Chapter 11 Confronting the Past
ELEVEN
CONFRONTING THE PAST
Rose
At dinnertime the mouthwatering scent of lasagna and garlic bread fills my nostrils. I moan. That smells so good. Being on a diet sucks.
“What’s your bottom lip out for?” Rage asks.
I observe everything, but so does he. “I’m trying to be healthy, and all I can smell is lasagna and garlic bread.” It’s for the best, but damn that smells good.
“You can have some. I’d maybe bypass the bread and just stick to the lasagna.
I’ve seen Ava make it—it’s full of vegetables and tastes as good as it smells.
You haven’t had much to eat today, so it’s not like you’re overdoing it.
It’s just about finding a balance. I found that the more I got rid of all the good foods, the more I craved them.
“If I’m having lasagna one night and I’m exercising the next day, I’m all good, but if I’m having a quiet day, then I’ll reduce my lunch portion. There’s no real perfect diet. It’s just finding something that works for you and that you can commit to and be consistent with.”
It seems very logical. Doing it by myself always seemed a challenge. Everyone makes out like their way of losing weight is best, and there’s so much conflicting information out there.
“Don’t get me wrong,” he continues, “you can count your calories, and if that works, then do that, but I found that after a while I just found a happy medium that worked for me. Now I don’t even think about it. It’s just a part of my life.”
“To not be so hard on myself and criticize every mouthful would be nice,” I admit, my voice soft.
He frowns. Guilt twists in my chest. It wasn’t my intention to make him feel bad, but I smile when he hugs me.
“If you’ve ever got questions, just ask. I can share my experience, and you can see if it makes you feel any better.” He leans in and whispers in my ear. “I can’t wait to see you dressed in your gym clothes.”
The way he says it makes it seem so scandalous that I blush. But I’m looking forward to getting into a routine and being consistent. It helps a great deal that I have a gorgeous man supporting me.
“Dinner’s ready,” Ava calls out, and I can already hear the quick footsteps of the men walking to the large wooden dining table.
It’s become an oddly good time for me to sit back and listen to everyone.
There’s always someone laughing and smiling while eating and talking.
The way they stir each other up reminds me of a bunch of brothers at the table. I guess they are.
Rage nudges me to stand, his hunger matching mine, and we head to the table.
“Come sit over here,” Zara says, patting the seat next to her. I take the spot, and Rage settles on my other side.
Loud voices fill the room; everyone’s talking, but it’s comforting. When Ava brings out the lasagna, Axle and Twitch cheer like kids on Christmas morning. I can’t help but smile at their enthusiasm.
Zara leans in close, her voice soft but serious. “How’s it all going? I want to assure you there’s a bed available at Misty’s Safe Haven, so you never have to worry about a place to stay.”
I give her an appreciative smile. Her concern warms me. “It’s all good. Rage and I are getting along well. I feel like we’re on the same page. We’re not dating yet, just focusing on ourselves for now. But I’m happy.”
Her eyebrows lift. “So everything is going well by the sounds of it. Just checking that you still feel okay being here.”
I give her a small smile. “Yes, everything is great. Thank you for checking up on me.”
She exhales a deep breath. “I’m a worrier, so I wanted to check on you. Trauma has an ugly way of reappearing when we don’t want it to.”
I nod. That’s true. My plate appears in front of me with some lasagna and a fresh salad. “Thank you,” I say to Rage.
“Drink?” he offers.
“Just water, thanks.”
I turn back to Zara. “He’s been really good to me. His presence makes me feel safe.”
Her shoulders relax. “I’m glad to hear it.”
I take a bite of my lasagna, and it’s burning hot, but it’s the best I’ve ever tasted.
“Have you thought about if you’re going to retrieve your things from the house and move in here?” Zara asks.
I flinch internally. Zara’s hitting me with some cold truths, as much as I’d rather not hear it. I want to be in my happy little bubble with Rage, but I do have to face Tyler at some point.
“I’m looking at moving some of my stuff out of that house soon.” It’s all just very confronting, and I don’t know how Tyler or Rage will react. And what if Tyler threatens him again or they end up in a fight? I close my eyes for a brief instant and put the fork down. Anxiety soars through me.
“Are you all right?” Rage asks as Zara puts a comforting hand over mine.
“Bomber and I can go with you if that puts you more at ease,” Zara offers gently.
I take a moment to think about it, but as much as I’m dreading it, I guess I need to see if Rage really does want to change and if he’s going to back up his words with actions. It’s a risk, but if Rage and I are going to be together, I need to trust him.
I give her a small smile. “Thanks so much, but it’s okay. Rage and I will go.”
She cringes. “Are you sure?”
“No.” I laugh.
A smile tugs at the corner of her lips. “Well, my offer is always there.”
My phone rings, and Tyler’s name flashes on the screen. Rage glances at it, his jaw tightening as his body tenses.
“I need to take this,” I say softly, already feeling the weight of the conversation ahead. “I’ll be up in your room. Can you put my plate in the fridge?”
He nods, his eyes lingering on me with quiet concern.
It’s an awkward feeling, but Zara’s made a good point.
I need to deal with this—for my own sake.
Rip the Band-Aid off and move on with my life.
As I walk away from the table, I answer the call.
“Can you hold on a moment?” I ask, my voice steady despite the nerves bubbling beneath the surface.
I climb the stairs, step into Rage’s room, and close the door behind me.
