10. Stasi
ten
Stasi
I ’d like to say I don’t freak out when I wake up in Liam’s bed the next morning, but that’s exactly what I do.
Lurching upright, I catch the sheet before it slips down my naked chest.
This is bad, isn’t it? This is exactly what I shouldn’t be doing.
Panic has me scrambling to my feet. I wince at the soreness in my muscles and the ache between my legs. Beau isn’t exactly small in that department. With the added force of Liam fucking into him, I’m in need of a warm bath when I make it to my apartment.
What we did last night… I’d never experienced anything like it. None of my other partners cared about my pleasure.
To be honest, I’m not sure I cared about it either.
But red flags are waving in my head. Liam doesn’t date. I’ve known that since high school. He’s not one for repeats either.
Damn it, where are my clothes?
I bounce around Liam’s bedroom like a rogue ping-pong ball, trying to recall who peeled my clothes off me. It might have been a combination of both men.
In my frantic hunt, I notice Beau sprawled out in Liam’s bed. A laugh tries to sneak out of me at how comfortable he looks, an arm and a leg dangling off the edge.
He groans, popping an eye open. Then he smiles. “Wasn’t a dream, huh?”
No . Not a dream. More like a nightmare. Now things are going to be awkward. Messy. Painful.
I suppose if Liam goes back to ignoring my existence, it’ll be like last night never happened. Liam and I didn’t really do much.
Though he definitely watched me and Beau.
Fanning my cheeks, I remember I’m still very much naked.
Another sweep of the bedroom, and I spot my clothes folded on the counter in the comically large bathroom.
I dive for them, shaking my underwear and bra free.
My clothes smell like laundry detergent, not sweat or the nuclear waste I regretfully consumed last night.
Liam must have washed my clothes. Tiny splinters wedge into my heart.
Tossing grace aside, I fumble to pull on my clothes. When I slip out of the bathroom, Beau’s propped himself up in bed. His hair is a fluffed up mess, and the sheet is tangled around his bare legs. I wish I could etch the sleepy, relaxed vision of him into my memory.
He frowns. “You okay, sweetheart?”
The question sends me into a mental spiral. Oh my god. Did I really have a threesome with Liam and someone I literally just met yesterday? How do I even process this?
Normally, a one-night stand results in me waking up in an unfamiliar empty bed with a sinking feeling in my gut. It didn’t matter who I slept with, I never woke up feeling good.
Dropping into a squat, I press the heels of my palms into my eyes.
“Stasi?” Beau repeats, his tone laced with concern.
“I might be freaking out a little,” I admit.
“Fuck.” He wastes no time jumping out of bed. “Don’t do that. I got you. ”
At some point during the night, he’d slipped back into his boxers, and I’m thankful for that. I’d probably combust at the sight of him rushing toward me naked.
There’s no denying I’m attracted to Beau. He’s a heady contradiction of edgy and soft. Of mischief and sweetness.
He picks me up off the floor, arms wrapping around me tightly.
I cling to him as he rocks me side-to-side.
I could probably map him out on paper with how much I touched him last night.
Artfully sculpted arms. Beautiful patches of vitiligo.
A softer torso, perfectly comfortable to rest my hands and head on.
The man has an ass, too.
I press my ear to his heart and focus on the steady beat. He’s warm and real and wonderful.
“Tell you what. Why don’t I figure out breakfast while you take a hot shower?” He leans back to look me over. “Sound like a plan?”
He was all sinful smiles in the night, but in the daylight, I notice a hint of something sad lurking in the depths of his blue eyes. Did he drink too much last night, or is he having regrets about what we did? Is Liam? My heart sinks as I glance around and don’t see any sign of him.
Beau guides me back into the bathroom. There’s a giant porcelain soaker tub that calls to me, and a glass-enclosed shower with a strip of mosaic tile the shade of crystal blue glaciers.
I catch our reflections in the mirror. God, we look disheveled, with swollen lips, flushed skin, and messy hair.
“Where the hell is all his stuff? Can you confirm he’s human?” Beau asks, rifling through the closet.
A soft laugh bubbles out of me. It seems it’s gonna be a morning of roller coaster emotions. My brain can never let me have more than a few hours of calm .
“No, I don’t think I can,” I reply.
Beau kneels down to look through the wooden vanity. He raises a fluffy white towel like a victory flag and sets it on the counter. “I’ll leave you to it as long as you promise not to have an existential crisis on your own. That’s a group activity.”
Part of me is tempted to ask him to stay, but then I’m not entirely sure I won’t have a complete meltdown, and he didn’t sign up for that shit. I’m surprised he’s even doing this much for me. We barely know each other.
“Stasi?” Brows furrowing, he lifts a hand to my cheek.
I give him a nod. “Yeah. Thank you.”
After pinching my chin, he pecks a kiss to my forehead, and my heart swoops down into my stomach.
So, I definitely didn’t imagine this crush.
But what do I do with it? I don’t even know where Beau came from or why he’s here. He could be trying to win over Liam, and I’m getting in the way.
Would I prefer being kicked to the curb now? Or do I want to hang around long enough for the inevitable, crushing rejection?
Patting my hands to my cheeks, I mutter, “Get it together, Stas.”
Undressing, I ease into the steamy shower and wait for the tension in my muscles to dissolve.
Things will be okay. It’s Sunday. I have the entire day to recuperate and watch football. I’ll resume my normal schedule on Monday.
And things with Liam… they won’t change.
Everything is okay .
Browsing through his expensive products, I use all of them to wash the sex off my body. I smell like glorious man spice when I get out of the shower and redress .
As I head downstairs, I notice that the house is dreadfully quiet. It reminds me of nights when Hail and I would stay up late waiting for Liam to arrive.
