Chapter 31
They turned the last corner and slipped into Alex’s chamber. The door closed at once behind them. Erica blinked at the candlelight and the scatter of color across the floor.
Petals. Dozens of them.
Roses from the inner yard and little blue cornflowers that she knew the girls liked to pick for her hair. They lay in a ring at the center of the room like a childish spell.
Alex stood barefoot inside it, sleeves pushed to his elbows, throat bare, eye on her as if he had been there for hours.
“Well, ye daenae seem to need help,” she called, folding her arms over her chest.
Alex laughed, and relief flooded through her, then disbelief. It came out as a laugh that sounded too thin for her own ears. She pressed a hand to her mouth and shook her head.
“Ye wicked pair,” she said, turning to the girls. “That was a fright and a sin. Daenae do it again.”
Bettie’s mouth twitched. Katie’s hands were clasped tight behind her back.
“Nay promises,” Katie said, small and stubborn.
Erica sighed, softening at once. “Out. Both of ye. I will see to him.”
Bettie kissed her fingers and touched them to the door for luck. Katie did the same, as if they could bless the wood itself. They slipped away. The lock clicked.
Silence came down like a blanket.
Erica faced Alex. The petals made a neat circle between them. She stepped into it.
“What do ye want now?” she asked. The words were not cruel. They were tired. “I am done guessing.”
“We need to talk,” he said. “Properly. Nae with a door between us. Nae with a castle watching.”
“We have done nothing but talk,” she pointed out. “And run. And stop. And pretend.”
He took a breath. “Then hear me out.”
“Hear ye out,” she echoed, the ache rising again. “Do ye ken what ye sound like, Alex? I stood in that room and asked ye for a scrap of want. Ye gave me rules.”
“I gave ye what I had,” he said.
“Ye pushed me away,” she shot back.
They stared at one another, their breathing uneven, the old hurt crossing the new. Petals shifted at her heel. She realized that her hands had curled into fists and forced them open.
Alex spoke first, voice rough. “I am afraid of betrayal.”
“And I am afraid of being unwanted,” she said. “I have been enough things in men’s stories. I willnae be a burden they believe they must bear.”
He flinched. “I never thought ye a burden.”
“Then what am I?” she asked. “What have ye always seen me as?”
Alex closed the distance between them in two steps, not to touch her, but to be close enough that she could see the conflict in his eye.
Her hand rose to his chest and found his heartbeat. He caught her wrist as if to stop her, but he did not. Their mouths met with anger and grief. The kiss hit hard, then softened, then steadied.
When they broke apart, they were both shaking.
“Erica,” he said, and the name sounded like a prayer. “I never meant to fall in love.”
She went very still.
“I didnae think I could trust anyone after what happened,” he said. “I didnae think I had it left to give. I thought I would be a wall until I died.”
Erica swallowed, feeling the floor shake beneath her feet.
His eyes did not leave hers. “Ye changed it.”
Her throat closed up, and she forced herself to breathe.
“I have fallen in love with ye,” he said. “Ye have changed everything, especially the girls. They laugh in ways I havenae heard since they were babes.”
Tears burned. She hated them. Still, she let them fall.
“Alex, do ye…” she trailed off. She needed the words more than pride. “Do ye really mean this, or is this just another trick?”
“‘Tis nae a trick,” he said, steadier now. “I love ye.”
Something inside her cracked, and the wall she had braced all evening slid down an inch, then another. She stepped forward until her forehead rested against his, until his breath warmed her mouth again.
“Why?” she suddenly asked, surprised at the way the word escaped her lips.
“What?” he asked in response.
“Why now? Is this yer way of getting me to stay?”
“Erica, I wouldnae say that if I didnae mean it.”
“Ye have yet to answer me question.”
“What do ye want me to say?”
Erica sighed. “The truth. Ye never hid how much ye despised falling in love. In fact, ye once told me ye would never marry again. So, what changed yer mind?”
“Ye did, silly.” His response shocked her to the core, such that her knees weakened. “Ye’ve shown me what love is—what it truly is—and I daenae ken if I can live without it. Or without ye.”
Erica felt a lump form in her throat, and she swallowed past it almost immediately.
“And what happens later, when ye decide ye were wrong?” she asked, the apprehension in her voice more evident than the heat in the room.
“Have ye nae heard?” Alex asked, leaning in. “I am never wrong.”
Erica laughed, a wave of relief rushing down her spine. She got all the confirmation needed, and now she was free.
Free to say the words back to him.
And mean them.
Truly mean them.
“I love ye,” she said, and it sounded like surrender and home. “I have from the moment ye stood up to MacGee and pretended ye didnae care about the rules.”
“I wasnae pretending.”
“Oh, I am certain ye werenae.”
He laughed once, a quiet broken thing, and pulled her in as if he had been waiting his whole life to do only that.
The last hard piece of pride between them cracked. They kissed again, closing the distance their fear had built.
Without thinking too hard about it, Erica took off his shirt. Alex reached for her thighs and lifted her off the floor. They found their way to the edge of the bed, and he slowly laid her on it, loosening her dress.
Then, his weight settled over her, the bed creaking beneath them. He kissed her even more fervently this time, as if she would be taken away from him forever and he needed to get as much of her as he could. As if he had been starving for ages.
Erica felt his length, hot and hard, between her thighs, and they parted almost instinctively. Her breath hitched, and he looked at her, nothing but desire in his good eye.
“Are ye certain?”
She nodded, curling her fingers around his neck. “More than anything.”
His mouth twisted into a smile, and he pushed into her. She gasped against him, a shudder racking her body.
“Easy…” he whispered in her ear.
She tried to grab onto something, but she ended up raking her nails down his back. She tried to relax as he slid into her to the hilt.
His hips ground into hers, and another gasp escaped her lips. Then the rhythm started to build. At first, it was slow and electric, then he went faster, thrusting in and out, and sealing his mouth over hers.
She moaned against him. Hear burned low in her belly, and her body tightened further every time he drove into her. Her thighs locked around his waist, and she drew him deeper, asking for more. Begging for more.
He was deep.
God, he was deep.
Every thrust filled her to the top—thick, hard, and perfect. She could barely think or make a sound over him pounding her so hard that raw heat spread from her belly.
She gasped, her head falling back against the pillow and her nails digging into his back. They raked down his sweaty skin, desperately in search of something to hold her in place.
“Alex—” she whimpered, feeling her body clench even tighter.
“I ken,” he panted in her ear, barely holding it together.
His damp hair covered almost all of his face, and sweat dropped from his forehead to hers, as her hips bucked to meet each thrust.
Then climax hit her and slid across her body like waves of unimaginable pleasure.
Alex let out a strangled groan and bit her shoulder.
It wasn’t enough to hurt her, but it was enough to make her cry out and arch beneath him.
He whispered something unintelligible in her ear, and for a brief moment, she wondered if it was in Gaelic.
Then he pulled back again and thrust even deeper.
For a moment, none of them moved. All Erica could see was the ceiling, and all she could smell was sweat and the fragrance of the flowers.
This is what bliss smells like.