35. Dane
Chapter thirty-five
Dane
The knife taps on the cutting board as I slice it through the strawberry. I cut the stem free, then cut it in half before tossing it on the mound that rises above the bowl. I should get another one, but I’m too zoned in on the repetitive tasks to break the process.
I’ve prepared dozens of loaves of bread, multiple stacks of crepes just waiting to cool before I put them in the fridge, a few batches of cookies, and now I’m finishing fruit preparation to be used with the crepes for tomorrow’s breakfast.
The kitchen is a mess.
Rather than cleaning up as I go like usual, I’ve hyper-fixated on each food idea and jumped to the next one without giving myself a break. My back aches from standing for however many hours I’ve been here. The massive stainless-steel table in the center of the kitchen has a layer of powdered sugar coating it from when I prepared some dough for sugar cookies. There are bowls, discarded egg shells, flour mixed with baking soda, and now empty fruit containers littering the table.
After we left Thorne, I needed an outlet for my frustration. I’ve been trying to put it to better use than arguing with the first person I see. Now, I’ll either put in an extra training session with Kellan or come here.
I toss another halved strawberry to the pile and frown when I notice there are only a few remaining.
What’s next?
I didn’t get the answers I wanted tonight.
We got nothing.
Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.
I know it’s a win that we have Thorne and he’s powerless.
But I thought we would have our next step to taking GE down. I thought…we’d have something for all that planning. Anything.
I see Aiden’s plan, and if I could think of a better one, I’d tell him.
But I don’t.
So here I am.
“Dane?”
I whip my head over my shoulder at the sound of her voice. Raegan looks around at the chaos of the kitchen and then to me. “What are you doing?”
Finishing the last strawberry, I set the knife down and turn to give her my full attention. “Making some things for tomorrow. Were you looking for me?”
Hope swells in my chest like a balloon. I try to squeeze and deflate it, but controlling my emotions has never been a strength of mine. It sits there no matter what I tell myself, waiting to jumpstart my heart or explode at her whim.
“You weren’t in the room still when I woke up. Aiden thought you might be here, so I came to check.”
I try to hide my disappointment.
At least she thinks about me when I’m not there.
But she isn’t here to give me her response, either.
If it’s taken this long for her to tell me how she feels, then is there any point pretending I don’t have my answer?
“Do you help make things here a lot?” she asks, moving closer to look at the food I’ve already prepared.
My body instinctively shifts to follow her. Like she’s my sun, and I’m just the lucky idiot caught in her orbit.
“Not as often as I’d like,” I admit. When it was up to me to do all the cooking at the Loft, I realized how much I enjoyed trying new recipes and making good, tasty food. We tried taking turns at first, but Aiden is awful with everything on the stove. His phone distracts him, and he winds up burning it every time. He’s only useful at assistance with baked goods and prep work.
Kellan can manage grilled cheese sandwiches, bacon for BLTs, and pasta from a box.
Jackson…he’ll eat anything put in front of him, but he’ll never cook. He just hangs out near someone until his growling stomach pisses them off enough to get up and make it for him. Me being that someone ninety-nine percent of the time.
“Is there anything I can help with?” She traces a finger through the powdered sugar on the table and lifts it to her nose for a sniff. Her tongue darts out to taste it, and she hums appreciatively.
My dick springs to attention in my own show of appreciation, but that is the last thing I want her to see right now. I lean a bit into the table to hide it from view. “Sure. Grab that bowl over there.” I point to the bowl of cookie dough I’d taken a break from.
She strides over to it with her back to me, and I quickly rearrange myself so my hard-on isn’t so fucking obvious.
Rae sets the bowl down in front of her. “What do I need to do?”
“Have you made sugar cookies before?”
Her cheek indents from biting it on the inside, and I remember her bare apartment. She said she was always on the move. “No.”
What else has she missed out on?
And how can I help her experience everything while we’re hiding in the bunker?
After we take down GE, we can do whatever we want. Go wherever she wants to go.
I realize I’m not the best travel guide, considering my own limited experience, but then we’ll both get to try and see things for the first time.
Stop planning a fucking trip like you’re going on a honeymoon .
I grab the empty containers where the fruit had been to busy my hands. “Grab the sifter and put more powdered sugar down on the table. It’ll help keep the dough from sticking.” It was a happy accident when I used powdered sugar instead of flour one time, and the results were so good that I always use it for baked desserts now.
She searches the table. “Sifter?”
Right. Zero baking knowledge.
