Chapter 1
ONE
Two years later…
With jumbled thoughts packed as tight as my suitcase, I fastened the gap with the weight of my body. I sat atop the hardshell case as my bottled feelings began to surface. This wasn’t a waiting game anymore. This was happening.
In ninety days, I’d be draped in white with my hand stretched, waiting for my husband to slip the band he’d purchased on my finger. As a young girl, my sisters and I had gone over our wedding day a hundred times over, obsessing over every detail. Yet, neither of those details included the arrangement that had been made on my behalf.
While I wasn’t opposed to the idea of it all or the shortcut to forever that I was lucky enough to have access to, it left me with so many questions. Marrying a man I had never met and having ninety days to learn everything there was to know about him while simultaneously falling in love felt dramatic.
For the most part, I knew if I wanted a life with a man on day one, so that wasn’t the issue. It was the fact I would be isolated from the people who meant the entire world to me while trying to maintain my freedom, preparing for marriage, getting to know my future husband, and falling in love.
“Here,” the deep baritone of my father soothed the anxiety creeping up in my chest.
I whipped around and toward the door is where I found Chem. He lessened the distance between us, stretching his long legs across the lengthy floor. With each passing day, he looked more like our father. Sounded more like our father.
Though I’d like to believe it was the reality, I understood the brain, how it worked, and how it coped. Chemistry was a splitting image of his brothers. One would believe his stepfather was his biological father. They all resembled Catherine. However, my father was scribed into his features somehow, someway.
His posture. His voice. His temperament. His vocabulary. His walk. His stance. It was all Richie.
So, maybe he was transforming and becoming the man I missed so much it hurt. Or, maybe I missed him so much I filled the void he’d left with bits of Chem because he gave so much of himself to us. He always had.
And, in so many ways, he’d always been a father to us. My father’s passing only magnified those qualities. It intensified those traits.
It highlighted his fatherly instincts. It aged his voice. It aged his skin. It quieted his resolve. It made him feel more like and look more like the man we’d buried in our family compound to keep him close to us at all times.
“Thank you, Teddy.”
“Don’t do that, baby.”
He tapped my leg as he forbid my verbal acknowledgement of his greatness and my gratitude. Chemistry was the light of our lives. Mine. Rugger’s. Roaman’s. Royce’s. Roulette’s. Range’s. And, Rome’s entire universe.
He was the sun and the moon in her world. He was everything to her. Though he’d never admit it or claim favoritism, we all knew she was everything to him. She and Jru were on equal playing fields and she hadn’t come from his nutsack. She’d come from Richie’s.
“Lift up. I’ve got it, Rather.”
My emotions made a fool of my limbs. Led by their intensity, I lunged forward and swooped Chem’s body into my arms. His squared shoulders rounded as his spine flexed to accommodate me. His arms caressed my back as he squeezed me tightly, planting a kiss on my forehead.
“Is everything okay, baby?”
Anything for you, Teddy. Everything for you, Teddy.
Though the words didn’t emerge, I knew he’d heard them. Felt them. And, understood them. He’d bend the world to rescue us. It was important he understood each of us would do the same without question or reservation.
“Y–yes,” I choked, knowing I wasn’t at all insane.
He sounded older. He sounded wiser. He sounded safer. He sounded homely .
“Is today the day you start lying to me? Because, I’ll restart this motherfucker.”
Still wrapped in his embrace, I felt his firmness soften. The invitation into his heart, into his head was met with slight resistance. I never wanted him to feel as though I was reluctant to make good on my sacrifice.
That wasn’t the case. I’d stand ten toes down behind him, behind my family. It was that lone fact that had my heart in my throat.
“I miss him,” I admitted.
His heart beat faster, harder against his chest. The vibration from his scoffing rattled my ear.
“I can’t begin to tell you how m– how much I do.”
His absence during our father’s demise had taken a toll on him. It was vivid. It was telling. Richie was such a sore subject for Teddy.
“But, that’s not it, baby.”
He pulled away. A thumb on my cheek as he forged a smile was a warning I was all too familiar with. Chemistry was wise beyond measure.
Not only was he a literal genius, but he was a mastermind. In order to possess these qualities, he was required to do things others couldn’t fathom and often dreamed of.
Read minds .
Yes, I read them for a living, but it had taken practice and lots of studying. I knew them because I was fascinated with the way the brains and the mental structures it created operated and adapted to life. That wasn’t the case with Chem.
He was a reader. He sometimes knew what you were going to think before you thought it. Knew what you were going to do before you did it. Knew how you were going to react before you reacted. Knew how you’d move before you made the move.
It was frustrating how brilliant he was. Because, moments like this couldn’t end without complete understanding on both our ends. If we needed to, we’d sit right here until I was honest and until I felt better about whatever was bothering me.
