Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
MARNIE
Holly and PJ, which is short for Paul Jeremiah, were in the hospital for a week, and between Esther and I, we kept Mina and Ruby occupied with endless games, crafts, and chores.
Now she’s home, and thankfully, it’s just a walk across the covered breezeway to their house, which makes it easier for everyone to go back and forth between the two houses.
While Rebel’s not fully back to one hundred percent yet, he’s working some of the easier jobs at the club’s businesses to take some of the load off the rest of the brother’s shoulders, leaving me, Esther, Paul, and the girls to help Holly as needed.
Because of her C-section, she’s limited on the amount of weight she can lift and what she’s physically allowed to do, but thankfully, Mina and Ruby are enthralled with their baby brother and eager to help with the easier tasks, like getting diapers and wipes.
“Your house is definitely going to be noisy,” I tease as I come back into the living room from putting PJ down for a nap.
Paul took the girls with him to the farmer’s market since Esther’s in canning mode and needed more squash.
Or maybe it was tomatoes. Hell, at this point, I can’t keep up if I’m being totally honest.
She giggles as she reclines on the couch, an ottoman keeping her legs elevated and the blood flowing. “No kidding. But I honestly wouldn’t change it for anything. So, you and Ash, huh?” she teases.
I can’t help the blush that stains my cheeks.
“Yeah. I still don’t understand how it all happened, Holly.
One minute, we were dancing around the whole flirting thing, and the next, he’s telling me that I’m his and he’s mine.
Is that biker lingo for something?” You’d think after all the time I’ve spent in their company, I’d know the answer to that question.
I somewhat do, but I’d like to have it validated by Holly because she’s more familiar with the inner workings of the club and their linguistics.
Her eyes widen as she nods. “Um, yeah, it is. It means you’re his ol’ lady which in the biker world is pretty much the same as marriage. Except, once they claim you, it’s for life.”
“Life?” I squeak out. “So, no divorce or whatever they call it in the biker world?” In the back of my mind, I’d already sorta figured that out, but to have it confirmed has my heart pitter-pattering like a galloping horse in my chest.
She throws a pillow over her stomach to contain the jiggling as she laughs hysterically.
I know how painful that is and commiserate with her to a point.
“No, I’m sure there are instances when it happens, but at least for the Steel Raiders, that bond won’t break until one of you draws your last breath. ”
In the grand scheme of things that’s a beautiful concept, except for one little thing that’s bothering me about it. Something I can’t help but voice out loud. “But we haven’t even had sex yet!” I exclaim. “That’s kind of important in a relationship.”
“Oh, I don’t think you’ll have anything to worry about in that department when it finally happens.
I bet it’s going to be explosive! Besides, he knows you’re still healing and he’s not the kind of man who’s going to push the issue.
Your body suffered a major traumatic event, Marnie.
I mean, you lost several organs, as well as some of your large intestine, for heaven's sake. I’ll probably be fully healed before you are if I’m being completely honest.”
“Hmm, I’m not sure how I feel about that. What if I don’t want to wait that long?” I question.
Her face grows serious as she says, “Marnie, you understand that you were knocking on death’s door, right?
There’s no way Ash is going to go against what the surgeon said.
If you want my opinion, I say you should just spend this time getting to know each other.
It’s not about the sex all the time, it’s about the connection and y’all are building a strong foundation.
Until your doctor releases you for all activities, you might as well get used to it.
I know he’s been spending the nights with you.
There’s nothing wrong with taking your time, I promise. ”
“Fine, fine,” I grumble. She doesn’t realize just how hot and bothered I get sleeping next to the man. He’s always respectful, and sleeps in a T-shirt and lounge pants, but I’ve woken up before him and felt his morning wood pressed against my lower back.
“It’s not going to be forever. Now, have you done the tour at the haunted house yet?” she asks.
“The adult one? Nope. Nuh-uh. Not happening,” I reply, shivering at the prospect of taking that trek through spook town.
“Why not? It looks like it’s going to be so much fun. I think the guys are going to do a trial run before it’s open to the public and I’m hoping Rebel will let me go. It’s the stairs that’ll give me a problem, but I’m positive if I take my time, I’ll be just fine.”
“I don’t like scary things,” I admit, causing her to snicker. “Especially things that jump out at you. I’m too young to add a heart attack to my health chart.”
“You’ve got to stop making me laugh,” she cries as she once again holds a pillow against her stomach. “I think this is the worst pain in the world!”
