Chapter 25 Julian
Julian
With Valac gone, Julian found himself alone once again.
Except—not really.
When he turned away from the dance floor where Valac had disappeared, there was no chance for that old, familiar loneliness to creep back in, because Nathan was there, slinging an arm around his shoulders and guiding him to the bar.
“How about breakfast? Have you eaten?” he asked.
“I’m not sure I could eat,” he admitted.
Nathan tutted.
“Nonsense,” Alex said, pulling out his phone. “We’ll order food, have it delivered.”
Julian tried to swallow around the lump forming in his throat. “You guys don’t have to do that.”
“We promised him we’d take care of you,” Luke said. “We’ll have your back until he returns—and that doesn’t just mean in battle. You’re one of us now.”
He’d been alone for so long. When he’d left the guild, he’d mourned for the loss of his squad and his friends as surely as if they’d been killed in action.
Even though he’d chosen to leave, he’d still somehow felt abandoned when all was said and done.
Now, he was surrounded by people who wanted to feed him and spend time with him and make sure he was okay.
The emotion reached a boiling point, and Julian turned away, hiding his face in Nathan’s shoulder. “Ah, fuck,” he hissed.
Several of them chuckled good-naturedly, and Nathan rubbed his back.
“I forget how young you are,” Nathan said.
“Hey, we’re the same age,” Alex protested. It was true; they’d graduated together.
“Yes,” Nathan said pointedly. “Young.”
“Sorry, I know it’s stupid,” Julian said, sniffling. “It’s not like I won’t see him again. It feels childish to be upset about missing him for a few days when there’s so much going on.”
Shadrach barked out a laugh. Julian scowled indignantly until the leviathan spoke.
“When Isaac ran back to the guild, I was beside myself. I couldn’t focus.
Couldn’t think. Nobody here is going to think less of you for feeling what we’ve all felt.
Being apart from our person is torture—for any length of time. ”
“Really?” Julian asked. “You all feel it, too?”
A round of affirmative nods followed.
“Why is it like this?”
Talon chuckled. “We’ve all asked that question. Some more angrily than others.”
“I think it’s meant to happen,” Ira said sagely. “I think we’re meant to be a bridge between the sides.”
The sides, Julian thought, frowning. Human and demon? That didn’t sound right. If the humans here were the bridge, what was the other side? Heaven? He’d never heard any of them talk about it before. Valac had confirmed its existence and Purgatory’s, but what did that really mean?
“What is the other side?” he asked. “Are there… angels?”
Isaac scoffed. Most of the demons looked doubtful or dismissive. Luke, Alex, and Nathan looked thoughtful.
“I hope so,” Nathan said.
“I think so,” Ira added.
“Where are they, then?” Isaac asked. “Why are they letting us do all the hard work down here? If they exist, why are we the ones fighting off the monsters?”
“I don’t know,” Ira said. “You know I can’t see everything. It’s just a feeling I have.”
“Feelings aren’t prophecies,” Isaac drawled.
Ira scowled. “I’m well aware.”
“You don’t believe in Heaven?” Julian asked Isaac. That seemed counterintuitive to everything they’d been taught.
“No, I don’t,” he said, then took a deep breath and let it out, like the words were refreshing to say.
“I could never say that in the guild, but I always felt it. I believe in what I can see. Demons, monsters, those exist. I mean, we just saw a demon walk through a portal to go to Hell. I know those things are real. But Heaven? Angels? Even God?” He shrugged one shoulder. “I’m not convinced.”
“I’ve never seen proof that angels are real,” Talon added. “And I’ve been around for a very long time.”
“You don’t seriously think there would be a Hell and not a Heaven?” Ira said, looking between them. “What kind of balance would that be? Where do the good souls go?”
“Maybe they just disappear,” Isaac said.
Julian said, “Valac said damned souls can find peace. They aren’t tortured in Hell for all eternity. I assume that means they get to go to Heaven once they repent for their wrongdoings.”
Nathan smiled. “I like that.”
“But he’s never seen Heaven,” Isaac pointed out.
“Well, no.”
“So he doesn’t know for sure.”
Julian huffed halfheartedly. “No, I guess not.”
Isaac raised one hand into the air. “I’m just not convinced, that’s all I’m saying.”
Shadrach, his dark eyes heavy-lidded, slid his fingers into the back of Isaac’s hair with a moan. “Ah, I love it when you’re blasphemous.”