From where we sat, Teddy would stop the ocean from swaying, stop the earth from spinning, stop the sun from shining, or wage war if it would bring me peace. Because when our hearts were in turmoil, he didn’t know peace.
“Say the word, Rather. Tell me you’re not fucking with it and I will empty every account necessary to pay the debt.”
“You don’t have a debt.”
“I’ll make one if you don’t wan–”
“No. No. Stop talking nonsense, Teddy. That won’t be happening. I’m fine. I don’t have any reservations with the marriage. I’m a little apprehensive because I don’t know what to expect, but that comes with the territory.
“I’m hopeful, though. I don’t think this is an awful thing. I don’t. You’re saving me the trouble of kissing a hundred frogs to meet my Prince,” I chuckled.
“Baby, these men have extensive lists full of bodies. Probably one longer than mine.”
“I doubt it,” I interrupted.
He continued, knowing I was likely accurate.
“Nevertheless, the body count is not slacking. They sell dope by the boatloads. They are part of the underbelly. They make deals with the devil. They aren’t strangers to trouble. They consider it a good time. They are on the opposite side of the law. They won’t hesitate to kill. To shoot. To scuffle. To go to war. They have no limits.”
He described our family. The thought brought joy to my heart. Knowing we weren’t an anomaly and there were people in the world on the same page made me slightly more comfortable. In someone else’s world, we were normal. Our lifestyle was normal.
“Does that sound like a Prince to you, baby?”
“Given the life we live sounding quite parallel to his– Yes , Chem. He actually does sound like a Prince to me. He sounds perfect.”
“Then you girls are a bit more fucked up than I imagined. Pops and I could’ve done a bit better raising you.”
“We surround ourselves with who we are, who we want to be, or who we think of ourselves as. Does it surprise you my interest is piqued knowing I’ll be meeting a man who indulges in the lifestyle of you and Richie? And, please don’t bullshit me with your response. I don’t need to be pacified, Teddy.”
Angling his head leftward, he took a second to respond. He calculated his words, mixed and matched them to suit his true feelings.
“I’m listening.”
“I haven’t started talking yet, Rather.”
“What are you waiting for?”
He paused, staring back at me with the same dark eyes I’d stolen from Richie.
“It doesn’t surprise me, but it doesn’t keep me from being optimistic. Keep me from wanting you with a normal nigga.”
“Is that not being optimistic? You say that as if being with a man of your stature is– is absurd. Damning. As if it’s ludicrous. I beg the difference. It’s not far-fetched and it is not nonsensical, either, Chemistry.
“I adore you. I adored our father. You have always been and still is the epitome of a man in my eyes. Richie was the blueprint. You were a better version of his design. Being with a man who isn’t even close to what you are, who you are… that’s what’s illogical.”
Offended, I stood, prepared to pace the room as I continued my explanation.
“Sit down, Rather.”
Obliging, I sat beside him, resuming my position.
“I’m insulted.”
“For me?” He chuckled.
“Yes. And, Dad.”
I laced my arms and rested them beneath my bosom.
“You shouldn’t be, Rather.”
“Well, I am. Now, tell me, why would any of us seeing a man opposite of you be considered a better choice in your eyes?”
“I–”
“Because, honestly, Chem, what man other than one such as yourself would understand I’ve burned a man’s balls to a crisp just so he could give me the combination to a safe that wasn’t rightfully ours?”
“It became ours when he decided to cut my work.”
“It was his work.”
“It was stamped with my name. It was my formula. Don’t fuck with my formula. That was one of the rules. He knew the consequences.”
“Which, again, proves my point. What normal guy would understand the heights I’d go to for my family, our operation, and our–”
“Rather.”
“No. No. Tell me. And, don’t forget the man I refused his insulin until he gave up his boss. The guy walking around right now with one eye and missing fingers. He was only a witness. He wasn’t the perpetrator.”
“He acted like he couldn’t see motherfuckers playing on my name, baby. That was his first mistake. He didn’t try to stop them when the shit went down, either. That was his second one. Being caught on camera, simply watching it all was the third. His eyes and hands were pointless then, so there was no point of them afterward, right?”
“Oh, I’m with you on that. But, that doesn’t answer my question. What normal guy, Chem?”
He watched me carefully, knowing I was far from finished.
“And the old man I fed viagra for a week straight.”
Amused, he shook his head. He was so handsome. His pending smile made me smile.
“How you handle your business is none of my business, baby, as long as it gets handled.”
“The guy with the permanent halo, now.”
He tossed his hands in the air, “He should’ve used his head when he had the chance.”
“His muscles are still deteriorating.”
“His brain seemed to have done so first. Not my fault. Stupid shit gets you stupid results, every time.”
“The question.”
“I understand, baby.”
