5. Stasi
five
Stasi
Come over whenever.
M y heart skips when I see Liam’s text appear on my phone as I’m rolling up my yoga mat.
Would showing up this early scream desperation? I suppose I can hide under the guise of helping him get ready for the party this evening.
A hand touches my arm. I look up to see Ryan, one of my regulars since I started teaching this class on Saturday mornings to ward off my loneliness. He has perfectly highlighted beachy hair and the whitest smile I’ve ever seen.
“Awesome workout today, Stasi.”
“Oh, thanks.” I flush with heat. “I wasn’t sure if the scorpions were too much...”
“Girl, are you kidding me? My arms were barking.”
With a laugh, I walk away to shove my mat into my oversized bag.
Leave it to me to be awkward. I don’t really know how normal conversations are supposed to go between adults.
I lost the friendships I had when I changed majors in college and threw all of my time into studying.
And sure, those relationships were built off alcohol and sex, but at least I had company when I needed it.
Ryan lingers, engaging in animated conversation with another person packing up their things. I never know if he’s just being polite or if he actually wants to be friends. Social interactions are so confusing in your thirties.
Slipping out the door with a quick wave, I rush to my apartment for a shower before pulling up to Liam’s place with a load of groceries in my trunk.
Not gonna lie, I pictured Liam in an old Victorian manor to match his gothic vibe, somewhere outside city limits on acres of private land. Not holed up in a line of identical black and white modern townhouses.
But a lot of Liam’s recent decisions have shaken both me and Hail. Like the fact that he begrudgingly agreed to host an unofficial album release party for Atonement when we’d never received an invite to any of the places he’s lived before.
Liam has always clung to his secrets. I assume that’s due to leftover trauma from his upbringing, having witnessed the touch of evil on his body the first night we met.
I’d asked him about the marks again the next time he showed up at our house in the middle of the night, but he’d shut me down. Told me no one else could know, or he’d be taken away from us, and that was the last thing he wanted.
So I was forced to watch him put on muscle like his life depended on it. Because it did.
Reflecting back on it now, I wish I would have known to speak up. Not that my parents would have listened. They weren’t fans of Liam. Teachers didn’t seem to care much for him, either.
I nudge his doorbell with my elbow, one arm draped in grocery bags and my other hand clutching a tiny plant with dark green and purple leaves—a late housewarming gift. It seemed like a good idea in the store, but now I’m convinced he’s going to hate it .
The door swings open to reveal Liam in all his devastating glory, waves of silky black hair tied up in a high bun.
He’s dressed down in a t-shirt that clings to every defined muscle in his chest and a pair of basketball shorts that show off his inked thighs and muscular calves.
I blink at them a few times, not sure I’ve ever seen them before.
It’s a crime, really.
“Stasi,” Liam greets in a low voice that brings warm tingles to my body.
“Hi,” I whisper.
Before I can launch into an apology about showing up early, he takes the grocery bags from my hand and saunters barefoot down the hall, disappearing around the corner.
“Okay then.” I blow out a breath and step into his house with a stuttering heartbeat.
What I find inside is a little depressing—a practically empty house that smells like fresh paint and new flooring. There’s a U-shaped staircase to the right, and a boxy formal room to the left, shrouded in darkness.
I’d worry Liam wasn’t planning on staying if not for the fact that he opened a recording studio in Dallas.
Wandering down the hall, I take in a small living room with a gray sectional and a large TV hanging above a black marble fireplace.
Between the living area and the kitchen is a sliding glass door leading out to a surprisingly large patio with a grill. Two decorative wood-paneled walls on either side offer privacy from the neighbors.
I turn to Liam as he rifles through the grocery bags in a sleek kitchen with glass-front black cabinets.
“You eat lunch?” he asks.
“You know I came here to help you, right?”
He throws me a dark look that has my spine snapping up at attention.
“Possibly forgot to eat,” I admit .
Liam opens the double doors of his fridge. His house may be empty, but he doesn’t shy away from stocking up on good food. Fresh fruits, vegetables, protein shakes, and neat stacks of meat line the shelves.
I smile at the single row of Coca Cola to counter his healthy options.
Did I know Liam could cook? It’s not something I expected from a man who’s spent half his life traveling the world, stealing hearts on stage.
“Cheeseburger sound good?” He pulls out ground beef and a block of cheese.
My mouth waters. “God, that sounds amazing.”
He nods at the plant I’m still holding. “What’s that for?”
“Oh, I…got you this. Um, for the new house. Well, not so new anymore.”
His movements slow as his thick brows push together.
Shit . He does hate it. I’d stood in the garden area of the store for fifteen minutes trying to decide where the line was between us. If he’d assume I was trying to force things on him like all the crazed fans Hail used to tell me about.
“It’s okay if you don’t want it.” I start to walk it to the front door, prepared to leave it on the porch where I won’t forget to put it in my car later.
“Anastasia.” The firm tone of his voice has my body locking up. My pulse quickens, thudding in my ears.
I don’t notice that he’s moved behind me until he murmurs for me to turn around. I keep my head down to avoid the intensity of his gaze, but then he touches a palm to my cheek, and my eyes flick to his in surprise.