“Right? I know stuff is still doing its thing inside of me because there are tender and sore spots, but a few times I’ve been caught off guard by a sneeze or a cough and holy hell, it feels like someone cut me open all over again and rearranged my entrails,” I tell her.
“And I’ve got several weeks of healing ahead of you. ”
“We’re a helluva pair, aren’t we?” she asks. “You probably shouldn’t even be lifting PJ.”
“At my latest appointment with the surgeon he updated my can and can’t do outline. I’m now allowed to lift up to ten pounds,” I proudly announce. “What does he weigh, six?”
“A little less than that, he lost a few ounces after he was born, as most newborns do, but the way he’s such a piggy during his feedings, I don’t think it’ll be that way for very long.”
“He’s a beautiful baby, Holly.”
Sorrow hits me right between the eyes at the thought that I’ll never get the chance to carry a baby of my own.
I think that’s why even though Ash suggested that we could get a surrogate I was so quick to shut him down.
I’m not sure it would be the same because I wanted to go through those crazy pregnancy stages and out in left field cravings.
Yes, I’d even like to suffer from the morning sickness phase, although I secretly hoped it wouldn’t last very long.
“I’m sorry, Marnie,” she quietly says.
“What do you have to be sorry about?” I question.
“I know one of the things you always wished for was a family, and because of those bastards, you lost the ability to carry your own baby,” she replies, tears now in her eyes.
“Ash told me if I wanted a baby that was biologically ours, we could look into harvesting my eggs so he could fertilize them, then find a surrogate.”
“He’s a good man,” she whispers.
“But… um, I told him that there are so many kids out there that need homes that maybe we should go that route instead. Family isn’t always about the blood we share.”
“You can always do both,” she says. “But I love the idea of adoption. Now that my childbearing days are over, that’s something that I’ll probably discuss with Rebel at some point because I’d love to have more kids later down the road. We’ve got a lot of love to give, that’s for sure.”
I start uncontrollably laughing as I think of Rebel with a house full of little girls who have him wrapped around their fingers and one boy struggling to keep his chest puffed out and rule the roost. There is no doubt that the guys in their house are outnumbered by the girls.
“It would be funny if you had nothing but princesses and the one prince,” I finally gasp out.
“Rebel would go bald,” she replies, grinning.
Seeing that she’s looking tired, I say, “Go ahead and take a nap. You’ve got bottles made up for PJ so if he wakes up, I can take care of him.”
“Are you sure?” she asks, yawning. “Rebel’s been a saint at night, getting up with him, but I know you’re aware of how hard it gets trying to find a comfortable position to sleep.”
I nod because I still have issues and with both sides being affected, my own rest has been sporadic. I’m sure I’d probably heal faster if I got a solid eight hours of sleep, but it’s been all hands on deck since Holly had PJ.
I’m sitting in the kitchen when Esther pops over. “Thought I’d come and check on the two of you,” she says, seeing me sitting there on my tablet, the baby monitor in front of me.
“Holly’s napping so I told her I’d listen out for the baby,” I reply.
“Marnie, why don’t you go lie down for a little bit and let me take over baby duty,” she states in that no-nonsense manner she has.
I know that with her standing there with her hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed it’s not a question or an offer, it’s an order.
“You’re still healing yourself in case you’ve forgotten that detail while trying to do everything for everyone else.
Paul has the girls in hand and the house is nice and quiet right now so it’s a prime time to take a nap, wouldn’t you say? ”
Almost as if she summoned it, I’m suddenly exhausted and start yawning. “You know what? I think I’ll take you up on that, Esther. Thank you.”
Standing, I head toward the back door only for her to stop and hug me. “No, thank you, Marnie. You’ve been a godsend since Holly went into labor after the accident. If not for you, those two jackanapeses could’ve hurt my granddaughter and great grandbaby.”
I shudder to think of what would’ve happened that day if I hadn’t struck when I did, and Holly hadn’t been there as back up.
It doesn’t bear thinking about if I’m being honest with myself.
Of course, the accident didn’t do me any favors since I had to get tests run to make sure none of my inner stitches had popped.
Thankfully, I just ended up with what they called soft tissue injuries, some bumps and bruises from rolling around in the back of the van.
“Go on now, get some sleep.”
She comes across as pushy but it’s only because she cares.
I thank the man upstairs every day for bringing her into my life.
She’s one of the best gifts I’ve ever received.
By the time I get over to Esther’s house, my body is wiped out and pain is ebbing and flowing.
While I hate taking them, I decide to take one of my pain pills so I can get some restful sleep.
Snuggled under a fuzzy throw that Ash bought me, I fall asleep thinking about our future.