Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Rage
Her eyes are puffy, but otherwise she looks okay. I breathe a sigh of relief.
“She’s good, brother,” Cub says behind me.
I should have known he’d find me hiding in the trees by Janet’s trailer like I have for the past three years.
“Fuck off.”
“You’re doing the right thing.”
I don’t say anything because it sure doesn’t feel like it. “I need to get home before Mila wakes up.”
He nods. “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry, man.”
My bike roars to life, and I pull away.
When I get home, Cole and Carson are staring at their phones, both refusing to look at me.
“This isn’t the way I wanted this to play out either. Now I’m going to have to walk into court and tell them Serenity and I are no longer engaged. How the hell is that going to look?”
“Like you’re an asshole,” Cole says, glancing at me over his screen.
I sigh because he’s right.
“The club voted to let her go,” I try to reason with them or maybe with myself. I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince anymore.
“What good is being president of the club if you can’t override all of the stupid votes?”
It makes me chuckle sadly. “You both know it doesn’t work that way.”
These two were the only ones who voted with me.
“The rest of the club didn’t get enough time with her,” Cole says, scooting forward on the couch.
“She looked so hurt and confused when she saw that picture,” his brother adds. “She had no idea what was going on. Something isn’t adding up.”
“Maybe her reaction was simply surprise that we found her out.”
Mila walks out of the bedroom with my disgruntled dog by her side. Great, even he’s pissed at me.
“Mommy?” she says, rubbing her eyes.
Cole jumps from his seat. “Mommy will be back in a few days. She just had some things to take care of.”
“Cole,” I warn.
He takes her hand and guides her out to the kitchen. “Let’s go make some Mickey Mouse pancakes.”
I watch them walk away, and when I turn around Carson is glaring at me.
“Go on, say it.”
He doesn’t hesitate. “You fucked this up.”
I stand, and he rises with me. “Don’t forget your place,” I caution.
“Oh, I haven’t, but I think you forget that my brother and I told you what our limits were when we joined you in building this chapter.”
“And what was that?”
“That our women and children would always be respected and protected. That shit with Carver last night crossed the line.”
“I stepped in, didn’t I?”
“You broke her trust. That’s going to be hard to repair, if not impossible.”
“I broke her trust? I think you got it backward, brother.”
We stand toe to toe, neither of us backing down.
“She wasn’t deceiving us intentionally.”
“How do you know?” I wish I had his confidence. My heart is aching like a son-of-a-bitch the farther she gets away from me. Maybe she has me under some goddamned spell.
“I just know.”
God, I hope he’s right. But how will I forgive myself if he is?
“Our mother and father taught us to listen to our intuition. It’s the only thing you can trust in this life.”
“Are you saying the rest of the club was wrong?”
He places his hand on my arm. “I’m saying they didn’t get enough time with her, and you are their president. They are only looking out for you. They made the best decision with their limited information. But you … you see a bigger picture. Cole and I see it too. You’re not under any goddamn spell.”
His mentioning my internal thoughts gives me hope. Is it a sign from the universe? I want to believe she didn’t knowingly put my sister at risk, but I’ve been let down by my own mother. How am I supposed to trust any woman if I couldn’t her?
“Give me permission to tail her.”
“And if I don’t?”
He looks away from me. “Can I talk to you man to man, outside of the club?”
I nod my head, already knowing I’m not going to like what he has to say.
“I know Janet fucked you up, but you’ve got to forgive her. And not for her … for you.” He presses his hand against my chest. “It’s the only way you’re going to be able to be the man Serenity deserves. Same goes for that little girl in the kitchen.”
It’s a punch to my goddamn ego, and I know why. It’s because it’s coming from someone I know is pure of heart. He and his brother risked their lives for a woman they barely knew. They’re a different breed of men. The kind I strive to be.
“I can’t lie to the club about where you’re at,” I tell him.
“So don’t.”
I shake my head, rubbing my temples.
“If the consensus is wrong, she could be in danger,” he reasons.
He’s right. My heart begins to pound in my chest. I shouldn’t have let her go. I should have talked to her myself before we went to the Trough. I didn’t even give her a chance to explain.
“She could be anywhere,” I say more to myself than to him.
“So, I have your blessing?”
My head snaps up. “You’re already tracking her?” I whisper as if someone might hear us.
He just smiles and begins to back away, his eyes sliding toward the kitchen. “I’m off, little brother,” he announces.
Cole steps out with a spatula in his hand. “I’m not your little brother.”
