Chapter 14 - Marla
MARLA
After lying in bed for a little while, my legs grew stiff. So I sat up. I kept the blanket wrapped around me as I surveyed my surroundings.
It was the first time I really got a good look at the room I was living in.
It was pretty plain. The walls were wood paneled. The ceiling had a texture to it. There was a bed that I perched on the edge of, and he had his desk setup in the corner with all of his monitors. He had three on top of his desk and five more mounted.
It made my head spin just thinking about it.
Eventually, the need to use the bathroom tugged me to my feet. With the blanket still wrapped around me, I lumbered toward the door that I scurried toward many times in the middle of the night whenever Ranger was sleeping.
I was only ever comfortable going to the bathroom when he wasn’t around.
It was the only way I knew he wasn’t watching me.
I dropped the blanket about halfway inside of the bathroom. I did my business and cleaned myself up a bit, relishing the fact that there was no way in hell anyone was watching me.
“They’re all downstairs,” I said as I wiped myself. “They’re all downstairs, and it’s just you up here.”
That idea was both terrifying and wondrous.
I wiped. I washed up at the sink. I even brushed my teeth. It was hard, getting back into the groove of brushing my teeth regularly. Staying gross was one of the ways I repelled some of the men back when…
Back when…
I shivered at the thoughts and shoved them off to the side. I gathered up the blanket from the floor and wrapped it back around me, cocooning myself off from the rest of the world. Maybe if I wrapped myself up enough in this thing, it would drown me out and the world would cease to exist.
But the decorative frosted glass of the shower caught my eye.
I’m still not sure why I gravitated toward me, but before I knew it, I cracked the door open slowly. Holy fuck, the shower was massive. And it had two different showerheads protruding from the ceiling.
Was that…
“A waterfall showerhead,” I whispered to myself.
Two of them, technically. Like the shower was built for two. I shivered at the thought, but I wasn’t sure it was a bad shiver. Just a shiver.
I didn’t think too hard about that, either.
As if my body had a mind of its own, the blanket slid from my shoulders again. But when I went to take my shirt off, my muscles froze. I looked down at myself. I couldn’t take a shower with my clothes on.
Could I?
I chewed on the inside of my lip before picking up my foot.
I wrangled one of my socks off, and my body didn’t seem to protest, so I took the other one off as well.
I reached for my shirt again, but goosebumps crawled along my body, so my hands moved to my shorts.
But there was a lead weight that settled in my gut. One that was hard to swallow through.
“Clothes on, it is,” I muttered to myself.
I closed the shower door behind me.
“All right,” I muttered as Ranger’s offer to clean up echoed around in my head, “let’s figure out the spigots.”
After figuring out which nozzle was the hot water and which one was the cold water, I turned on the shower.
Water squirted and poured from both of the overheads, cascading down into a massive rainfall of water that dribbled over top of my head.
I played with the nozzles of water temperature until it was just this side of Hell-hot, and then I went and stood underneath the pouring water, relishing how it felt while my clothes started sticking to me.
My lower lip quivered. The hot steam rose around me, like its sole job was to cloak me away from the rest of the world. How long was it since I had a hot shower? How long was it since I’d really had time to scrub myself down?
Suddenly, my hands moved to the sweatpants I had on.
They stuck to me like glue, heavy around my hips, so they effortlessly dropped to the floor.
It was as if all they were waiting for was permission from the flick of my fingers to give into the soaked weight of the water they took on.
I heard the fabric hit the ground with a plop before I stepped out of it, kicking the drenched material off to the side.
I kept the underwear on, though.
I wasn’t ready to take those off.
I stood under the hot water for a little while longer before the t-shirt became a sensory nightmare. The more soaked it became, the tighter the collar became around my neck. I hated that feeling, something tight around my neck.
I swallowed hard as I reached for the lower hem of the shirt.
“Fuck, come on,” I grumbled to myself.
While the sweatpants fell to the floor in defeat, the shirt fought me every step of the way. What started out as a journey to try and become comfortable in my own skin again turned into a personal vendetta against the shirt that just wouldn’t let me go.
“Gotcha,” I hissed as I finally slipped it over my head.
I tossed it to where the sweatpants were crumpled in the corner.
I tilted my head toward the pouring rainfall water and let my lower lip quiver.
