Rancher’s Return

Chapter Three

W ell it wasn’t every day that a man ran into a living, breathing, potential mea culpa . But he supposed it was more common when one had committed sins on the level that he had, and when one had returned home, back to the scene of those sins, after twenty years.

It almost felt like poetry to see Marigold Rivers standing on his doorstep. What he didn’t understand was why she looked shocked to see him, and why she was standing beside Colton.

“Can I help you with something?”

She was sputtering, like a fish that had been hauled out of the river by an angler’s hook and flipped up onto the banks.

“I... I didn’t expect to see you.”

“I didn’t expect to see you either, Marigold.”

Her cheeks turned a very particular shade of crimson. The last time he had seen her cheeks lit up in red, she had been shouting at him. Full-throated, on the street. The angriest teenage girl he had ever seen, yelling at him about how he was responsible for her brother’s death. It had felt good in a way. Because she had said what he felt was the truth when everybody else was dancing around it. She had finally taken the knife and twisted it, and he had exulted in the pain. Because it had been exactly what he needed. A good scouring, a flagellation much harder than the one he had been giving himself.

It had been the catalyst to him deciding to leave. Because his poor mother had also been standing by his side, because she had been through enough, and he knew she felt like the family she had worked so hard to rebuild after the death of her daughter was fracturing.

And it was his fault.

He hated himself for it. And so, after that scene, he had hauled his ass right out of town.

In many ways, he had found a certain kind of salvation thanks to Marigold.

He doubted she would want to hear that.

“I didn’t know you were back in town.”

“Really?” He frowned. “I’ve been back about a month. I would have thought the rumor mill would’ve been going pretty strong.”

“Maybe people were just careful. Around me.”

“Well. Perhaps. Though, then they open you up to a moment like this. Where you were bound to run into me without a moment’s notice. I see you have my son.”

Her eyes went round. “He’s your son.”

“Yes he is. Has he been causing trouble?”

“I... I don’t even know how to... I...”

“What have you been up to, you termite?” Buck asked Colton. He figured he might get more of a direct answer from the young man himself than the decidedly flustered Marigold.

“It wasn’t what it looked like,” Colton said.

“Shoot, kid. That is the wrong thing to say to the likes of me. Because I’ll be the first to tell you, whatever it is, it is always what it looks like.”

That seemed to jolt Marigold out of whatever trance she was in. “When I came home from grocery shopping today, I went upstairs to check on my daughter. And found your son in her room.”

And right in that moment, it didn’t matter so much that the woman standing on his doorstep was Marigold Rivers. What mattered was the very clear and sudden realization that he had been thrown into the deep end of parenting, and this was something he had no idea how to navigate.

“You did what?”

“I have concerns,” Marigold said. “And believe me, my daughter has agency, and I’m going to talk to her about it—”

But he wasn’t listening. Not anymore. “Listen here,” he said to Colton. “And you listen real good. This is a small town, and people talk. You go messing around with a girl, and she is going to get a reputation you’re not going to get. Do you understand? The responsibility that she’s going to bear will be so much bigger than yours. You have to be careful. Not just in terms of safe sex, but all these other things. Because no son of mine is going to walk around thinking he’s exempt from consequences.”

“Yes, sir,” Colton mumbled.

“Get your ass in the house. I’m going to talk to Marigold for a second.”

“All right,” he said.

Marigold simply looked stunned.

“I didn’t know... I was about to say that I didn’t know you had a son, but I didn’t know you were back here. I haven’t known a thing about you for twenty years.”

“Well, I only recently have a son.”

“What?”

“I just adopted three teenagers. And I’m realizing right now that I’m maybe in over my head. I spent the last sixteen years or so working at a camp for troubled boys. And the thing about working at a camp for troubled boys is that there are no girls there. So there’s a little less of this kind of thing. Not none, mind you, but at least nobody can get pregnant.”

She looked stricken by that.

“Not saying that anybody here is going to get pregnant.”

“She can’t. She’s going to college. She’s going to get out of here, and she’s going to do better than me.”

“I’m going to talk to him.”

“I... I can’t believe this. I can’t believe that this is the first boy she sneaks into her room.”

“Listen, I know you have plenty of reason to hate me.”

She looked away, and then back up at him. “I don’t hate you. I recognize now that my reactions back then were... I was young. I was angry. But do the math on how old I was when you left and how old I am now. And the fact that I have a kid the same age as yours.”

