Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
Brian
I stood under a hot shower for as long as I could stand it, trying to clear the shit out of my head.
Fuck. I’d been wrong. And not just a little wrong. Really fucking wrong.
Because I’d been wrapped up in my own shit. No wonder Rebel thought I was an asshole. I’d never told him about my sister or father back then. I’d only ever told Rowdy and then, not a lot. Rebel had been younger, and I didn’t want him to think less of me. To think I was as weak as they were.
Yeah, I’d been that asshole.
I’d only ever thought I was doing what I needed to do to keep things on track. Lin and Maddy were living with my parents at the time and Lin and my parents fought twenty-four-seven.
Jesus, that’d been a fucked-up few months. I’d kept my mouth closed way too much, when I should’ve been talking to my mom, talking to my sister, getting her the help she needed. But I’d had plans. I was going to play professional hockey. Except the only team that wanted me was the Devils. And while they were professional, they weren’t exactly where I wanted to be.
AHL. Then NHL. And then… that plan just exploded spectacularly when I had to play and deal with a drunk dad and my alcoholic sister and a toddler.
Fuck.
With a sigh, I got out, dried off, got dressed, and headed out to pick up Maddy before I had to play tonight. But I didn’t get all the way out the door.
“Hey, Brian, you got a minute?”
The Colonel’s voice stopped me in my tracks, and I turned with my hand still on the door, forcing my mouth to smile.
“Didn’t think anyone else was here,” I said as I walked back down the hall to where the Colonel was standing. He was dressed down, something you didn’t usually see in the arena. Track pants and a Penn State sweatshirt. He looked pretty damn good for his age, which was seventy-five, only a few years older than my dad, who looked like he was at least ten years older.
Not going there.
“Stopped in to do a little paperwork and heard you on the ice. Wanted to check in. See how things are going.”
More likely, he’d seen Rebel and I having it out on the ice and wanted to be sure we weren’t going to beat the shit out of each other.
“They’re going. Maddy’s settling in at school and the apartment is pretty great actually.”
Reston nodded, his gaze never leaving mine. “Good to hear it. And you and Rebel? Everything okay there?”
What the hell could I say? That I’d fucked up my relationship with his son by ratting him out to his father for the wrong reasons? That I’d been a complete fuck-up and didn’t deserve to be here?
“Honestly,” I shook my head, “I don’t think he’s ever going to forgive me. But we won’t let it spill out onto the ice.”
The Colonel sighed. “You know me well enough to know that’s not what I’m worried about. Rebel looked up to you just as much as he did his brother. Maybe more so because you weren’t his brother. I know you were just looking out for him back then. I think you two will find your way back to that friendship again. It’s just going to take some time.”
I didn’t want to disillusion the man whose name was on my checks so I just nodded. I wouldn’t be here all season, a fact that I was actively ignoring, so I didn’t think we had enough time to get back to our old relationship.
Pretty sure the Colonel didn’t believe that nod. I certainly didn’t. But he just nodded. “Okay, glad I caught you here. I know Maddy’s at the house to help with cookie making.”
I’d completely forgotten that’s what Maddy was doing with Rain this afternoon. So that I could get ready for the game.
“Reb and me,” the Colonel shook his head, “we’re not much for all the Christmas stuff. Left to his own devices, I think Reb would hibernate for the month of December except for hockey. Sometimes, I think I might join him, but that’s just between you and me. My wife and daughter love it, so…”
He let out a long-suffering sigh that made me grin.
“I haven’t really been around my family much to celebrate in the past few years, sir,” which made me either a shitty son or too wrapped up in myself to care. “But I think Maddy will enjoy it all, so thank you for including her.”
“Having young kids around has brought a little of the magic back to the season for me, I’ve got to admit. That Krista could make the Grinch cry tears of joy, I swear. And she’s been making a little headway with Rebel. We’re thrilled to have Maddy spend as much time with us as she wants.”
“I can’t thank you enough for that. I want to make sure Christmas is as good for her as it can be without her mom.”
“Will she be able to see her mom at all over the holidays? We always have an open house on Christmas day all afternoon and night. You’re welcome to join us.”