I thanked my fucking stars that the glass around me was frosted because I didn’t want to see my reflection.
I didn’t want to see the thick, roping scars that my heavy breasts now carried.
I didn’t want to see the markings on my stomach where they carved words into me just for fun.
My body didn’t feel like mine any longer.
And it broke my heart.
“I hate my life so much,” I whispered out on a trembled breath.
The tears fell from my eyes, intermingling with the water sluicing down my skin.
I hung my head. I tried not to feel shame over the actions taken against me, but I couldn’t help it. My shoulders slumped with it. My body felt heavy with it. I carried the markings of it.
It was hard not to feel it.
Heavy footsteps made me gasp, and I whipped my head up.
My eyes darted to the clothes on the shower floor.
Could I get back into them before they found me?
My vision sizzled out for a moment, and I was right back in that fucking place.
Right back to the showers they forced me to take under cold water.
Right back to the bathtubs they’d stick my head in whenever I disobeyed.
My teeth clicked with my shivering.
I heard his voice.
“Marla? Can I come in?”
Miles.
That was Miles’ voice.
The vision that took up my eyes slowly faded, and I found myself enveloped in the warm, comforting steam once more.
“Marla?” he asked before there was a knock at the door.
The door.
He stood at the door.
Not barging his way inside.
“Um,” I said as I cleared my throat. “I, uh…”
I heard something scratch softly against the door’s surface. “Take your time. I’m right here.”
I finally found my words. “Not into the shower, but you can come into the bathroom.”
“All right, I’m going to open the door, then.”
I heard the door inch open with a little creak. I heard his heavy footfalls before a frosted figure came into view through the glass. I watched the outline like a hawk, my arms covering my breasts, just in case. I saw the figure hop. I heard a bit of a thud. And then, his voice sounded again.
“Figured I’d perch on the countertop,” he said. “You got everything you need in there? Washcloth? Body wash? Shampoo and stuff?”
His question caught me off-guard and it took me a second to take stock of things. My eyes scanned the shower until it fell on a little caddy stuck in the corner. I walked over to it, allowing my arms to fall away from my breasts.
“Uh, yeah,” I said as I read off all the products stuffed into the caddy in the corner. “I’ve got it all in this little caddy over here.”
“Good, good,” he said. “Let me know if you need anything.”
I turned back toward the frosted glass and waited. Was he really not going to force himself in? I just watched his outline for a while, allowing the hot water to batter me from above.
His voice pulled me out of my trance. “I don’t see your clothes out here. Do you need another pair?”
I peeked over at the soaked clothes on the shower floor. “Yeah, I’ll probably need one.”
“All right, I’ll go get some for you. Shorts? Or still sweatpants?”
I swallowed hard as I closed my eyes again. “Shorts are fine.”
“Shorts and a t-shirt, coming right up. I’ll set them on the chair beside the shower so you’ve got easy access to them.”
“Thank you.”
“No thanks needed for necessities. Be right back.”
“Oh, Ranger?”
I heard him double-back. “What’s up?”
My voice grew a bit sheepish. “Could I have a long sleeved shirt today?”
“You can have whatever you want. Any other requests?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“All right, I’ll be back.”
I walked back over to the caddy and reached for the washcloth and the body wash.
I got the rag all sudsy, but I had to admit, just working it up into a lather had my arms aching in protest. I tried not to breathe too hard as I lifted my breasts and washed beneath them. I couldn’t even look down at them.
I hated what they looked like now.
They flopped against my chest after washing beneath them. I raised my arm and scrubbed my pits, but even the act of holding my limbs into the air had me panting softly. I was so tired. Wobbly on my feet while I tried to do things like wash in between my legs.
“You okay in there?” Ranger asked when he came back. “You’re huffing and puffing a bit.”
“Just tired,” I muttered as I paused for a moment.
Why was washing my body still so hard?
Why was I so tired all the time?
“Hey,” Ranger said softly, “you all right? What do you need?”
A new life. “Just taking a moment. I’m really tired.”
“Your body is still physically recuperating. I figured showering might push you to your limits.”
I paused. “You did?”
“Yeah. Doc said you won’t be back at full strength for some time.”
I wasn’t even sure I knew what full strength was any longer. “Oh.”
