18. Liam
eighteen
Liam
F ucking Sundays.
It’s the one day I wake up with nothing to look forward to. Most of the time, I end up at the studio because I don’t know what normal people do on rest days.
Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I let my arms drop out to the sides. Only for one of them to hit something solid under my comforter. My pulse spikes until I turn and see a familiar mop of brown hair streaked through with white.
Well, this is a first for us.
Easing onto my side, I test out how it feels to wake up next to Beau. I’d planned on letting him have my bed last night, but I must have been delirious in the late hour and laid down next to him.
Our entertaining phone call took the edge off my worry for him, but I can’t help thinking about what’s going to become of him when he returns to Phoenix. No bandmates or tour or next albums to keep him busy. Without social and emotional nourishment, I fear Beau will wilt.
Should I push him harder in the studio? Does he just need time to find his way back to music?
I brush the pad of my thumb lightly along his dark lashes. The curve of his mouth. The sharp line of his jaw. He’s a beautiful fucking menace. I don’t ever want his vibrance to fade. But I also know I can’t fix his problems for him .
Carding my fingers through his hair, I realize I didn’t have any nightmares last night. I also didn’t wake up covered in sweat or trapped in my closet, where I’m sometimes driven by the ghost of steel-toed boots on the stairs.
Is this what I’ve been missing out on?
Would I have been ready for this seven years ago if I’d known how it would feel with him? Or would I have hurt him, regardless?
How would it feel to let him touch me? Hold me? Comfort me?
I reflect on how Stasi touched me in her apartment.
The tenderness in her movements. The care .
I’ve rarely accepted that kind of affection.
I didn’t even know it existed until I witnessed other kids at school receive it.
Hugs and kisses from their parents when they came to school events. “I love you’s” at drop-off.
I was allowed to exist to provide for my deadbeat dad, forced to become an adult too early. Even when he’d overdosed and I’d been placed with a foster family until I turned eighteen, I didn’t let my guard down. I couldn’t .
But now…
Something’s still missing. Another pretty human in my bed with blonde waves and pouty lips.
Sitting up, I reach for my phone to check my messages. “What the fuck?”
Beau jolts upright, wide-eyed. “What?”
Was he pretending to be asleep?
“It’s after eleven.”
“Oh.” He blows out a breath. “Is that all?”
I’m working up a glare when he suddenly leaps out of bed.
“What the fuck?” I repeat .
He rushes into my bathroom and starts up the shower. “You agreed to a date. We have to meet Stasi somewhere by one. It’ll take an hour and a half to get there, so get that sexy ass up.”
Suppose he thinks he has permission to trespass everywhere in my house now since he crashed in my bed. Wonder if he found my collection of toys…
He’d definitely be asking to use them if he had.
Sighing, I roll out of bed and join him in the shower.
Eyes wide, he backs against the tile. “What are you doing in here?”
“My bathroom,” I remind him, cocking a brow.
“Yeah. Sorry. Trying not to get distracted.” His eyes drag down my naked body, counting my abs and tracing the V leading down to my half-hard cock. “Nope. Not sorry at all.”
“Keep looking at me like that and we’re gonna be real late.”
Beau fumbles out of the shower, and I chuckle as I scrub shampoo over my scalp. I sneak looks at him as he tugs on a fitted black t-shirt and cargo pants.
He looks good .
I kind of want to tie him up and keep him forever.
“Keep on the route. Keep pace with the group. No stragglers. And last rule…everyone have fun!” Jacob, our cameo-clad UTV tour guide, smacks his hands together, dismissing us to our assigned mud-coated off-road vehicles.
I see Beau mouthing a thank you at the young guy and instantly bristle. Leaning closer, I murmur, “You know him?”
Beau glances at me with a smirk. “You jealous? ”
Grimacing, I’m surprised to find that I am indeed jealous of the way the guide is looking over at Beau. And yet, I don’t feel anything but a rush of excitement when Stas and Beau look at each other like that.
“Does he think he’s gonna get your number or some shit?” I ask defensively.