“Well, then.” I shrugged, “Don’t do that, again. Optimism is hoping and praying I end up with a man who loves and cherishes me, one who reminds me of all the amazing things I love about my father and brother, the men who set the bar high in the sky.”
“That’s optimism, Teddy. Because, if you thought for a second I wanted a normal boy, then I’m afraid you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”
“I know you, Rather.”
“Then, today is the day you started lying to me.”
“I didn’t. I’m aware of your preference. It has little to do with mine. That’s not dishonesty. That’s opposing views, desires.”
“Hmph.” I frowned, dropping my hands by my side.
He started for the door, stopping at the threshold to continue his antics.
“Fix your face, kid and come down when you’re ready. We’re waiting.”
“Just make sure my niece never forgets me and how much I love her while I’m gone.”
He turned with saddened eyes. His epiphany was in progress.
“That’s it, huh?”
I nodded. “It’s not my obligations that I’m struggling with. It’s the separation. I don’t want to leave you all. In my twenty-six years of life, I’ve never been alone. I’ve always had nine people by my side. One left me for good. I’m not ready to leave the others.”
“You have four men waiting for you to touch down, Rather. They’ll take good care of you. They’ll make sure you’re straight. They are me. I’m them. I trust them with my life and with yours.”
“They’re hours away, Chem.”
“Minutes, baby. They’re minutes away and should you ever need them it will feel like seconds.”
“Malachi is in no shape to come running to my rescue.”
“Malachi will shake himself off and come full speed ahead if you need him. Don’t dirty his name or smear his character because he’s hurting. He remains the same somewhere deep inside even if we can’t see it right now. He’s hurting but he’s not useless.”
“Sorry.”
I dipped my head, remembering the beautiful life we’d all lost.
“Head up, Rather. Don’t let me see it fall again.”
I lifted my chin.
“Tell me something I want to hear,” he deflected.
“I love you.”
The words mounted my emotions. They threatened to spill from my eyes but I held it together.
“Like a normal kind of love or?” He smiled.
“Don’t make me strap you to a chair and peel back your eyelids. Turn on the lawn mower and let the blades of grass kiss your orbs. The–”
“Rather, I’m not a client. I won’t ever be. Before I sit down in your chair, I’d end your life and mine. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you and I wouldn’t rest under the dirt knowing you’d lost me.”
“You’re sick,” I sniggered, pulling the handle of my suitcase up.
“In this lifetime and next, baby.”
“Come and find me?”
“Make sure you’re waiting.”
I laid a hand on my chest. My heart was raging. I’d love Chemistry in the next lifetime. It was written in stone.
I watched him turn to leave, somehow breaking my heart into pieces. I wasn’t ready to leave them. Two years of preparation wasn’t enough. I needed this lifetime. The whole thing. Unable to watch him go so soon, I summoned the words from my mind.
“Furthermore, a normal guy couldn’t handle me if he tried. I’m not water. I’m not flowers. I’m not sunlight on a rainy day, Teddy. I’m wind. I’m fire.”
“Don’t I fucking know,” he tittered, slapping his hand against the wall as he exited the room.
This time, I allowed him to leave because if I kept him here now I’d try to keep him forever and never board the private jet waiting for my arrival.
I gathered my things and began to make my way downstairs, sure Chemistry would return for the bags. Because our compound was massive, there was a pad for a chopper and a decently sized tarmac strip for pilots who were experienced flyers and could get the wheels up in the air quicker than others if necessary. It ran the length of the compound and was stationed on the back end.
“Hey, baby girl,” I greeted Jru.
She was hanging out on the bottom step unloading and reloading the extended magazine of the toy pistol Rugger had customized for her. Though we all hated to see her grab it, we knew it was her favorite and she was only getting her lesson early.
It was still a lesson she needed no matter what age Chem decided to give it to her. She toted it around like it was a Princess doll and chose it over any toy we tried persuading her to grab instead.
“Hi.”
The rasp of her voice reminded me of Range and Rugger. If Chem wasn’t careful, he’d be raising their triplet. He and Rugger were so parallel it was sickening to witness. Jru was following in those very footsteps.
Water and guns.
Water and guns.
And, though she had balance and was a genuinely sweet girl, she would be lethal. I knew it and so did everyone else around us.
“Want to ride with Tee Rather?”
“Yes.”
Her pearly skin and tiny teeth made it hard not to stare. She was beautiful. Chemistry and Egypt had done well for themselves. Maybe it was a bit selfish of me, but I couldn’t wait until they decided to have another one.
Jru was perfect. She needed a playmate. A brother, specifically, because it was who her father deserved. Having a son would ease those thick, crinkly brows and those worry lines on his forehead. Teddy was surrounded by women. It was time he met his match.
“Come on.”
I bent down and pulled her into my arms. We traveled through my home and into the living room where most of the family were waiting.
