9. Ransom
9
RANSOM
" J aney's throwing up all the time. I don't like this at all."
Jonas stands in my office doorway, hands clenched at his sides, a picture of fury and frustration.
"I'm sorry she's sick. But from what I know, that's pretty normal."
"It is not morning sickness. She's throwing up at night, and at lunch, and at bedtime."
Closing the lid on my laptop, I head for the door and close it, then urge Jonas to the couch, using a soft hand on his back. I'm prepared for him to shrug it off. He's in a heightened state and might not want to be touched, but he doesn't actually seem to register my touch at all. "Sit down, brother."
Jonas drops onto the couch, hair sticking up in odd angles like he's been yanking on it.
"I don't know what to do," he says, his voice strained. "Janey's sick all the time, and I can't fix it. I can't make it better."
I sit down next to him, careful to give him space. "Have you talked to her doctor about it?"
Jonas nods, his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. "They say it's normal, but it doesn't feel normal. What if something's wrong? What if she gets sicker and?—"
"Jonas. Stop. Don't go down that road. She's okay. The doctor says so. You're smart, but you didn't go to medical school. The doctor's the expert, so if she’s not worried, you don't need to be either."
His fingers pluck at the seam on the outside of his pants. "I have been reading about complications common in pregnancy. There is a lot that could happen."
Aw, fuck. Why does he do that shit to himself? Because he's a fucking genius and consumes knowledge the way Kade does sugar. "I know that I can't stop you from worrying about her, but Jonas, you're going to make both of you miserable if you spend her entire pregnancy in this state of panic. She needs you to be strong for her. You've gotta calm yourself down."
"Calm," he says slowly, then pins me with a worried look. "I am not good at calm."
Calm used to be a big problem. "You're a lot better than you were. Maybe you can think of it like a game. Try and come up with ways to keep Janey calm, and maybe some of that stuff will work on you too."
He scowls, staring at some point between my eyebrows. "My Janey likes me to rub her back."
"Good. Then do more of that."
Nodding, he stares down at his hands, looking not at all relaxed. "What if—" He stops abruptly, swallowing hard.
"What if what, Jonas?" I prod gently.
He looks up at me, his eyes wide with fear. "What if I am a bad father? What if I forget the baby exists? What if I do not know what to do?"
I can't help it; I laugh, which earns me a glare from Jonas. "Sorry, but you're out of your fucking mind. You're going to be a great dad."
"But I'm not like other dads," Jonas insists. "My autism... what if it makes it hard for me to love the baby?"
I lean back, crossing my arms. "Alright, I'm gonna need you to get your head out of your ass for a second."
Jonas blinks, startled by my bluntness. I'll take that look on his face over the doubt any day.
"You're the most caring man I know, Jonas. You take such good care of Janey. Of all of us, really. How can you not see it?"
He shakes his head, but I press on. "You remember everyone's birthdays, favorite foods, allergies. You worry about our safety. Hell, you were lecturing Colton on his eating habits this morning."
"That's different," Jonas mumbles.
"How?" I challenge. "You think caring for a baby is going to be that different from how you care for your family now?"
Jonas falls silent, considering my words.
"Look," I continue, softening my tone. "Being a parent is scary for everyone. But you've got something a lot of new dads don't have—a whole team of people ready to support you. Me, the other guys, Janey, all the women... we're all here for you."
"But what if I make a mistake?" Jonas asks, his voice barely above a whisper.
I laugh. "Oh, you're definitely going to mess up. We all do. You're learning on the job, brother; mistakes are going to happen. The important thing is that you'll love that kid more than anything in the world, and I believe that's going to be more than enough."
Jonas takes a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing slightly. "I will love our baby. That is the only thing I do not doubt." He nods absently. "Yes, I can do this."
"I know you can," I say firmly. "And you know how I know? Because you're here, worrying about being a good dad months before the baby's even born. That right there tells me you're going to be great at this."
A small smile tugs at the corner of Jonas's mouth. "I am great at many things."
