Chapter 15
Piper swung her legs over the edge of the cot. Being curled up with Raider had been heaven but now it was time to move on. Time to take care of her. The sex had been as masterful as it always had been, but it was also almost her undoing. Raider owned her body. He always had and she was powerless to escape him when he was close.
To put distance between them, she got up, took the phone off the table, and then stepped outside the cabin. It would start to be light soon. They needed to move but first, she needed to make a call.
She dialed the number. “Hey,” she said when the call was answered.
“Piper?” John Chambers’ voice came down the line. “Is that you?”
“Yeah.”
“Where the hell are you? What happened? Are you in the bank? We’re not seeing any movement. You guys should be out by now.”
Piper was leery of saying too much. On one hand, John was her boss and had always had her back, but on the other hand, she had questions. “We left a while ago. Why was there no spotter? Why didn’t you have eyes on the bank?”
“We did,” John protested. “We didn’t see anything. The guy I had watching had to back off some cops from coming into the strip mall but that was the only time he left his post.”
They’d seen the flashing lights when they were leaving. Could it really just have been bad timing? “Where’s Fielding?”
“Why? You want to talk to him? He’s back at the office.”
She took a deep breath. “John, I think he’s dirty.” There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. “They knew,” Piper continued, “Denlo and Snake knew I was ATF. Hell, they admitted, almost bragged that they had a guy on the inside. It has to be Fielding. He showed up at the warehouse bust unexpectedly, when Marta died”—her voice cracked but she hurried on—“and he showed up here. Neither of those situations warranted him being around.”
“I…don’t know, Piper. Fielding is a pretty big deal. It would be insane if he were dirty. He has access to everything.”
She ran a hand over her face. “I know but the fact that we know so little about this organization, doesn’t that scream inside man?”
“I…guess.”
“Look, John. All I’m saying is keep your eye on Fielding.”
“Fine. I’ll see what I can do but first, we need to bring you in. Where are you?”
She laughed. “Good question. Somewhere in one of the rainforest reserves. Raider will get us out. As soon as we hit civilization, we’ll call.”
“Okay. Piper, do you have the thumb drive?”
She started to answer when she heard a sound in the darkness. “Gotta go.” She hung up and went back inside the cabin. Raider was standing in the middle of the room stretching.
“Did you call Chambers?”
“Yeah, I’ll call him again when we’re out of here. There was rustling in the forest. Do you think they found us?”
Raider shook his head. “Kasinski doesn’t strike me as the nature type and neither does Denlo. They didn’t track us especially after it started raining. Remember the gunshot? I’m pretty sure they followed Wells and Baker. What you heard was probably just an animal.” He was being deliberately cool and professional. Not showing her any warmth and not meeting her gaze for any length of time.
She couldn’t blame him. They’d had amazing sex but that didn’t change anything. She’d still kicked him out without giving him the real reason. He didn’t trust her. Smart man. Giving in to lust didn’t change the past and it couldn’t alter their future.
“It’s starting to get light. We should go.”
Raider nodded. “You stay here. I’ll have a look around and then we’ll go.” He quietly shut the cabin’s door as he left.
“Okay.” Piper sat at the table for a moment and tried to pull herself together. It had been days since she’d had a shower, and her clothes were a mess. She was a mess. The rain had helped a bit in terms of washing some of the dirt off, but her hair was a disaster. She wrapped her hair in a bun and put the elastic back around it. She must look a fright, not that it mattered.
She closed her eyes and ran her hands over her face. This whole situation was tough, made tougher by spending so much time with Raider. It sucked that she still loved him so damn much. Sleeping with him had been heaven. Being safe in his arms with the world at bay was a balm to her jangling nerves, one that she missed with a ferocity that scared her.
Piper dragged herself to her feet. Raider wasn’t hers anymore no matter how much she loved him. She’d made a choice five years ago, an impetuous choice she’d made during a weapons bust, not even really thinking about it, and her world had changed because of it. One tiny decision had cost her everything. For five long years, she’d lived with the consequences and one of those was losing Raider. Taking a deep breath, she straightened her shoulders and then opened the door. She just had to get through this next bit and then she could fall apart.
Raider was at the edge of the clearing, waiting for her. Silently, she handed him the backpack and fell into step behind him.
The pace Raider had set was fast, but the trek wasn’t too taxing. Three hours later they emerged from the rain forest into a flat, grassy area alongside a dirt road. The sun was above the horizon and the day was heating up. Raider pulled out his cell and made a quick call to Harlan to let him know that Raider and Piper were out of the forest on a dirt road somewhere by Hilo.
