t need to tell anyone about this, but as soon as you want to, we can.
Okay? Let’s just keep talking. As long as we keep talking and make sure we’re always on the same page, we’ll be okay. ”
“Okay.” Sierra’s heart beat fast, but it wasn’t from nerves. It was excitement. She trusted Ellie, and she wanted to see where this could go, even if the unknown freaked her out. “But for now, maybe we shouldn’t talk.”
Ellie lifted an eyebrow and smirked. “Oh yeah? What did you have in mind instead?”
“I figured I could kiss you senseless now.”
Without overthinking it, Sierra leaned in and kissed Ellie, and it was like nothing she had ever experienced before.
Sierra used to think that kissing Teresa was the greatest thing in the world, but it didn’t even come close to how it felt to kiss Ellie.
Kissing Ellie was like coming home to a place you didn’t know existed.
It was like being swept away by an ocean wave, but not worrying about where you’d end up. It was everything.
As they continued to kiss, their bodies naturally melded together to the point that Sierra wasn’t sure where her body ended and Ellie’s began.
Without even realizing what she was doing, Sierra pushed Ellie back onto the couch, so they were both lying horizontal with Sierra’s body completely covering Ellie’s.
She instinctively moved her hips against Ellie’s to satisfy the urges coursing through her, and she moaned at the sensation it sent throughout her body.
Being with Ellie like this made her crave even more, and while she wanted to take all of it, she knew she needed to keep some semblance of control.
As much as she didn’t want to, she sat up to break the contact between them and cool the flame that was threatening to set them both on fire.
“Sorry. I need a little bit of a breather. I was starting to get carried away.”
Ellie smiled at her, and with her swollen lips and messy hair, it was hard for Sierra to resist going right back in for round two. “I think we were both getting carried away. It’s hard to resist you.”
Please stop looking at me like you want to devour me.
A girl can only have so much self-control.
“You’re going to have to try.” Sierra playfully pushed Ellie away from her.
“I’m not ready…” Her face warmed just from thinking about what she was about to say out loud, and she could only imagine how red it must be.
“I’m not sure what your expectations are as far as the physical stuff goes, but I’m not ready to have sex with you.
I’ve only had sex with one person, and she ripped my heart into a million pieces.
Part of taking things slow is that I can’t just jump into bed with you, no matter how much I might want to. ”
Ellie nodded slowly. “What if we’re jumping into bed to eat pizza? Then are you agreeable?”
Sierra laughed. Just when she thought Ellie Finch couldn’t get any more perfect, she went and said things like that. “Only if our clothes stay on.”
Ellie nodded more quickly now. “Absolutely. I’ve found that hot pizza and naked bodies do not mix.”
“In that case, let’s get some pizza.”
***
Sierra was pretty sure she hadn’t known what true happiness was until she woke up in Ellie’s arms for the third morning in a row after spending the whole weekend at her apartment.
They hadn’t done anything particularly exciting.
Most of their time was spent either making out or finding other random activities to do when their making out started moving in the direction of something more.
They talked. They played video games. They watched movies.
It was nothing special, or at least, it shouldn’t have been, but it was still one of the greatest weekends of Sierra’s life.
She let out an involuntary sigh when she thought about how she had no choice but to travel out into the real world again in a few short hours.
“Everything okay?” Ellie asked. She ran her fingers up and down Sierra’s arm as the two of them lay intertwined.
“I’m great. This has been the perfect weekend.”
Ellie kissed Sierra before pulling away and studying her face. “Are you sure? That didn’t really sound like a happy sigh.”
“I’m happy now . I guess I’m just worried about how things will be when we’re not in this perfect bubble anymore.”
“You’re not doubting me, are you?”
Sierra shook her head. She hated that Ellie assumed Sierra’s reservations had anything to do with her. “Not at all. I just don’t know what to expect, you know?”
“I get it.” Ellie grabbed Sierra’s hand and kissed her knuckles.
“If I had to guess, I’d say it’ll be a lot of secret smiles during practice, probably a few discreet ass grabs if I can pull it off.
Dinners out. Study sessions in the parts of the library that never get used.
Finding different places to hide and make out. That sort of thing.”
When Ellie put it like that, it sounded more sexy than scary. They were in this together. Ellie wasn’t hiding her from the rest of the world. She was simply respecting Sierra’s wishes.
“I’ll also make sure that Juniper knows we’re friends,” Ellie added. “I can’t guarantee that’ll keep her from being a bitch, but I’m going to do everything I can to show her you’re not the person we thought you were.”
Sierra chuckled. “Well, thanks. I appreciate that.” She was never the type of girl to have enemies, so the less she could have at this school, the better.
“There is one thing that’s going to be hard for me.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
Sierra expected Ellie to say something like trying to keep her hands off of Sierra in public, so she threw her head back in surprised laughter at what Ellie actually said. “Not punching your ex in the face if I ever run into her on campus.”
“I have trouble picturing you punching anyone in the face,” Sierra said in between laughter.