“You were still in high school when you had her,” he said, not needing to do the figures to understand what she was getting at.

“I was. I got my life back on track. The pregnancy forced me to get things together, and it forced me to let go of the things that were no longer serving me. I’m grateful for her. I wouldn’t change my life. But I don’t want this for her. I want better.”

“You know that if we try to keep them apart it’s only going to be worse.”

She bit the inside of her cheek and looked up at him with wide, amber-colored eyes. “Of course. Of course it will. Because then they’ll think they’re Romeo and Juliet.”

“Yeah. And I didn’t pay a lot of attention in school, but I know enough to know that ended badly.”

“Just a bit.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “But let’s... Let’s talk to them. About ground rules. And maybe... There is a beginning of the school year carnival happening down in town. Maybe they can have a date, and we can supervise.”

“They’re seventeen,” she said. “Not seven.”

“Sure. But they’re on probation, right?”

“I guess so.”

He let out a long, slow breath. “I suppose it’s kind of big of you to not say you are extra suspicious of him because he’s my kid.”

“Like I said. I did my best to get over the past.”

“Sure. But you were awfully angry the last time we saw each other.”

“I also had a poster of Orlando Bloom as Legolas on my wall. So, things change.”

“Have they?”

“Yeah. I’m an Aragorn girl now.”

“I only vaguely know what that means.”

“It’s okay, you don’t need to get the reference. But yes, things change. I have a teenager now. She’s just a year younger than you were. A year younger than... Unfortunately, all of you were too young to take the blame. If it wasn’t Jason’s fault, then it’s not yours.”

He wasn’t sure he had been looking for absolution. He didn’t think he wanted it. Because holding the guilt close had accomplished a certain something in his life. And he didn’t really mind that, when all was said and done.

“I actually don’t need you to forgive me.”

“Well, too late. I do.”

That was irritating. He wasn’t sure why. “I came back here to raise the boys. I mean, they’re already mostly raised. But I wanted them to be around my family.”

“That’s a really nice thing for them.”

“Thanks. I’ll talk to Colton. You can talk to your daughter. And this weekend, they can meet up for the carnival.”

“All right. That sounds like a plan.”

“I guess I’ll see you there.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

She turned and walked away from the door, and he was going to have to deal with Colton. But for just one moment, he reflected on the strangeness of this meeting. She might say that she forgave him, but that wasn’t what he was after. Her walking up to his doorstep, walking into his life, must be a sign of some kind. That was the problem with going off on your own for twenty years. It didn’t cure you of mystical thinking. If anything, that shit only got more profound. He had gone away looking for answers. Then he had found them. He had found purpose with the school, which had only deepened his certainty that there were times when a person stood at a crossroads and had to ask questions of the deepest part of their soul.

Hell, it was essential. And right now, he had a feeling this was meant to be. This was some essential part of his journey, and he had to pay attention.

He had a feeling that when they met this weekend, everything would become clear.

She got back into the car, her hands shaking. She was breathing hard. The events of the past hour didn’t seem real, and it had all culminated with running into Buck Carson.

She did blame him for Jason’s death. She just did. And as she sat there, trying to catch her breath, she became more and more certain of that truth. That no matter how much she had tried to get herself into a place that wasn’t angry—into a place filled with forgiveness, filled with understanding and acceptance that some people were meant to have a short life, and sadly, her brother had been one of them—it was all only theoretical.

Because the person who had drawn the most fury and fire from her over the accident had left town, and she hadn’t seen him for twenty years.

“Mom?” Lily’s voice was tremulous in the back seat.

“I didn’t kill him,” she said.

“I didn’t think you would.”

“Sorry. I need a second.”

This was one of those moments where she had to decide how up-front and honest she was going to be with her daughter. But if she wanted Lily to share with her, she supposed she had to share in kind. She tried to walk a fine line between being her kid’s friend and her parent. They had grown up together, so their relationship was different from that of a lot of other moms and daughters. Sharing and talking had always been the method by which they understood each other.

“Colton’s father is... I know him.”

“What?” Lily leaned forward in the car seat. “How?”

“Well his dad was from here originally.”

“He was?”

“He was...involved in your uncle Jason’s accident.”

“How?” Lily asked.

“Buck Carson, Colton’s dad, was with Uncle Jason. Buck was driving in a car behind the one with all the boys in it. It’s... I’ve been angry at him for a really long time. I blamed him. Because there was definitely... He was wild. He always was. He had a reputation for drinking. And yet I liked it when he was around. He was fun. Charming. Handsome.”

