Chapter Fifteen
Serenity
Rage braces his arms against the crib, his head falling between his shoulders as he takes in the state of her bed. The one place she was supposed to feel safe while she slept. Not trapped. Not dirty.
I wonder what must be going through his mind. Is it the same thing that runs through mine? How long had she been here? When was the last time she had been let out?
My gaze roams over the room. I didn’t notice anything else the last time I was here. The only thing I really saw was the crib and the little girl in it. There’s mold growing on a pile of towels in the corner, and there is a layer of dust on every surface in the room.
Rage picks up an empty bottle from the crib. “How long do you think this has been here?” He holds it to the light, revealing a crusty yellow substance in the bottom.
His eyes catch on a small television sitting in the corner of the room on a dresser. He walks over and turns it on. The Little Mermaid begins to play. My heart stops.
He shakes his head. His fingers rifle over the VHS tapes scattered beside the television and he chuckles quietly to himself. “It looks like she gave her the movies I sent,” he says, then drops his head back and stares at the ceiling. “All of these characters have been Mila’s babysitters.”
I’d like to say something that would make him feel better, but we both know he’s right. I walk over and begin looking through them too.
“Some of these are mine from when I was a kid,” he says sadly, watching as I read the titles.
“The television was the best babysitter I ever had,” I tell him, forcing all the ones who weren’t out of my mind.
Rage takes the tape I’m holding out of my hand and sets it gently on the dresser. He’s still for a moment before he reaches out and pulls me close, hugging me.
I’m not sure what to do, so I stand awkwardly with my arms hanging at my side. “I’m … I’m okay,” I tell him.
“This isn’t just for you,” he admits quietly.
Oh …
He continues to hug me tight, so I slowly lift my arms and hug him back. His deepens in response. I don’t know how long we hold each other because I get lost in thoughts of Mila being here all alone.
I must make some kind of noise because Rage shushes me. “She’s home now.” He pushes me back, looking into my eyes. “Let’s go watch her sleep.”
“Okay.”
He looks back at the television. “Do you think …” He doesn’t finish his sentence. “Never mind. I don’t have a VHS player at home. Besides, I have every subscription service under the sun. I’m sure we can find these movies for her there.”
I begin stacking the VHS tapes in my arms. “You carry the TV.”
“It’s ancient.”
“It still works. Besides, Mila needs something familiar, and this is the only thing here that probably brought her a bit of joy.”
She doesn’t have any toys here. No stuffies. No books. No soft blankies. The only thing that shows a child once lived here is the crib and the children’s movies.
He sets everything in the back of the truck and then hops in beside me. He stares at the trailer for a few minutes. The scowl returns to his face, and honestly I don’t blame him. I understand completely.
“I think we should head over to the Cage,” I tell him.
“It’s getting late. By the time we drive into town …”
“Maybe you don’t need to go there,” I interrupt, looking at all the junk peeking out from between the weeds. “Looks like there are plenty of things to beat the shit out of right here.”
His head swivels my direction before going back to the mess outside. “You know, you’re right.” He reaches behind his seat, pulls out a baseball bat, and then gets out of the truck.
He walks over to a pile of junk and gets to it.
Oh, maybe this was a bad idea.
Glass flies everywhere, and blood begins to trickle down his arms. I hop out of the cab. “Rage, stop. You’re hurting yourself. We can finish this at the Cage.”
He pauses with the bat in mid-air but doesn’t look at me. “Get back in the truck, Serenity.”
Slowly I take a step back, sheltering myself behind the open door.
The man doesn’t move a muscle until I’m safely inside the truck again, and then he swings over and over, proving to me that he can live up to his name. He is pure rage in this present moment.
My mind plays over the fact he did everything in his power to protect his little sister. He sent food and clothes. He made sure they had electricity and running water. He did all of this despite the fact the horrible adults in the house would also benefit.
Tears stream down my face as I put myself in his shoes. How awful it must have felt. He didn’t want much in return. Only that his baby sister would be loved and cared for.
Did my dad feel the same way? I think in the beginning he did, but then it just became too much for him. To try and try and try and never see your efforts make a difference must have been so discouraging.
I need to find a way to show him that even though it appears it was all for nothing, it wasn’t. It made a wave of energy through the universe somehow. Everything does.
Maybe I should stay. Even though our marriage would be a farce, what does that matter? He tried to play the game by the rules, and the system failed both him and Mila. Just like it failed my brother and me.
The only thing holding me back is my brother’s debt to the Scorpions. I have no other direction in life other than avoiding them. Helping Mila and Rage stay together … well, that sounds like a worthy purpose if I ever heard of one.