Rather than make her get it, I walk around the table to pick it up and bring it to her. Then, I slide the bag of powdered sugar next to it. “Add some in the top here, and then squeeze the handle like this over the table to spread it out.”
I toss the fruit containers away and cover the heaping bowls of fruit with plastic wrap before putting them in the fridge. When I check back on her, she’s smiling as powdered sugar falls like snow over her workspace.
Fuck, I miss that smile.
I miss it being directed at me most of all, but I’ll take this.
I wish I could freeze this moment because I’ve learned to be grateful for what you have when you have it. Happiness? Fun? Those were like a pipe dream to me not long ago.
But since she’s come back into my life, I’ve experienced both more times than I can count.
It doesn’t matter if she rejects me.
Because I choose her.
I’ll be there for her in whatever way she’ll let me. I won’t be picky.
I remember my phone in my pocket and sneak a quick picture. She’s wearing the navy shirt and short pajama set that Aiden bought for her, which means her legs are bare from her thighs down to her slippers. Her hair is bunched over the front of one shoulder with rebel strands sticking in different directions from the short amount of sleep she had.
She’s fucking gorgeous.
Her face lifts, and I shove my phone back into my pocket before she catches me. “What’s next?”
I reach for the roller and hand it to her. “Put the dough on the table and then roll it out with this. You want it to be a quarter inch thick.”
Rae dumps the dough, and a plume of sugar flies into the air and her face. “Oh, shit.” She coughs into her arm, and I can’t help but laugh. She grumbles something under her breath and grabs the rolling pin. She tests a short and light roll on top, then frowns at it.
“Here.” I step up beside her and hold out my hand for the pin. “I’ll show you.”
She gives it to me, taking a step to the side to give me more room in front of the dough. I shift over, fully aware that she’s chosen to stay close while she watches me push and knead the roller into the dough. I get the dough from a round blob to a more flattened shape before handing the tool back.
Raegan’s forehead bunches with concentration as she adds more weight to her task, spreading the dough out further and further. I’m so entranced watching her that I don’t realize until too late how thin she’s made it. The dough thickness is completely uneven, with lumps and mounds in some spots and then areas so thin that the table is visible.
“Did I do it right?” she asks hopefully, and I’m fucking tempted to tell her yes. If we were at the Loft and these were just for us, I would. But supplies are limited in the bunker.
“It’s close,” I say, giving her a smile to soften the answer.
She huffs, and I move closer. “We’ll do it together.” I roll the dough back into a ball and press it into the table. Picking up the rolling pin, I settle my hands on the outside of hers and shift myself behind her with my head over her shoulder. I only have a few inches over her in height, so my lips and jaw are even with her hairline, and the smell of her shampoo fills my nose.
Focus!
Roll the dough.
Don’t think about how my arms are wrapped around hers.
Quarter-inch thickness.
Or how my heart is thundering in my ears.
Make sure the dough is even.
Or how my body’s caging hers.
“Dane?”
Hm? “What?” I ask, snapping to attention.
“You’re poking me.”
What?
Oh.
“Fuck!” I shout, jumping back and spinning to adjust myself again. It’s hard as fucking granite. That’s how crazy she makes me. I curse at myself for letting my thoughts go in that direction. And then prodding her with it like a fucking stickup robbery.
When I chance a look over my shoulder to see how upset she is, she’s biting her bottom lip with a barely restrained smile.
“You thought that was funny?” My voice comes out sharp in my embarrassment, but I’m more confused by her reaction and still angry with myself.
Raegan’s smile slips free from her teeth, and she tries to cover it up by clearing her throat. “No?” She cringes when she hears the amount of amusement still in her tone. She turns and leans her back into the table. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I know this isn’t the best segue into that conversation, but we should talk about the elephant in the room.”
More like elephant trunk in the room.
Ha.
I make sure I’ve better contained my dick to avoid any future potential for stabbing or knocking into anything else before I face her fully.
She hesitates, her eyes focused on mine. “Right. I think…I mean, what I can’t stop thinking about is…your sister.”
Not really what a guy wants to hear, but I know what she means. “This isn’t about her.”
Rae shifts off the table. “Isn’t it? How can it not be when it comes to us? How can I know that there’s no more lingering resentment that’ll affect us? And what if…” She wavers, then pushes through. “What if she doesn’t make it by the end of this? Can you still look at me if that happens? This…what we’ve been building back, I’m scared to lose it, Dane. I’m scared to lose you again. And it’ll hurt that much worse if we start something together.” She exhales sharply with a shake of her head. “And that doesn’t even include how I shouldn’t consider this while I’ve been with the others. That’s not fair to you. To any of you. But if you asked me to leave them, I can’t. I…won’t.”