“Breathe,” he murmurs.
I fill my lungs, drawing in his masculine, spicy scent.
His fingers drift to my chin, callused from nearly a lifetime of playing guitar. I don’t mind the roughness one bit. In fact, I lean into it .
“I want it. But don’t get upset with me when it dies under my care," he says.
“It’s just a plant, Liam."
His dark eyes glint with something fierce. “Not to me.”
Heat spreads through me. I do my best to ignore it, terrified of the consequences of allowing space for hope when it comes to Liam.
“Put it wherever you think is best.”
He leaves me malfunctioning in the hallway, questioning if my brain hit a snag or if someone unplugged me.
By the time I remember how to be human again, Liam’s already moved outside to start up the grill.
I place the little plant on the windowsill above the sink, where it should get enough sunlight to stay happy. Then I wander out onto the patio with him, perching on the railing.
“How’s the studio?” I ask nervously.
A delicious sizzle comes from the grill as Liam flips the burgers. “Busier than expected. I’m considering bringing in more help when Hail goes back on tour.”
Sadness washes over me. I know this is the reality of my twin’s successful career, but I miss him when he’s gone for months at a time.
At least Liam won’t be going with this time.
He closes the grill and strides over to me, leaning against the railing. “How’s the new job?”
I smile. “Good. Really good. I love my patients.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I nod, tucking my hands under my thighs as I kick out my feet. “There’s this one older lady named Iris. She’s an absolute fireball. No one else knows how to deal with her, but I won her over with football talk. It’ll be bittersweet when I get her up and walking again. ”
Liam assesses me with that emotionless mask of his.
“What?” I flush.
“I’m proud of you.”
My chest tightens as surprising heat builds behind my eyes. I wasn’t aware I needed to hear those words of approval. My own parents hadn’t shown up at my graduation. My dad was too busy giving corporate presentations, and my mom went to get a pedicure.
But Liam was there, propped up against the back wall. He’d snuck out before I’d had a chance to thank him.
Liam returns to the grill. “Want to grab us some plates?”
Grateful for the distraction from my emotions, I jump down from the railing and browse through his cabinets. Most of them are empty, and my worry about Liam heightens.
Did I miss something? Does he regret retiring? Is he planning on returning to the stage?
It’s hard to glimpse anything under that fortified armor he clings to. I’m not sure I’ve seen the true Liam since that first night he appeared outside our house, clothes torn and eyes haunted.
I pull out plates as Liam walks in with the cooked burgers on a tray. He stacks up ingredients on toasted brioche buns, topping them with a homemade sauce.
“Sit,” he orders, setting one of the finished plates on the kitchen island.
If I wasn’t so worn out from work and the gym, I’d sass him a bit. Probably for the best I keep my mouth shut. I wouldn’t put it past him to force my ass into a chair, and I’m not sure I can handle that dominant side of Liam right now.
I sit on one of the island stools as he slides a can of strawberry lemon Poppi across the counter. My favorite . He’s effortlessly smooth like that, remembering the small details when you’re convinced he doesn’t give a shit about you.
I’ve seen him turn on the charm. I had to bear witness to those mind-melting grins he flashed at everyone else in school and on stage.
Liam pays attention, even if he acts indifferent most of the time.
“Family shit?” he asks.
My head jerks up to him. “What?”
Dark eyes hold me. I lower mine to the untouched burger in front of me.
“No…that’s not it. Well, maybe a part of it.
My parents are lying about trying to mend things with Hail.
I can’t figure out why, other than the fact that they know we’re a packaged deal.
I just…I didn’t think they cared about keeping me around, you know? But since I have a ‘doctorate’ now…”
Liam moves over to me and lifts his hand to brush his knuckles along my cheek. “However you choose to handle them, you’re not going to lose Hail. Or me.”
Speechless, I burn up on the inside as he sits down beside me, one knee resting against my thigh. His basketball shorts ride up to show off thick quads that make my throat tighten.
I pick up my burger and take a bite. My eyelids shudder as flavor blooms on my tongue. “So good, Liam.”
His lack of response has me glancing over. Did I do something wrong?
My pulse spikes at the heat reflected in his eyes. I shouldn’t get any ideas about what’s happening here. I can’t . He doesn’t date. Not that I necessarily want a relationship right now. I’m not sure what I want. I guess to be inside his head? To stay in his life?
We eat in comfortable silence. Funny, Hail used to fill that space with endless chatter or music .
Just as I’ve had the thought, an explosion of heavy music comes from Liam’s phone. He grabs it off the counter. Whatever name pops up on the screen has him frowning.
“The fuck…” he mutters, rising to his feet. “Be right back.”
I do my best to ignore the discomfort in my chest as he slips out the patio door. I don’t want to think about who could be calling him. He’s probably got hundreds of numbers saved in his phone.
When Liam returns, there’s tension in his jaw. “I’ve got a situation to deal with. You good to hang out?”
My heart sinks, but I nod. “If you’re okay with me being here.”
He pauses for a moment before replying, “More than you know, Stas.”
Snatching up his keys, he strides out the garage door.