Chapter 24
Emerson~
P ain, unlike anything that I’d ever experienced, wracked every nerve in my body.
When Ramsey had removed his boxer briefs, and I’d gotten a good look at what he was packing, I’d had serious doubts about how he was going to fit his dick inside me.
He was huge.
Plus, I’d known that it would hurt. I mean, all the books, movies, and folklore always made mention of how the first time would hurt and be uncomfortable for the female.
When Ramsey had been undressing, he’d done nothing to hide his erection, and the little fella had been rock-hard and reaching across his hips, peeking his head out of the band of Ramsey’s underwear. That’d been enough to tell me that Ramsey was above average size. However, I still hadn’t ever imagined that the invasion would be wrought with so much agonizing pain.
“God-fucking-damn it, Emerson,” he gritted between his clenched teeth. “Why in the fuck didn’t you tell me that you were a fucking virgin?”
I was instantly, unreasonably, completely mad at him. I glared up at him, my eyes wet, and my body throbbing in pain. “What? Are you mad that I’m not quite the slut that you kept accusing me of being? What everyone kept accusing me of being?” I scoffed, and I had to admit that I enjoyed proving him and all his bullshit wrong.
His face looked incredulous. “Are you kidding me?” he snapped. “You want to pick a fight with me right now?” He really looked dumbfounded. “I’ve got eight inches of cock buried inside you as you fucking bleed all over it, and you want to argue over what an asshole I was?” He let out a deep breath, then swore, looking pained. “Jesus Christ, Emerson, now is not the time. And besides, I’m fully aware of how much of an asshole I was.”
Okay, well…when he said it like that …now was probably not the appropriate time to have this discussion. Besides, his size was invasive, and it was becoming difficult to concentrate on anything other than the pain and discomfort of having Ramsey resting inside my body.
My rage quickly dissipated, and I tried focusing on the point that he was making. “It hurts, Ramsey,” I whispered.
Ramsey closed his eyes, then dropped his forehead to mine. When he opened them again, he said, “I know, baby. I know it hurts, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for everything.” He sounded absolutely gutted. “And I get it. I get why you didn’t tell me, and it’s okay. I…I didn’t deserve to know.”
He knew that his shock at my virginity was a sort of victory for me. Now, while I hadn’t done it on purpose (because I really hadn’t believed that I’d fall for the asshole), it’d still been a passive-aggressive way for me to get back at him for letting everyone assume that I was a whore.
I gave a slight nod of my head before turning away to look out the window. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling in this moment, and I was afraid that he’d see the sea of confusion in the depths of my eyes if I kept looking up at him.
Even though it was too late to turn back now, I was still confused and unsure where Ramsey was concerned. We were moving too damn fast for this, but I didn’t know how to stop my craving for him, or if I even wanted to stop it. I was pretty sure that I was going to want him like this forever. Nonetheless, my solace didn’t last long.
“Emerson, please look at me.” I looked back up at him. “There’s a lot of shit that I’m sorry for, and it’s going to take me awhile to list them, but right now…right now, I gotta move, baby.”
He was right, of course. We weren’t in a position to talk about these past fucked-up days right now. Plus, I was ruining this with my doubts and confusion. This was my first time, and while painful, I wanted it to be as meaningful as possible.
“Okay,” I whispered.
Ramsey let out a deep breath, then continued to hit me with his honesty. “I’m not going to go slow with you Emerson,” he warned. “I’m not going to pretend or let you think that I’m going to go easy on you. It’s going to hurt, and you’re going to bleed everywhere.” He closed his eyes to give himself a second, and then looked down at me again. “It might feel like I’m just fucking you, and you might feel like I’m not focusing on your feelings, but I promise, baby, you’re all I’m focusing on, and I do care about your feelings-”
“Ramsey-”
“But, Emerson, I want you with a need I can’t control,” he whispered, his breath light on my face. “I’m not embarrassed to admit that I have no control when it comes to you.”
My breath got caught in my throat with his blatant honesty. His violent ways should abhor me, considering. I should be pushing him off me and holding out for a guy that was sweet and respectful. Instead, I gave him another slight nod of my head, giving him permission to use me however he wanted to.
