Chapter 12
NOAH
Gabriel’s hands surf across my hot skin, making waves in my veins. I push myself against his body, groaning loudly when he latches onto my lips and sucks them into his mouth like a vacuum, running circles over the flesh with his tongue.
“Oooooo…” I moan, parting my lips to grant him full access.
“Ah, Noah… Jesus.” He exhales into my mouth, tongue curling around mine, erections rubbing together through the silky material of our underwear.
I can’t stop the soft whimpers falling from my lips as he lifts himself up with one hand and grabs my cock with the other.
“Christ, Noah. Goddamn, you’re beautiful.”
I push into his hand.
“Ooooo… putain,” I hiss, and he sucks the French swearword right out of my mouth. He slips my underwear down past my knees.
“You speak French?” he murmurs, pulling away just long enough to catch a breath—then his mouth is on mine again, cutting off my reply.
I hum in answer, the only sound I can manage as he rolls to the side, keeping my lips captive between his teeth, gentle but possessive.
“Lube, sweetheart,” he pants, releasing my lips and reaching across the bed, granting me a nice view of his cock.
It’s long and thick, veins like threads of ink, resting against his olive-toned skin. He looks like a dream.
“Gabriel,” I cry out when his mouth hasn’t returned after five seconds, and I feel like I can’t breathe without his breath. I grab a hold of his waist and wrap my legs around his hips until finally his beautiful body drapes back over mine.
“Right here, baby,” he says, sliding his lips across my cheek, and I breathe a sigh of relief.
I hear the crinkle of a wrapper and the faint flick of a cap.
I’m going to do this. I’m actually going to do this. My heart’s racing, but I can do it.
I focus on his lips—full and firm—as he devours my mouth while spreading lube underneath my balls and all over my hole. It’s messy as fuck but feels incredible.
Yes, Noah. You can do this. Come out of the rain, baby. Let him guide you.
I squeeze my eyes shut, attempting to snuff out the voice in my head. Perfect. I don’t need her—not now, not here. I know what I’m doing. I just need to focus.
And I can’t focus when she’s talking to me. Doesn’t she know this isn’t the right time?
Gabriel’s hand returns to my face, and he cups my cheeks, like he can sense something’s off. He’s not wrong. But I refuse to let this storm of thoughts hold me back. Not when I’m this close to getting out.
And I want out.
Out of the rain. Out of the storm. Out of my head.
I’ve had enough already.
Let me out.
Let me out!
My hands tremble as I run them down the center of his spine and over his ass, parting his cheeks, and blowing a warm breath of air along the shell of his ear.
“F-f-fuuuck,” he cries, miraculously quieting the voice in my head.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I rest a fingertip against his tight pucker and circle his rim. I just need this moment of distraction to settle my nerves.
Thankfully, he senses that too and lets me play with his ass for a bit.
Humming softly against my neck, he grinds his cock against mine, sitting up straighter, moaning deeper. Not rushing me at all.
“You’re beautiful, Noah,” he whispers, wrapping his fingers around my cock and stroking me slowly as he pushes back on my finger.
I gasp.
My finger slips inside—so unexpectedly.
He clenches, inhaling a sharp breath. And then—
“Ah… yes,” he moans, deep and throaty, tossing his head back. “Feels fucking fantastic.”
His hole flexes around my finger, and his fist tightens around my cock.
I’m not going to fuck him.
No. No. No.
Not. Fucking. Him.
I’m nowhere near prepared for that. The thought alone makes me confused for reasons I can’t name. I’m not even sure why. It just does. A tear slides down my cheek.
Don’t panic, Noah. He’s got you, baby. You can trust him.
The voice is back. Strong, steady.
“Are you sure?” I whisper to it.
Silence.
“Hello? … Are you sure?”
Now she chooses to stay quiet?
“Damn it. Answer me!”
Still nothing. Just silence.
Of course.
Fine.
I don’t need her. I can do this on my own. If it gets to be too much, I’ll just close my eyes and walk back into the rain.
But that’s what I always do—disappear into the downpour. Then I stay there, because coming out means facing something. Facing what I might see. Or worse… what I won’t.
I’m scared. Of everything.
Of not being enough. Of being too much.
Of never knowing the difference.
But I don’t want to be afraid anymore.
I open my eyes.
Gabriel leans in, and for a moment, everything else slips away. His hair falls forward in thick waves, shadowing the sharp lines of his face. His pupils are blown wide, swallowing the gray in his gaze. And still—he looks at me like I’m something worth reaching for.
I smile up at him.
It feels so easy.
Like breathing.
Like maybe, if I let it, this could be something real.
The warmth blooming in my cheeks, the quiet tug of my lips—it’s all natural. It feels right. Maybe it’s time I stop hiding in the rain.
Maybe it’s time I trust someone—even if it terrifies me.
I slide my finger out of his ass and press two fingers against his quivering hole, feeling the warmth of his breath fall across my skin as he exhales. It sends a slow shiver down my spine, not from fear but recognition. Something inside me steadies for the first time in ages.
