37. Beau
thirty-seven
Beau
I ’m exhausted.
Sure, the headaches have gotten better, and the scar on my scalp doesn’t itch so much anymore. I’ve also been able to get up and do things for myself. Plus, all of my follow-up appointments with Dr. Malone have gone well.
So there’s that.
It’s just… everyone keeps telling me how well I’m doing. How much progress I’m making bouncing back from brain surgery.
But I don’t feel good. I’m moody, easily irritable, and overall frustrated with my lack of progress healing. I don’t know how much of these feelings stem from boredom or the changes in my brain. I wish I could go to work with Liam, but he's been adamant about my need to heal.
I’ve lost driving privileges for god knows how long. It’s possible I’ll be on anti-seizure medications for the long haul. MRI scans will become ongoing stressors in my life. Probably forever . I’ve wasted whole days napping. And I’m getting weak in the arms, the only real place I had definition.
Not to mention the fact that as much as I want to play music, as many notes as I’ve scribbled down on sheets of paper, physically I can’t make it through a damn song without mistakes. It’s like I’m stuck in some sort of twisted nightmare.
Is this really what Liam and Stasi want to deal with ?
I can tell my moodiness is wearing on both of them. Shit, it’s filling up the house like some dark, infectious cloud, poisoning everything it touches.
I miss being fucking normal .
Odd clinks and swishes of fabric from the dining room have me pushing up to a seated position on the couch.
“What is she doing in there?” I ask.
Liam leans into my sightline. “She threatened to cut me if I let you peek.”
I crane my neck further. “Have I mentioned how much I approve of spicy Stasi?”
Liam forces my head back to him. “Do I need to distract you?”
I’m about to tell him yes, as long as he promises to do it in a sexually entertaining way, but then I remember I haven’t showered or changed my clothes in over a day.
“Can I rinse off?”
“Why are you asking, Beau? This is your home.”
Home . That fucking word. It might be my kryptonite hearing it come from his mouth. I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted anything more. I thought music was it for me, but now I’ve found something infinitely more important.
Them. Us .
Liam grips my bicep, hauling me to my feet and walking me to his bathroom. When he starts up the shower, I lift my arms in anticipation of him stripping me down.
Grinning, I ask, “Is this where I call you daddy?”
He tosses me a look of warning.
“Have I mentioned I miss sex?” I add.
“You’ve only been cleared for light activity. ”
I waggle my brows. “We can go easy.”
Another dark look spears through me. “When have I ever fucked you easy, Beau?”
Blood rushes to my cock, but when he doesn’t make a move for me, I frown and tug my hoodie over my head.
I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, and my confidence dissolves.
No wonder he doesn’t want to do anything with me.
I’m a mess. Soft-bodied with dark bruises under my eyes.
My hair is different lengths. The hospital staff only shaved the patch where the surgeon cut into my head.
I’ve kept my hood up and avoided mirrors as much as possible ever since.
Thankfully, the bruises on my arms from being poked and prodded have disappeared.
Liam catches me assessing myself and closes the space between us. His warm lips touch my neck. “You’re beautiful, Beau.”
“Liar,” I mumble.
His hands clench tighter around my waist. “Don’t even try to tempt me into punishing you. Recovery comes first.”
Turning my head to the side, I capture his mouth in a slow kiss. We get stuck there for a while, his palms running over my bare skin as I bring a hand to the back of his neck and sink my fingers into his hair.
His mouth leaves mine, and I groan in protest. “I swear my dick’s gonna fall off.”
“Trouble.” Liam nips at my ear. “Tell you what. As soon as you’re cleared for normal activity, I’m all yours.”
My jaw drops. “Wait. What does that mean?”
“Exactly what I said.”
“Nuh uh. I need you to explain. ”
He turns me in his arms and kisses the corner of my mouth. “Use your imagination.”
“Holy shit . But… have you ever bottomed?”
“I’m willing to give up control for you.”
Groaning, I palm my hard cock. “You can’t just say shit like that and expect me to remain calm.”
Liam strides out of the bathroom, leaving me in a mood.
I hastily wash my body. By the time I step out of the shower, I’m still hard and even more irritable. Liam isn’t phased when he returns to drape me in a fluffy towel straight out of the dryer.
“Still an asshole,” I mutter.
He spins me around and pushes me back against the vanity. My towel drops in the process. I leave it on the floor, needing him to prove to me that I’m still desirable. Needing something because I feel like I'm about to hit rock bottom.
Liam’s eyes do a slow perusal of my naked body, flashing with a dark sort of hunger that heats my blood. My breath hitches as he drops to his knees, bringing his mouth level with my erection.
“If you’re just gonna tease—”
I shudder as he sucks my cock to the back of his throat to shut me up. He pops off only for a second. “Any dizziness or other abnormal symptoms, and you tell me immediately.”
“Yeah. Sure. You got it.”
He circles his tongue around my piercing, summoning another groan from deep within my chest. “I’m serious, Beau.”
“ Fuck . So am I. Don’t stop.”
His big hands grip my thighs as he licks his way down to my balls. He spends some time sucking each one into his mouth. I’m not even aware of all the sounds I’m making or how loud I’m being .
