Chapter 14 – David
“God, I love Austin,” a voice sounds next to me, making me jump.
“It’s October, it shouldn’t be this warm,” I say, turning to Jasper.
“Spoken like a true Brit.”
“Last time I checked, you were a Brit too,” I reply, smiling over to him.
I haven’t had the chance to spend much time with Jasper. He was, bless him, thrown into the deep end, but he seems to be swimming along nicely. All the lads in the garage loved him, and I had heard that some of the ladies tried to flirt with him. He was going to be a good addition to the team.
“You have no idea how many people have asked me how we know each other. They are dying for me to spill the beans.”
“You haven’t said anything have you?” Suddenly, I’m concerned that Jasper will out me.
“Dave, I’m not going to out you, but I have to say, I’m surprised that you haven’t. With Lars and Vincent being out, and very proud, I would have thought that this would’ve been an ideal time.”
I quickly look around and I’m thankful that we’re on our own. We’re on a balcony overlooking pit lane and home stretch. I needed to get some fresh air, and I also wanted to check my phone.
I didn’t get the chance to go over to Rich’s before coming to Austin.
On that Friday when Jasper had gotten introduced to the team, Vincent had taken up the afternoon, and most of the evening, from the text I had gotten telling me that he was still there.
My plan had been to go over on Saturday, but then Daniel called me and said he wanted me to come to HQ, as he wanted to go over our training schedule for the next few weeks.
I tried to get out of it, but he had been insistent, explaining we had a lot of flights coming up.
Before I knew it, Saturday was over. I knew I could have called Rich’s house, and he wouldn’t have cared, but I didn’t.
Deep down, I knew that I was still punishing him for what happened with Jasper.
Sunday I ended up packing, and then Vincent called to notify us that we were going to be flying out Sunday night, and not Monday morning.
So, instead of talking to Rich, I ended up on a plane, with potentially a month before I saw him in Vegas, which was a month too long.
I needed to figure out how to get Rich to the next few races, and I think that the key might be Otis.
If I could get Otis here, then Rich was bound to follow.
Otis didn’t have any races until December, when we’re in Qatar, and considering it was October, that was a long time away from the hustle and bustle of a garage.
“Dave,” Jasper’s voice sounds.
“Sorry Jasper, I was just thinking,” I said to him. “How are you finding being in F1?”
“I can see why you love this lifestyle, and why you chose it.”
“Jasper,” I start, not wanting to bring up our past. “I was twenty-three. I was old compared to some of the other drivers. It was my chance.”
“And just like fifteen years ago, I understand. I have followed your career. You know that, right?”
“You have?” I'm a little surprised. He was never really interested in my racing when we were dating.
“Racing was your first love. I always knew that. I knew that one day it could take you away from me.”
“I did love you,” I tell him, not sure why we’re suddenly having a heart to heart. This is something that we should’ve said to each other when we split up.
“I know, but sometimes that isn’t enough, and I knew that. You deserved to give your racing a chance, and I’ve been damn proud of what you have accomplished.”
“I’m quitting,” I tell him.
“What? Why the fuck are you doing that?” Jasper demands.
“Because it’s time.”
“Horseshit. You’re scared of something. What?” Jasper asks.
“You haven’t changed,” I say to him.
“Neither have you,” Jasper replies.
Fifteen years might have passed since we said a tearful goodbye to each other, but standing here, it feels like no time has passed at all.
Even before Jasper and I got together, we were friends.
That was the basis for our relationship, and it feels like we’ve fallen right back to where we were, just without the attraction. We both have moved on.
“I tried to keep in contact with you,” I tell him, changing the subject. “I sent you texts, you never replied.”
“I saw them,” Jasper admits, “and I started replying a thousand times, but it never felt right. The decisions we made were right for us, and I never regretted making them. But I really do hope that we can be friends again.”
“I would very much like to be friends. It will be nice to have someone else here that knows I’m gay.”
“Who else knows?”
“I told Lars,” I confirm. “If you have been following my career, you saw my crash. Well, Lars kind of guessed it was linked to someone. So, I told him I was gay, but made him promise not to tell anyone, including Vincent.”
Jasper doesn’t say anything to this, and I take the opportunity to check my mobile again to see if there are any messages from Richard, but again, the screen remains blank, but it’s still early in the UK, he’s probably only just getting up.