“Is it time, already?” Rome questioned, bolting to her feet.
The sadness in her tone had me fearful of her emotional well-being during my absence. She was Chemistry’s heart, but she was the lungs of the family. She kept us strong, breathing, and motivated.
“Yes. Aden and Otis are waiting.”
We’d need two vehicles to transport us the mile down the road. Of course, walking and motorized carts were an option, but they both felt like major inconveniences at the moment.
“Then let’s go, girls,” my mother suggested, ready to round everyone up if necessary.
She was the first out of the door. We all followed her lead. Roulette refused to pile up and decided to take her own car. Rugger rode in her passenger seat. Everyone else used the two available SUVs to get to the tarmac where the plane was waiting for departure.
Goodbyes were never easy, but as Rome’s grip around my body loosened, peace consumed me. More than two whole years of my life had been spent on Chemistry’s island with the people I loved most in the world. However, the idea of getting back to the States was somewhat enticing.
“I love you, baby. Keep Jru warm for me. You know she loves her cuddles and Tuesday nights at Tee Rather’s house.”
“It’s Tee Rome’s house, now.”
“I couldn’t be happier.”
I pulled Jru closer. She wrapped her small arms around my neck and squeezed me tightly. I’d been preparing her for this moment, but it didn’t stop those big eyes from tearing up as she tried regulating her emotions. At only two, she was mature beyond comprehension. It wasn’t surprising to any of us. We were all the same.
Our advancement in life started at very young ages. At two, Jru knew every color, every alphabet, every number, every animal, every continent, every ocean, every fruit, every vegetable, and the list continued. Roaman was teaching her the intricacies of the brain, their functions, and surgical procedures that were designed to cure the diseases, disabilities, and dysfunctions they studied.
Rome had her on the tips of her toes the first day she learned to walk without assistance. She was stunning on the floor, just like her aunt. Range was increasing her comprehension skills and making her quick on her toes with quizzes about laws, rules, and regulations. Without a doubt she’d win an argument and make a solid case against any three year old although she hadn’t reached that milestone just yet.
For starters, she spoke fluently and her vocabulary was expansive. They wouldn’t stand a chance. Royce taught her simple life skills that would help improve her independence. Roulette’s lessons were simple. Fuck niggas, get money, but never spend your own. Jru was the sheep being raised by wolves. But, by the time she reached adulthood, she’d be everything we dreamt.
“Baby, it’s tim–” Chemistry began, rubbing the center of my back.
“Alright, Chemistry. I’m going.”
I slipped from Jru’s arms.
“I love you, Bubs.”
“Evewry lie-time.”
“Every lifetime, baby.”
She was out for my heart. Her head landed on Rome’s shoulder and those tears she was trying to fight came falling. To save me some pain, she turned her head so I wouldn’t see her release her emotional discontent. I felt it. All of it.
My baby .
“Rather.” Chemistry said barely above a whisper.
“Coming. I promise.”
We were working with a very small window. Timing was critical. Hadn’t it been, Chem would keep the pilot waiting until the plane ran out of fuel. However, he couldn’t. We couldn’t.
I climbed the steps alone as my family waited at the very bottom. Roaman’s heart couldn’t handle my departure. She had run off to her house after the quickest farewell I’d ever experienced. Her heart was pure, though, and I knew it was just as fragile.
I entered the cabin without taking a look over my shoulders. It was heartbreak waiting to happen. To spare us all, I strutted down the aisle of the aircraft and sat in the very back where the shades were stretched over the window and my view of the island was obstructed.
As I settled in and the door was sealed, I removed The Self-Discovery Project, a piece of work I’d been working on over the last eight months. The workbook doubled as an adult activity book with plenty of space for self-reflection and journaling.
Everything I valued and stood behind as a licensed therapist, woman, sister, friend, and human rested within the pages I carefully curated day in and day out. So many had bit the dust and not made the second round of evaluation, because they didn’t suit the vision or truly embody the message I was trying to get across. It was fairly simple.
Women are doers.
Women are human.
Women are feelers.
Women are thinkers.
Women are more than objects.
Women deserve softness and support.
Women owe no explanation for our rightful nature.
Women should govern their own bodies, minds, and hearts.
Women deserve grace from everyone in their lives, including self.
Women are the most fragile beings on the planet and should be treated as such.
Women are the superior gender. Put a man in our shoes and his ankles will bleed.
Women’s femininity is a direct reflection of the masculine energy that surrounds them.
Without women, life isn’t possible. The quicker the world remembers that, the better the world will be.
Society’s secret vendetta against the woman’s body, heart, mind, femininity, fragility, sensitivity, and vulnerability has shaped the thoughts and expectations of women near and far.
