Chapter 8 Rage Has Demons Too
EIGHT
RAGE HAS DEMONS TOO
Rose
I wake up and glance around the room. The bed feels too big, too empty. There’s no warm body next to me. I sigh, the loneliness creeping in. But then I notice a yellow Post-it note stuck to the pillow.
I grab it to read the scrawled handwriting.
Morning, my sexy cougar.
I’ve gone for my morning run.
I’ll be back soon.
Breakfast is downstairs if you’re hungry.
I roll my eyes, a small smile tugging at my lips.
Of course he runs. A body like his doesn’t just happen by accident.
Would he have a problem if I don’t exercise?
The thought nags at me, but then I consider something else—maybe he could help me.
It’s not like I hate exercising; I just feel so self-conscious.
But Rage has never made me feel judged, only supported.
Maybe today I’ll buy some gym clothes. Spending time with him might encourage me to make smarter choices, like exercising. I need to focus on myself. I’ve spent so much time and energy on a relationship that was never meant to be.
Running, though? That’s not happening anytime soon. If I tried, I’d probably keel over and have a heart attack. But I can start small. My health is important, and it’s time I made it a priority.
I grab my phone from the nightstand. It’s 9:30 a.m. Not late, but I must have been exhausted to sleep this long.
Missed calls from both Tyler and Kayla was not what I wanted to see, but I can’t hide away from them forever. I’m going to have to talk to them at some point, but today is not that day. I imagine Tyler probably has a bruise on his face by now.
I’ve been acting like Rage is a god—well, he is—but while he seems perfect, he has demons too.
He has anger issues, which are a concern, considering what I’ve been through.
But I hold on to the fact that he stopped when I asked him to and didn’t keep hurting Tyler, even though I could see it written all over him that he wanted to keep going.
Another message from Tyler pops up, but I ignore it. My home screen stares back at me—a photo of us. I remember that moment vividly. I’m smiling in the picture, but I wasn’t happy. I had to beg him to take that photo with me. He agreed only after I promised him a blow job.
Everything with Tyler was one-sided. He couldn’t do something nice for me without expecting something in return. A rotten love ate away at me until I was just a shell of a person. I was so desperate to be happy that I settled for scraps. I thought I couldn’t do better. Now I know I was wrong.
God himself walks into the room, and I audibly gasp. He’s wearing just shorts. Drips of sweat bead down his skin. I watch a droplet run down his chiseled chest, then down each ab, kissing his skin as it goes. My mouth is dry. I am a very thirsty woman.
“Good morning,” he says, grinning indecently, seeing that I’m practically drooling over him. He leans down and kisses my cheek. I’m like putty in his hands. He’s a bit cocky, but with a body like that he has every right to be.
“I have nicknamed you God.”
He laughs. “You’re hilarious. I think I’m closer to the Devil than God himself.”
I take in his glorious body. “You’re wrong.”
He wipes the sweat from his forehead, and the simple movement is sexy. “Have you grabbed anything to eat yet?” he asks.
I see something delicious right now, and it ain’t food. “Not yet.”
“Neither have I. Come down and grab some with me while it’s warm and there’s still some left. The men here eat shitloads. Ava has everything down there. Pancakes, bacon and eggs, hashbrowns.”
I frown and shake my head. “This is embarrassing to say . . .”
His brows pull in. “What is?”
I glance at the ground before peering up at him.
“I want to start looking after myself. I do eat fairly well, but I can do better, and I’d also like to exercise more.
You’ve already done so much for me, but could you help or point me in the right direction?
” I was always too embarrassed to ask for guidance.
He sits on the bed next to me and pulls me into him for a tight embrace.
“I’m happy to help. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
Everyone’s got to start somewhere. There’s fruit downstairs, and me, Viper, and Sophie have protein powder to make protein shakes.
Protein helps you stay fuller for longer. ”
I give him a smile. Where was he all those years ago? I’ve always needed just that bit of encouragement from someone. Oh yeah, he was a teenager. I flinch. I forgot about that for a moment. Even though I have a small problem with the age gap, he’s still a better man than my ex ever was.
He stands. “I can make you a smoothie with some added protein powder. What flavor do you like? We have heaps of different types downstairs.”
I shrug. “Maybe chocolate or strawberry?”
He nods. “I know just the one.”
