Chapter 14 Echoes of Hurt
FOURTEEN
ECHOES OF HURT
Rage
A loud gasp and a jolt of sudden movement rips me from my slumber. My head pounds relentlessly, each throb like a jackhammer drilling into my skull.
Rose is sitting up in bed, blinking against the dim light, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she pants, her hands gripping the blanket tightly.
I push myself upright, my body heavy with sleep.
I scan the room, searching for whatever might have startled her, but everything is eerily quiet.
When I turn back to her, I see a wild look in her eyes, and my stomach tightens.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, my voice thick with worry.
“I had a bad dream, that’s all,” her voice trembles.
I reach for her, to hug her, but she recoils, so I pull away. “What did you dream about?” I ask.
She shakes her head. Her lips are pressing hard against one another.
Dread lingers. “Did you dream of me hurting you?” I ask softly.
She frowns, then nods her head, and I swear my heart cracks and I’m bleeding out. My hands itch to hold her, to comfort her. “I’d never hurt you,” I say, my voice raw. I hope she hears the truth.
Tears well up in her eyes. “I know. It was just a stupid dream. I’m sure it was from seeing you fight last night. I’ll be okay.” She looks away. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad by pulling away. It’s just that the dream felt so real.”
I tug at the roots of my hair and lie back down. “The last place I wanted you to be was at the fights. The Russian and all his support people were there, and even if they weren’t, it’s not a safe place to be, especially for women.”
Rose rests her head on my chest. “I’m sorry,” she says, doing swirls on my stomach with her fingers.
“I realize now that it wasn’t a good idea.
Sophie said that I need to decide whether I’ll accept you fighting or not.
She cares about you. I guess she doesn’t want to see you get hurt if I end up deciding I can’t accept your lifestyle. ”
“Sophie needs to keep her opinions to herself,” I say.
“I can’t see Sophie doing that.”
I snort. “Yeah, me neither. Have you made a decision on whether you can handle the fights? Put up with the club?” It’s a different world here.
I get it if she can’t, but just the thought of losing her makes me shudder.
But with me fighting, the violence is triggering.
Have I selfishly put her into another bad situation?
She’s quiet and sits up a bit to make eye contact. “How did it feel when you saw me hurt?”
A range of emotions hits me. “I felt fuckin’ terrible seeing you hurt, and I wish I hadn’t put you in that position.”
“Well . . . I saw you on the floor after you took that hit.” She briefly looks at my bruised face and cut lip and frowns.
“I ran to you with no thought of my safety, but Viper held me back. As soon as you got up and won, I ran outside and was heaving. I was so worried and stressed about you and triggered from the amount of violence, I started to retch.”
At least Viper held her back. There’s a heavy sensation in my chest again as I consider that maybe I’m not good for her. As much as I’ve tried to change for her, the fighting is making her have nightmares. Making her physically sick by being worried. “I’m really sorry.”
She sighs. “I know you are.”
I take note that she never said whether she can handle the fights, but I don’t blame her.
I’ll be torturing her every time I choose to fight.
What type of person does that make me if I’m still struggling to decide if I can quit or not?
I’ve made out like I’m better than her ex.
I may never cheat, but I’m still putting myself first over her feelings, and that thought makes me feel like shit.
She deserves better than me, and that thought is crushing me.
Rose
I lie with Rage for a little while longer, until he falls asleep again, then go downstairs for a coffee. Ava and Milly are at the counter having a chat. They both smile when they see me.
“How’s Rage feeling?” Ava asks.
My stomach drops as I remember his face. “He looks awful but has been keeping up with the pain medication. He’s just in his room sleeping.”
“I heard you took a little trip to the fights,” says Milly, her tone curious.
I approach the coffee machine and press the buttons.
“Hmm . . . you heard right.” I turn to them.
“I got the full experience and nearly threw up afterward, then got slapped by the loser’s partner because Rage hurt his opponent and they lost money.
” I don’t know where the sarcasm came from.
I suppose I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry.
Rage being hurt was by far the worst thing I’ve ever seen.
There’s silence. They give each other a pointed look.
“How are you doing?” Ava asks gently.
I’m not okay, though I’d prefer not to talk about it. We’re friends, but they’re also friends with Rage, and I don’t want to put them in an awkward position. Can I go through this every time he fights? I care for him so much, but I made a promise to myself to put me first.
“I’m dealing with it,” I reply with a frown. “How do you two handle the club coming first and you coming second?”
Milly sighs. “I went through that with Twitch, and it was hell. It took what felt like forever, but in the end he decided I’m the person he loves and I’m his first priority.”
My throat tightens. Rage doesn’t care about me enough yet to put me first. “Excuse me,” I say and dart to the bathroom.
Am I supposed to wait around and hope he loves me enough to quit?
I spent my last relationship begging and hoping my ex would love me.
I can’t do that to myself again. I sit on the toilet, put my head in my hands, and cry.
I finally found someone who supports me, cares for me, is overly attracted to me, and because of all of that, there’s a part of me that begs to stay.
We have undeniable chemistry. He’s become what I never knew I needed and craved.
I’d love to stay in the hope he’ll put me first, but if I learned anything, it’s that people prove by their actions who they are and how they feel about me.
His family is the club, and his mom and brother. As much as he cares for me, I’m making him feel bad about being who he is. I can’t force him to change.
A knock on the door makes me sit up straight. “Just give me a second,” I say skittishly. I wipe my eyes roughly and grab some toilet tissue and blow my nose.
“I’m just checking you’re okay,” says Ava quietly.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Milly adds.
I step out of the bathroom and Ava pulls me into a hug.
