Chapter 20
Emerson~
A ll the textbooks said that I should abhor threats of violence. They all said that threats or acts of violence could be possible triggers, and that I needed help with how to handle those triggers. They also all said that if I didn’t get help to heal from my childhood trauma, then I was liable to let the cycle continue. They said that my mind would equate love with abuse because I’d been abused by someone that was supposed to have loved me.
The textbooks said a lot of things.
Well, I’d never gotten help for my childhood trauma. I also hadn’t followed the advice of all those professionals, nor had I ever really talked about what had happened to me with anyone. Instead, I’d fallen in love with a boy that hadn’t cared how damaged I’d been, and that kind of unconditional love had been the salve to all those bleeding wounds.
Ramsey had also seen beyond those same textbooks, and instead of treating me like a fragile flower, he had treated me like a fragile bomb. He had pushed and pushed, never letting up, but also never crossing the line. Ramsey Reed was volatile with little to no remorse for anything that he’d ever done, but I’d never felt safer with anyone else. I’d fallen in love with a boy that all those textbooks advised me to stay away from, yet I’d never felt safer.
Ramsey would never hurt me, and I knew that deep in my soul. So, while other abuse victims would be horrified by his physical treatment of me, all it did was make me want him more. Ramsey was the tortured doorway between two different worlds; the one where I should run away, and the one where I couldn’t get enough, and with him, I was able to have it all. I was able to enjoy my demons, and he was able to enjoy his, and we’d never once judged each other for it.
Not once.
“Tell me what I want to hear, Emerson,” he ordered as he dropped his forehead on mine, the hand around my neck easing up a bit. “I need you to keep me from losing my fucking mind, baby.”
“How many times do I need to say it?” I asked, hating that I needed to say it at all.
“For the rest of our fucking lives,” he answered honestly.
Because this way wasn’t working, I said, “Tell me that you love me, Ramsey.”
“Baby…”
“Tell me that you love me,” I repeated. “Tell me that you love me and make me believe it.”
As soon as the words were out, Ramsey’s hand left my hip, and it wasn’t two seconds later that I felt his warm palm running up my bare thigh underneath my pencil skirt. Not only was he going to tell me, but he was also going to show me. He was going to make sure that I believed it in every breath that he took, and I was going to enjoy every second of it.
“I love you,” he finally said as his fingertips slid inside the already wet fabric of my panties. “I love you, but I’m not even sure if that’s the right word to describe what I feel for you, Emerson.” My fingers curled around the edge of the desk as Ramsey pushed two digits inside my soaked channel. “I’m consumed by you, and I don’t care if it fucking eats me alive.”
“Ramsey…” I whimpered.
“I don’t know how to exist without you,” he went on, his head moving down until his breath was hot on the damaged skin of my neck.
When I felt his tongue lick the wound, my body clenched, and the wet sounds of his fingers fucking my pussy were loud in my ear, turning me on more. It sounded obscene enough to make me beg him for anything.
“Ramsey, please…”
“Are you begging for my dick already, baby?” he taunted, making me moan as I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
“I’m begging for whatever you’re willing to give me,” I admitted, our co-dependency shining as brightly as the sun.
“I have nothing left to give you, Emerson,” he said as he slid a third finger inside me, making me hiss. “You already have it all.”
“Oh, God…” I whimpered as his fingers worked to get me ready for him.
“You’ve always had all of me, and you always will,” he went on. “I’m fucking nothing without you, baby.”
Then why were we fighting?
“Ramsey, I need more…”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, Ramsey pulled his fingers out of me, yanked my panties down my legs, then had my ass perched on the edge of the desk before I knew it. I barely had time to brace myself with my hands before Ramsey was on his knees, my legs flung over his shoulders, and his tongue swiping through my pussy folds like a first hit of heroin.
“Oh, God…”
Giving myself over to the pleasure of Ramsey’s face between my thighs, I unlocked my elbows, then laid across the desk, the vase and every flower in it tumbling to the carpet in a wet mess that neither me nor Ramsey cared about. All I cared about was how Ramsey was making me feel, so I closed my eyes, slid my hands into his dark hair, then opened my legs wider for him.
When he slid two fingers back inside me, he said, “I’m the only one that will ever know what this pussy tastes like, baby.”
“God, yes…” I mewled as he slid a third finger in my ass.
“I’m also the only man that gets to fuck this pussy and this ass,” he went on, making my body clench around his fingers. “You’re mine, Emerson. Mine.”
“Don’t stop…” I ordered. “Make me cum…please…”
With his tongue on my clit, two fingers in my pussy, and one finger deep inside my ass, Ramsey played my body like a skilled musician, and I could feel that coveted heat begin to build deep in the pit of my soul, making my hands tighten in his hair, forcing him to stay put.
Not even five seconds later, I was crying out my husband’s name, every inch of my body locking up before exploding into a feeling as familiar as my own name. It always felt like magic whenever we were together like this, but I was also very aware that it was dark magic. Still, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
“Fuck, baby,” he hissed as I contracted around his fingers, my pussy dripping all over them. “You’re making such a beautiful mess.”
“Ramsey…” I whispered as my body twitched and still needed more.
When I felt Ramsey pull away from me, I let out a low moan, the sounds of him freeing himself like music to my ears. I had no idea what it was about a man unbuckling his belt, but the clink of the metal never failed to make me wet. It was such a powerful sound, and I was here for it all.
My eyes flew open when I felt Ramsey slide the head of his dick between my dripping chaos, and his dark eyes were alive with a need that made his scar burn bright, and I felt like I could cum again just from the way that he was looking at me. His lips and chin were also a shiny disaster, and it physically hurt with how much I wanted him.
With one violent thrust, my body arched in pleasure, and the grip that Ramsey had on my hips was deliciously painful and welcomed. Everything that he did to me was a welcomed reprieve from real life, and these moments would always belong to only us. I didn’t know anyone but Ramsey, and I didn’t want to know anyone that wasn’t my husband.
“Fuck,” he grunted as his hands went from my hips to the back of my thighs, pushing my legs up as far as they could go, my ankles playing on his shoulders. “There’s nothing like watching my cock stretch you open, baby. Hear how fucking wet you are for me.”
Not only could I feel every inch of each thrust into my body, but Ramsey was right about being able to hear just how sloppy wet I was for him. The sounds were like a filthy background song to the way that he was pounding into me relentlessly, and I wanted to spend all night like this, willing to ignore our problems for just a little while longer.
“More…” I begged. “God, don’t stop…”
I let out a strangle cry when Ramsey pushed down on my legs harder, the head of his cock bottoming out painfully against my cervix, the discomfort exactly what I needed from him. This was the safe kind of pain that I was able to lose myself in without judgement, and Ramsey never failed to deliver on just what it was that I needed from him.
“I love you, Emerson,” he grunted, his eyes blazing with every emotion that he’d ever felt for me. “I fucking love you.”
“Yes, yes…God, yes…” I chanted as pain and pleasure began to mix like a beautiful recipe of need. “Harder, Ramsey…please…”
Hours later, I was still screaming for him, and he was still telling me how much he loved me, and it was just going to have to be enough for right now.