Isaac tried to hide his grin and the accompanying flush that spread across his face.
“Food is on its way,” Alex said, setting his phone aside. “I either need coffee or alcohol if we’re going to continue this discussion.”
“No alcohol before breakfast,” Nathan chided.
“Coffee it is,” Wolf said, turning to start another pot.
Nathan pushed Julian to sit at one of the stools, and his stomach growled. Maybe he could eat, after all.
Julian landed hard on the training mat, his breath escaping in a whoosh.
Coughing, he rolled over and pushed himself up with a groan.
Isaac cackled, bouncing over and extending a hand to help him up.
Julian slapped it away and stood on his own, which just made Isaac laugh harder.
The twinkling lights overhead were annoyingly cheerful.
“Don’t be sour,” he said through his laughter. “You’re doing really good!”
“It’s true,” Luke called from the bench press. “I’ve seen him lay people out a lot faster than that.”
“You’re lasting a lot longer than you were when you first started training again,” Isaac said.
“It’s not good enough,” Julian said, bracing his hands on his knees while he panted.
“It is, actually,” Nathan said, joining them from the practice dummy he’d been working with.
“Keep in mind, Isaac was always one of the best fighters in the guild. The fact that you’re regularly holding your own against him during spars is a very good thing, even if he does eventually get you down.
Hell, I’ve been doing this for a long time and he still beats me nine times out of ten. ”
Isaac beamed at him.
“If you can hold your own against Isaac, you’ll be just fine against the paladins,” Nathan went on.
Julian’s gaze went distant, remembering the way they’d surrounded him in the parking lot. “I just don’t want to be taken by surprise again. What if they outnumber me like last time?”
“That’s why you have one of us with you at all times until Valac gets back,” Nathan said kindly.
“Two against eight?” Julian asked, because paladins didn’t do anything without a full squad these days. “That’s still not great odds.”
“It is when we’re the two,” Isaac said with a wink.
“Who’s on the roster to patrol tonight?” Alex asked from the air hockey table, where he was typing on a laptop.
“Luke, Angie, and me,” Nathan called. After much deliberation, they’d agreed to let the teens go on short, supervised patrols. These patrols were half as long, and the priority was letting the kids get used to carrying their weapons and navigating in the dark with threats about.
“Oh, it’s our turn tonight?” Malachi teased. He stood over Luke’s head, spotting the weight for him.
Luke racked the bar and said, “Our turn? Are you tagging along tonight?”
“With assholes on the loose? You bet I am.” He bent over and smacked a kiss to Luke’s lips.
“None of that while we’re patrolling!” Angela warned. She was practicing her sword swings in the corner.
“You’re not the boss of me,” Malachi replied.
Julian snorted out a laugh as they continued to bicker, the centuries old demon and the teenage girl.
Most of the demons treated Angela and Zachary like little siblings.
They teased and antagonized each other, but there was a fondness to it.
They all had a soft spot for the teens. It was unexpectedly heartwarming.
“Jules,” Talon said, “when did you last sleep? Did you see Valac?”
They’d all asked for regular updates about Valac’s progress through Hell. Everyone was on pins and needles waiting for him and the sin eater to return to the surface. They were all eager to make a move on the paladins.
“Yeah. He’s through Purgatory. Said he should be able to find a sin eater today and make them a proposal about bringing them to the surface.”
“Which one?” Shadrach asked.
“Which sin eater?” Julian clarified.
Shadrach nodded.
“No idea. I think he’s just planning to ask whichever one he finds first. Why? Do you have a preference?”
“Not particularly. Some have more grievous reputations than others,” Shadrach said. “Who’s the one who supposedly tortured that serial killer for fifty years straight?”
“Ashmedai,” Talon said, and shook his head dismissively. “He wouldn’t come to the surface.”
“You don’t think? I’d like to meet him.” Shadrach looked gleeful.
“He spends too much time in the Pit with the damned. I doubt he’d drag himself away just to help us, no matter how intriguing it might be to come and eat fresh from the surface.”
“This is a very unnerving conversation,” Julian muttered.
“The humans don’t want the bloodthirstiest one, anyway,” Talon added.
“Don’t we?” Zachary asked doubtfully. “I mean, we want them to go after the paladins. Bloodthirsty is good, in this case.”
“Ah, from the mouths of babes,” Malachi drawled.
