Chapter 4
CHAPTER
FOUR
Blake stepped out of Irving’s office and took a deep breath. The cold air hurt, but it was better than the thick blanket of testosterone he’d just been breathing. God, if they’d been in there any longer, they’d have to pull out a ruler for all the dick measuring going on.
These meetings were tedious at best, and pointless at worst. Gabriel’s team brought back some solid information, but it wasn’t enough.
Confirming that the Monkey Cats had a short lifespan didn’t really help.
They knew they must be replenishing their forces somehow, but without knowing how or when, it was just pissing in the wind.
Which led to Alvarez making some pointed comments about sitting around on their asses, Gabriel trying not to rise to the bait, but eventually getting goaded into a passive-aggressive yelling match. Light on the passive.
Judd had a bet going around that the next time would lead to a physical fight. Blake didn’t like it when Judd was right.
Rubbing his eyes, he tried not to think about the more immediate pressing concerns. He would laugh at the idea of aliens attacking the Earth as not pressing, but they were staring down the barrel of starvation, and no one was quite sure what to do.
Blake had never so much as kept a plant alive, but even if one of them had any idea about gardening, it was impossible to start something when the ground was frozen. And they were hesitant to even begin. Setting up a garden meant permanency. It meant that they planned to stay for the long haul.
And that felt a lot like giving up.
Which left them scavenging, but that was a finite thing. Eventually, they’d pick everything clean. It was a miracle they’d found what they had.
Still, Blake had tried to pay attention. He’d tried to push back the panic bubbling in his chest and focus. It didn’t help that Gabriel had been staring at him the entire time, eyes creased with worry.
So he wasn’t surprised when, a few steps from Irving’s office, Gabriel grabbed his arm. “Can we talk?”
Blake wanted to say no. He wanted to yank his hand free with an excuse that bought him time. But no matter how he felt, Gabriel didn’t deserve that.
They stepped into a small alcove beside a bookcase with pamphlets for local attractions.
Blake ran a finger through the dust on a brochure for a local pumpkin patch and wondered if all the pumpkins died or if they somehow flourished, rising up to tangle their vines through their carefully cultivated rows, claiming the field as their own.
I’ve watched too many B horror movies.
Avoiding looking at Gabriel, he turned the other way.
To their right, Victoria and Judd were sitting at one of the breakfast tables.
Judd was gesticulating about something, his voice carrying even as he tried to keep it lower.
His mullet had grown out, now more like a shaggy mousy brown mane curling over his ears.
He was also sporting a pretty decent mustache; it made Tommy giggle every time he looked him in the face.
Victoria was turned away, her lips pressed together.
“Wonder what they’re arguing about.”
Blake glanced at Gabriel. “She’s trying not to laugh.”
The soldier did a double-take. “What?
“She’s pressing her lips together to keep from laughing.
Her neck is strained, looking down at the table, which isn’t characteristic for her.
” Victoria prided herself on always making uncomfortable amounts of eye contact.
The fact that she wasn’t boring holes into Judd’s face was indication enough that she was trying to keep him from reading her expression.
Add to that the way she kept side-eyeing Judd, and the faintest of blushes dusting across her cheeks, and it was obvious what was happening.
But Gabriel wasn’t staring at Judd and Victoria anymore; he was looking down at Blake like he’d just offered him a gift he didn’t expect. His chameleon eyes somehow managed to sparkle in the dull light filtering through the frosted window. He reached forward, gently taking Blake’s hand.
“Can I take you somewhere? Just the two of us?”
Blake was caught off guard. That wasn’t what he expected, and he took a moment to consider if he really wanted to go with him.
He still wasn’t sure how he was feeling.
There was a small, bitter part of him that was still hurt.
And as much as he hated how it tasted like battery acid on the back of his tongue, he didn’t want to let it go.
A righteous sort of stubbornness that dug in deep, insisting that Blake was right.
But there was another part of him, a bigger part, that wanted to let it go.
The part of him who slept in an empty bed and spent weeks looking toward the south, hoping to see that battered pickup truck pulling into the parking lot.
The part of him that missed the scent of Gabriel’s skin on his pillow, and the way he left gobs of toothpaste in the sink.