It has most hating nearly everything about themselves simply because the world is quietly whispering just how much she should each time she unlocks her phone, sees a billboard, boards a plane, walks into an office, or tries to abort a child who is the result of an assault.
Women are hated by everyone, including each other. It angers me. The way women are torn apart, piece by piece, is disheartening. And, I’ve learned the work begins on the inside and that came from being surrounded by powerful women day in and day out.
Discovering yourself is the first step. Becoming sure of yourself is the second step. Loving yourself, unconditionally, is the final step.
Along with the draft I’d created, I removed the box of markers from my bag. My headphones were next. I covered my ears and put my favorite playlist on shuffle. As the marker struck the page, the Wifi connected and melodies finally filled my ears.
“I need a gangstaaaa.”
At the sound of Kehlani’s voice, my entire body stiffened. After the third line, I regained mobility in my limbs. Dramatically, I mashed my screen with my fingertip. Skipping the song that reminded me of a finer time led me to Read , a Lucky Daye piece that was timeless.
Fuck .
Sifting through my thoughts, I found more pleasant ones that included the women who filled the pages of the draft I was preparing to color. The line art meant for the mental and emotional therapy for women everywhere happened to be images of the women in my world who helped me discover myself. They captured them so perfectly.
Quickly, I got lost filling in the lines that connected to make Roaman’s frame. Next came Roulette. And, then, there was Rugger. By the time I turned another page and found Rome’s pretty face staring back at me, the wheels of the plane contacted the pavement carved for the private aircrafts.
With any luck, it would be the family I was marrying into on the tarmac and not the Federal agents tasked with my family’s demise. I gathered my art supplies and stuffed them in the container they’d come in before stuffing it into my bag along with the first copy of my pending publication.
The Hermès Birkin fit them both, along with my headphones and other necessities, perfectly. I stood on my feet as I began typing a simple text to the group full of my siblings and our mother.
I’ve arrived .
A slew of responses began pouring in. I dropped the phone into my purse, deciding to update them once I was settled and comfortable. I exited the plane with my chin in the air and my chest to centimeters further than its normal positions. My shoes collided with the plush rug beneath me before making my presence known as they sounded off on the concrete.
A handsome, older man removed his hat from his head and placed both hands in front of him as I neared. The woman beside him with the blinding rock on her finger was all smiles.
“Kalvin Valentine.” The man spoke first.
“Ashland Valentine.” The woman I’d swiftly learned was his wife followed his lead.
The in-laws . I surmised.
“My condolences for your loss. Richie was a fine gentleman and a good friend of–”
“Richie didn’t have friends, Kalvin. Richie had associates. His friends lived in the same house as him, he raised them, and caught them all during birth with his bare hands.”
A long pause left us all staring back at one another. And, finally, a smile peeled his lips back.
“Rather, is it?”
I angled my head as I tittered, blinking slowly. “We both know my name is not a mystery here.”
“Richie Jr. That’s what they should’ve named you.”
“That would make it quite difficult to determine the names of the rest of his children and quite impossible to tell us apart.”
“I like her, Ashland. She and Kofi will get along just fine,” he chuckled.
“Or not at all,” his wife joined him. “Welcome to the family, Rather. Your car is waiting. Dinner will be served in two hours. We’re expecting you there. Tardiness is unacceptable.”
“And an insult to character. I’ll be there. On time.”
“Good,” she responded with a nod.
The Maybach waiting was black in color. I couldn’t wait to see it glisten in the night.
“Good evening, Mrs. Valentine. My name is Quentin. I will be your driver for the night.”
“Nice to meet you, Quentin.”
Mrs. Valentine . It had a slight ring to it. Determined to remain composed, I didn’t allow the skin of my teeth to show until I was seated and the door had closed behind me.
“Kofi Valentine,” I whispered as it all began to sink in.
It wasn’t until now that I knew the name of the man I’d be marrying. Chemistry was aware, yet he refused to divulge.
Kofi Valentine. Mrs. Kofi Valentine. Rather Valentine .
My cheeks flushed with curiosity. My fingers were anxious to begin searching the name, but I stopped myself before I was able to get carried away.
This is why he refused to divulge. He knew that piece of information would send me down a rabbit hole .
I silently thanked Chemistry for his logic and rested my head on the seat behind me. I wasn’t sure how long of a drive we had or where my new home had been prepared. Chemistry had handled the details and made sure I was set up nicely during the ninety day period I was to remain unwed and in the event I needed shelter at any point during my time in the States.
Optimism .
The conversation I’d had with Teddy came rushing back to the forefront of my thoughts. I wouldn’t need the home beyond the ninety days. If things moved according to plan, I wouldn’t need it after the first thirty. There was no need to prolong the inevitable.
I was marrying Kofi. We were going to design a life we loved. And, we’d live happily. As long as we both understood and agreed, the foundation would be solid. Because I knew Chemistry nor our father wouldn’t feed me to the wolves, I believed it was truly possible.