Seems I’m destined to wait on him forever.
Deciding I shouldn’t linger, I toe on my flats at the front door. Footsteps thud on the stairs, and I hesitate with my hand on the doorknob.
Beau appears, wet locks curling over his forehead. The black shirt and sweats he put on look like they’re a size or two too big for him. Did he raid Liam’s closet? Would Liam be upset?
My nose scrunches. “I should probably leave.”
“Or you could stay. I ordered food. Thought we could use a good meal after last night’s activities.” He waggles his brows, and I can't help but smile.
He moves to pull me into his arms, a place I'm beginning to like more than I should. “Hey, sweetheart?”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you for last night.”
I shut my eyes and squeeze him tighter. Without Beau, I’m not sure I ever would have found the courage to make a move on Liam.
Without Beau, I would have woken up alone.
Somehow, I find myself watching football in Liam’s townhouse with the pretty musician he brought home, and we both had sex with.
It’s not my worst decision.
Beau nestles beside me on the sectional, a piece of bacon in his hand. He doesn’t seem to think twice about physical contact, which I don’t mind .
“You’re gonna have to explain the game to me,” he says, biting through half the bacon in one go.
I smirk. “Not into sports?”
“No TV at my place. No TV growing up either,” Beau says with a shrug. “So what’s the goal? To score baskets?”
My eyes nearly bug out of my head. When Beau laughs, I push out a breath of relief. “I thought you were serious.”
He leans forward to snatch another strip of bacon from our spread of styrofoam boxes and paper cups on the coffee table. I survey the mess with a prickle of guilt. “Liam’s going to be annoyed.”
Beau flashes me one of those dimple-popping smiles. “Mission accomplished then. My time here is done.”
He’s teasing, but a frown pulls at my mouth. I don’t like the idea of Beau disappearing.
“Are you not planning on staying long?” I ask.
Beau doesn’t meet my eyes. “I shouldn’t...”
The desire is there to ask him to stick around. But this isn’t my house to offer up, and I don’t have the extra space in my cramped apartment.
I drop my head to his shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you.”
“Uh oh. Is that a good thing?”
“You’re just…special.”
He drops a kiss on the top of my head. Does he hand out affection to everyone? Why don’t I like that thought? I’ve known him less than a day, and I’m already being greedy when it comes to him.
Beau slides a hand around my thigh, pulling me snug against him. “Is this okay? Sorry, I’m not good with personal space.”
I rest my hand on his forearm, stroking my fingers along his thick veins. “It’s okay. I like it. ”
We end up running commentary throughout the entire game.
Anytime the Cowboys make a touchdown, Beau cheers with me, lifting me off the couch and spinning me around.
It’s romcom movie worthy. I’m trying not to think much about it.
Those little butterflies fluttering around in my chest need to chill out.
I expect him to leave after the game, but he drags me onto his lap and rests his face in the crook of my neck. “So…you wanna tell me what’s going on with you and Liam?”
My fingers trace the outline of a lighter patch of skin on the inside of his bicep. “Nothing? We’ve known each other since we were kids.”
Beau gives me space to continue. It reminds me of how Liam would always encourage me to say more. I still question my voice sometimes, but I’m miles away from where I was growing up.
“We spent a lot of years not really talking. He was touring with Atonement. And I…had my hands full with school. Then you happened.”
I feel him smile against my skin. “Just needed a troublemaker to shake things up, huh?”
Reflecting back on his little manipulation game last night has me smiling, too. “You are trouble, aren’t you?”
He kisses the tip of my nose, riling up those foolish butterflies in my chest even more.
“He’ll come around. He’s different than I remember,” Beau says softly.
I hum in response, not wanting to sign off on hope. “Can I ask how you two…um…”
Beau chuckles. “Hooked up? I don’t even know how it happened.
I caught him looking the very first show we played together.
He wasn’t shy about it. I wasn’t aware he was into guys, but I leaned into it anyway, not thinking anything would come of it.
A few cities later, we were making out in the back of a venue.
I was in his hotel room a few hours later.
Somehow, I managed to earn a couple of repeats over the course of our tour. ”
“Do you regret it?” I ask.
He drops his head back on the couch with a heavy breath. “I don’t think anyone regrets Liam. I think they hurt when they realize they aren’t gonna be the one to change him.”
I swallow, eyes dropping to my lap. “Yeah.”
After a few seconds, I ask, “Where will you go when you leave?”
“Home, probably. Phoenix.” He shrugs.
“No touring?”
Beau’s smile is weak. “Nah.”
I trace my fingertips along the veins in his arms. “What kind of music does Lithos play?”
“Progressive stuff. But I’ll let you in on a secret.”
Heart skipping, my eyes dart up to meet his. “Okay.”
“Soulful indie shit is my jam .”
My brows lift high. Maybe it’s because I haven’t heard him perform, but his edgy vibes scream heavy music. I try to picture him on a stool with an acoustic guitar, but the image won’t fully materialize in my mind.
“See, I knew I’d get that reaction. I was raised on country music. Artists who pour their hearts into stories. Songs are short. Why shouldn’t we make each word count?”
“Yeah. Wow. Sorry, I may have judged you on your appearance.”
“I’m a bit of a conundrum.”
“What a nice conundrum you are.”
His answering grin spreads warmth through me. “Stasi. Can I kiss you again?”
I should say no. He just told me he plans on leaving. But I can't erase how last night made me feel. I can't help wishing we could have another night like it, all three of us together.
That’s wrong , isn’t it?
Before my brain can fully process and shut down the idea of seeing two people, I’m nodding.
And when Beau touches his lips to mine, I forget what I was worried about.