Chewing his lip, Blake swallowed back the bitterness and smiled. “Lead the way.”
The snow was melting under one of their first rare sunny days. It sloshed over Blake’s boots as he followed Gabriel down the narrow sidewalk in town. Icicles dripping down from roofs sparkled in the sun, and with every step he took away from the motel, it felt a little easier to breathe.
Gabriel seemed happy, too. He had dipped out before leaving, coming back without any gear except his gun and a backpack.
Most of them wore backpacks wherever they went on the off chance they found something worth scavenging, but Blake had left his behind.
Gabriel was wearing his tactical pants. What was the point of all those pockets if he wasn’t going to use them to carry Blake’s stuff?
It had been a long time since Blake had seen Gabriel without his plate carrier and helmet.
It had been a long time since he’d seen Gabriel, period, but every time he pictured him in his mind, it was always fully geared up.
If he took the time to think about it, Blake could say it was probably because to him, Gabriel was safety. A protector.
Also, he looked hot in his gear.
Usually, Blake went into town with a group, and they had some kind of objective. But Gabriel seemed content to just walk, occasionally pointing something out—like the funny fish-shaped mailbox on one house, or a stray cat sauntering across the road with dead leaves in its whiskers.
As they crossed an intersection, Gabriel took Blake’s hand, threading their fingers through before stuffing both hands in his pocket.
His skin was warm, calluses tickling Blake’s palm.
Ridiculously, Blake found himself blushing.
Like he hadn’t seen this man fully naked multiple times, it was holding hands that made butterflies erupt in his stomach.
Wrinkling his nose, he squeezed Gabriel’s hand. “That’s so gay.”
Gabriel waggled his eyebrows. “Wait until you hear what I want to do with my mouth. That’s super gay.”
Their laughter echoed around the narrow street, and Blake let his shoulder bump against Gabriel’s as they continued walking.
“You never did tell me how you came out.”
Gabriel huffed, his breath pluming in front of his lips. “Not much to tell, really. I don’t think I ever really hid it. I was never interested in dating anyone I worked with, and people just assumed I was straight.”
Blake could barely remember when Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed.
He had been young and more concerned with who was going to get the good basketball in gym class.
It never occurred to him that one day he’d be walking hand in hand with a man.
But then, sexuality had never been at the forefront of his mind.
At least, not until Gabriel stepped into his ambulance, reeking of sweat and gunpowder, with his changing eyes and confidence oozing out of every pore.
“Phin begged me not to come out,” Gabriel admitted. “He’d known I was gay since boot camp. We went out to celebrate graduating, and we got hammered. He was carrying me home when I told him I didn’t want to suck his dick.”
Blake chuckled. “Bet he loved that.”
“Pretty sure he was grateful,” Gabriel laughed. “It never bothered him. We’d been through so much by that point, I could have told him I believed the moon was cheese and he would have rolled with it.”
“But he didn’t want you to come out?”
“He knew how hard it would be,” Gabriel answered with a shrug.
“And he was right. But I felt like it was time. I thought there was probably some kid, fresh out of boot camp, who was terrified to be themselves. I owed it to them. To all the kids who weren’t as lucky as I was—to have parents who supported me, and friends who didn’t treat me any differently.
I could take the hits so they didn’t have to. ”
Blake couldn’t imagine. He’d never had to come out.
Sure, he noticed guys before. He appreciated their beauty but never felt the need to pursue it or even question if it was normal.
Maybe he just thought it was envy over their height or jawline, or their big hands.
He never stopped to think whether every other guy did the same.
And then there was Gabriel…and the aliens. Of the two things Blake had to panic about back then, aliens took precedence. He’d never had to struggle like Gabriel did. It made him feel like a fraud. Like he hadn’t earned the right to be open and authentic.
“I—I can’t even imagine,” he said, a little sourly.
Gabriel looked down at him. “I’m glad.” He stopped them, taking Blake by the nape with his free hand.
“You might think it’s some kind of badge of honor that I had to throw fists just for the right to exist, but it’s a sign of how awful some people can be.
How backward and self-absorbed. And if I had to bleed a little so others could be free, then I’m glad.
That’s what I signed up for when I joined the army. ”