Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
Clink.
Clink.
Clink.
Clink.
Champagne fizzled as we withdrew our glasses and tipped them over our bottom lips. Rome’s eyes were pinned to me. I sipped the bitter bubbles and lowered my glass onto the table.
“Pump and dump. Pump and dump,” Royce chanted, pointing at Rugger.
Both women had children awaiting their arrival. Nursing was a large part of their worlds. It was an honor witnessing their adjustments. Life was treating them all well.
Baby Psong was a dream.
Baby Izzy was a ball of energy.
Both were splitting images of their mothers. Izzy had taken a liking to her father’s genes, but Royce’s were most dominant.
“What is it, baby?” I questioned Rome.
With a smile, she shook her head.
“I’ve never witnessed this version of Range. She’s– she’s a keeper.”
“Good dick will do that to you,” Roulette interjected.
“That’s not the source,” Rome explained. “It’s only part of the source.”
“Good love will do that to you,” Royce corrected. “When a man is pouring life into you instead of sucking the life out of you, you evolve. You grow. You change. You mature. You become the best kind of you. You enter your greatest era.”
“Which is why it's important that you choose well.” Roaman finished her statement with a pointed finger. “Always choose well. No exceptions.”
“Kason didn’t make me feel this way,” I chuckled. “That’s for sure. And, the dick was good.”
“Adds to my point,” Royce agreed.
“I agree,” Rather sighed, “A man who loves you properly will change you. In all the ways you never expected. No one talks about the woman you strive to become, suddenly, when your heart is protected. Every day, I’m wondering how I can be better.
“Not only for my husband, but for our family and for myself. It’s a never-ending cycle that I love being the source of. And, the changes aren’t required. Neither are they forced. They just happen. Naturally. As natural as your next breath. I don’t know– it feels good, girls.”
“Nothing like the horror stories of love and marriage you hear about,” Rome breathed out.
“Comes with choosing well,” Roaman emphasized.
“I don’t think these spouses of ours have a choice. Not unless they want to get beat the fuck up,” Roulette belted.
“Or shot,” Rugger added.
“If Rugger gets word of anything.” Rather was right.
Laughter trailed around the table.
“Admittedly, though, if one of you heffas lays a hand on my man, that’ll be the day.”
“It’ll be the day, what, Rou?” Rather asked.
She rolled her eyes and smiled. “I might have to beat one of y’all’s ass. We might even jump y’all.”
“Ain’t this some shit,” I sniggered. “How would we even know to come beat him up if you don’t call us?”
“I’m telling you now, don’t come. I’m just being dramatic. I’ll be sucking his dick by the end of the night.”
“Okay, too much information,” Rome gagged.
“Girl, don’t act like Saint’s dick don’t be down your throat. You’ve been dreaming of that motherfucker for years!”
“That’s hardly any of your business.” Rome was red in the face, completely ashamed of discussing intimacy with Saint.
“Leave her alone, Roulette!” I warned, taking another sip.
“Okay, jailhouse dick.”
I spit my drink out. I couldn’t help myself.
“Oh you’re low down,” I laughed.
“I heard that shit hits.”
“I’m about sick of this woman,” I lied.
“I’d say that pussy must be on another level.
Not my level, of course, but like, some other level.
Because most women can’t get a burger out of a man these days without being considered a gold digger, signing up for immediate torture, or finding themselves in compromising situations.
I don’t know what’s more ludicrous. The audacity of men or the fact that the men with said audacity don’t have any damn gold to dig. ”
“Rewind. Not your level?”
“You heard me, girl. You heard everything I said.”
“Rhea raised a very delusional girl who lives in her delusional world.”
“If that makes you feel better, pooh.”
Chatter continued as my stomach began to turn. Nausea quieted me. I was no longer able to contribute to the conversation. I was physically and mentally incapable.
I closed my eyes, hoping to regain my composure. Instead, the darkness began spinning. My body grew warmer as the seconds elapsed.
Sweat beads began to form on my skin. I reopened my eyes to find that nothing had changed. Laughter surrounded me. But so did discomfort. I placed my napkin on the table and stood.
“Ex– Excuse me, ladies.”
The words felt like a pop quiz. I wasn’t prepared. I hardly had the strength. And I felt as though I’d fail with each syllable.
Cli–ck.
Cla–ck.
My steps were slow. Each was a new challenge.
Cli–ck.
Cla–ck.
My chin dipped. My head hung. Vomit piled in my mouth. I pulled my lips in, hoping to keep it at bay.
I pushed open the restroom door. The first toilet became my saving grace.
“Urrrrrrrrrrrrgh. Urrrrrrgh. Urrrrrrrrrrgh. Urrgh. Urrrrrrgh.”
I released all I’d eaten into the bowl.
