7. Stasi
seven
Stasi
M y head snaps to Liam, eager for answers on the mysterious man he brought home.
Is this the ‘situation’ he was referring to? And if so, what exactly is the situation?
I’m not one to pry. But boy, am I curious. I mean, I had a suspicion Liam was attracted to more than just women. His flirtations showed no preference back in high school.
But I didn’t hear of any rumors circulating about his sexuality during his time with Atonement. Other than Hail commenting on Liam’s insatiable appetite in the bedroom, he’s managed to keep his personal life mostly out of the media.
Then again, I’m learning people can shock you at any turn. I hadn’t expected my twin to date a man…
Liam grabs Beau’s backpack off the floor and saunters by me, stopping momentarily to tuck a missed lock of hair behind my ear. “Ignore him. He’s just a stray.”
Hot blood pumps through my veins. Why does he get to have this effect on me? This intense, rapid melting of my insides?
I’ve thought about sex with Liam. A lot . More than I’m willing to admit. It’s a secret I’m prepared to take to my grave because I know for a fact it’ ll never happen.
Unable to stop myself from watching Liam stride away—a powerful, dangerous mass of muscle and confidence—a twinge of jealousy hits me.
Is Beau here to stay? How long have they known each other?
How come Hail and I are just now getting to see Liam’s house, and this cute stranger waltzes in out of nowhere with that heart-stopping smile and gets to hang out?
Awareness of curious eyes on me has me looking back at the stranger. I forget my jealousy as my heart trips up.
Okay, so he’s really cute.
He’s not as tall as Liam, but I still have to tilt my head up to meet his gaze. And his energy is so different from Liam’s intensity. A lighter, more buoyant thing that has anticipation, or maybe excitement, thrumming under my skin.
I get stuck on his hands. The prominent veins snaking up under the sleeves of his white hoodie. The long fingers and tan skin. Would they be rough like Liam’s or soft as they glide over my skin?
Okay. I’m beyond starved for touch.
Beau rocks up on his toes, breaking me from my daze. “So how do you know Liam?”
“Oh, um. My brother’s in Atonement.”
“Oh, shit . You’re Hail Koval’s sister, aren’t you? Yeah, I can’t unsee it now.”
With a playful roll of my eyes, I reply, “Nothing I love more than being compared to my brother.”
His soft, melodic laugh flutters around in my chest. “Well, for what it’s worth, I find both of you distracting.”
He gives me a coy little wink, and warmth floods my face. All I can manage in response is a brainless “oh” .
Does that mean Beau’s bi? I don’t know that I should make assumptions. I find women attractive, but I’ve never been with one outside of a hazy, alcohol-induced threesome in college. An appreciation for someone doesn’t necessarily mean you want to connect with them romantically or sexually.
My brain whirs into overdrive, taunting me with visuals of Liam dragging his inked hands through Beau’s hair and ordering him to his knees, dark eyes burning like hellfire as blue eyes glitter up in worship.
I imagine Beau pressing his mouth to the bloody angel above Liam’s knee and Liam tightening his grip on Beau’s hair enough to make the muscles pop in his arm.
Alert . I’ve stepped too close to the sun. My body ignites, and my heart hammers in my chest, threatening to punch free from its cage.
Why did I come over so early? Now I feel like I’m interrupting something. A third wheel—a label I’m acutely and painfully familiar with as I grew up an outsider to Hail and Liam’s bromance.
“Sorry in advance. I tend to say whatever pops into my head,” Beau comments.
Flustered, I shake my head. “No, it’s fine.”
“You baking for an army?”
“Ah, yeah. An army of hungry musicians. They requested a home-cooked meal, craft beers, and time with friends tonight.”
“Sounds about right for a band in their thirties.” He assesses my progress in the kitchen. “Need help?”
I consider him with wide eyes. “Don’t you like… have plans or something?”
“Plans with you, yeah.” His smile trips up my pulse as he tugs off his hoodie, revealing more of those delicious veins that make my knees weak.
“Have you ever made chocolate chip cookies? ”
“Nope, but I’m good at taking instruction.” He beams.
I’m beginning to think this spark of something exhilarating is a constant feeling when Beau’s near. I envy charismatic people like him. He’s the type to win over a room with little effort.
Beau slots in next to me at the kitchen island. “Alright. Boss me around, sweetheart.”
Blushing, I reach into his space to grab two sticks of softened butter. “Okay. This goes in the bowl first. Then one cup of both of your sugars.”
He watches me rearrange ingredients in order of how he needs to incorporate them. Then I go on the hunt for more bowls to start on another dessert. He keeps his gaze on me the entire time. “What all are you planning to make?”