Her fierce blue eyes are drawn up to mine again. They’re so blue, so bright. Like the hottest fire when it turns blue. That’s what they look like. And she is fire. She’s stronger than she knows.
But I can see her walls going up behind that fire. The way she’s trying to shield herself from me.
I won’t let her.
I want to be let in. I won’t ruin this. No matter what happens after this, after GE, there is no going back to the way I was when she was out of my life.
It takes two steps to bring her back in reach. Two steps to close the distance between us and cradle her face. She holds my wrists with both hands and watches me.
“You won’t lose me again. Whatever the outcome is with Vera, I won’t let it come between us. Everything to do with her is because of Gifted Enterprise. And we aren’t going to stop until they’re destroyed.” My thumb strokes her cheek. “But you and me? This is only about us. And you’ll have me for as long as you want me. With those other assholes, too, if that’s the deal.”
Her grip on me tightens. “But, Dane—”
“I know I’ve said and done some fucked up things. I know I’m impulsive, and maybe Kellan isn’t completely bullshitting to say I can be dramatic. But I want this with you more than I can put into words. I want to get to know you again, inside and out. What you think, feel, want, need. I want all of you, Rae. Let me in, and I swear, I won’t mess this up.”
Her eyes are glossy as they search mine. I hold my breath. This answer means more to me than air, and I won’t miss it.
“You’re really okay with the others…?”
“Yes,” I respond quickly on an exhale. “I can’t promise I’ll…participate…with them. Not unless that’s something you really want. But I like seeing how happy they make you, and I don’t want to take that away. I just want to be a part of what makes you happy, too.”
She grabs my face and kisses me.
My chest explodes in a series of fireworks that knocks my heart completely out of rhythm. I’m lightheaded and dizzy, but I’ve never felt better.
The surprise of her kiss gives her the advantage while I gather my bearings, but now that I know she wants me too, I don’t have to hold back anymore. I lean into the kiss, pressing her back into the table as I take over.
I’d dreamed about this moment before I even realized what my feelings for Raegan were. What it would be like to kiss her. To taste her. To hold her in my arms, not as a friend but as someone more.
She moans into the kiss when I deepen it, and my cock swells back to its full, rigid length. I move my hands down her sides, over the small curve of her ass, then break our kiss to grip and lift her thighs and plant her on the table. Raegan opens her legs and pulls me between them to restart our kiss where we left off.
My hands slide under the back of her shirt. They graze over the scars there that only further remind me of how fucking strong she is. I’m suddenly obsessed with the feel of her bare skin beneath my fingertips. Like a contact drug that’s slipped into my veins and demands more . She’s braless beneath the shirt, and my heart thrashes wildly at that discovery. The extra blood flow rushes in my ears, and my dick throbs almost painfully with the need for friction.
I palm a breast in one hand, feeling the weight of it with a male giddiness that I’ll never admit to.
Fuck me.
Raegan releases another wanton sound when my thumb flicks over her nipple.
Yes! That sound. That’s all I want to hear right now. It’s fucking music to my ears. I test her shorts, and they’re gaping holes with more accessibility than I think Aiden realized, but it works out well for me now. I graze my fingers over her underwear and she inhales sharply.
“Tell me how you like it.” I drop to my knees, yanking a nearby box over as a stool to get my height right, then peel her panties to the side. I draw a line with my tongue from her opening to her clit. Her thighs quiver over my shoulders and she groans.
Then her fingers bury at the top of my head. Raegan grips my hair tight, and holy fuck, I almost come then and there.
I grab my dick with one hand as it pulses with need while I return my attention to her. She guides me with her hand, her voice cooing and ahhing between instructions that tell me what she likes.
“Yessss. Like that. Right there. A little to the left. Ahhh, yeah! Yeah! Fuuuuck!”
Her words and moans spur me on, my hand squeezing and stroking my cock as I feast on her pussy. The pitch of her voice shifts seconds before she comes, but I don’t stop. Her thighs clamp my head between them, her fingers and nails pulling my hair with all her might like she’s trying to kill me with her orgasm.
I’m enjoying every filthy second of it.
She doesn’t release me until her body falls slack. I crawl up her legs, see her lying awkwardly on the table to avoid the mound of dough, and shove the food to the side. “Rae…” I breathe, her name passing my lips with all my years of longing.
