Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Tyler
Idon't think I've ever felt like more of a dick than I do at this very moment.
I should've told Delaney I agreed with her about telling Dash. My son deserves to know in the near future he'll be a big brother. It just threw me off, and I'm already on edge with the stunt Megan pulled at the school.
"Can I ride my bike?" Dash asks before fully open his door for him.
"Sure, kiddo, just stay in front of the porch," I tell him, helping him out and closing the door.
"Yippee," he says, running for his bike, leaning against the railing of the steps.
I grip the handle of the passenger door as Delaney pushes it open, not giving me the smile I've become accustomed to receiving from her.
Yeah, I'm a complete and total heel for fucking this up yet again with her.
In the past week she's been staying with me, the two of us learning from each other in so many ways, I've realized just how easily she can be hurt. It's nothing against her strength. She's one of the strongest women I know, but she has a beautiful heart that has taken one too many wounds.
Gripping her waist, I lift her out and set her on her feet, wrapping my arms around her, keeping her close.
It's one thing I find myself doing a lot.
I like having her in my arms as much as possible.
I know when it comes to her, my feelings are getting deeper by the day.
She's surely beneath my skin in a way I don't mind having her there.
"I'm sorry," I murmur against her hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo, loving the floral mixed with something purely her. "I'm a fucking idiot."
She doesn't pull away, but she doesn't lean into me either. That's almost worse. I'd rather her slap me than give me this careful, measured stillness.
"You're not an idiot," she says quietly, refusing to meet my gaze. "I shouldn't have brought it up. We're still barely a thing and?—"
"I am," I disagree, interrupting her as I grip her chin, tilting her head back. "Look at me, sweetheart."
Delaney slowly brings her eyes to me, and the twist in my gut tightens even further at the hurt I see in them.
"It's not that I don't want to tell him, Laney.
He should know. Just at the moment, my head's fucked with the shit from the past," I admit, telling her the truth.
Delaney's lips part to say something, but I keep going with more truths that scare even me.
"I want us to tell him. I know without a fucking doubt he'll be over the moon thrilled to be a big brother.
But I want us to make sure that you're completely free and clear. That you’re not going to lose the twins. "
The beating she'd taken is still fresh in my head, and the fear that sparks in her eyes quickly morphs to anger with my words. Not to mention the stress she's been under with all the other bullshit. The fire. The school. It's a lot for anyone.
"Do you think I'm being careless with this pregnancy?" she demands, yanking away, putting distance between us. "You think I would intentionally put my children in danger? That I'd be stupid enough to allow anyone to hurt me the way Philip did?"
I drop my hands to my waist and glare down at my boots briefly before landing on her again.
"You're not careless, nor are you stupid by any means," I grind out, keeping my anger in check.
"Never said you were, sweetheart. That's you putting words in my mouth.
I said I want to make sure you're free and clear.
That you and the babies are good because of what happened to you.
You didn't do a damn thing wrong. Some asshole is the one to blame.
You've got an appointment in three weeks.
After we see the doctor again, we can discuss whether to tell him. That's all I'm trying to get at."
Her eyes widen at my words, and I watch the anger drain from her face, replaced by something softer. Vulnerable. The way she looks at me makes my chest ache.
"You really mean that?" she whispers, her voice catching.
"I mean every damn word, Laney." I step closer, careful not to crowd her. "I'm not trying to control this situation. I just . . . I need to know you're okay. The three of you are okay."
"After the appointment," she repeats, nodding.
"I promise you. We'll tell Dash right after," I tell her, meaning every word. "If you want, we'll sit down together and tell him properly. Maybe make it special somehow. Get him one of those big brother shirts or something."
Delaney smiles while nodding, the tension between us draining away. "I'd like that."
From the corner of my eye, I catch Dash doing wheelies in the driveway, showing off for us. The kid's getting pretty good on that bike.
"Look at me, Daddy!" he calls out, releasing the handlebars for a split second before grabbing them again.
"Careful there, kiddo," I shout back, unable to keep the pride from my voice. It might terrify me to see the risks he takes, but it’s all part of his development.
When I turn back to Delaney, she's watching Dash too, the smile she has in place is brighter than ever. There's nothing but pure joy and love for my son.
"Come here," I say, reaching for her hand. She takes it, her fingers lacing with mine in a way that feels like they were made to fit there. "Are we good?"
"We're good," she confirms, squeezing my hand. "I'm sorry. Blame it on the hormones."
I lean down and press my lips to hers, tasting the sweetness of her that I can't seem to get enough of. When we pull apart, Dash's bike comes to a screeching halt right beside us.
"Eww, kissing," he shouts, but there's a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
"You'll understand one day," I tell him, ruffling his hair.
"I'm hungry," he announces, dropping his bike on the ground. "Can I have my mac and brocowee now?"