“Cookies. Triple fudge brownies. Possibly peanut butter bars…”
“Sweet tooth?” Beau teases, eyes shining.
God, he’s a shock to the system this close up. A piece of art you appreciate the more you study it. His lips might be the prettiest I’ve ever seen on a guy, and his eyes are pools of deep blue that beckon me in.
“Huh?”
His head drops as he chuckles. “I asked if you have a sweet tooth. Or maybe the band does?”
Nodding absentmindedly, I begin tossing ingredients into my own bowl. “Mostly my brother. If I ate sweets like him, I’d lose all my progress in the gym.”
“Highly doubt that.” His gaze runs down my body in appreciation, and I'm engulfed in flames. I’m glad I stripped down to my tank top.
Beau starts chaotically mixing ingredients. R.I.P. to Liam’s clean kitchen.
“Are you close with your brother?” he asks.
“Ah, yeah… I don’t get to see him much, though. ”
He nods in understanding. “Touring’s hard on everyone involved. Not just the band.”
“Is that how you met Liam? On tour, I mean.” I hand him the carton of eggs, fighting to keep from appearing too eager for information.
“Yeah. I opened for him and your bro, shit, like seven years ago?”
My head jerks up to him. “Are you serious? What band?”
I sift through memories, trying to place him at the few shows I attended before school swallowed me whole.
Most of Atonement’s new releases came to me through Spotify or YouTube when they dropped.
Hell, I would have lost track of Hail had he not called frequently to update me on what city he was in.
I think I would have remembered Beau.
“I played guitar for Lithos,” Beau answers. “We only did one tour with Atonement, but sometimes we’d end up at the same festivals or in nearby cities. What’s next?”
“Um.” My nose scrunches as I refocus on our task. “You can fold in the chocolate chips.”
Beau dumps in the whole bag and starts mixing with his left hand, spilling chocolate chips all over the counter. I bite down on a laugh.
“This is sort of relaxing,” he comments, peeking over at me with a grin. He pauses mixing, one hand lifting to my face. I’m stunned as he gently brushes his thumb over my cheek. “Got some batter there.”
When he licks the chocolate off his thumb, my body temperature spikes to dangerous levels.
Where the hell did this guy come from?
Beau’s soft laughter has my eyes growing wide. “Oh, shit. Did I say that out loud?”
“Liam never mentioned me?”
“Sorry, maybe I just forgot…”
“I’m teasing. Wasn’t anything serious between us anyway.”
My lips part in shock. So they were together.
Thankfully, Beau’s no longer looking at me because I’m gaping at him. My chest tightens as I glimpse the pain he’s trying to hide, betraying his carefree words.
I don’t believe Liam would ever intentionally hurt someone, but isn’t this wounded, beautiful man next to me proof that he’s entirely capable of causing internal damage?
It was supposed to be a low-key cookout.
Naturally, the entire local metal community found out. Cars flood the streets outside the rows of uniform townhouses, heavy music blares from Liam’s open patio door, and people spill out onto the green space to smoke and lounge around a community fire pit.
I’d bet the neighbors are all terrified of Liam, considering the cops haven’t been called. It’s early in the night, though. There’s still time for handcuffs.
I’m sitting on the patio railing under a glow of string lights, nursing a sweating bottle of beer.
It’s been ages since I’ve had a drink. The desire is always there to let go, but tonight I have a better distraction from the monologue of self-deprecating thoughts in my head.
I seek out Liam, bathed in the ethereal orange glow of the fire. He’s standing beside Hail in a half-circle of musicians and crew members from Atonement, away from the crowded house. His inked, ringed fingers hold a Coke while everyone else drinks beer or liquor .
It’s strange…why would he bring Beau here if he’s just going to ignore him? He’d left us alone for hours this afternoon, eventually drifting back into the kitchen just in time for the party.
Of course, he was wearing another pathetic scrap of material for a shirt, fitted black jeans, and thin chain necklaces.
It doesn’t matter that Liam looks like a sex god, or he’s an incredibly talented musician, or a successful businessman. He won me over long ago with his kindness. Liam’s a protector at his core.
A provider .
Sipping at my beer, I turn my attention toward the house where Beau’s engaged in conversation with the chaos duo—Malek and Griff.
“…ocean is infinitely more terrifying than space. Think of all the unknown monsters lurking below your feet…” Griff rattles off.
“…chances of getting rescued are way greater in the ocean than in literal fucking space…” Malek argues.
I’d think Beau needed rescuing, but judging from his dimpled grin, he seems to be enjoying himself.