Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Serenity
“He’ll be waiting a very long time,” I think to myself, but somehow my mother hears it.
“You cannot stay here, Serenity.” She somehow conveys the message to me without speaking, her energy mixing with mine.
It’s been like this since I first found myself here. It’s like we share the same awareness. I know everything she’s ever been through. I’ve witnessed everything that’s caused her pain, but I can’t feel it. The only thing I’ve felt here is love.
“It’s painful there,” my mind whispers back to her, feeling a slight tug from the lifeless body I’m looking down on.
As if Rage feels it too, he stands and places his hand on my chest. The pull eases, and the warmth of his touch rises above time and space, wrapping me in its sweet embrace.
“He loves you. Both he and Mila need you,” Rage’s mother’s voice strums through me. Her entire life flashes before me as if I’m seeing it through her eyes. Again, I see the life experiences that shaped her. I witness the trauma that pushed her to addiction, but again, all I feel is love.
“Please, can someone here just tell me how to stay?” I ask, feeling so many others around me.
Mr. Johnson reaches for me, and I take his hand. “When you’re ready, all you have to do is let go,” he informs me.
That sounds easy enough, so that’s what I do.
I let go, but I quickly realize my mistake. I didn’t clarify what I was releasing. It feels like I’m being squeezed into a tight container. No, this isn’t the right way.
“You’re ready,” Mr. Johnson assures me as I frantically try to hold on to his hand.
“I’m here, Serenity. I’m right here,” Rage says, his fingers wrapped tightly around mine as he urges me back into my body.
I cough as something is pulled from my throat. This doesn’t feel good, and everything sounds like I’m under a piece of glass. There are other voices here, but I don’t recognize any of them. I begin to cry, but even that hurts.
His hands are suddenly on my face. “It’s okay, baby. You’re doing so good. It’s time to wake up now,” Rage says, his breath hot over my cheek.
I’m so confused. I have been awake.
My eyelids flutter open, but I close them quickly. There is too much going on in the room.
At least that is what I tell myself.
Bits and pieces slowly return to me over the next several days, but I spend most of my time with my eyes closed, trying to get back to the peaceful world I left behind. As they lower my medication, it’s getting harder and harder to remain asleep.
I wake up one time to find Rage sleeping in a chair next to me. I stare at him, and guilt slowly creeps over me. I was going to leave him. His eyes open and I try to look away, but I can’t. He doesn’t push me to talk to him. He just stares at me.
A few minutes later, he walks over to the table beside my bed and picks up the music box I told him to gift to Mila.
“Mila wanted me to make sure I played this for you when you woke up,” he says quietly while winding it for me.
When the duck spins to life, I reach for the notebook lying next to it. He reads as I write, and his normal scowl deepens. “Mila is with Wolfe and Shelly. She’s fine. I’m not leaving you.”
My pen stabs over the words.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
I give him a little nod. He should be with Mila.
His scowling face pushes close to mine. “I’ll go, but I’ll be back first thing in the morning. You’re not getting rid of me.” He presses a kiss to the corner of my mouth.
Before he leaves, he winds that stupid music box one more time.
I watch the duck float across the water, missing him and Mila more than anything in the world. But at the same time, my heart aches for the cozy place beyond. I can’t even explain it to him. He would never understand.
The next few days go much the same. He comes every morning and stays until I eventually demand in writing that he go home to Mila.
The nurses have me up and moving, and I feel a lot better, but I’m still so confused. I’m not trying to be a bitch. I just don’t understand what happened to me. I’m not sure I could even form a complete sentence right now if I wanted to.
I mean, I know what happened. Mila’s dad … no, he’s not her dad. Frank … Frank attacked me and Peanut. I force it out of my mind, not wanting to deal with it.
“Please take me back,” I whisper out loud, thinking I’m alone in the room.
“Now we’re talking,” Carver says from behind me. “For fuck’s sake, I was beginning to think you bit your fucking tongue off when you fell down those stairs. I’ll have the nurses come in with the paperwork, and we’ll blow this popsicle stand.”
He leaves and I sit up, rubbing my temples.
Before I really comprehend what’s happening, a pen is being shoved in my hand and I’m signing papers. The nurse ignores the fact that Carver’s hand is wrapped around mine. She turns away from us.
Cole and Carson walk in with a small bag and my purse. “Here’s your clothes, unless you want to walk out of here in that,” Cole says, pointing at my hospital gown.
I ask them where Rage is. There is no way he would let them pick me up from the hospital. They can’t do this. I’m not ready to leave.