“I’m eighteen, remember?” Zachary said.
Angela laughed. “‘Eighteen whole years,’ he says to the hundred-year-old demon.”
Zachary sneered at her, and she stuck her tongue out at him.
“Are we sure we’re the right ones to bring down the guild?” Julian asked lightly. “I’m not sure we’re collectively mature enough.”
“Speak for yourself,” Wolf added from the snack bar.
“This whole conversation is taking place under a disco ball,” Julian said. “I think our maturity is compromised.”
“Don’t hate on the disco ball,” Ira joked.
Julian laughed.
True to their word, none of them left Julian alone.
Someone was usually in his apartment when he fell asleep, and someone else was there when he woke.
Most of the time, they were already cooking breakfast or had ordered something for the group.
Julian had a feeling they were spending even more time together than usual for his sake.
They were effortlessly kind. Julian might have expected that from the humans—some of these guys were people he’d looked up to and admired in the guild, so their kindness didn’t surprise him, even if he sometimes felt unworthy of it.
What really surprised him were the demons.
They rallied around him just like the humans did.
Shadrach liked to cook and even had his own food preferences delivered to Julian and Valac’s apartment.
The fridge was stocked with complicated recipes Julian could barely pronounce, each one more savory and filling than the last. Isaac liked to bookmark Wikipedia pages on the laptop for Valac to read when he returned.
They were often pages about prominent battles in history.
Julian and Nathan had taken to looking at real estate listings together.
Since Nathan also owned his own house—though he currently lived in an apartment with Storm, because the paladins had his old address—Julian liked getting his opinion on some of the listings that interested him.
He didn’t know when he and Valac would be able to move, but the prospect warmed him.
Storm usually accompanied him, quiet but stalwart. He was a little like Valac in that way.
At night, they spent a lot of time downstairs in the bar. Talon sometimes had to hold court in the private office that overlooked the dance floor, and when he did, Julian kept Alex company in their booth. They were often joined by a rotating list of sentinels and demons.
Every waking moment, Julian was with friends. Family. Just like Valac promised.
And at night, he saw Valac.
“I am on my way back to you, my jewel,” Valac said. His arms were a strong, solid weight around Julian’s middle, holding them together.
Everything around them was hazy, but Julian thought it looked faintly like their apartment. The softness beneath them felt like their bed, but neither of them focused enough to bring it solid form. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that they were together.
“You found a sin eater?”
“I did. Ashmedai needed surprisingly little convincing.”
Julian raised his head to look down at Valac’s violet eyes. “Ashmedai? Really?”
Valac blinked at him. “You know of him?”
“Talon and Shadrach mentioned him in particular. They said he’s the worst one. They wanted to meet him, but they didn’t think he’d be willing to come to the surface.”
“I was surprised, as well. He seemed curious about humans and the surface.”
“What’s he like?”
“Quiet. Sin eaters don’t speak much. I’ve told him our plan, and he seems eager to help. He said he likes hypocrites. They taste sweet.”
Julian shuddered. “He sounds horrifying.”
“To a human, he is. He’s meant to be.”
Julian thought back to the conversation they’d had about sin eaters before Valac left. Ira indicated that the sin eater would meet and fall for a human. Julian couldn’t imagine who would fall for something like that.
Valac’s gentle fingers trailing up and down his spine drew him back to the present. “Have you been safe? Have there been any signs of the paladins?”
“Safe, yes. Paladins, no. We’ve all been training hard and keeping our patrols short. One of the demons have been tagging along on patrols each night, too, so we have more backup than usual.”
“Good.” Valac’s fingers curled through his hair, and Julian melted against his broad, hot body. “I miss you.”
Julian nuzzled closer. “I miss you, too. You’ll be back soon, right?”
“Yes. Not much longer, and I’ll have you in my arms once again.”
“I can’t wait.” He’d thought losing his friends from the guild was the worst feeling ever, but being apart from Valac was worse. His heart was detached from his body, his blood stagnant in his veins. He was in stasis, and the only thing that would bring him back to life was Valac.
“I should go,” Valac said regretfully. “Sleep well, my jewel. I’ll be back with you soon.”
“Okay.” Emotion clogged his throat, but he swallowed it down. He tugged Valac in for a deep kiss, tasting brimstone on his tongue.
And then he faded away with a regretful sigh, leaving Julian to float in darkness.