"Yeah, you are," I say, holding back my laugh. "Why don't you go take Janey some tea? I've heard ginger might help with the nausea."
Jonas nods, standing up. He smooths down his hair and tucks his hands in the pockets of his cardigan. "Tea. Yes. I can do that. I will take my Janey a tea."
As he reaches the door, he turns back. "Ransom?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. I suppose you are evidence of figuring things out as you go. You did a good job raising all of us."
I blink quickly. It's so dusty in here. "Thank you."
He nods, and he's gone, my door left wide open again, just the way I like it.
I settle back at my desk, reeling a bit. There have been so many times in my life that I wished there was someone to give me advice, so many times I was worried I was fucking up. But building my family wasn't one of them. I knew, deep in my gut, that we were all supposed to be together. I knew when I found each of my brothers that they were the missing pieces.
Except for Jonas.
I didn't see him at first. Zach had a way of pulling attention, and at first, I didn't see how deliberate it was. I didn't understand the why of it. All I knew was that he had a way of charming people that was fucking beautiful to watch.
He was overprotective of Jonas, even then. I figured if I got on Jonas's good side, it would be easier to get Zach to join us. His kind of charm was going to be vital to anything I did.
But Jonas was his own kind of special. Hanging around him was the best kind of work. He ignored me at first, but I kept showing up until he wouldn't stop talking. It was all I could do to keep up with that beautiful brain of his.
It's funny. From the moment we all became a family, things seemed to fall into place. Yeah, there were moments of struggle, but the path was so clear to me.
It's not anymore.
With a deep breath, I pull open the folder I'd been avoiding for months. Inside lies the letter from Robert McKenna, the man who was like a second father to me. The man that saved me from myself.
The man that tore the person I loved most in the world away from me, setting me on the path to who I am now.
My fingers trace the edges of the paper, worn from countless readings. He sent it after he visited. And I’ve looked at it nearly every day since I received it.
Robert's familiar scrawl fills the page, his words heavy with concern for Blair.
Ransom, I know I'm asking a lot, but I need you to look out for Blair. That garage... it's holding her back. She's wasting away in this small town, living a life that's too small for her. I want her to have choices and opportunities she can't even imagine right now. Set her free, please.
I close my eyes, remembering Blair as she was—fierce, brilliant, unstoppable. The thought of her stuck in Badger Falls, her world shrinking to the size of an old garage, makes my chest ache.
But it's the next part that always twists the knife:
I regret how things ended when you left town. Even now, after all these years, I'm not sure I made the right call. I pushed you away, thinking it was for the best. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe I robbed you both of something precious
I lean back in my chair, the weight of Robert's words settling on me like a physical thing. He'd been trying to protect Blair, to protect me. But in doing so, he'd set us on diverging paths that led us here—me, successful but alone, and Blair, safe but stagnant.
I'm fucking livid, just like I was the first time I read this. He took her away. He fucking broke us.
But because he did, because I ended up in that group home, I have the life I'm living now. I have incredible brothers, a niece and nephew. Anyone would call my life fucking blessed.
And I still ache for her. Every single day.
Obsessing isn't getting me anywhere. I have to put an end to this, once and for all
‘Set her free, please’ he wrote.
"I've been fucking trying. You couldn't have raised a nice, easygoing daughter?"
I slap the folder down and push to my feet. I have to end this. It's time.
Rapping my knuckles on Mav's door to announce myself, I drop into the chair in front of his desk.
"Five million. Offer her five million."
"Holy fuck," Mav breathes, knowing immediately what I'm talking about. "Are you sure? It didn't seem like she was going to go under any circumstances. She was pretty fucking clear."
"She needs to accept it. It's insane money for that place. She's got to consider it. She's been in that town for almost forty years. She has to want something more."
He winces. "She seemed pretty settled, Ran. Why can't we just let this go?"
"Because she deserves a big life. She deserves everything."
"And five million dollars will buy her that?"
"I sure as fuck hope so."