94. Gabriel
NINETY-FOUR
”Oh, fuck, Riley,”I can”t help but let my head fall back. ”Who told you that?”
”That doesn”t matter. Why the hell didn”t you say anything to me?”
I shift my gaze, locking eyes with her. God, she looks devastatingly beautiful tonight in that blue dress, her legs bare and tempting. Every fiber of my being aches to pull her into my arms, to bury my face in her golden hair. I”ll bet it smells like jasmine and sunshine and shampoo. It smells like her, the one thing I can never truly have.
The one thing I don”t deserve.
Pulling her into my arms, well, that”s not the way things are tonight. Or any other night. ”I found out just yesterday. My sister got a call from the prison warden, informing her that our father”s getting released. He was supposed to stay with her, but now he has to remain in the state for his probation requirements.”
”I see.” She taps her fingers against the arm of the rattan chair. ”So you”ve known since yesterday and you didn”t think to let me in on it?”
”So much is uncertain right now. I have a meeting with his parole officer tomorrow to sort out the details of his release.” My chest tightens at the thought, like a knife twisting in my heart. I”m going to have to face the man who took the fall for my crime.
She nods, slow and deliberate. ”That”s why you didn”t tell me? Because there”s so much ”uncertainty”?” She smirks and throws up her fingers, mocking my words with air quotes.
”Partly, yes. And because it”s not your burden to bear.” It tears me apart to play this role, but I know it”s what I must do.
Her body recoils, as though I”ve struck her. ”Oh. I see. I thought, as your girlfriend, your partner, you”d want me to know important things like this.”
”It”s complicated.”
”No shit.” She crosses her arms, a barricade of defense. ”Is that why you”ve been distant for the past day or so? You hardly said a word when we were on our way back from New York.”
I need something strong to brace myself for what comes next. I rise, heading for the bar. ”Drink?”
”No.”
She watches as I pour myself another shot of Scotch. I take a long, burning gulp before settling back across from her. ”You said something in New York that”s been haunting me.”
”What did I say?” Her flared nostrils give away her anger.
”You said you weren”t sure if this relationship is good for you.”
She rolls her eyes and releases a heavy sigh. ”Gabriel, I had just been through a damn drive-by shooting. I thought it had something to do with you, or your family. I was scared. Upset.”
”I know. But I”ve done a lot of soul-searching, and...” My voice trails off. Can I really do this?
I have to. It”s for her own damn good. Eventually, she”ll grow tired of being the girlfriend of a man entrenched in the mafia. If we were to get married, she”d resent this godforsaken lifestyle. She”d resent me. And even if she didn”t, I”m not sure I can confess to her that I allowed my father to take the fall for a murder I committed.
If I don”t tell her, my father certainly will.
I can”t bear that burden. I”m strong, but not that strong. For the first time, I”m ashamed of who I am. What I am. Where I came from.
”And?”
”And I think we need to take a step back. A break.”