Chapter Thirteen #2
“What should we do now?” I ask, desperately trying to shove my feelings down for her sake.
She pushes to her feet and wraps her arms around my neck, hugging me tight.
Instantly the thoughts evaporate, and I hug her back. I guess we’re both in an unfamiliar place right now. We continue to hold each other, and I’m not sure which one of us is holding the other up.
I read a book once that talked about how our souls are ageless. It’s only our bodies that have an expiration date. Right now, I believe that. Mila’s soul and mine have somehow found comfort in each other despite our age difference and the fact that we’re strangers.
Does anything beyond that really matter?
Eventually, she lets go and positions herself on my lap. She takes my hand and places it on her head. She wants me to play with her hair. I’m not sure if it’s to bring her comfort or me, but I begin to run my fingers through it mindlessly.
We watch as a duck steps out of a tall patch of grass and heads down to the lake. Mila squeals when suddenly a baby appears, and then another and another. Five in total waddle behind their mother down to the water’s edge for a swim.
“Duckies!” she says clapping.
“Do you like duckies?” I ask.
She nods her head furiously like we are discussing the most serious topic of the day.
I reach into my pocket and pull out the little duck I saved from getting smashed at the Cage. Mila snags it, wrapping it in her tiny fist. “Mila’s ducky.”
“Mila’s ducky,” I agree.
I rest my chin on her head as she runs her fingers over her new trinket. I’ve never been a believer in signs, but this duck is making me one. She stands up and carefully tucks it in her pocket, mimicking me once again.
Her eyes dart behind me as someone approaches, and she quickly wraps herself around me.
“Rage sent me out here to tell you to come up for supper,” Carson says, stopping a few feet away from us.
My gaze goes to the horizon. “Is it that late already?”
“Time flies when you’re having fun.”
“We were just watching the ducks,” I tell him.
He glances toward the lake. “The little ones are cute as fu … dge, aren’t they?”
Mila smiles up at him. “Mila’s duckies,” she tells him.
It’s odd that Mila doesn’t seem to be as afraid of Cole or Carson as she does Rage.
“Oh my gosh. How lucky are you? You have your own family of ducks.” He ruffles her hair. “Do you want to go get a hot dog?” he asks her.
She jumps to her feet. “Hot dog!”
He holds his hand out to her and unbelievably she takes it. His big hand engulfs her tiny one, and they begin to walk toward the house. She looks over her shoulder, making sure I’m following.
“You have to cook it on a stick first,” he tells her. “But I’ll help you.”
When we get to the deck, I notice Rage has a fire going. Mila guides Carson around him to the far side of the pit. I’m trying to be angry at him, but it’s hard to hold onto when all I see is hurt on his face.
Cole and Carson both get to work loading up their skewers and helping Mila with hers. She’s so interested in what she’s doing that it gives me a minute to step inside and use the restroom.
When I come out of the bathroom, Rage is leaning against the wall waiting for me.
“Why is she scared of me and not them?” he asks.
I sigh and lean against the wall opposite him, crossing my arms over my chest. “Is there a chance she remembers you at all? Did you ever have a fight with your mom in front of her?”
He runs his hand through his hair. “Yeah, but she was just a baby.”
“I don’t know, Rage. Maybe her subconscious remembers you.”
“How do I fix it?”
“Well, first of all, you could fix your scowl.”
It deepens. “I don’t have a scowl.”
I take a step toward him and press my finger between his eyebrows. “What do you call this then?”
He rubs where I just touched.
“You’re tense. She can feel it. I can feel it. Maybe you should take your own advice and go visit the Cage.”
“Will you go with me?”
“No.”
He glances down the hall to make sure we’re still alone. “I need to go to the trailer, and I want you to show me where you found her.”
“Rage, why would you torture yourself like that?”
“So I never forget.”
It’s written clearly on his face. He’s scared a part of his mother lives inside him, and he’s doing everything in his power to never let it out. I understand completely.
“Okay, I’ll go with you, but only after Mila goes to sleep.”