And, it will happen .
With those thoughts engrained, I rested my eyes as the wheels kept turning. It was another thirty minutes before the door swung open and I could tuck away my obsessive thoughts.
“We’re here, Mrs. Valentine.”
“Thank you, Quentin. For now, it’s Ms. Childers.”
He nodded his round head in understanding. “Got it.”
Rather Childers-Valentine. Lengthy, but better.
Dropping my last name was never a desire of mine. I’d been Rather Childers my entire life. Rather Childers had worked hard. Rather Childers had made a name for herself in the therapy she specialized in. It was Rather Childers on all three degrees and the high school diploma.
Rather Childers was the name written on the awards and noted in the accolades. I’d remain Rather Childers even long after my death. Acquiring a man’s last name was an ancient practice that didn’t necessarily carry the same benefits and principles, now.
Then, it was a medal of honor, a way to let others know you were someone else’s property. To let them know you belonged to someone. To a man. I didn’t belong to any man but God. The days when marriage was a woman’s greatest accomplishment in life were long gone.
So, although I was in love with the sound of Rather Valentine, Rather Childers-Valentine sounded better.
“Thank you.”
He busied himself with the bags as I made the journey toward the door. I unlocked it using the key Chemistry had given me just before my departure. The smell of fresh roses filled the entryway. I followed the faint, yet distinctive smell through the foyer where I found a large box of roses waiting for me.
“Ms. Childers,” Quentin called out to me.
Turning to find him with the luggage I’d brought along, I nodded toward the stairs.
“Up the stairs will be fine.”
Though I didn’t know what was up there or where the master suite was located, I knew I wouldn’t be hauling suitcases up. Bringing them down if necessary was less daunting.
“Sure thing. And, then, I’ll be out of your hair.”
“Good day, now, Quentin.”
“Have a good day, ma’am.”
I removed the fully-loaded, full-sized Px4 Storm from my purse. With one toggle of the black notch, the SD Type F transformed from dormant weight in the bottom of my Birkin to a deadly piece of machinery.
Patiently, I glossed my lips as I waited to hear the door close behind Quentin. When I was certain he’d gotten to his car safely, the barrel of my gun pierced the air. The gift from Teddy was a soft brown, nearly golden tone and a beast in the field. Without a doubt, it would get the job handled.
The clicking of my heels announced my presence as I stalked each room on the first level. After clearing the backend, I moved toward the kitchen where the smudges on the freshly polished floors caught my attention.
Proven. I’m not insane .
The imperfections were proof of presence in the home other than my own. The flowers were the first piece of evidence. Chemistry made it clear he’d chosen my location, my home, furnished it, and sealed it so entry was forbidden until I arrived. The red roses upon arrival were red fucking flags.
Through the kitchen, around the pantry, and into the laundry room, I followed the trail of faint marks. Because the laundry room was down a small set of steps, it was completely separate from the rest of the house. Still, it was completely finished and useful.
The smell of fresh paint traced the air. Inside, I searched for the continuation of the smudges but came to a dead end. Instantly, the door tightened behind me. Though I’d completely fallen apart inside, I collected myself and moved forward.
From behind the mud rack, darkness arose.
Black top.
Black bottom.
Black shoes.
Black hole.
My life wouldn’t end today, but theirs surely would. I’d always been taught to shoot first and ask for specifics later. And, not from the person on the ground. Because, if they could answer any questions you hadn’t done your job.
Fow!
I fired a shot toward the figure, quickly regretting the discharging of my gun as soon as it sounded. The long frame disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Fear gripped my chest, tightening my throat past the point of discomfort.
As my stomach began to turn and my emotions began to spill from my mouth, I was blessed once more with the fleeting presence.
“Chemi–”
“Good evening, baby.”
“How– How’d you– You were just in–”
“And, now I’m here. If you thought I was sending you off without making sure you were well, then you had it all fucked up, Rather.”
“I didn’t think much, Teddy.”
“Understood. This is a huge step.”
“But, I’m prepared. I’m ready. And, somewhat excited.”
“Good. Good to hear.”
“How’d you get here before me?”
“You took the scenic route. I flew straight here. You didn’t notice the extra forty-five minutes?”
“I was lost in my crafts.”
“Don’t get lost again, Rather. Pay close attention.”
“You’re right,” I admitted, “Why the flowers?”
“Wanted to make sure you weren’t slipping and had your antennas up.”
“Sorry for shooting at you.”
“Be sorry you missed, baby. That’s the only thing that’s pissing me off. You know better.”
“If I hadn–”
“But you did.”
Snap. Snap.
Once. Twice.
It was the universal code for business in our family.
“I’m listening.”