“No problem. We’ll find you.”
Raider hung up and handed Piper the phone. She called John and told him the same thing. Then she clicked off the call. She wasn’t keen to talk to anyone. They had walked in silence the entire time. Now her time with Raider was coming to an end.
She was trying to decide if she should tell him now or wait until after everyone came when Raider made the decision for her.
“Once the world gets here we won’t have time to talk. When this is sorted, I don’t want to meet up again. It’s too damn hard. So, I kept my end of the deal. Now keep yours. Why did you kick me out? And don’t tell me it was because I was gone too much.”
Piper took a deep breath and blew out. “No, that wasn’t it.” Suddenly her throat closed over and she just couldn’t get the words out. The truth was just too crushing. It could destroy this man she still loved so, so much.
She swallowed convulsively a few times and then finally she managed to utter an apology. “I’m sorry.” Those words seemed to release the dam she’d built inside herself because it all came out in a torrent then.
“What I did was completely unfair but I…I didn’t want you to hate me.” She shook her head. “No, that’s not true. You hate me anyway. I didn’t have the nerve to tell you the truth that I knew would make you hate me on a fundamental level. Not just hey we don’t get along anymore, my ex is a bitch, but more of the I wish my ex-wife didn’t exist kind of thing.”
Raider stared at her. “What are you talking about?”
“You were… wherever you were… and I was working a case. It was a weapons thing. We were running a nighttime op by the docks. It was dark, so damn dark, Raider. There was no moon and a light breeze.” She paused. “Funny how those details stick in your mind.” She remembered exactly how the shadows fell on the pier. She remembered the cold chain link biting into her fingers.
“What happened?” Raider prompted. He looked mystified how any of this could have anything to do with her kicking him out.
Wait. Just wait. She cleared her throat. “The deal went down as expected. The seller had the guns. Our team posed as buyers flush with cash. As soon as the exchange happened, we swarmed in to make the arrests.” She took another breath.
“The head seller had hung back slightly. He saw us coming and did a runner. I gave chase. John yelled at me to wait for backup… but I couldn’t. The guy would’ve gotten away, so I went.” She paused, fearful of reliving all the details. But she owed Raider the truth. She hauled in a deep breath and continued. “He went out onto the dock and ran back towards the street. He was fast but I was gaining on him. Then he suddenly disappeared into one of the shadows on the dock. I slowed down and cleared the area. I should’ve waited like John said but… I didn’t.” Regret choked her again.
Raider didn’t even lay a hand on her arm to offer comfort. Not that she’d have tolerated the gesture. If he was too kind, she’d never get this out.
“A few minutes later, he burst from the shadows and made a run for the chain link fence that separated part of the dock we were on. I went after him. The fence was high and old. He made it over and took off down the street. I wasn’t as lucky. I made it to the top and then my foot got caught and I fell to the sidewalk. I hit hard. Hit my head and my shoulder. I passed out.”
“When I came to, I was in the hospital. The nurse told me…” Piper swallowed once again. “Told me that I’d lost our baby. I had been eleven weeks pregnant.” Her heart splintered in her chest once more. It had shattered into little pieces that day and since then, she’d worked to mend it. Now the hairline cracks were splitting wide open.
Raider stopped walking and stared at her. “Did you know?” his voice broke on the last word. His eyes were wide and his face had lost color.
She tried to speak but her voice was gone. She was crushing him all over again and it had stolen her breath, her voice, and her soul. She just nodded. Driving her fingernails into her other hand helped clear the lump of tears from her throat so she could speak. “I didn’t tell you. I wanted to surprise you when you came home. I knew how much you wanted children. How much you wanted a child with me.” She shook her head. “I didn’t even think of the baby, of our child, when I took off after the runner. The pregnancy never even crossed my mind until I was falling off the fence.”
Raider stared at her, his hands opening and closing. He wanted to kill her and she didn’t blame him. She’d gone through that stage herself. Along with all the other stages of grief. “Raider, I just couldn’t face you. I couldn’t tell you the truth and have you hate me for…” her voice broke. “For killing our child.”
The sound of tires crunching on gravel hit her ears. She glanced in the direction of the sound to see an SUV and another car coming up the road. The cavalry had arrived. Too bad they couldn’t save her from the torture she’d endure for the rest of her life. From seeing the pain and anguish on Raider’s face.