Delaney laughs, the sound warming something inside me that I didn't realize was cold. With the shit that happened earlier in the day, I needed to hear her laughing, see my son being himself, and know they are both mine. Megan didn't get him and she never will. I'll see to that.
"Yeah, kiddo, let's get inside and make you something to eat for lunch."
"Dash asleep?" Delaney asks, turning down the volume of the TV. She sets the remote down, keeping her eyes on me.
"Yeah," I grunt and join her on the couch. "He passed out in the middle of reading a dinosaur book. Guess he had enough excitement for the day."
"I suppose he did," she agrees, leaning into me.
After lunch, the three of us spent the rest of the day outside. Dash played on his bike. I worked in the yard. Delaney helped as much as I let her. All in all, the day turned from a nightmare to a good one.
"Can I ask you something?" As much as I love having her lean against me and us spending time like this, relaxing, there's something I gotta know.
"What's that?" she asks, leaning her head back, eyes coming to mine.
"You don't talk about your brother and dad, other than the time you mentioned losing them. Why?" I know it’s not an easy question to be asking, but to know her is also to know them.
Delaney sucks in a breath and closes her eyes, curling herself deeper into me, fingers digging into my shirt.
"It's not easy talking about them. My dad, he'd been the best dad, doing everything he could to raise the three of us even before my mom left.
I hated losing him. Davis was another story altogether.
When we lost him, we lost the center of our family.
He kept us together in so many ways. He was the glue that kept us all close. "
"How so?" I want to understand everything about her. The way she thinks. The way she feels the loss of those that aren’t here anymore.
"Before I went away to school, he demanded we always have dinner together; him, Dustin, and me every Monday.
While I was at school, we made up for it by doing a few nights at a time when I was home on break.
He called me every day to check in. No matter how busy he could be.
" She gives me a soft smile and keeps going.
"When I was a little girl, no more than five or six, my mom was already gone.
I don't remember her, not anymore. But I was mad at the world, it didn't help that I'd been forced to go to his baseball game.
I wanted to play at home. Anyway, that day, I was on the playground, said the wrong thing, not understanding the meaning behind the word, and ended up getting jumped.
Davis was playing second base, saw it, and ran over, jumping the fence to get to me.
The rest of his teammates and the other team followed him. "
"What did he do?"
Delaney lets out a small laugh and snuggles into me.
"Got me out of there. Ended up in a heated argument with the other kids’ parents until Dad forced his way through the crowd.
One of the baseball moms cleaned me up, and after that time, I became the little bat girl for the team.
I wasn't allowed on the playground again.
Not unless one of my brothers was there.
To make up for it, they made it so I had my own uniform to match theirs.
" She closes her eyes and lets out a sigh.
"God, I miss him. He was always there. No matter what was happening. "
"There's nothing wrong with missing him." I press a kiss to the top of her head and lean my cheek against her hair.
"Losing a sibling isn't easy," she whispers.
"No, it's not." I agree. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost Lexy."
"People say it will get easier, but it never does. You learn to live with the loss instead."
"I think that goes for anyone. I still feel the ache of losing both my folks." And I did. So much of our lives they're missing out on. They never got to know their grandson, nor will they see the newest additions to come. They hadn't been able to see Lexy finish out school.
"It couldn't have been easy to lose them either."
"You're right, it wasn't. I had to come to terms with the fact that they'd never know their grandson or see Lexy and me turn out to be the adults we've become."
"You know, the bond between parent and child is a special thing, just as siblings share a bond of their own.
Having either ripped away is a harsh process to go through.
I don't discredit what you went through.
Nor would I do the same to a spouse losing their partner in life.
But there's something terrifying in losing a part of the bond you share with a sibling.
Parents are meant to grow old before their children, not the other way around, that's a different feeling as well to go through. "
"You're right, each loss is different." There's a harsh truth to her words, but it’s enlightening to hear.
"Everyone deals differently." She lets out a breath.
"I barely came home after his funeral. Dustin and I grew apart.
We still talked, but not as much. Then when I moved home, it felt strange.
Dustin and I talked at the wedding. He told me that he was going to fix what was broken, like he felt it was his fault. "
"Your brother’s death was an accident," I tell her gently.
"It was, but that's not what he was talking about. It's our relationship I think he blames himself for. We drifted from each other," she explains. "It's why he's become so protective. He doesn't want to lose me again."
It made sense. Now more than before. I get him protecting his sister, being there for her. It's not that he wants to be overprotective, but rather trying to be the protector he thinks his sister missed out on after they lost Davis.
Holding Delaney to me, I listen to her tell me a few more stories about her dad and brother.
I give her a couple of my own about my parents growing up.
The whole time we immerse ourselves, the feelings I have for her dig even deeper.
I knew I was falling, but I think I've already fallen. She's hooked her place in my heart.