Chapter 19
Julian
Someone turned the club lights on and the overhead lights off, and music played from hidden speakers around the room, softer than it probably would be on a busy night.
The beer was ice cold, condensation gathering on Julian’s fingertips as he turned on his stool to look out at the mostly empty club.
It was just like being on his back deck with his squad, if he squinted.
Like, really squinted. Luke and Isaac were chatting at the end of the bar, Luke waving one hand as he explained something.
Storm and Shadrach were at the other end of the bar, sharing an ashtray.
Alex, Ira, and Talon were sitting at a booth together, their faces lit by the dim light of a red lamp in the middle of the table.
Alex had a pink drink in his hand, complete with a couple of cherries, and Ira had a glass of wine.
Beside him, Valac’s presence was a steady comfort. The longer they sat there, the more he wanted to lean in, line their bodies up. Why did it feel so hard to keep his distance?
He straightened, realizing he’d been leaning toward Valac again. The Sentinels were all here. If he wanted to ask someone for advice about what was happening between him and the behemoth, these were the people to go to.
He lurched off the stool. “I’ll be right back.”
Valac nodded, and his gaze was heavy on Julian’s back as he crossed the room toward Alex, Talon, and Ira. The latter noticed him coming and slid over to make room for him.
“Hey, Jules,” Alex said when he sat down.
“Hi. I need advice.”
Talon opened his mouth—and blew out a breath when Alex jabbed him in the ribs.
“Tell us,” Alex said. To Talon, he added, “Be nice and I’ll thank you for it later.”
Talon smirked, and there was no mistaking the molten heat of his gaze.
“Yeah, advice about that,” Julian said, gesturing between the two of them. “About… y’know. About being with a—” He jerked his head toward Valac, who was still watching him, and lifted his drink to his lips. His mouth was desert-dry.
Talon followed his gaze, fighting a smile, and said, “I suggest you invest in some good anal plugs.”
Julian choked on his beer, which spilled down his chin and all over the polished tabletop. “Wh-What?”
“Well, look at him,” Talon said, casting Valac an appraising look. “If he’s just proportional, you’re still in for a wild ride.”
“Oh my God,” Julian muttered. He didn’t dare mention that Shadrach had already bought them some.
Alex sputtered out a hysterical laugh and shoved Talon out of the booth. “Go on, get out of here! That’s not the kind of advice he came here for! No favors for you later. You owe me one now.”
Talon rocked his eyebrows at Alex and then wandered away. Toward Valac, which would probably go about as well as things had gone here in the booth.
“What’s he going to say to him? Should I stop him?” Julian asked.
“No, you should ask what you wanted to ask us,” Ira said. “Also, he might not be wrong about the proportionality thing. Nothing about Valac is going to be small.”
Julian wanted to sink through the booth and die.
“Okay, okay,” Alex said. “No more about that. I didn’t know a human face could turn that red.”
They both waited for Julian to find his voice again. “I-I just don’t know if this is the right thing, you know?”
“The right thing?” Ira prompted.
“Yeah.” Julian picked at the label on his bottle.
“I feel so drawn to him. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.
And that scares me a lot. If the last few days have shown me anything, it’s that nothing is permanent.
Everything I had has been taken away. All I have left is him.
What if I screw that up and lose him, too?
What if the paladins come for us and hurt him?
What if this isn’t actually the right thing?
He doesn’t seem like a demon, not really. He’s not evil.”
Alex and Ira exchanged a knowing look, and Ira said, “Julian, the truth is we’ve all had the same worries.
We all worried whether giving in to the temptation of being with a demon was the right thing.
We worried about what would happen to our souls if we did.
But for each of us, being with our partners was the right choice for us.
No, they’re not evil. They aren’t as bad as we were taught to believe.
And for the record, we all drink their blood.
It doesn’t have anything to do with where our souls will go when we die. ”
“Right, yeah, he mentioned that. Does it really stop you from aging?”
“It does. We’ll be immortal as long as we have their blood in our system—and don’t die.
We can still die. We’re just harder to kill, because we heal a lot faster, too,” Alex explained.
“I asked Talon about whether it would change me the first time he gave me some. He told me drinking his blood won’t determine where we go after our death.