I slip my fingers back in.
His eyes flutter shut as he drags in a slow breath… then exhales even slower, like he’s anchoring here—with me.
I mirror him, drawing in a breath of my own. His exhale grazes my skin—warm, steady—sending a ripple of calm through me. For a moment, everything stills.
No fear. No noise. Just this breath, shared between us.
And suddenly, I realize how bad I want this to be real. To not flinch, to not second-guess, to stop bracing for the part where it all falls apart. Maybe if I keep breathing with him… I’ll learn how to stay.
“Oh god,” he says, freeing me from my mind. He grinds on my fingers and tosses his head back.
“Oh, f-f-fucking god,” he mumbles. “Mmmm… yes. Yes, Elijah. Yesssss…”
And I fucking freeze.
The bottle of lube clatters onto the floor as he jerks forward, pressing his weight down on my shoulder.
“Noah… sweetheart. Dios mío. Perdóname, por favor.”
I have no clue what he’s saying—nor do I care.
The weight of his words, of Elijah’s name, hits just as hard as the weight of his body. I squirm underneath him, breath hitching, tears burning at the corner of my eyes. My heart doesn’t just ache—it explodes. Like he’s driven a knife straight through and twisted it until everything in me screams.
“Get off me!” I shout, shoving him in the chest. But my one-hundred-forty-pound body is no match for his one-ninety—he barely moves.
“Stop it, Gabriel! Get the fuck off me!”
He wraps an arm around my waist, locking me in place. My chest tightens. I choke on the spit rising in my throat and try to swallow, but it won’t go down.
Panic slams into me.
“I knew this was a mistake.” My voice cracks. “I should’ve listened to… to…”
My mind blanks, like it’s refusing to even give me that much.
I pound my fists into his sides, not to hurt him, but because I don’t know what else to do—because everything inside me is unraveling. I can feel myself slipping, and I don’t know how to grab hold.
Tears spill, hot and fast, and I sob from somewhere deep in my chest.
“Let me go, Gabriel. Just let me go.”
“Noah,” he whispers, his voice desperate. “Please, baby. Calm down. Let me explain.”
But I can’t hear him over the roaring in my ears.
I can’t breathe.
Can’t think.
Can’t understand how we got here—how something that felt so right and safe now feels like something I need to survive.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed—and slip. My foot skids through a puddle of spilled lube, nearly sending me crashing to the floor.
My lavender panties are lying right beside it. I slide them on—literally—and stumble into a shaky stand before scanning the room for the rest of my clothes.
“Sweetheart, wait—” Gabriel’s voice cracks behind me.
Noah, baby. For god’s sake, calm down. He cares about you. You can trust him.
Oh… now she’s back. But now, I don’t want to speak to her. She’s crowding the space I’m barely holding together. She needs to get the hell out of my head.
I snatch my shirt off the floor and shove it over my head, rage blurring my vision. The rest of my things are scattered like a trail of breadcrumbs. I follow them blindly, pulling each one on in the order I find it.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I catch Gabriel lying flat on his back, one arm flung across his face. He’s crying, but I’m too pissed off to care.
Or maybe I care too much.
You do care, Noah. It’s okay to admit it.
“Fuck you!” I scream, not at Gabriel, but the voice running through my mind.
Gabriel jolts upright, arms outstretched like he’s ready to catch me. But it’s too late for that. I’m not here anymore.
“Noah, love. Come here, sweetheart. Please don’t leave like this.” His voice is softer now—less sharp, less insistent. Just… broken.
The urge to stay hits me like a punch to the chest. It’s almost as loud as the voice in my head.
I falter mid-step. God, I want to stay. I really do. I want him to hold me. To make love to me. To love me. And erase everything I’m not strong enough to face.
I wipe the tears from my eyes, smear the snot from my nose.
How can this be happening? I trusted him. Trusted him enough to come out of the rain—and that alone terrifies me.
“Noah…” He breathes my name, shaky, pleading.
Maybe I should stay. Just long enough to let him explain.
You really should, Noah. Give him a chance.
“Shut up!”
I shake my head hard, like I can rattle the voice loose and shake it free. But it just bounces around, louder and louder, echoing through the hollow parts of me.
Fat tears fall like they’ve been waiting for this moment. Waiting for me to fall apart.
“I can’t do this right now.” My voice cracks as I spit salty tears from my lips, my whole body trembling.
I wish this never happened.
I wish I’d never been kidnapped.
I wish the family who came for me had actually reached me.
I wish I could go back.
Back to the moment before everything broke.
Back to where I was supposed to fall into the arms of my brother instead of the hands of a monster.
Why God? Why?
A sob rips through me. I choke on phlegm and tears and slam my eyes shut—retreating into the only place that still feels safe.
The only place that hides my tears.
The only place where no one can see me break.
I grab the door, wrench it open, force my eyes open, and walk… into the rain.