Chapter 42 – Kendall
Kendall had a job to do. Somehow. It didn’t matter if she felt as if she’d been living outside of her body for the past day.
Nor did it matter that she hadn’t wanted to come and pretend all was well between her and Johnnie.
It wasn’t. Just knowing she would be subjected to his brand of torture so she wouldn’t lose her children broke her heart.
No, it broke her. Her marriage was over and her Johnnie was forever lost to her.
Perhaps, he’d never existed, and the charmer he’d been was just an illusion.
If she would’ve confessed where she’d gone, she would’ve given up all hope of her grand plan to get away. Deep down, though, she knew escaping would be impossible. She needed to confess, withdraw her bid for the house, and tell her attorney she’d changed her mind.
It was no longer about Rory. He hated her anyway and believed her to be nothing more than a selfish mental case. Her son wouldn’t care how she saw him.
Besides, her decision concerned all four of her kids. She couldn’t risk one of them, so she was doomed to a lifetime of misery.
Holding herself together took effort. She wasn’t even sure if she’d tell Meggie or Roxy. What could they do anyway? If Johnnie didn’t kill her, and that was a big if, she was sure he’d disappear with her kids.
Then, she wouldn’t want to live anyway.
Removing her glasses, she swiped at the tears sneaking down her cheeks.
She was so unhappy and backed into a corner.
If she wouldn’t play right into Johnnie’s hands, she would go to Mortician.
As she’d told Johnnie, she didn’t care that he’d never leave Bailey.
She just wanted kindness and gentleness. Understanding.
Mort would give her that. The brief kiss they’d shared was everything Johnnie had stopped being. That she was hurt to the depths of her soul reminded Kendall that Johnnie had once been the man of her dreams.
She bowed her head, ashamed. Since she’d returned from Nampa, she hadn’t checked on Harley and she’d barely talked to Mattie. First because of Charlotte and then because of Johnnie, and his treatment of her.
Rape was too far and just another reason for her self-pity, but it was definitely manipulation and humiliation. And pain. He’d hurt her. His rough treatment actually made her bleed.
Pressing her lips together, she absently rubbed her stomach.
“Kendall?”
Bash didn’t give her a chance to invite him into the small office before he opened the door. She hurried and slid her glasses back on before turning to the small credenza behind the desk and snatching a sheet of paper. She didn’t see whatever was written on it. She just needed to busy herself.
A hand touched her shoulder and she almost jumped two feet into the air. Shrugging off Bash’s touch, she stood and stumbled away.
“Turn around, Kendall,” Bash ordered.
“I’m fine,” she blurted, her head pounding.
She and Johnnie had sex early this morning and he’d already told her what he expected of her when they returned home.
She walked to a table, overflowing with mushroom shaped vases, and a Mad Hatter decorative planter right in the center.
“Kendall,” Bash called again, stalking her in the small space.
Two Alice in Wonderland prints hung on the wall, blurring in front of her because of her unshed tears.
“I’m waiting for the rest of the results,” she blurted.
“Did one of the results upset you?”
His close proximity left her with two options. She either had to leave or return to the uncomfortable little desk chair, obviously bought for aesthetics rather than comfort.
“Did you confirm Jana is Johnnie’s daughter?”
Kendall escaped Bash again and returned to the chair. “I-I’m still waiting.”
He started to walk around the desk, but she tensed and he stopped.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?”
She did, but he’d get the wrong idea, and she still had a job to do. They’d come too far for her to allow her personal problems to jeopardize all her hard work. She flicked her wrist toward the chair in front of the desk, as hard and as wooden as the one behind it.
“Have a seat.”
He remained standing.
“If you give me a few minutes, I can read some of the results. I’m not sure what you’d like to know, but—”
“I don’t want to know a fucking thing,” he said flatly. “Not until you tell me what the fuck’s wrong with you.”
“Cramps,” she said, not a lie. She just wasn’t disclosing the reason why.
He grunted. “You act like this too when you have a bleeding cunt?”
“Don’t be fucking disgusting,” she said crisply.
“That entire situation’s disgusting.”
“It’s called biology, fuckhead. It isn’t my goddamn fault.”
“Celia always blames Eve.”
“I don’t feel like debating the sins of Adam’s rib.”
“He should’ve broken that bitch before it turned into a bitch and she tempted Lucy boy.”
“It was the serpent.”
“Who happened to be Satan.”
Kendall rubbed her temples. If she stopped responding, maybe he’d change the subject. Or leave.
Of course, that was too fucking easy.
“Are you a Christian, gorgeous?”