Rage stops, his head falling back as he looks up at the stars. The bat hangs from his hand. Sweat and blood glisten in the moonlight over his muscular arms. I’m not sure what all he’s been through in life, but he’s still standing. He’s never given up on her.
“Wouldn’t it be nice to be on the receiving end of that kind of love?” my heart whispers.
I get out and walk over to him, stopping a mere step behind him.
“I thought I told you to stay in the truck,” he says without turning around.
“Well, don’t think I’ll listen any better once we’re married.”
Slowly, he spins around.
I reach out and press my fingertip between his eyebrows. “You really need to start working on that scowl.”
“It’s not a scowl. It’s my resting bitch face.”
A laugh bursts free from my chest. It feels a lot like joy, something I lost a very long time ago. How strange it is to have found it here. I glance around the yard and then back at him. Suddenly the chaos feels less like survival and more like an adventure.
His phone dings.
“Is it Mila?” I ask as he reads the message.
“No. It’s just club business.”
“Who was it?”
He shakes his head. “If we’re going to be together …”
I stop him to clarify. “As a team. Like we’re not together in a romantic way, just to be clear.”
Shadows play over his face as he stares at me. Rage is a man who thinks about what he says before he says it. He chooses his words carefully. “If we’re going to be a team, you should know there are things about my life I cannot share with you.”
My initial reaction is hurt. I return his stare as I ponder this. I just told the man we weren’t a couple, so why would I expect or even want him to tell me everything about his life?
I can’t answer that. At least not honestly. So, I simply say, “Same.”
He rolls his eyes. “You’re an open book.”
“Is that so?”
His eyes bounce over mine. “It makes you vulnerable.”
The words ring true, and I want to look away from him but I can’t.
“It’s also beautiful and pure.”
I swallow hard.
“It’s why I’d like for you to be part of Mila’s life. I want her to learn the traits I see in you. I didn’t slip that ring on your finger just to win in court. I want Mila to win in life too.”
My heart squeezes painfully. That sounds like an awfully big commitment for both of us. Can two strangers really come together solely for the good of one little girl? I would have to say yes, because it’s the only way I know how to counteract the level of evil the world is currently experiencing.
“I’m not perfect.”
“I won’t ask you to be.”
I bite my lip, crossing my arms over my chest. “And I want to make my own money.”
“Fine with me,” he says, taking my arm and leading me toward his truck. “Any other stipulations?”
My heart is starting to catch up to my logical brain. It’s just realized I’ve agreed to marry a man, and it’s protesting wildly against my ribs.
“I can’t think of anything at the moment, but give me a second.”
He opens the truck door and ushers me inside. “I have one. I think it’s important that we act as naturally as possible. We have to do everything we can to protect Mila.”
“I agree.”
“Good because it means we have to get to know each other a whole lot better.”
He shuts the truck door, and my heart sticks a red flag in itself.
I have to trust it, don’t I? It’s never failed me before. It can spot chaos miles away. But my soul stirs, and it whispers to me that maybe there is a good kind of chaos.
Impossible.
Once on the road, Rage looks at me and then out the windshield again. “I know you have no reason to believe me, but I’m not going to take advantage of you, Serenity.”
My shoulders pull to my ears, and I release a slow breath. If we’re going to do this, we have to be honest with each other. “It’s just that I try really hard to keep my world simple and calm.”
“How has that been working out for you?”
I look away from him.
“Listen, things are going to be hard sometimes. Shit’s going to happen. Every day can’t be sunny, but you and I are both strong enough on our own to withstand the storm. Imagine what that would be like if we stand together.”
His poetic words make me chuckle, and my heart removes the red flag, placing a white one in its place.
“But what will I do about my brother’s debt to the Scorpions?”
He reaches over and takes my hand in his. “We’ll figure it out. How much is this fucking debt?”
With my hand firmly in his warm one, I feel safe enough to admit to him that I don’t know. “It was stupid of me not to find out. What I do know is that Savage said I could work it off over the course of a few years.”
His jaw works back and forth as we pull into his driveway.
“And what would that entail?” he asks.
“Let’s just say those pills you watched me swallow were the better option.”
His hand tightens around mine. He parks in the garage, shuts the engine off, and turns toward me.
“I’m sorry your brother got you involved with them.”
“They’re not messing around, Rage. They killed my boss. He was the kindest, most loving man I’d ever met. Being around him literally reset my nervous system, and they killed him. I don’t want them to hurt anyone else I love.”
His eyes widen in surprise at my admission.
“You know what I mean,” I say, suddenly flustered. I reach for the door handle, letting my foot fall to the garage floor. He doesn’t let go of my hand.
“I know what you mean. My baby sister is hard not to love,” he says, easing my embarrassment.
His thumb brushes over my captive hand, calming my racing heart.
Of course I was talking about Mila.
Of course I was.