I straightened my spine and pushed the small button on the side of my handle. Chemistry was all the safety I needed. Unlike me, he didn’t miss. Even with his eyes closed and his back turned, he’d hit his mark. His precision was undeniable. I’d witnessed it too many times.
“This way.”
I followed him around the corner he’d rounded and then disappeared behind as I pulled the trigger. To my surprise, it wasn’t a corner at all. It was a very discreet pathway.
“What is it?”
“Your path to freedom if you’re ever in a jam.”
He was beyond his time and beyond any human I’d ever encountered, even Richie. Chemistry wasn’t a step ahead. He was miles ahead. While others were waiting at the start line for the race to begin, he was crossing the finish line. It never failed and he never ceased to amaze me.
Quietly, we walked down the long stretch. With each passing second, I waited for it’s ending. It seemed as though we’d never make it there.
“Teddy–”
We were getting deeper and deeper. I eventually came to the realization it continued for miles.
“Don’t give me that look, baby.”
“You did all this for me? I’m promised protection, right?”
“I know what they said and I appreciate the gesture, but you’re my responsibility. And, you will be until I’m in the ground. Fuck their protection.”
With a nod, I continued.
“The heat sensors aren’t able to pick up a signal down here. If, for any reason, you feel compromised, simply stand in front of the door we came through. Your entire body will go through a one second scan.
“It will detect your rapid heart rate and elevated vitals. It’ll know if you’re distressed and open that door. Not sure if you remember Lawe, but his people installed it for me.”
Of course I remembered him. The few weekends in summer we had the privilege to visit Berkeley while he was at Pops couldn’t end fast enough. He was a train wreck and wasn’t sorry about it. Paired with Makai and every place they visited became a shit show.
“Follow this exact path. There are three others, simply for confusing anyone who steps foot down here. Use this path and take the fifth exit.
“There you will find Benny waiting to take you to a secure location. There you’ll wait for further instructions. If they don’t come from me, from my voice, they are not your instructions. Alright?”
“Yes.”
“No one knows about this but you and I. Benny will only know when he needs to know. The family you’re marrying into isn’t to know a fucking thing, baby. You hear me?”
“Yes.”
“Not even Kofi.”
My heart swelled in my chest hearing his name roll off Chemistry’s tongue. It was the first time but I was certain it wouldn’t be the last. He and I were destined to spend the rest of our lives together.
“Chemistry.”
“Yes, baby?”
“What’s he like?” I sighed, desperate to know something, anything about the man I was set to marry in ninety days.
“He’s a man,” Teddy explained, “He’s a fucking man, Rather.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means guard your heart, maintain your sanity, and don’t let that motherfucker get to your head. Remember who you are and don’t ever forget it. You’re a Childers, Rather, and we don’t move foolishly. Most of all, maintain your individuality.
“Don’t let that nigga speak for you, think for you, or move for you. Make your own moves. Do your own thinking. And, speak your mind. Don’t, not even for a second, let any of them play with you or think they can play with you. Because the truth of the matter is they can’t. Understood?”
“Understood.”
“Then why are you looking at me that way?”
“One more question.”
“One more.”
“Is he that bad?”
“He’s not bad at all, Rather, or you wouldn’t be here. He’s a liability. We don’t like liabilities, baby. We like assets. That’s the sacrifice. That’s how we repay the Valentines.
“That’s your job. Turn him into an asset. Not just for his family, but for all three of the families. If you don’t, the government will… but surely you know it’ll be for themselves.”
“He’d become a rat?”
“No. He’d become bait.”
Needing him near, I closed the gap between us and wrapped my arms around him. He kissed the top of my head before stepping back.
“I have to get going. Now that you’re here, our communication will be limited. But, I have a line dedicated to your calls. Whenever you need me, call me. There’s a phone in the nightstand next to the bed in the master suite.”
“Okay.”
“Rugger left a gift for you in the kitchen. Turn all the knobs right until they click. Behind the stove you’ll find it.”
I didn’t stop him when he turned and headed in the opposite direction. Over his shoulder, he tossed a peace sign. It was all he had and all I could accept at the moment.
Because, truthfully, I wanted him to stay as bad as he wanted to stay. To make things easier for us both, we settled for the mediocre gesture.
I scurried back into the house where I stood in front of the stove minutes later. My Beretta rested on the counter behind me as I stared at the precious chunk of material. Some amazing dishes would be made in the near future.
Click.
Click.
Click.
Click .
Click.
Click .
The backsplash lifted, exposing a small artillery. And, though small wasn’t an accurate description, it was in comparison to Rugger’s ideal of a decent collection. Sure that Chem had given her limitations and made her settle for much less than she cared to settle for, I was left with a smile.
Well, shall we get dressed?
Massive.
Manicured.
Enchanting.
Festive.