“ Jacob was kind enough to sneak us into this time slot when they’re booked up for weeks,” Beau explains.
I cross my arms over my chest. “Well, Jacob can fuck straight off with those flirty little looks.”
Beau’s smile inches close to where I know those dimples exist. Next time they make an appearance, I’m gonna sink my teeth into them. I don’t care if we’re in public.
The crunch of boots on gravel has us both turning our heads.
My anger immediately dissolves, incinerated by a snap of electricity as Stasi jogs toward us with three pairs of goggles in her hand.
She’s wearing a dark tank top, frayed shorts, and hiking boots.
Beau’s snapback is pulled low on her head, her long braid fed through the back.
The whole get up reminds me of Tomb Raider.
I’m fucking here for it.
“See? Dates aren’t so bad, are they?” Beau says quietly.
I find myself giving a single nod, unable to tear my gaze away from her.
“What else do you think we could get her to dress in?”
“I’d rather not think about that right now,” I mutter, already uncomfortably tight in the jeans.
Stas holds out a pair of black goggles for me. She’s so light on her feet today. Did Beau know she likes a bit of danger? Did he know she'd show up in that outfit?
If this is all it takes to make her smile, maybe I can make an exception to my no dates rule .
Hooking an arm around her waist, I tug her against me. That pretty smile of hers has me weak in the knees. She makes me weak. There’s not a touch of make-up on her face today, and it makes me crave waking up next to her in my bed, snuggled between me and Beau.
An odd fluttering spreads through my chest as she stretches up on her toes and kisses me.
I wasn’t sure how the two of them would feel about public displays of affection with our current arrangement.
I don’t give a shit about outside opinions, but I’ve watched Stas struggle with judgment her entire life, so I was prepared to hold off.
Sliding a hand up her spine to cup her nape, I kiss her long enough for her to let out a breathy laugh.
After we break apart, she tugs my bandana up over my mouth and nose. Then she gives me a curious look. “I cover most of your face and you still make my heart race.”
I have to nudge her over to Beau to keep myself from attacking her and getting kicked out for inappropriate behavior.
Wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen. People expect that shit from a rockstar.
“Ready to get dirty?” Beau asks with an impish grin.
Faster than he can react, Stas grabs the keys from his hand and books it toward our off-road vehicle.
If I wasn’t already tangled up in this woman, she’d win me over the second she hops into the driver’s seat and starts up the engine like she was raised out here in the wild, not in the wealthy suburbs.
She is a little wild.
I bring my hand down on Beau’s shoulder, striding past his stunned form. “Better buckle up, trouble. ”
Engines rumble in response to our own aggressive-sounding UTV. I cram my giant body into the back seat—the best spot for viewing those sexy legs about to work the pedals.
Stas maneuvers us into the line of creeping vehicles headed for a thicket of trees. When we approach the first rocky hill, she breaks into a grin and tugs her own bandana over her mouth and nose.
Then it’s our turn to hit the gas.
She tears up the steep hill like she owns it. I chuckle as Beau’s hand snaps to the roll cage bar. Stas tightens her grip on the wheel in determination, battling to stay in the deep tread marks like instructed.
Why can’t she go through life like this? Full fucking force. No concerns over what anyone thinks. No worrying about pleasing anyone.
I know the answer. In all the ways I was broken physically, she and Hail were torn apart mentally. Hail bounced back quicker. He had music. He had fame.
He had me to hold him up.
Anastasia drowned for a while longer. She was silent about it. Didn’t flail or scream for help. She continued to support Hail with pep talks as he pursued his dream. Pep talks she should have been giving herself.
Stasi slings us over hills and through mud puddles with reckless abandon. Hidden beneath my bandana, I’m grinning so hard my cheeks ache as we get tossed and bounced around. I’d let her drive us off a cliff with that smile plastered on my face. She can be my angel of death.
It takes Beau some time to relax in the passenger seat. When we’re back on flat terrain, he glances at me, face splattered with mud, and gives me a thumbs up.
We reach a checkpoint—a collection of smooth rocks overlooking the lush treetops—and the crew gives everyone time to take pictures and switch drivers. I make no move to climb out of the backseat .