Ramsey clenched his jaw, then I felt an intense pinch when he pulled his dick back out. However, it was quickly replaced with pain again when he slammed back in. I held onto his biceps, digging my nails in deep enough to break the skin, and then opened my legs wider. The second that I did that, Ramsey stayed true to his word, and he started to jackhammer himself deep inside me.
The pain was real, and it was consuming, and I had no idea how I was going to get through this. How did women get past this to want to ever do this again? How could there be any kind of desire or yearning in the kisses and touching if you knew that this was where it was all going to lead?
I kept opening my legs wider with the hope of somehow relieving the pain. I unreasonably thought that, if I spread my legs wider, it would open my pussy up some more, and he would fit better. Newsflash for anyone out there that hadn’t experienced this yet: it didn’t work that way.
However, after a few minutes, something miraculous began to take place. The pain started to subside, and my body started to recognize what it was meant to do. I started to feel the familiar signs of my body’s pleasure taking over. A few moments ago, I never would have thought it possible, but pleasure was all that I was beginning to feel now.
“Ramsey…” I mewled.
He started crashing into me harder, and it was like he knew that my body was adjusting and coming around to experience the pleasure. “That’s it, baby. Cum on my cock, Emerson,” he rasped out.
He’d said my name, and though he’d been addressing me, it was my body that heard him loud and clear. My skin started to tingle, and my core started contracting around his dick, and that just prompted him to get filthier; almost as if he couldn’t help himself.
“I want my cock covered in your cum and blood, baby,” he grunted above me. “I want you to bleed all over me as proof that you’re mine and only mine.” Oh, God. “I’m going to own your cunt, Emerson. I’m going to own every single part of you.”
My nerves splintered into a million different starbursts all across my body, and I came so hard that white spots danced behind my eyelids. It was a feeling that I would never imagine could exist. The feeling was so intense, so…amazing, no wonder it was a struggle to resist once you’ve experienced this feeling. I imagined it was like doing drugs.
“Ramsey…oh, God…”
“Fuck yeah, Emerson,” he growled as he continued to slam into me over and over again until his body seized over mine, emptying himself inside my unprotected body. Still, Ramsey kept slamming into me and didn’t stop until his dick started to soften. It was beautiful how he couldn’t get enough of me, even after he couldn’t go on.
After he finally faced the reality that this round was over, Ramsey pulled out of me, then along with his body, he’d taken all the pleasure that I’d been feeling with him. I tried to shift my legs, but the discomfort bordered on pain. I was a wet, uncomfortable, sticky mess, and I knew that my body was going to be in agonizing pain tomorrow.
However, did I regret it? No.
Did I want to do it again? Yes.
Once he rolled off me, and I was able to catch my breath, I asked, “Is it always like that?”
Ramsey wrapped his arm around me, then pulled me into the crook of his chest. “No,” he answered. “It’s never been like that. But then I’ve never been in love before.”
I didn’t want to think about all his times before me. I wanted to feel special. I needed to feel special, what with all the crap that this boy had done to me. “And you’re sure you’re in love now?”
I could feel the vibrations of his smirking chuckle under my face. “You might think that because I’ve never been in love before that I don’t recognize the feeling, but I do. I know that I love you. And if that’s not enough, I’m positively sure that you own me, Emerson.” Ramsey tightened his arm around me. “There’s not a motherfucking thing that I won’t do for you.”
Well…damn.
I wanted to believe him, and even if I wasn’t going through all the things that I was already going through with what had happened with my mother, Ramsey’s hot and cold still made me wary. “Loving someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the right person for you,” I pointed out. “Or vice versa.”
Ramsey repositioned us until his body was covering mine again and he was looking down at me. “While that may be true with some people, that’s not the case with us.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because my darkness has always shimmered right underneath the surface, but it had never felt comfortable enough to come out and play.” He started placing kisses on my jaw. “And then your darkness showed up, and it was all over for me, Emerson.” He stopped kissing me, then looked down at me again. “And I know you know exactly what I’m talking about.”
I did.
Just like he felt comfortable being rough and violent because he knew that I wouldn’t judge him, I felt comfortable enjoying it because I knew that he wouldn’t judge me.
We were a goddamn mess.