“Thank you for the support,” I say, glancing between the two of them.
“And it’s not your fault, Milly. Rage cares about me, but I question whether he’ll ever put me first.” I exhale a deep breath.
“I know how that sounds. We haven’t known each other for long, but I promised myself that I won’t lose myself to another relationship again by hoping my partner will change. ”
They both frown. Milly reaches out and hugs me too.
“These MC men are loyal. They’d die for each other and for us.
It won’t be easy for Rage. He’ll be hurting too.
He’s a genuine guy, and I see how much he adores you.
If you two are apart, how he searches for you.
I’ve never seen him so involved with someone before.
I know it’s hard, but don’t lose hope yet.
Things can change. It did for me and Twitch. It can for you two as well.”
I smile. It’s nice to hear that other people see how he cares about me too. But it may not be enough.
Milly’s gaze drops to my hand. “Wow, sorry, completely unrelated, but your rings are beautiful. Where’d you buy them from?”
“I’m a jeweler,” I say with a hint of pride. “I made them. I have a business on Etsy.”
Ava gently takes my hand and brings it closer to her face. “You’re so talented. They’re absolutely gorgeous.”
My chest warms. It’s nice to hear others admire my work.
“Can you do my wedding ring?” Milly asks, her eyes lighting up. “I’d love for mine to be unique. Something memorable I can cherish. Fancier than a boring wedding band.”
A smile stretches across my face. She trusts me. It’s a big deal. “I’d love to,” I say excitedly. “Let’s sit down so I can create a design.”
Milly’s grin matches mine. She does a little dance that makes me giggle. “I’m thrilled, but I hope I’m not rushing you.”
I shake my head; I need the distraction. “Not at all. I’ve been itching to return to work, and I’d love to work on a piece with you. I’ll go grab my notebook and we can start.”
I fetch my book, and for the next hour we work on a design. It’s a gold wreath wedding band with leaves—classic, yet original. Something that could be passed down through generations. I’m in love, and judging by the huge smile on Milly’s face, she loves it too.
“I’ve got to find Twitch,” she says, practically bouncing off the stool before rushing away.
“I can’t wait to see the finished result,” says Ava.
“Me too,” I reply, my gaze lingering on the drawing.
Moments later, Milly reappears, dragging Twitch toward us. He chuckles as he approaches. “What’s up?”
Milly points at the drawing. “That’s going to be my wedding ring. Rose is a jeweler and she’s going to make it for me.”
His eyes grow large as he leans closer to the drawing. “That looks good.” He gazes back at Milly. “What are we going to do about the one we already purchased?”
“Send it back and get a refund,” Milly says without hesitation. “I want something special.” She grabs my hand and shoves it in his face. “Look at all her rings. She created them. Aren’t they stunning?”
He smirks, clearly amused. “Yes, Milly,” he agrees with his soon-to-be wife. He looks at me. “How much is this going to set me back?”
“I’ll price the gold up for you and let you know,” I reply. “I’ll only charge you for the ring, not my time. It can be my wedding gift to both of you.”
Milly is beaming. “Oh my god. Thank you so much. It’s the best wedding gift ever.”
“When’s the wedding?” I ask, wondering how much time I have.
“One week,” Milly says with a wince. “Sorry about the short notice. I didn’t know you were a jeweler, and this man here”—she elbows Twitch—“couldn’t wait to get married. It’s nothing big, just here at the clubhouse with friends.”
Twitch wraps an arm around Milly’s waist, bringing her close and kissing her on the temple.
I smile up at them, but a part of me feels conflicted.
I should focus on my business, on earning money, and figuring out my future.
Where I’ll live. What’s next for me. But another part of me—the deeper part—has feelings for Rage.
What if leaving means losing the love of my life?
But what if staying means losing myself again?
Twitch’s phone beeps, interrupting my thoughts. He glances at the screen and his smile vanishes. His body tenses as his eyes flick to me briefly before darting away.
“What’s wrong?” Milly asks.
“Club business,” he says curtly, then looks at me again. “Is Rage up?”
Why does he need to talk to Rage directly? My stomach drops. “He’s asleep. He looked exhausted.”
His eyebrows pinch together. “When he wakes up, can you tell him I need to talk to him?”
“Yes, sure,” I reply, though curiosity gnaws at me.
“I need to go talk to Reaper,” he adds, before rushing off. Milly, Ava, and I watch him disappear.
“What do you think that was about?” I ask, unable to keep my snooping to myself.
“Twitch isn’t usually a serious guy, but the look that crossed his face . . .” Milly shivers. “I hate being left in the dark, but I respect them enough to know that club business is private.”
I nod. I have enough to worry about, so I focus on the ring.
I’ll get it done before their wedding. I measure Milly’s finger and spend the rest of the day catching up on emails, updating my social media, and letting customers know I’m back.
The warm responses from my customers make me smile, and I dive into working on Milly’s ring.
Ava brings lunch up to my room. Once I’ve eaten I check up on Rage, and he’s still fast asleep.
Later that night, after dinner, I retreat to Rage’s bedroom.
I’m still reeling from the mental exhaustion of the day before, and the lack of sleep and getting back into my business today further tired me out.
I gently close the door and get into bed, trying not to wake him, because his body is trying to heal.
He shuffles slightly and reaches out his hand.
When he touches me, he pulls me closer. Then his breathing evens out and he falls back asleep.
My chest aches with agony so raw it feels as though my heart is being torn apart. Tears stream down my face, carrying my pain. I feel warmth and love in his arms, so how could I even think of leaving him? I’ll never find a love like this again. Then it dawns on me.
I love him.