“Oh, he’s at home with Mila. He doesn’t know about this,” they say, tossing everything on the bed.
Carver gives the nurse a quick kiss on the cheek before guiding her out of the room. “I’ll come get you when we’re ready,” he tells her.
Carson shoves a t-shirt over my head, and then his brother reaches behind me to quickly untie my gown.
I push them away. “What are you doing?”
“Helping you break out of here,” they say in unison, being as discreet as they can while dressing me.
Carver is making quick work of packing my stuff onto a cart the nurse brought in. “Here’s your purse, my lady,” he says, slipping it over my arm.
“You guys, I’m not ready to leave.”
“The doc says your fine. We wouldn’t be kidnapping you otherwise.”
Carver jets out of the room and comes back with the nurse. Soon after, they’re loading me into the front seat of Cole’s pickup.
“I’ll meet you fuckers over there,” Carver says, tapping the top of the truck. I watch as he jogs across the parking lot to his bike.
“Where are we going?” I ask as we pull out.
“To the Trough.”
I cross my arms over my chest, wincing as he hits a bump in the road. “Why would we go there?”
“Because the best place to unload your troubles is at the bar. Duh,” Cole informs me.
I rub my temples again. This is all happening so fast. “Look at me. You really think I’m ready for a public appearance?”
“You’re upright and breathing. That’s the only requirement,” Carson chimes in from the backseat.
“Barely.”
“Oh, come on. You’ve been couped up in that musty hospital for three weeks. Get out and live a little.”
His words have me curling in on myself. Live a little.
The lot is empty when we pull into the Trough.
The twins help me inside. Wolfe hurries around the bar, quickly switching the seats around to give me the most comfortable one. “I didn’t know you were getting out of the hospital today, hun.”
“Me either.”
He chuckles and walks back behind the bar as Cole scoots me in. “Your usual?” he asks.
I let out a tiny giggle, holding my stomach. “I suppose.”
“We’ll be right back,” the twins say, heading outside.
“Want me to add a little liquid courage?”
“Not today. Doctor’s orders.”
“You don’t need that stuff anyway. You’re courageous enough on your own.”
“I haven’t been feeling very courageous,” I say, bringing the glass of soda to my lips.
He leans against the bar after shoving a toothpick in his mouth. “I saw the footage. I think you did a pretty good job holding your own.”
“I don’t remember anything after falling down the stairs,” I admit.
“Why haven’t you talked to Rage about it?”
I stir the ice around in my glass. “I guess I know what happened. He saved me.”
“How did you come to that conclusion?”
“Because he was on the way home, and I lived, so …” I pause, just now wondering why I hadn’t really thought about any of this. Rage saved my life. Not once, but twice. My gaze lifts to Wolfe’s.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, sweetie? Rage has been mighty worried about you.”
I close my eyes, still not sure whether I should talk about any of this. I’m afraid he will think I’m crazy. “I don’t mean to make him worry. My minds just been … busy.”
He pours himself a drink and comes to sit beside me. “Why don’t you try unloading some of it on me?”
“I think I crossed over to the other side.”
Wolfe coughs, choking on his drink.
“I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head, taking another big swig. “No, honey. I said we were doing this.” He rolls his hand, encouraging me to continue. “So, you made it to the pearly gates.”
“Not exactly.”
“Well, if you didn’t make it, there not a chance in hell for the fucking rest of us.”
This makes me chuckle sadly. “My mom was there, and Rage’s too.”
He cocks an eyebrow at this tidbit of information. “I’m not saying you weren’t where you thought you were, but ain’t no way you ended up in the same place as those two women.”
“I don’t remember now exactly what happened, but I feel like I knew everything about them. We were connected somehow.”
“Why is this bothering you so much? It was just a dream. You were unconscious for damn near a week, but you weren’t dead, honey. I can promise you that.”
I swirl my glass in the air. Maybe I do need something stronger. “Wherever I was, I didn’t want to come back,” I finally admit, setting it down.
“And you feel guilty about that?”
“I do.”
He reaches over and takes my hands in his. “I’ve had dreams I didn’t want to wake up from. We all have.”
“You’re right. I was probably dreaming. It just felt so real.”
Wolfe places his hand at the back of my head. “You took a big hit on your noggin’, so things might be a little confusing for a bit. Rage wants to help you with that. He loves you, Serenity. Let that man take care of you.”
I glance around the bar. “It’s awfully quiet in here today.”
“It’s early. I’m sure it will start filling up soon.”