“Need a sec. Still hard,” I tell Beau when he wanders over.
His gaze drops to my crotch. “Want me to help with that?”
“Oh, you’re gonna help me later. Once we wash these dirt tans off, I’m going to fuck you without mercy, Beau.”
That wipes the smirk off his face.
Between the glint of desire in his blue eyes and Stas stretching her arms overhead nearby, showing off those hard-earned abs, I’m fighting to calm down.
Beau hustles toward her, drawing her into his arms. “Should we take a pic together, sweetheart? Liam can’t come out to play right now on account of his massive boner.”
Stas glances at me with wide eyes. And then she tips her head back to let out a laugh.
I gain a newfound appreciation for Beau.
It’s hard to ignore the heavy dose of regret I have for going silent on him years ago. I want him to be able to trust me with his heart this time.
When Beau walks over to Jacob with his phone held out to ask for a picture, that bubble of jealousy returns. I leap out of the UTV and storm over to them. Forget hiding my dick. Let Jacob see what he’s competing with.
We gather on the edge of the hill, Stasi squeezed between me and Beau.
I sense the eyes of the other drivers on us.
I do my best to shield Stasi. If anyone thinks it’s wise to comment on our wandering hands and heated looks, they’re gonna receive an earful from me.
No one makes my twins feel bad. That protection extends to Beau, too.
Jacob snaps our picture. Even with the death glares I’m handing out, he chats Beau up for a few minutes while I walk with Stasi back to the UTV, keys in hand .
Beau claims he doesn’t feel like driving, but I bet he’s scared to look like a fool after Stas handled the UTV like a pro.
As we slide into the front seats, Stasi peeks over at me. “Thank you for coming. Beau had asked me what you might like to do.”
I cock a brow. “You two been talking?”
A rosy tint highlights her cheeks. “He’s quite chatty. Except when y’all are in the studio. Then he sneaks pictures of the two of you to send to me.”
I snort. No surprise there. The man takes more selfies than anyone I know.
“How’s he doing? In the studio, I mean…” Stasi asks softly.
I give the question some thought, sifting through our workdays together to make sure I haven’t missed any odd behavior. It shouldn’t come as a surprise how easily Beau’s woven himself into the studio family. He’s quick to win people over.
“He seems happy there,” I say quietly.
“I wasn’t expecting his voice to sound so…” she shakes her head, at a loss for words.
“He was hiding in the background when he played with Lithos.”
“If he released something on his own, it would do so well, don’t you think?”
I nod. “Record labels would be lined up to sign him.”
She drops her head and picks at her nails. “Figures I’d end up falling for two talented musicians. At least you’re home now.”
My heart thuds off beat, almost painfully.
Thankfully, Beau returns to us before I have to come up with a response I’m not ready to give. As he hops in the back, I turn to ask, “Sure you don’t want to drive?”
“And let Stasi show me up? No thanks. ”
I keep a slow pace with the group down the hill, but as soon as we’re back on the winding dirt roads, I gun it like I’m trying to outrun the apocalypse. Stasi’s carefree laughter has my smile returning.
As much fun as I’ve had today, though, I’m ready to take both of them home. My desire for them has shifted from want to undeniable need , and not just in the bedroom.
I’m not sure where this path leads for us. I’m not convinced I’m the right piece to their puzzle. But the thought of stepping aside now feels like clawing open that hole in my chest I’d stupidly thought I’d healed with meaningless hook-ups.
Once we’re parked at the entrance, I shed my protective gear.
“Oh my god.” Stas laughs, stretching up to swipe her fingers over my cheeks. “You’ve got mud everywhere.”
I plant a kiss on her lips, mixing our dirt and sweat. Then I stalk after Beau and push him up against the UTV to kiss him hard.
“Take it you had a good time,” he says against my mouth.
“Mmm. Jacob watching?” I murmur, kissing him again.
Beau shoves at my chest. “You’re so bad.”
Grinning, I smear mud on his neck. “Let’s go home so I can get you dirty all over again.”