“If listening to a crooked little motherfucker on random Sundays qualifies, then yes.”
Bash snickered, his pale eyes crinkling. “Wilkins?”
She nodded.
“As a woman acquainted with religion, you don’t think broads could’ve done way better than Eve?”
“Does it matter? I can’t go back and find someone better. Besides, God chose her. Who am I to question that?”
“Are you one of those bitches who thinks it’s a sin to question Him?”
“I’m not religious enough to put a lot of consideration into that, Bash. I do believe in a higher power.”
“I don’t.”
She rolled her eyes. “How fucking shocking.”
“Does Johnnie?”
Just when she’d began to relax—somehow—Bash ruined it and brought up her husband. She shrugged, but it was stiff, and she was miserable again. Even a little afraid of what would happen at home in bed. If she sucked his cock, he might relent on his brutal fucking.
Folding his arms, Bash leaned back in his seat and eyed her closely. “I think Eve was a horrible wife and a horrible mother.”
Johnnie felt the same about Kendall. “You’re entitled to your opinion.”
“You don’t want to know why?”
“Not really, but since it’s you, I’ll ask. Why?”
“You make me feel so special.”
She smiled, unable to think of a response.
“Her one job was to keep her motherfucker safe by obeying. What the fuck did she do? Got them banished from Eden. I would’ve killed her just for that. I’m in Paradise and you fuck over me by tempting me with your pussy?”
“It was an apple.”
“A metaphor for pussy.”
“When has anyone ever referred to pussy as an apple?”
“Then,” he stated. “Apples are understandable to everyone and Rated G. That can be taught in Sunday School. Pussy cannot.”
Kendall wasn’t in the headspace to counterargue. “You’ve told me why she was a bad wife. What made her a bad mother?”
“Cain and Abel. What the fuck do you think?”
Kendall tried to remember what she’d learned in long ago and infrequent bible study. Her mother wasn’t big on church and after Marie’s first breakdown, religion all but disappeared from Kendall’s life. “Did she abuse them?”
“There were four motherfuckers on earth. Adam, Eve, Cain, and Abel. Eve couldn’t raise those two motherfuckers to share their shit.
She raised one motherfucker to be so fucking selfish that he killed the other fuckhead.
He basically fucked up a quarter of the world’s population because of jealousy and because he had a bad mother. ”
“Don’t blame Eve,” Kendall replied, wondering how he’d gotten her to defend a biblical woman whom she rarely thought about. “She was Adam’s rib, so she followed his dictates.”
“That’s not the only reason she was a bad wife and mother,” Bash grumbled.
“I’m not interested in hearing the rest. Abel should be coming back in at any moment.”
Bash narrowed his eyes. “I beg your fucking pardon?”
His outraged tone made Kendall laugh. “The lab tech.”
“His name is Abel?”
Kendall nodded. Seeing Bash’s skepticism, she raised her hand. “I swear.”
“I have another question, gorgeous.”
“About Eve’s Cain and Abel or about ours?”
He blew her a kiss. “I wish there was an ours. Your cunt still bleeds. There’s always a possibility you can give me a kid.”
Kendall’s smile felt frozen, but she merely nodded, refusing to give Bash ammunition to use against her or to hurt her. Or, worse, make Johnnie think he was right about her. “What’s the question?” she pushed out.
“Why were you crying when I walked in?”
“Hormones are running rampant.”
“Or Johnnie. You were sitting right next to him at dinner. Every time he tried to talk to you, you tensed up. What did he do to you?”
“Maybe I did something to him.”
“I know Johnnie and I know you. You’re smart. He isn’t.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.”
“The truth.”
What was the truth? She wished she knew.
“Suppose I promise I won’t fuck him up? Obviously, he hurt you in some way. Did he cheat?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I’m all ears.”
“If I was willing to go into detail.”
“Okay.” Bash nodded. “You’re entitled to your privacy, but—”
Her laughter interrupted him. “Of course there’s a but.”
Bash smiled. “Do you know what it means to me to hear my little sister laughing? She’s here for me, missing her motherfucker, trying to keep Tio in line.
Worried about Easton. She hasn’t had much to laugh about.
But you and Meggie and Roxanne, Zoann, just accepted her like she was family.
And Axel? I wish that kid squirted out of my cock. ”
“Do you have to be so fucking disgusting?” Kendall thought of how her nephew would respond to that comment. “And I dare you to say that to him.”
Bash laughed. “No fucking thank you. He’s a little psychopath. I refuse to have him gnawing my fucking ankles. If I accidentally fuck him up, Christopher might take exception to that.”
“As would all of us. We adore Axel.”