He works his way back up to my shaft and curls his tongue around me, laving it up and down and over my crown as he draws me back into his sinful mouth.
I’m fighting to keep from coming in thirty seconds, but the fact that I haven't come in weeks , coupled with the thought of getting to top him and the vision of him on his knees, has me bursting down his throat.
Trembling and panting against the vanity, a foggy, blissful sort of calm overcomes me.
Liam smacks a hand to my ass cheek. “Get dressed. Stas is waiting for us.”
When I step out of his closet dressed, Liam’s sprawled out on his bed with Stasi perched on top of him.
I wander over to pull her off the bed and into my arms, snuggling my face into her warm neck. “Sorry for being moody earlier. Liam sucked me off, and now I feel much better. What do you have to show us, sweetheart?”
She lets out a soft laugh, her cheeks flushed. “Okay, so I’m apologizing in advance if my idea is stupid.”
“You take those words back,” I say.
Big brown eyes shine up at me—decadent pools of rich bourbon that warm my veins just as much as a shot of liquor. “I’m not taking them back until you see what I’ve done.”
Liam drapes himself around her backside, his hands sliding into the pockets of my sweats. Or his sweats since I borrowed them from him.
“I might not be able to play rough with Beau right now, but I can still discipline you , angel,” Liam warns.
Stasi slips out from between us and grabs both of our hands. “You can do that all you want when Beau’s able to join in. Come on. ”
Liam chuckles as she leads us down the stairs. I’m struck speechless at the bottom of the stairs by the sight of golden starlight circling the normally dark, empty dining room.
“Did you…pitch a tent inside?” I ask, chuckling in disbelief.
The entrance flaps are tied back to reveal a spread of pillows, blankets, battery-powered tea lights, and a picnic basket.
“It was too cold to do a date night outside, but you had said you love camping, and I know Liam likes the stars—”
I crush my mouth to hers, my heart soaring to new levels. “I love it.”
Beaming, she guides me into the tent, fluffing up a stack of pillows for me to lean against. Liam crawls in after us. As soon as he’s inside, he wraps a hand around her calf and tugs her flat onto her back. She lets out a little yelp before he kisses her.
“Too fucking sweet,” he murmurs.
Heat rushes through me as I watch them exchange tender kisses. I’m not sure if jealousy is supposed to be a thing in these situations. Sure, I’m jealous of the fact that he could claim her right now if he wanted to, and I’m stuck, unable to reciprocate physically thanks to my stupid health.
But that’s temporary.
This— us —fuck, I really hope it’s a forever thing.
Liam kisses his way down Stasi’s body until she’s giggling and pushing at him to sit up.
She fixes her hair in a high bun before digging items out of the wicker basket.
Cups of hot coffee from the shop she’d stopped at on her way home, mini sandwiches, fresh-baked cookies, strawberries, trail mix with little marshmallows, chocolate pieces, and graham crackers, and giant slices of watermelon—something we’d come to learn over the summer is a favorite of Liam’s.
When I glance at Liam, he looks just as astonished by the woman we’ve managed to win over .
Keeper , I mouth.
She could have spent her evening with anyone the night of that album release party. For some reason, she chose us.
After eating through most of the food she packed, we sprawl out on our backs. Stasi’s got her head and hand on my chest. Her breaths are coming slower and slower.
Closing my eyes, I smile. “She fell asleep, didn’t she?”
“She did,” Liam answers quietly. “Beau. Can I ask you something?”
I run my fingertips up and down her spine. “Anything.”
“Did you tell anyone from Lithos about your symptoms?”
My hand stops moving. “Why does it matter?”
“Noah thought you’d gotten mixed up with drugs. I didn’t tell him your business, but I made it clear that wasn’t the case.”
Words get stuck in my throat for a little while. “Ah. Well, thanks.”
“If you explained what was actually going on, they would probably take you back.”
I release a long breath. “I don’t want to use my health as an excuse for my creative shortfalls.”
“You absolutely fucking can use it as an explanation ."
I turn my head to look at him. Fake starlight illuminates his serious expression. He’s such a dangerous looking man, and yet he couldn’t be more selfless or caring.
“I’m okay, Liam. Really .”
More than okay with the two of them bleeding warmth into me.
“You ready to try coming back to the studio?”
I give a soft smile. “Do you want me to come back?”
“You work for me, Beau.”
“You should fire me. I left without giving notice. ”
His dark eyes flash with anger. “I’m in charge. And you’re not going to leave again, understand?”
I want to laugh at his command, but I’m still not convinced I’m living in reality. Did I wake up from anesthesia? If not, I think I’m okay staying right here forever.
“You’re gonna get sick of me,” I say.
“Maybe.”
I make a pouty face at him. “You better be glad she’s holding me back.”
Surprisingly, Liam lets out a deep laugh that makes my heart skip.
“You called me a liar, so it doesn’t matter what I say. You won’t believe me anyway,” he says.
“Nevermind. I believe you.”
“Mmm. Good. Have I told you how perfect you are today?”
“No. Not perfect. I’m happy ,” I murmur sleepily. “Hey, Liam?”
“Yeah, trouble?”
“Thanks for chasing after me this time.”