“Do you need anything? Because if you don’t have it, I can go hunt it down for you.”
“No, no, I’m okay,” I said as I switched gears. “I’m just gonna clean up the important parts and then I’ll be out.”
“You let me know when you want me to leave.”
“Okay.”
I was winded by the time I washed all of the sensitive bits on my body. All of the parts that mattered. My arms and shoulders protested how I reached for the shampoo. I forced myself to lather up twice. My hair was stringy with grease and I needed it clean.
It felt so good to scrub at my scalp.
“Church meeting went well,” Ranger said out of nowhere. “Got some things to do. Some tasks to take on.”
“Have you gotten started with the electronics?” I asked as my arms hung limply at my sides while I rinsed the second shampoo out of it.
“Not yet, that’s for tonight.”
“Ah.”
“For now, we’re all busy with getting some patrol schedules out and taking another look at the law firm.”
I paused. “Law firm?”
“Yep. Ghost’s girl, Jasmine, used to work with a law firm that we think is wrapped up in all of this. Ghost and I are going to go take a closer look at things here in a couple of days.”
I paused. “Wait, you’re going with him?”
“Oh yeah. I’m the only one with the skills to hack into their servers, if necessary.”
I stayed paused. “How long will you be gone?”
“Not long at all,” he said so nonchalantly, “and it’s still not happening for a couple of days. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of with everything that you need before I head out. And Cap will get orders that no one is to interact with you unless it’s the girls or Doc.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. “Okay.”
“I won’t be gone for long,” he said as he softened his voice a bit.
I grabbed the conditioner against the protest of my arms. “I know.”
“And I’ll make sure that our phones are the first to be up and running, in case you want to text or anything while I’m out.”
That made me draw in a slightly easier breath. “Okay, thank you.”
“Of course. It’s not a problem at all.”
Conditioning my hair was almost futile, but I forced my arms to power through. I tried not to look at the bruises that were still fading. The bruises in the shape of those fucking hands.
I rinsed the conditioner out as quickly as possible before a voice bellowed across the clubhouse.
“Dinner’s readyyyyyy!”
I saw Ranger hop down off the bathroom countertop through the frosted glass. “I’ll go get us some dinner. You want water to drink? Or a soda?”
“Could I have both?” I asked as I turned off the water.
“You don’t have to be done with your shower yet if you don’t want to be.”
I tried not to pant too hard for air. “No, no, I’m done. Thank you, though.”
“All right. I’ll head out and give you some privacy. Be back in a few.”
“Thanks.”
“And Marla?”
His voice gave me pause. “Yeah, Miles?”
“When Ghost and I leave, I’ll do everything in my power to get back as quickly as possible. He just needs my expertise to do what he wants to do, and I have to have his back.”
His voice clenched my chest. “I know.”
“Okay. I’ll be back.”
The instant I heard him close the bathroom door behind him, I gathered up the wet clothes in the corner from the shower.
I tossed them into the sink right as I stepped out from beyond the frosted glass, and I quickly reached for a towel that was clearly laid out for me.
I wrapped it around my body and dried off.
My body was sluggish, but I managed to get the job done.
I wrapped my hair up in the towel and tossed it back over my head, then reached for the basketball shorts.
Wait, I forgot to ask about box—
When I picked up the shorts, a smaller set of shorts tumbled out from its folded state. I smiled softly as I bent down and picked it up. Boxers.
He remembered to get me boxers.
I couldn’t help the smile that crossed my face as I stepped into them before I stepped into the basketball shorts.
With each layer of clothing I put back onto my body, I grew more and more comfortable in my own skin again.
I had to fuss with the long-sleeved shirt since I had the towel piled on top of my head.
But outside of that small wrestling match, I felt good.
Better than I had in months, really.
After letting the towel soak up the excess water from my hair, I unraveled it and hung it up on a lone hook on the wall.
I threw the door open and found the blanket that I dragged with me folded up on the side of the bed.
I smiled to myself as I walked over to it.
I picked it up and fluffed it out, wrapping it back around my shoulders to cloak me away like the steam did in the shower.
But when I looked back toward the closet to go get settled, my ribs protested.
I turned back toward Ranger’s bed and climbed in.
The smell of food was accompanied by watching him throw the door open with his hip.