Not that that would really matter, since we’ll live forever. ”
Ira patted Julian’s shoulder. “If you want Valac, you can be assured that he will be the one constant in your very long life, if you’d like him to be. He’s not doing this to tempt you or lead you astray, and I think you know that, deep down.”
“You’re right,” Julian admitted. “I just worry—about everything. What if he gets bored or annoyed and leaves me? He’s all I have left. I wouldn’t know how to function without him, and it scares me to rely on someone like that.”
“He’s not all you have left,” Alex said. “You have us now.”
Julian’s heart squeezed. That was true, wasn’t it?
He’d spent the day training with them. For the first time in months, his body was deliciously weary from training, not from stress and lack of sleep.
He’d almost forgotten what it was like to have people in his corner, supporting him because they cared about him and because they were in this together.
“And the thing about the demons is that they don’t understand love like we do,” Ira explained.
“They understand possession. They want to keep us, which means making sure we’re happy.
If Valac is the same way—and I’m sure he is—then he won’t do anything that would jeopardize your feelings for him.
That’s his main priority. It’s the same for Wolf.
They’re not going to get bored or annoyed. They’re not going to leave.”
Alex chimed in, “You’ve known Valac for a while now, right? Does he seem like someone who would leave you high and dry?”
Julian blew out a breath and leaned back. “No. He’s been great. I’ve leaned on him pretty hard through all of this. I guess I’m just worried that things will be different outside of our dreams. It’s so intense that it… scares me.”
Alex’s gaze softened. “Talon can dreamwalk, too. I promise, reality is better. In every way. All you have to do is give it a try.”
Julian looked at Valac once more, and this time their eyes met. Julian warmed under his attention, his body responding in a way he’d never experienced with anyone else. Like a flower turning toward the sun.
Malachi had dragged Luke out onto the dance floor, their hands clasped in an old-fashioned style dance as they swayed from side to side.
Luke was smiling widely—wider than Julian had ever seen him smile at the guild.
Storm tugged Nathan out beside them, guiding Nathan’s arms around his neck, and Nathan looked ten years younger as he gazed up at the halfling.
Isaac was sitting on a stool at the end of the bar, and Shadrach stood between his legs, leaning in close.
Julian couldn’t tell if he was whispering in his ear or kissing his neck.
Julian longed for a lover’s embrace like that. And all he had to do was reach out for it.
He drained his beer—a little liquid courage would go a long way right now—and stood.
“Go get him, Jules,” Alex cheered.
Talon saw him coming and moved away from Valac to return to Alex. When they passed each other, Talon murmured, “Remember what I said,” and tapped his temple with a cheeky wink.
Julian pursed his lips and didn’t rise to the bait, ignoring Talon’s ringing laughter behind him and Alex’s barely audible chastisement. Valac was watching him approach, his glowing eyes soft with fondness, and that was the only thing that mattered to Julian.
He strode right up to him, between his legs, and threw his arms around Valac’s neck. A low growl spilled out of Valac as he wrapped his arms around him, bringing their bodies tightly flush, like touching Julian relieved an ache that had plagued him all day. Julian sighed against Valac’s neck.
“Have I mentioned yet how grateful I am that you’re here?” he breathed. “I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if you hadn’t come when you did.”
No, that wasn’t true. He knew exactly what would have happened. He would have died outside the restaurant, and he’d barely be a footnote in the guild’s history. A coward who threw in the towel and got what they thought he deserved.
The black ink under Julian’s lips writhed. He couldn’t feel any change in the texture of Valac’s skin, but it was strange to see up close. Feeling bold, he pressed a kiss to it, and Valac shuddered, his arms like steel around Julian’s back.
“I’ll never let them hurt you again,” Valac rumbled in his ear.
Julian couldn’t get close enough. Wrapped in Valac’s arms and pressed together from hip to shoulder still wasn’t enough. “Val,” he whined. He wanted more, but he didn’t know how to ask for it.
Fingers gripped the back of his hair, gentle but firm, and guided Julian’s face up.
Valac ducked his head and crushed their mouths together.
Fireworks exploded behind his eyelids. It felt like coming home.
Julian gripped the back of his shirt, opening his mouth and flicking his tongue against Valac’s for a greedy taste.
Cool tendrils wrapped around him, and Julian opened his eyes. Valac’s shadows had emerged from his body, curling around him possessively.