“I’ve been trying to contact you for ages,” Tyler says, sounding exasperated when it’s probably the most he’s done in our whole relationship.
I could laugh, but I hold it in. “I’m grabbing all my things over the next few days,” I say firmly, cutting straight to the point. “I’ll leave the keys under the mat.”
My mom always drilled into me that I shouldn’t rely on a man, and she was adamant that I keep my own bank account. I’m lucky—I listened to my smart mother.
“So there’s no discussion. You’re not willing to hear me out or even listen to what I’ve got to say?” His voice rises, tinged in disbelief.
“That’s correct.” I’m blunt, but it is what it is. “I will never forgive you. The way you betrayed me, then had the nerve to punch the wall by my face to scare me even after you had been screwing my best friend. I will never trust you again, and to be honest, I deserve much better.”
Silence stretches on the other end of the line. I’ve never spoken to him with such direct confidence before, and I imagine he’s stunned. But I’m done tiptoeing around his feelings. I’m growing stronger, and I’ll never settle for less than I deserve again.
“Are you there?” I ask. Have I lost him, or has he hung up?
He clears his throat. “Yeah, I guess I just saw this conversation going a very different way.”
I laugh. I can’t hold it in. He thought an apology was going to let him weasel his cowardly ass out of the trauma he caused me? I think not. He’s dreaming. The door opens and Rage walks in. I give him a small smile, showing that I’m okay. He stays standing, his concerned eyes on me.
“I’m doing much better without you, Tyler,” I say, my voice steady and resolute.
“Our relationship was toxic. I’m thriving now, so no .
. . me and you will never happen. We are done.
I’ll call the letting office and take myself off the lease.
I’ll message you as soon as I’m free to come and get my stuff.
I’d appreciate you having enough respect to vacate the place while I do.
I’m not asking for half the furniture and the appliances, which I have every right to because I paid for things too—all I want is a clean break.
To never talk to you again. I want my life back. ”
Another silence. Then, finally, he stammers, “I think you’re making a mistake.”
“No,” I reply, my tone sharp. “You did when you screwed my best friend, but I think I should be thanking you because this is only the start and my life is already improving. I’ll message you soon about moving my things out. Bye.” I end the call. Relief washes over me in waves.
There’s a clap by the door. “I’m so proud of you.” Rage’s face brightens, and I see he means it. “You stood up for yourself. That took courage, but you did it.”
Emotions swell, and I can’t stop the tears from cascading down my face. He strides over and pulls me into his arms, and I soak in his warmth . . . his strength. Without him, I would never have had the courage or the confidence to speak my truth.
“I’m crying, but I feel good,” I admit, my voice muffled against his chest. “That part of my life is coming to a close, and I think I really needed to confront Tyler, but the relief I feel now that conversation is done is incredible.” I pull back slightly and look up at him.
“I need to go this week to get my things. If you’re free, can you come with me? ”
He kisses my forehead. “I’ve always got time for you. Always.”
I can rely on him, and I love that about him.
To have that one person to lean on makes a whole world of a difference.
Everything doesn’t seem so hard when I have him by my side.
I’m so lucky to have met him. He treats me like a queen.
I thought an older man would be more mature. That is not the case at all.
I grab his hands in mine and kiss his knuckles.
I look up into those big, beautiful, soulful blue eyes and say, “I need you to know I appreciate you. You didn’t even know me, and you stepped up to help a stranger.
You were there when I needed help, and I will be forever in your debt. ” My eyes are blurry. Damn it.
He brushes the tears as they fall down my face. He starts to speak, but I cut him off. “No, let me finish. I need to tell you.”
He nods.
“I’m a mess,” I laugh through the tears.
“I would never have gained the strength to realize that I do deserve better. It took you to remind me of that. A stranger, a person I now call one of the people I’m closest to.
You have the biggest heart, and everyone around you is lucky to call you a close friend. ”
His eyes soften. Standing on my toes, I plant a kiss on his cheek. I lean in for a hug and hold on tightly. We embrace the moment.
I inch back just enough to hold his gaze.
“You and I have always been about honesty, and I had to tell you how I feel because without you I would not have grown so quickly. It’s a joy to start feeling like myself again and not be miserable.
It’s a breath of fresh air I’ve needed for so long, and I have you to thank for that. ”
He cups my face. “As I said, no matter what, I’m always going to be there for you. All I did was remind you of the strong person you are, because he stole that from you.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss, pouring all my gratitude and affection into it. We were supposed to take things slow, but this feels right. “I enjoy spending time with everyone, but can we just chill out here together?” All I want right now is to be in his arms.
He gives me a cheeky grin. “Of course. I’d prefer to just spend time with you anyway.”
I like that I’m one of his favorite people too. We hop into bed and I snuggle into his side, where I belong.
“I’m excited to get back into making orders.” My business makes me happy, and now that I’m moving forward in my life, I’m excited to make some new pieces.
“Why don’t we go and get all your things tomorrow? Then you can start working on your business.”
“I’d like that.” I bite my bottom lip and question whether he’ll even care, but I ask, “Would you like to see some of the jewelry pieces I’ve made?”
He smiles. “Yes, sure. Show me.”
My heart flutters as I proudly show him the posts from my business Facebook page. I show him the rings, bracelets, and necklaces I’ve made. Then I send Tyler a message saying I’ll be there tomorrow.