“No, the facility won’t allow us to see Lindsay until after we’ve done a mandatory group session. The next one isn’t until after the holiday. Don’t know what Maddy will want to do that day, but we’ll talk about it. Thank you.”
And I meant for everything, but I couldn’t continue to slobber all over the guy for taking us in.
“Of course.” The Colonel smiled, his face transforming. “Now, I’ve got a few more papers to sign, so I’ll see you later. And Brian…don’t beat yourself up too much. Work some of that shit out at the game tonight.”
“Hey, how’s it going?”
I could practically hear Maddy shrug through the phone line as I sat in the parking lot of the arena in my truck, letting it idle. “It’s all good. We’re in the kitchen making like a million cookies. This place is huge. I think they have more decorations than those places in the movies Mom makes me watch. It’s kinda a lot.”
I huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, I’ve been there at Christmas a few times. It’s like Whoville, just not as tacky. You having a good time?”
“It’s…different. I mean, everyone’s really nice and all, it just seems like a lot of work to make all these cookies and just give them away to random people.”
Damn, this girl was way too jaded for twelve. It’s probably exactly what I would’ve said at her age, though, too. But damn it, that’s not what I wanted for Maddy.
“The Lawrences go all out for Christmas. They have a lot of events at their house, for the team and the town. Besides, Miss Raffi and Rain love all that stuff.”
“Yeah, they seem pretty into it. I mean, it’s really pretty, and I’m having a good time, so…yeah.”
I couldn’t be completely sure because I couldn’t see her face, but she sounded sincere. “Good. That’s…great, Maddy. So, I’ll see you at the game tonight.”
“Aren’t you coming here before the game?”
“No, I’m going to take a nap then shovel some food in my stomach so I don’t bonk at tonight’s game.”
Maddy’s laughter made me smile. “Yeah, we wouldn’t want the old man to bonk.”
“Hey, who are you calling old, little girl?”
“If the skate fits, Uncle Bri.”
We hung up after we both said see ya later, because she’d picked up on the fact that I didn’t like to say goodbye. Kid was smart. Way smarter than me and Linny combined, I swear.
I drove back to our little house and had just pulled some pasta out of the fridge to reheat when my phone rang.
Rain.
I swiped that call open so fast, the phone nearly slid out of my hands.
“Hey, everything okay? I just spoke to Maddy but?—”
“Yeah, everything’s fine here. Sorry, didn’t mean to worry you. I was just checking to make sure you’re okay.”
With a sigh, I wondered how much to say. And exactly what to tell her. How much did she know about what had happened with Rebel? If I had to guess, exactly nothing. He wouldn’t have wanted her to know.
“I’m fine. And yeah, Reb was there, but we talked a little. That was it.”
A slight pause. “Talked about what? Did you work out all your man stuff?”
I huffed out a laugh. “Man stuff? Really?”
“Yeah, you know, the touchy-feely stuff men don’t like to talk about but that they really should. The stuff women talk about all the time.”
“We talked, Rain. Can we just leave it at that? You know your brother. If he wants to tell you something, he’ll let you know.”
A slightly longer pause this time. “Okay. I just…I’m worried about you, Brian.”
That feeling I shouldn’t be having about her flooded through me. I wanted her. And right now, even though I knew I shouldn’t say one more damn thing, my defenses were down.
“I appreciate that. More than you know.”
“Oh.” Another pause. “I, um… I care about you, Brian. I hope you know that.”
Oh hell. Every nerve ending in my body lit up like a fucking Christmas tree.
“Yeah, I do. You care about a lot of people. That makes you the person you are.”
“No, I mean, I care about you . Damn, I really don’t want to have this conversation by phone. Maybe we could have lunch tomorrow when Maddy’s in school. Talk a little.”
This is exactly what I shouldn’t do. What Rebel didn’t want me to do. Spend time with Rain. Talk to Rain.
And it’s exactly what I wanted.
“Sure. I can do lunch tomorrow.”
“Would you…I mean, why don’t you come to my house? We can have a little privacy. You know what this town’s like. The fact that we sat at the same table will be all over town before we finish eating.”
Warning lights should be flashing over my head. We’d be alone. All alone.
Bad move. Very bad move.