“Urrrrrrgh. Urrrrrrrrrrgh. Urrgh.”
The water was no longer clear. My hands pressed against the walls of the stall, keeping me from falling forward.
“Urrrrrrgh. Urrgh. Urrrrrrrrrrrgh.”
Relief washed over me as I dangled above the bowl. My breath hiked in my chest as the tears welled in my eyes. I didn’t stop them from falling. I didn’t have the strength.
I wanted nothing more than to climb into my bed. Weakness consumed me. Despair loomed in the air. There was no sunshine. Only clouds and heavy rain.
I rested my back on the door of the stall. With the back of my hand, I cleared my face. It was useless. Tears continued to fall. When it became too much to bear, I placed a hand over my mouth, silently weeping into my palm.
What have I done? I asked as if the answer wasn’t clear.
My life was falling together and apart simultaneously. I was too far in to stop it. To stop anything.
Focus, baby.
Chemistry’s voice brought about change. I squared my shoulders and released a steady breath. Now was not the time to crumble. Now was not the time to cry.
I pulled the latch of the door backward and opened it. A familiar face greeted me. Against the wall, just outside of my stall, Rome stood with her arms folded over her chest. I stood motionless. My nostrils flared with emotion.
“Go ahead.” She insisted.
“What?” I groaned.
“Go ahead and ask me.”
I swallowed back, digesting her words. The request wasn’t unusual. I’d wanted to ask all along.
“Is he– Is he mine?”
Nodding, Rome confirmed. “Yes, Range. He’s yours.”
“Does it end well?”
She nodded again. “There are rocks before you reach the water. Once you’re there, nothing will ever be the same. Not even the same will be able to muddle your clear blue waters… Sunshine.”
“That’s what he calls me,” I choked out.
“Um hm. I’m aware.”
“Sometimes I feel foolish. Other times, I feel liberated. While I’m far from confused anymore, I’m concerned. A child? It feels so reckless of me.”
“This is no mistake, Range. It’s fate. It doesn’t matter how your story started. The middle and the end are going to be the best parts for you.”
“Yeah?”
Rome nodded.
“Now, let’s get going before the entire table is crammed in this restroom.”
“How is my makeup?”
“As flawless as you are.”
“Thanks, baby.”
I cleaned my hands and dried them with Rome’s help. I didn’t need it, but she understood my head was all over the place. Her assistance was welcomed.
Our return to the table didn’t go unnoticed. Neither did our absence.
“Everything okay?” Roaman asked.
“Ladies,” I cleared my throat. Instead of grabbing the champagne, I opted for water.
I garnered the irises of every woman at the table.
“Let’s promise to listen and not judge.”
“I can’t confirm or deny my lack of judgment,” Roulette clarified.
“I didn’t expect you to.”
“Good.”
“I have found myself in a very sticky situation with a very lovely man. It’s no secret that he’s in prison, fighting for his freedom. But what I have yet to confirm is where we stand as of now. A few weeks ago, just before a scheduled court appearance, we shared time alone. At his home.
“While it feels so big and so lonely, I spend every Tuesday and Thursday night underneath his covers. Twelve days ago, the pain in my breasts signaled the start of my period. Today, as I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet, I realized that period never came.”
Roulette’s champagne spilled from her mouth as her eyes blossomed.
“While nothing has been confirmed, I’m having a lot of big feelings right now. I’ve always loved living life on the edge, but this cliff is intimidating. I don’t know if I’ll fall or fly if I jump.”
“You’ll soar,” Roaman assured me.
“Without question,” Rather added.
“And, just as always, we’ll be there to make sure you have a good flight.”
“Thank you.” I placed a hand on my chest. My heart pumped wildly.
“That jailhouse dick must be good, baby! I ain’t mad at you, sister girl. I support. Fully. Always have. Always will. We’re Childers. We don’t run from shit. We won’t run from this either.” Roulette lifted her glass. “To Range. A damn good lawyer and a damn good lover.”
“To Range.”
“To Range.”
“To Range.”
“To Range.”
Blinding lights stared back at me.
“Want to talk about it?”
Roaman refused to let me go to the doctor’s office alone. Neither did she allow me to make the appointment. Choose the provider. Or, fill out my paperwork.
Mornings were rough for me. If I wasn’t over the toilet of a courtroom restroom, I was praying I didn’t collapse from exhaustion on the treadmill.
It had been five days since our toast at The Chi House, and my period still hadn’t returned.
That was enough grounds for Roaman to make the necessary arrangements.
My caseload hadn’t lightened, and neither had my workload.
The weather was nice, and clients were piling in by the dozens. Too much time was being spent outside.
“About what?”
“Where your head is.”
I sighed, gnawing on my bottom lip. My eyes rejoiced as they were coated with darkness.
“I miss him.”