“By a quarter of an inch you are.”
“Bullshit.”
They stare at each other for a moment. The look that passes between the two of them is one I recognize. Every time you hit the road, it could be your last.
My head falls in shame as he walks out the door because it should be me going after her.
Cole places his hand on my shoulder. “You have Mila.”
“I know, but I shouldn’t have let Serenity leave in the first place.”
“Even though I hate it, I think it had to be this way. We all understand there can be no risks when it comes to your sister. Serenity knows this too.”
“More pancakes!” Mila yells from the kitchen.
Cole smiles. “Everything happens the way it’s meant to. Right now, you need to focus on your sister.”
He’s right. Mila needs me more than ever right now. “Could you sit with her while I shower?”
“I’m here until Serenity comes home.”
My shoulders fall in defeat. “You and your brother are something else, you know that?”
“Of course we do. Our momma told us every day. Besides, I have to stay. Serenity would want me to be here for Mila.”
If her actions toward my sister were true, he’s absolutely correct. She would want him here.
“Fine. Take the guest room. If we get any unexpected visitors from the courts, we’ll tell them Serenity is visiting family and you’re here helping me with Mila.”
He salutes me and then goes back to tend to my sister and her insatiable appetite for pancakes.
I sit down on the bed, staring at the music box across the room. Even it whispers to me how wrong I’ve been.
“It reminded me of my brother. I always thought we’d stick together, but then he fell further and further into …
I don’t even know what to call it. The madness, the life of a hustler.
He was just like my mom but each were hustling for different things.
Her for love and he for money. Both became addicted to it, but neither were willing to be patient and wait for it to come naturally.
They jumped at anything that moved, ignoring all the signs from the universe they were going in the wrong direction.
They don’t see the patterns and the loop they’ve created for themselves. ”
“What have you been hustling for?”
“Peace.”
Peace.
Last night brought her anything but peace, and I allowed it to happen.
My heart sank as everyone besides Cole and Carson raised their hand, voting to let Carver go in and interrogate her. We all know what he’s capable of. He wouldn’t have killed her, but he went further than I was willing to stand by and watch.
The minute I saw her blood … no, it was before that. It was when I saw the fucking look of betrayal on her face. I felt it with her. I’ve lived disloyalty like that.
The sharpness of the knife my mother stuck in my back when she chose to believe Mila’s father over me. It was the night I ran away from home and never looked back. At least not until I learned my mother was pregnant with his baby.
It’s one thing to know there are awful human beings in this world, it’s another when they turn out to be someone you love. Someone who was supposed to love you.
Maybe that’s why it hurt so much to think Serenity might be lying to me.
“You know, she loved this little duck. Maybe you should give it to her.”
“You think she will like it?”
“She’ll love it.”
“But it’s yours.”
“It’s okay. She needs it more than I do.”
“But it reminded you of your brother.”
“Someday maybe it will remind her of hers.”
I shower on autopilot, playing every conversation I had with her in my mind. The more I do, the more I realize there is no way she was lying to me. But how does she explain that Savage is her brother?
Maybe I’d know if I would have asked.
After I’m dressed, I pick up the music box and head to the kitchen. Mila is staring out the patio door with the saddest look I’ve ever seen.
“Mila, I have something for you.”
I sit down at the table and pat the seat beside me. She stays where she is, nervously twirling a strand of hair around her finger. She watches as I wind the object in my hands. When I set it on the table, I push it toward her. “It’s a music box.”
Mila rises to her toes for a better look. Her face lights up and she hurries forward, climbing up on the chair next to me. “My ducky,” she says, clapping her hands.
“Mommy wanted me to make sure I gave this to you,” I tell her.
Her eyes meet mine, and for the first time she doesn’t pull them away. She stares at me for a moment. “It’s otay. Mommy be back,” she tells me.
It makes me choke back a sob because what the fuck?
She climbs on my lap and hugs me around the neck. “Mila miss Mommy too.”
My arms wrap around her slowly, hugging her back.
I remember how angry I was when I found out Janet was pregnant. I cursed to God, wondering how he could knowingly send another innocent soul to a woman like her. I’m not saying I understand his logic, but today I find myself grateful for it. I never knew I could love someone so much it hurts.
I don’t let go until she does, thankful for every minute.
She leans back when the music stops playing. “Again,” she says, pointing to the box Serenity saved from being destroyed.
Cole lowers himself across from us, catching my eyes. “Everything will course correct. You’ll see.”