“Sure. Sounds like a plan. What time?”
“How about twelve-thirty?
“Want me to bring anything?”
“No. But thanks. I got it covered.”
“Okay, then, I’ll see you at the game. Maddy still okay?”
Rain chuckled just a little. “She’s currently being bossed around by Krista, and my mom’s in her element with all the help. She seems to be having fun.”
Good. “Thanks again, Rain. She deserves to have some fun.”
“You’re good for her, Brian. And she obviously loves you.”
Since I was still working over the accusations Reb had thrown at me, I didn’t know how to answer that. Because I wasn’t so sure I was good for anyone.
“Thanks. I gotta go.”
“See you tonight.”
“Hey, Mr. Whiskers! Can’t believe you were able to get your skates on today. I’ve heard it’s harder for old guys like you to keep up with the younger players. Not as much stamina as you used to have.”
The chirping had been relentless since the first period when I’d whiffed on a shot. But the doubt monster that’d been gnawing at my confidence since this morning had convinced me to pass the puck to another player, who’d had a much tougher angle and had missed the goal. To make things worse, the other team had gobbled up the rebound and taken it down the ice to score.
Which made the score 5-2. And not in our favor.
Fuck me. I thought about telling Coach to fucking bench me so I didn’t do any more damage, but I’d kept my mouth shut because I knew he would do it himself if he wanted. But here I was, out for another shift.
We were in the offensive zone, and the other team was all over our players. Mostly Reid Weller, a second-year, twenty-year-old who could skate like the wind but didn’t have the bulk of some of the other guys. And the kid had a temper, but there was something about him, something that had made the Colonel sign him right out of juniors.
Tonight, though, it was like the other team’s defense had made it their mission to push him over the edge. And I could see the kid’s nerves shredding with every shove, every jab that was almost but not quite a penalty.
Since I was pretty much over this day and not really feeling in a generous mood, I decided to make the other team’s day unenjoyable. Even though I knew I’d pay the price when it was over. Hell, it’d be worth it.
So the next shift, when they started in on Weller, I invited one of the defensemen to dance.
In our league, that means something a little different than in other professional leagues. It means that if we fight, we dance. But I’d deal with that later.
So I smacked the hell out the puck and sent it into the offensive corner. And when dickwad got there before me, I got up nice and close and pinned him to boards, tying the puck up with my skates and stick.
Then I whispered in his ear, “Hey, asshole, you wanna go? Give me your best shot.”
Now, I knew the fans at the boards would be able to read my lips or, at the very least, get the gist of what I was saying and, apparently, they wholeheartedly approved because they banged on the glass and cheered me with a whole range of profanity-laden comments. Which, honestly, warmed my heart.
They must really hate this guy because soon the entire arena was chanting, “Fight, fight, fight!” and I was happy to oblige. Apparently, so was my dance partner.
The rest of the teams had clumped together, holding each other back like they wanted to join in the fight. Total bullshit. They were waiting for me and the asshole to square off. Finally, the guy got tired of my taunting—and the way I kept giving him a just a little love tap across the numbers with my stick—and turned with a smile.
“You wanna fucking take me on? Let’s do it.”
He dropped his stick and got the first shot in, a solid hit against my helmet that made my ears ring. But it didn’t make me second-guess my intentions. I was up for this. After the day I’d had… Hell, I was going to fucking love this.
I went for an uppercut and connected with his jaw, snapping his head back. But by this time, he’d grabbed the shoulder of my sweater, trying to hinder my ability to throw punches. Fuck that bullshit.
Ripping myself away from him, I put up my fists and winked at him. And yeah, that just pissed him off, which was totally the point. And the crowd went wild.
Then we had a fight. I don’t know how long it lasted. We both got a few good ones in, especially one that left me with a bloody lip. But he had a cut above his eye, so we were pretty even when we got done beating the shit out of each other and finally wound down to the point where the linesmen could come in and break us apart safely.
Now, the fans roared, making the entire arena deafening loud and possibly causing the rafters to ring, or that might have been my ears.
When we pulled apart, we nodded and skated to our respective sin bins to serve our penalties. Knowing that in five minutes we had another penance to serve. And this one was the real ball-buster.