33. Beau
thirty-three
Beau
L iam pauses in front of the metal warning sign at the start of Echo Canyon Trail. “You sure about this?”
“Why? You scared?” I tease, grinning.
A muscle in his jaw twitches. I expect him to fight me on my last-minute date idea, but he moves closer, pops his sunglasses onto my face, then stalks down the path without a single complaint.
Get a brain tumor and suddenly no one wants to say no to you.
“Come on, sweetheart.” I tap my knuckles on the brim of the snapback I let her have.
As she turns toward me, I step into her personal space, smirking as her breath catches. Leaning closer, I hover my lips right over hers.
"Race you," I whisper.
And then I take off. I hear her shoes crunching on the trail behind me. Seconds later, she's tearing past me. She beats me to Liam with little effort, earning a kiss from him as a reward.
I brace my hands on my knees when I catch up to them. “Am I going to have to get a gym membership with you two?”
“That depends on how much you enjoy being tortured,” Liam says.
Hot blood rushes straight to my groin, imagining all the ways both of them would boss me around in the gym. How Liam had grunted with each rep. How he’d mentioned Stasi would be a distraction .
I glance at her starting down the trail again, dressed in one of Liam’s sleeveless black band shirts over a dark green sports bra and matching green yoga pants. I’m glad it’s a quiet day on the trail because my pants are feeling a little too snug.
Pushing aside filthy thoughts, I do my best to soak in the scenic landscape. The fluffy blanket of clouds moving above the rocky earth surrounding us. The tickle of a cool breeze against my skin, so fresh when I breathe it into my lungs.
I haven’t hiked this trail since my mom was ripped from this world by a drunk driver. I can almost hear her yelling for me to pace myself because the first part of the hike is misleadingly tame.
When we reach the steep, rocky incline that makes the average human reevaluate their life choices, I sense Liam’s gaze on me. While he doesn’t say anything, he keeps close behind me as we start scaling the giant rocks in case my body decides to forget what balance is.
I have to accept the fact that he might always harbor that worry for me.
It’s not something I can tell him to shut off.
He’s programmed to care for others. I’ve seen it in the way he treats people in his studio and how he interacts with his friends.
It’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with him.
I pause atop a rock to suck in a deep breath. We’re only halfway up the steep incline, and I’m already tired. This was a stupid idea, but I’m not sure when I’ll get to do this hike again.
Or if I’ll ever get to do it again.
There’s so many unknowns with my upcoming surgery, it’s hard not to get caught up in the possible negative outcomes.
Will I be different when I wake up from anesthesia? Will I lose mobility? Will I be able to talk? Will I continue having seizures? What if the mass is cancerous? What if my life revolves around survival, and I’ve just dragged Liam and Stasi into my depressing ass battle?
Stasi joins me on my rock. Snaking her arms around my waist, she kisses my cheek. “We’ve got you, okay?”
My throat tightens, nearly choking my words. “You could have anyone in the world. You two could be happy without me.”
“Beau. Don't you understand? Without you, we’re incomplete,” Stasi says.
I have to force a smile to keep from crying.
Liam steps onto the rock next to us, perfectly unfazed by the climb.
“Do you want to keep going?” he asks.
I suck in a deep breath. “I’m not quitting.”
We push onward, our combined pants the only sound in the air. It used to freak me out how quiet it was out in nature. How alone in the world you could feel.
And then I’d go home and sit down with a guitar or touch my fingers to the keys of my piano and remember how much life we’re capable of bringing into this sometimes frightening world.
When we crest the top of the flat peak, I break into a grin as Stasi does a full spin to take everything in. Phoenix sprawls out around us, skyscrapers visible in the distance.
“Now you know how I feel every time I look at you,” I say.
Stasi eyes me boldly. “You’re ridiculous.”
“You like it.”
Her entire face lights up. “I do.”
Mesmerized, I watch her for a couple painful beats of my heart. Then I find a good spot to lie down, propping my hands under my head.
Birds circle over our heads. I fall under their trance for a while, fascinated by how quickly they adapt to changes in the wind .
Eventually, Stasi and Liam settle on either side of me to watch the sun set, washing everything in perfect tones of salmon pink, melty orange, and baby blue.
No matter what the rest of the week brings, I can say it’s been a good life.
I dig out my phone and snap a picture of all of us without asking, catching Liam in a scowl.
“Instant favorite,” I say, saving it as my lock screen.
Stasi giggles. “Send it to me?”
“You know I will.”
She snuggles closer. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“Wait. Seriously ?”
“The only time I’ve traveled outside of Texas was for tennis matches when I played competitively.”
“Is this something you want to do more?” I ask.
She scrunches up her nose. “I haven’t really thought about it.”
I glance over at Liam. “How about you?”
He runs a big palm along his stubbled jaw. “I’ve traveled enough in one lifetime, but I wouldn’t mind taking a few vacations if that’s what you both want.”
I blink at him in awe.
“How about you, Beau?" Stasi asks in a soft tone. "Do you want to travel more?"
I picture us vacationing together. Hiking snow-capped mountains. Kayaking through crystal pools of water. Tearing up desert terrain in an off-road vehicle.
Liam would draw all sorts of attention, especially if we go somewhere hot and he’s stripped down to a t-shirt and shorts or swim trunks. Not to mention how many heads Stasi would turn .
And yet, I would be the one on the receiving end of their love. No one else.
“Little trips would be fine. I think I’m done touring. Not that anyone’s knocking down my door to sign me,” I say.
“Not yet,” Liam counters.
“If that ever happened, it would be thanks to your production skills, not my talent.”
“Bullshit. I’ve listened to you play for years, Beau. It’s not a matter of if . It’s a matter of when you’re ready.”
Too drained from the day to fight back, I shut my eyes. Secretly, I love that he believes in me, even when I don’t believe in myself.
“You know what I’d prefer over a fancy vacation?” I say.
Stasi hums in question.
“Camping. Give me a tent under the stars any day of the week. S’mores.
Noisy bugs. Coffee made over the fire. I used to pitch my tent out in a field on the ranch every summer.
There was one afternoon with bad winds… my tent ended up in the trees with a giant hole in it.
I cried about having to sleep in my bed that night.
My mom teased me that I’d become part animal.
My dad bought me a new tent the next day. ”
Stasi smiles. “Of course he did. I’ve never been camping, but I don’t think I would have enjoyed it with my family.”
Reaching for her hand, I entwine our fingers. “I’m getting the sense that your parents aren’t very kind people, sweetheart.”
“No, they’re really not.” After a pause, she asks, "Is your mom…"
"Gone. Yeah."
Liam rests his hand over mine, giving it a squeeze.
“I'm sorry, Beau," Stasi says. "I’m glad we got to meet your dad."
“Yeah, me too. Hope you don’t mind him calling you now.”
For some reason, this earns a snort from Liam. “I don’t think she’ll mind.”