I take his hand and we head downstairs. The sound of voices fills the air as we enter the dining room. A long wooden table is packed with people talking and eating.
Zara spots me and waves. “Come sit next to me,” she says.
“We’re just going to grab something in the kitchen and then I’ll be back,” I reply.
Axle wolfs whistles and stares at our joined hands. “Look at this sexy couple!”
“Don’t embarrass her,” Elena scolds, shooting him a stern look.
I glance at Rage, and he gives me a reassuring smile. We go to the kitchen, and I sit on a stool while he starts getting the ingredients ready.
“Do you need to have it with milk, or did you want to try with water?” he asks.
“Without milk?” I turn up my nose, making him laugh.
“I promise it’s still good.”
“Okay, I’m trusting you,” I reply, though I’m skeptical. I hope it’s at least drinkable.
Ava walks over to me, her expression soft. “How are you feeling? I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t eat dinner. Is there something else I can make for you next time?”
My chest warms. She’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met—aside from Rage. “I didn’t even see what it was—I’m sorry. I like most things, so I’m sure I would have loved it. I was just so exhausted. We both crashed.”
She smiles. “I just want to make sure you’re all okay and fed and you’ve got everything you need because I’ve been where you are. My ex-husband was abusive, and I left and came here to the clubhouse because Elena is my sister.”
My heart cracks for her. “I’m okay. Thanks so much. Rage is just making me a smoothie now. I’m sure your cooking is amazing. I just need to make healthier choices more of a priority.”
She gives me a thoughtful look. “Good for you. I have a young daughter called Hope. She’ll be awake soon. She takes up most of my time, but you’re right, making healthier choices should be a priority. I just get so caught up in family and life.”
“I feel the same way,” I admit. The blender roars to life, so I wait for it to finish before speaking again.
“You’ve probably heard my horror story.” I groan.
“My partner cheated on me with my best friend. I found out on my wedding day. He hadn’t shown any violence toward me until he got jealous and found out I spent the night with Rage. ”
In an earlier relationship, when I was younger, my partner hit me when we had an argument and he was drunk, so I know what it’s like to be hit as well. The first time, I thought it was a once-off. He said he loved me and he wouldn’t do it again. But he did, so I left him.
“I’m sorry to hear that happened,” says Ava. “Honestly, it never got better for me being married. Over time it only spiraled and got worse. He made me feel like a useless wife every day. I was miserable. You remind me of myself. You see the good in people.”
I frown deeply. Why do men have to be so cruel?
“I know, I’m my own worst enemy. My partner treated me like crap too, and I stayed.
I feel so stupid now. I wasted so much time with someone who never respected or loved me.
” The stitches holding my heart together rip open, and I can’t stop the tears from falling.
Ava wraps me in her arms, holding me. “You deserve better. And now you’re here with us. There’s never a dull moment, and no matter what happens”—she glances between me and Rage—“I’ll give you my number so we can still talk. I have a good feeling about you.”
I wipe my tears. They feel cleansing—I needed that. I lost my best friend. Maybe I can make some new ones here at the clubhouse, because I’d really like a friend.
When I glance at Rage, he’s frowning.
“I’m okay,” I reassure him. “I’m a mess, and I’m probably going to break down at times.”
“I don’t like to see you upset.” He tilts his head slightly. “If your ex didn’t do anything to keep you, why’d you stay?”
Good question. My shoulders slump. “Probably a mix of things. I’m getting older now and didn’t want to start over.
I didn’t think I could do any better than him, so I held on and convinced myself if I was the perfect partner, then he’d love me.
He’s never shown the level of violence he did the day I left. ” My voice is soft, almost frail.
Rage’s big blue eyes are sad. He pours the brown drink into a tall glass, and before he passes it to me, gives me a big bear hug, then cups my face with his hands.
“I can’t wrap my head around you thinking you weren’t good enough for him.
” He shakes his head as if trying to rid himself of the thought.
“I tell you all the time, you’re hot and sexy.
You’re also a smart, kind, and genuine person.
That man had nothing on you. He didn’t tell you he cheated, because you were too good for him in the first place and he didn’t want to give you up because you’re perfect. He was just an insecure man.”
The tears fall again.
“Oh shit,” Rage mutters, pulling me into another hug. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” His words carry a warmth that resonates deep within me.
“Thanks for everything; your words mean more to me than you’ll ever know.”