Her dark lashes flick up to take me in as I hover between standing and joining her on the table. I grip my dick through my sweats, and she drops her gaze to it. Her lips part, and I’m hoping that’s a good fucking sign of what’s coming next.
“Tell me you want this.” I stroke my cock.
She licks her lips. “I want this,” she answers huskily. Her eyes find mine. “I want you, Dane.”
Before I’m lost in the heat of the moment, I quickly ask, “Condom?”
Her head shakes. “Birth control.”
Thank fuck.
I don’t usually carry those around on me with all the sex I’m not having.
I groan, pumping myself two more times and then shoving everything off. I yank her shorts and underwear free, flinging them wherever-the-fuck and climbing onto the table. I slide my dick into her welcoming cunt, and let out a long, low groan.
Holyyy fuckkk, she feels amazing.
Her voice joins mine in a chorus of fucks and yeahs as I drag my cock out and then push it back in.
I’m going to need a distraction so I don’t lose it with a few strokes. I’m already worked up and primed for a release, but I can’t let her first experience with me look like I’m some fresh schoolboy.
I grab the sifter near her head and tuck her shirt up to her underarms so her torso is exposed. It only takes a few clicks to give me what I need.
Raegan gasps. “What are you—” Her words cut off and her back arches as my tongue absorbs and sucks the powdered sugar from her nipple.
“Don’t worry. I’ll clean you up,” I tease, then grind my hips into her as I work to lick and clean the sweet substance from her skin. Fuck, this is hot. I’m tempted to get the chocolate sauce and other ingredients, but there’s no way I’m leaving her pussy yet.
Maybe next time.
She’s panting by the time I’ve cleared the sugar, and I take that as my cue to pick up the pace again. I drive into her, keeping track of the sounds and faces she makes until I find the right one. Her nails find my arms and dig in with a draw- out moan, and I know I’ve found it. I don’t leave that spot, thrusting my hard length over it again and again. Watching her with rapt attention as she curls and tightens, her body trembling.
She screams, and her pussy grabs my dick in a vise that triggers my own release. Absolute euphoria floods me in a rush, and I moan without a single fuck given about how loud I am. It’s over much too soon, but my body is wrecked from lack of sleep and working in the kitchen that I don’t think I could try again soon if I wanted to.
Raegan’s eyes are closed as she catches her breath.
I kiss her eyelids. Her nose. The corner of her mouth.
Her lips curve to a lazy smile, and she opens her eyes. Even though her face and body appear content, her eyes seem guarded. She shifts her gaze beyond me, but fuck that.
I take her chin and bring her back to me. “Look at me, Rae. This wasn’t just some random fuck. When I told you I wanted all of you, I meant it.” I brush some powdered sugar from her temple. “So tell me why you look like you’re going to bolt the second I give you an inch of space.”
She worries her lip. “It’s…it’s not you. I just don’t know how to do…this part. If we get up and start working on something else, I’ll be fine. But…”
I frown at her. “No.”
“No?”
“I’m going to stay right here, and we’re going to talk.”
“What?!” she sputters. “I just said—”
“I know what you said. But you’re not running away from me after that. If I want to kiss you, or tickle you, or cuddle with you, then we’re going to do that. If you want to tell me what’s on your mind or just share something—doesn’t matter if you think it’s nothing—then share it.”
I shift onto my side so I don’t crush her but wrap my legs around hers to keep my satisfied dick housed in her warmth. She still doesn’t look convinced, so I start pulling my fingers through the top of her hair down to her scalp. It always worked to soothe her or put her to sleep back on the island.
Raegan takes a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment. When she opens them, she’s looking at me. “Okay.”
I smirk, pleased with myself, but my fingers continue their work.
“What time do people show up in the kitchen to start breakfast?”
I pause. I did tell her anything, but…this is what’s on her mind? “Uh, around five.”
“So, it was just after three-thirty when I came down. Should we check the time?”
My head snaps around to look at the clock on the wall. Fifteen minutes until five. Shit . Raegan’s wearing a smirk of her own when I turn back to her. “You win this one,” I concede, untangling myself from her and hopping off the table.
I rush to find where I’d thrown her clothes, grabbing and tossing them at her. “Hurry up. Miranda’s going to run screeching to the whole Guild if she catches us.”
“Miranda?”
“The head cook.” I roughly dress myself and attempt to fix my clothes and hair without a mirror. Then I go to Raegan and help tidy her hair before guiding her back to the floor.
“Ah. I’ll help you clean up, then.”