“You were thirteen!” her daughter said.

So scandalized by an age gap. After being caught with a boy in her room. Kids today were a trip.

“Yeah. He didn’t look at me , but I definitely looked at him. I think that’s what made it worse. I idolized him. I thought he seemed like the fun kind of dangerous. But he wasn’t. He was the dangerous kind of dangerous.”

“Mom...”

“I’m not going to refuse to let you see Colton.” Marigold started the engine. “I just wanted you to know what the situation was.” She started to back out of the parking place, orienting the car so she could drive back toward the highway.

“I hear a but in that sentence.”

“Yes. There are going to be ground rules and curfews. You are going to college,” she said.

“I know. As soon as I can, I’m going to submit applications, and apply for FAFSA...”

“I want you to stay focused.”

“Mom, I wouldn’t... I listened when you talked about safe sex.”

“I know. But no contraception is one-hundred percent and... And there’s no point getting attached to him. Not when you’re going to leave.”

“I guess not.”

“That being said, I’m not telling you not to date him.”

Lily screwed up her face. “You’re not? Because it sounds an awful lot like you are.”

“I guess I just... I want you to think about all these things. That’s all.”

“Why can’t I just date? That seems normal.”

“Of course it is. Of course. But you have never dated. So you have to admit, it’s not completely out of left field that when I came home and suddenly there was a boy in your room, it felt out of character, and I want to make sure that you’re not...going off the rails.”

“Just because you did doesn’t mean I will.”

“I know.”

She had tried to be the kind of mom her daughter could talk to, because she hadn’t known how to talk to her own mother. That wasn’t a failure for her or her mom. They’d both been grieving. Her own mom had lost her oldest child. And Marigold hadn’t wanted to talk. She had wanted to get into trouble. She hadn’t been levelheaded like Lily. She hadn’t planned for her future. She had thrown herself into trying to forget her pain. She hadn’t thought to plan even one step ahead, not like Lily.

The truth was, nothing scared her more than her teenage self. And when it felt like there was any chance that sort of behavior could pop up for Lily, it made Marigold feel unhinged.

She was her own bogeyman. Knowing exactly what she had gotten away with at sixteen years old, seventeen years old—that was sort of the ultimate consequence. A comeuppance she could never have imagined back then.

Maybe this was also a comeuppance of sorts.

“I just really like him,” Lily said. “He’s not like the boys around here. He’s...”

“More experienced,” Marigold said, knowing she sounded dry and suspicious.

“I guess. Maybe.”

“But also exciting, I guess, because he’s a stranger.”

“Again, I don’t know. I just know that I like him.”

Well, it was a little bit galling that her seventeen-year-old was having the kind of fantasy love affair Marigold had built up for herself in her mind over the years, that Greek island fling. Meeting a stranger who made you feel something.

Yeah. She was a little too familiar with why that was compelling.

“We’re going to take you to the carnival this weekend.”

“What?”

“Buck and I agreed that it might be a good way for you to have a chaperoned date.”

“A chaperoned date ? I am not a toddler.”

“No. But we need to set some rules and expectations. I don’t... I don’t want you getting too involved with one boy. I want you to date. Actually talk to him. Get to know him.”

“Mom.”

“Well. I want you to be safe and well protected.”

“I’m going to college soon. You can’t keep me from living.”

“I don’t want to keep you from living. I don’t want you to shut down and not tell me things. But I know you. I know you really well, and today was out of character.”

“Maybe he makes me feel out of character.”

This was really testing her ‘being an open-minded mother’ determination.

But... It felt so important that she get this right. She didn’t want to lose her connection to Lily, but she didn’t want Lily to lose a connection to her future. Lily was going off to school; she was going to build a future for herself. And that would allow Marigold to build her business, her future, in the way she wanted to. Greek vacations optional.

“You can see him again this weekend. And then we’ll talk more. I just want you to tell me things. I felt blindsided by the fact that you hadn’t even mentioned his name.”

“I’m sorry,” Lily said.

“It’s all right. We’ll figure it out.”

She would. She would figure all this out. Because the truth was, she had been through much harder things than this.

Marigold Rivers was nothing if not tough and determined. And this would be no exception.

No matter that there was a Buck Carson-sized complication in the middle of it all.