“Rage!” Cole calls from the kitchen.
We turn at the same time he rounds the corner. “Mila is crying for …” He pauses, rubbing his hand over his throat. “Well, she’s crying for her mom.”
I glance at Rage, and his jaw hardens.
“It’s normal. Her mom was all she ever knew. It makes sense she misses her,” I try my best to reason with him.
We follow Cole out to the deck. Mila is wailing at the top of her lungs as Carson hugs her. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” he tells her.
Rage steps beside them. “Mila, look at me,” he says calmly.
Surprisingly she listens, but her focus quickly turns to me. “Mommy,” she says, tugging away from Carson and running toward me.
I retreat a step right before she barrels into my legs. She wraps herself around them.
“Mila’s,” she sobs, holding on tight.
Panic races up my spine, but at the same time liquid gold is being poured into my heart. It’s such a contradiction. I’m not sure which way to turn.
My frantic gaze meets Rage’s. His remains calm and just as possessive as the little girl who’s holding on to me.
“It makes sense,” Carson says, coming to my aid. He places his hand on my shoulder, urging me to lower myself and comfort her. “Kids figure things out quicker than we give them credit for. She feels safe with you.”
His words manage to snap me back to reality.
“It’s okay,” I tell Mila, brushing her hair from her face. Her dark eyes bounce over mine. She was worried I had left her. “I was just going to the bathroom.”
She wipes her snotty nose on the back of her hand, hiccupping back what remains of her big emotions.
“Should we go clean up while Carson finishes your hot dog?”
“I’m on it,” he says, going back to the fire pit.
Rage holds the door open and follows us into the kitchen. I set her on the counter by the sink and begin cleaning her face and hands. He watches from across the room.
She reaches over to stick her hand in the water, watching it run between her fingers.
“I’m sorry it scared you that I left you outside.” I gently pull her hand toward me so I can dry it off. “But Mila, I’m not your mommy.”
Rage jumps forward. “Yet. She’s not your mommy yet.” Mila peeks around me to look at him. “When I marry her, then she will be your mommy.”
I take a deep breath before turning to face him. “Why are you doing this?”
“I’m going to adopt her. She will legally become my daughter and yours. She might as well start calling you the correct title now.”
“Chase.”
“We won’t lie to her. When she gets old enough, we’ll explain the situation, but until then she just needs stability. She needs two parents.”
“Mila’s mommy,” she says, wrapping her arms around my neck from behind me. Peanut huffs, falling to the floor at my feet.
“Looks like everyone is on board for this adventure but you,” Rage notes contentedly.
“We’ll discuss this later,” I tell him, hoping the glare I’m sending his way delivers my message loud and clear.
“We better get back out there,” he says, the expression on his face unchanging. It’s always the same scowl no matter what the circumstance.
Once back outside, Mila settles on my lap and Rage makes me a hot dog while his sister happily munches on the one Carson handed to her.
The fire crackles quietly as he asks Carson and Cole to come back later this evening so we can run over to the Cage.
I think he’s been through a lot with his sister, and it’s probably a good idea for him to get out and let off a little steam.
I don’t know what happens when he hits his boiling point, but it can’t be good.
I’m not sure what to think about going to his mother’s trailer afterward, though. It’s going to break his heart when he sees the conditions Mila was living in.
Peanut lays by my feet, and I have to say it would be easy to forget about what’s coming for me, but I’ve made that mistake before. Even if it wasn’t the Scorpions, it would be something else. Mila’s had enough to deal with. She doesn’t need my family’s karma on top of her own.
The day fades as the four of us sit quietly, each lost in thought. The stars slowly begin to show themselves and the fire pops. Mila stares into the flames as she rubs a piece of her hair between her finger and thumb. I wonder what she’s thinking.
Shadows play across Rage’s face as he sits across the fire from us, silently brooding. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s jealous Mila has chosen me as her person, or if it’s because I won’t agree with his elaborate fantasy to live here with them.
I’m not staying.
I’m not.