“Dave, can I ask you something?” Jasper asks.
“Yeah, of course.”
Jasper looks around the balcony, and even looks over the edge, and I think that it’s to make sure that we’re still alone, before he looks back over to me.
“How long have you and Richard been fucking?”
And I almost dropped my mobile. What the hell? And, suddenly, I’m looking around to make sure that there’s no one listening, and I just stare over to him. Waiting for him to say something else, but he’s just waiting there for me to answer.
“Jasper, I have no idea what you’re going on about,” I tell him.
“Dave, I know. You haven’t changed that much. Granted, the others in the team have no idea. But then they don’t know you as intimately as I do, or did.”
I open my mouth to deny it again, but I can tell from the look on his face that he’s not going to believe me if I lie, so I may as well tell him the truth.
“It started a while ago, but then last year we called it quits. I think we both got scared over how deep our feelings were getting. Then in July, at Spa, we reconnected, and it was like the breakup had never happened. Our feelings were as strong as ever, if not stronger.”
Wow. It feels so good to tell someone else about me and Rich. It feels like a weight that had been on my chest has been lifted. I hadn’t realised it was weighing me down until it was gone.
“But how the hell did you figure it out?” I ask.
“You might not realise it, but your face lights up when you see him. I think that only someone who has seen this face would spot it. I remember seeing that look on your face when you looked at me."
“Oh.” Because what else can you say to a statement like that?
“Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t sure at first. Thought it could be something else, but on Friday when we were outside the gym, I saw the look on Richard’s face when he spotted you laughing.”
“Really?”
“If you know Rich, it’s easy to spot, but he’s good at hiding his feelings when he needs to, right?”
“He’s gotten better, we both have,” I tell him, but I’m suddenly wary. How does he know so much about Rich?
“Okay, I have to ask, but how on earth are you coping with Rich’s sexual preferences? I didn’t think you worked that way.”
“His what?” I demand, and again look around. I’m so worried that someone is suddenly going to hear this conversation, but the place is deserted at the moment.
“You know.” And Jasper leans in and whispers, “he likes to submit. Like you."
“What?” How the fuck does he know that about Rich? But then Rich’s words filter into my mind ‘Jasper is someone from my past.’
“He’s a submissive. A fucking good one, if I remember.”
“Excuse me?” I growl out, and stand up taller, and Jasper’s eyes widen as he looks at me.
“Well, looks like you have changed after all.” Jasper smirks. “And you are good.”
“Jasper, tell me how you know what Rich likes.”
“Sorry, I thought he would have told you.” But he doesn’t say anything more, like somehow this line is all I need.
“He didn’t, and now I want you to tell me, please.”
“I work for the service that Rich used when he needed a release. I was one of – actually I was probably his regular.”
“You worked for the service?” Not sure that I’m hearing this right, but I’m already gripping my mobile tighter.
“Yeah, it’s owned by Kimber, you remember my sister, right? Anyway, I was getting strapped for cash, and getting deeper into debt. I saw how much she was making, and so…” Jasper finishes, but I’m not really listening to him.
“Excuse me,” I say, and he gives me a gentle smile.
“Be nice to him, it was nothing, and a long time ago.”
But I’m already walking away, needing to get some space between us, as I tap Rich’s number, not caring about the time difference.
“Hello, baby,” comes a sleepy voice.
“You had fucking sex with Jasper?” I hiss down the line.
And then nothing. Richard doesn’t say anything, but I can hear him breathing down the line. I need for him to tell me that this isn’t true, and that Jasper is playing some sick joke, even though I am not sure why. Richard and I have slept with the same man.
“David.” And now he’s using my full name. “I told you that Jasper was a long time ago.”
“It cannot be that long ago.”
“I presume Jasper told you how we came to sleep together,” Richard states calmly.
“He did.” But I cannot calm down. The image of seeing them together in the car park is taking on a whole new meaning.
“Then you know that I haven’t used that service since you and I started sleeping together.”
“But...” I know that he’s right. Richard was very honest about what he did before me, and in truth, I never minded, really. But they were faceless men. They were people that were never going to come into our world. But now, there was a face, and he was front and centre in our world.
“You know that I should be just as annoyed as you. In all our time together, you never once told me you were submissive.”