Chapter 10 #3
I freed her voice as I lifted my body up from the table. The white rag in my back pocket wasn’t a prop. It had a purpose. I removed it and placed it against Range’s pussy. She was soaking wet.
“Siah.”
I blotted her dry, careful not to cause pain or unpleasant friction.
“You will feel me, Sunshine. But, it won’t be behind these walls when you do. You deserve better than that. We both know it.”
I shoved my towel in my pocket again, not bothering to clean my face. With my assistance, Range managed to get up from the table. Her heart was pounding in her chest. I could see it each time it beat.
“You’re beautiful,” I reminded her. “Even when your head is a mess.”
She was battling so many emotions. So many feelings. So many fears. Still, she was here. Ready and willing.
Her long eyelashes bounced, trying to conceal those big rounds of hers. It was useless.
“Where do we go from here?”
“We go where our heart guides us.”
She peered up at me.
“Where is yours guiding you?”
“Wherever you are, Sunshine. That’s where I’ll go. That’s where I’ll be. That’s where I’ll stay.”
She nodded, satisfied with my response.
“What’s the matter?”
She sighed, placing a palm on her chest. She was no longer nodding. Her head was shaking from one side to the other.
“I’m completely out of my element. And, for the second time in my life, I’m scared.”
“When was the first time?” I inquired.
“When Tedd– When Chemistry–” she paused, briefly, before continuing. “When he went away.”
I pulled her closer. My body against hers. Her body against mine. The tears clouding her pretty eyes caused an ache in my chest.
I lifted her chin and lowered my lips.
One peck.
Two pecks.
Her right hand patted my skin, fingertips lifting and falling. Nothing had ever felt better. I wanted to be the softest place she landed. All the time. Every time.
Her center.
Her nervous system regulator.
Her stability.
Her sound voice.
Her safest place.
Her sacred place.
Overstimulation was playing on her emotions. Enhancing them. Toying with her sensitivity. Elevating her vulnerability.
Her eyes wandered. I wanted her undivided attention. Needed it. Needed her.
“Is it reassurance?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Your language. Is it reassurance? Gift giving? Gift receiving? Physical touch? Acts of service? Sensory regulation? Validation? Time? Effort? Energy? What makes you smile, Sunshine? What makes you laugh? What makes you feel so good you want to cry? What thoughts run through that head of yours that has your heart ready to burst?”
Her chest deflated as her eyes found me. She was in deep thought. Careful not to answer too soon. Careful not to give herself too much time to get in her own way.
“Time.”
That wasn’t it. There was more. There were words still lingering at the tip of her tongue.
“And–”
“According to the neuronormal crowd, there should only be one.”
“Normal isn’t in your glossary, Sunshine, because it doesn’t relate to you.
So, tell me how to talk to you. Tell me how to translate how I feel so you can interpret it better.
Tell me how to speak to you in your preferred language so you’re never questioning what I’m saying, what I mean, how I feel, or where my head is.
I want to be crystal clear, love. Always. ”
“Physical touch, but not always. I– I struggled with it sometimes. Sensory regulation. Effort. Reassurance. I’m confident– I always have been.
But, this is different. And, scary. And, I don’t feel like myself.
Like my confident self. Because on one hand I feel like I’m making the best decision of my life.
On the other hand, I know that I’ll be a mess if proven otherwise. ”
“I won’t make a mess of you,” I assured her, “You’re too precious to me. Okay?”
She nodded.
“My sisters.”
“Hm?”
“You asked what makes me laugh. My sisters. They make me smile, too. Especially Rome and Roaman. My nieces and nephews, them, too. Love. The thought of love feels so good to me that it makes me want to cry. The special kind. A kind just for me. That’s the kind that makes my heart burst a little when I’m alone in my bed at night. ”
“I’m going to give you that, Range. That kind of love. Just be ready to receive it.”
A smile pulled her lips backward.
“And you.”
“Me?” Wrinkles formed on my forehead.
She nodded, carving out more space in my chest for her to make herself at home.
“Whatever is happening between us,” Range sighed, “It feels so good it summons my emotions. Sadness. Happiness. It expands my heart. Hurts my chest. Makes my head spin. Nearly cuts the sides of my mouth from the smiles it causes.”
I leaned in, lips to her ear. “You trying to make a real nigga blush in this motherfucker?”
Chuckling, she pulled back. “I’m due something after all you’ve done to me.”
Ahhh. I sighed.
That was it. That was the sound. That was the point of it all. That was my life’s goal.
Her laughter was like a cup of ice water after a two hour gym session. Like sunshine after four months of rain. Like freedom, even inside a cage.
“I like you,” I admitted, placing my right hand around her neck.
I pressed my lips against hers. She pulled my tongue inside, hanging onto it for a brief second before letting me go. I didn’t want her to. I wanted her to hold onto me. All of me.
“I like you, too.”
I pecked her lips again.
“Good day, now, Attorney Childers.”
She closed her eyes, stomping her feet like a disappointed toddler.
“I hate this part.”
Her words hurt, but I understood them.
“Me, too,” I confessed.
I didn’t prolong the process. I stepped away, leaving her in the middle of the floor.
Me, too, Sunshine.