Not only could my thoughts describe the home I’d stepped into, but they could also describe my family’s home. I missed it as much as I did my father. Entering the Valentine’s family home reminded me of the countless dinners we had and the bonds we thickened around the table that nearly stretched the length of the entire room.
“Right this way.”
A staff member directed me toward the dining hall where the same man and woman I’d met hours ago were standing. Slowly, I continued down the long hallway, reaching them only when my thoughts were clear and my head was on the straight and narrow. Chem’s words stuck with me.
It means guard your heart, maintain your sanity, and don’t let that motherfucker get to your head. Remember who you are and don’t ever forget it. You’re a Childers, Rather, and we don’t move foolishly. Most of all, maintain your individuality.
Don’t let that nigga speak for you, think for you, or move for you. Make your own moves. Do your own thinking. And, speak your mind. Don’t, not even for a second, let any of them play with you or think they can play with you. Because the truth of the matter is they can’t. Understood?
“Understood,” I whispered as I approached.
“So, we meet again,” Ashland spoke.
“We do.”
“Into the dining area, shall we?” Kalvin said, tugging on the door behind his wife.
“We’ll introduce you to the family. Starting with Kofi, you’ll make your way around the table and greet each person you come into contact with. Not everyone is as friendly as–” she explained.
“There’s only one person you must overlook, Rather. Our eldest. Don’t take his brashness personal.”
“In other words, he’s a bit of a grump. The others are fine. You’ll be fine. I hope .”
“Do you not understand who your son is marrying?” I tittered. “There’s no doubt in my mind that I’ll be fine. As for the people I encounter–”
I shrugged.
“Worry about them. Please don’t worry about me.”
“Oh, I’m not,” Kalvin chuckled, “Not even one bit.”
The doors swung open and I was confronted with chatter that was plentiful and faces that were beyond beautiful. Chiseled cheekbones, perfectly lined fades, suits, ballroom dresses, white teeth that varied in perfection, gaps, gold, diamonds that sparkled, and laughter that was infectious. I couldn’t understand why my lips lifted into a smile but they had.
Family.
I imagined that was the cause. And, this family was gorgeous. Wealth was abundant. And, structure was apparent.
My family .
Not only was this my new family, but it reminded me of the times I’d had with mine prior to our relocation and our father’s death. They reeked of excellence. So did we . Their riches were loud and bold even though it wasn’t their intention. So was ours .
“Settle down, everyone. Settle down. We have a very special guest tonight, so I need everyone to behave themselves. Especially you, Kofi,” Kalvin warned with his eyes trained on the darkest of the bunch.
His eyes were low, hooded almost, but it wasn’t due to genetics. Marijuana was cruising through his system. He was on a high and that bold smile with all his teeth visible validated my revelation. Red eyes confirmed it.
“I haven’t done a thing, old man.”
“Not yet,” a deep baritone barked. “But, it won’t be long.”
“You have no faith in my offspring. It’s insulting,” a woman who resembled Ashland sighed, loudly.
“Kofi, Rather. Rather, Kofi.”
He pushed the chair back and stood on his feet. His extensive limbs ambled in my direction. When he was near, his arms widened and encased me.
He’s hugging me.
It was swift, but his scent lingered.
“Kofi,” he introduced himself as if his father hadn’t already.
With flared nostrils and a throbbing center, I managed my manners.
“Rather. Rather Childers.”
“Not for long,” he reminded me as he took his seat.
“Ninety days to be exact,” Kalvin added.
“That voice you just heard belongs to Killian, next to the oldest. My daughter’s name is Kleigh. You’ve met Kofi. And, the one at the very end of the table… that’s Priest.”
“Hi,” Kleigh greeted me with kindness and delicacy.
“Hello.”
The contentment on everyone’s face surrounding me was pleasurable. However, the man she’d just named didn’t seem to share the same sentiments as his siblings and parents. Intimidation was a foreign feeling and one that didn’t visit me often or ever.
I made a mental note to meet the grump with the same energy he delivered so he was never confused about where I stood with him. I would begin and continue standing wherever he stood with me. And that went for everyone. My father hadn’t raised a fool and I wouldn’t begin acting like one in his absence.
I began my round, first stopping by to shake Kleigh’s hand. She was the most welcoming. Kofi and I had already exchanged bodily bacteria that lived on the surface of our skin. It was time to pass the germs I’d collected since my bath on to someone else.
“You’re so pretty,” Kleigh complimented me, standing on her feet.
She was uninterested in a handshake and opted for a hug. I embraced her, knowing instantly she’d be an ally. The rest of the siblings were still up for evaluation. Feminine energy radiated through us both as we kissed one another’s cheeks.
“What are you wearing?”
“Riot. From a small fragrance company my sister loves. It was a gift from her.”
“Tell her I need a gift, too. You smell so yummy.”
“Thank you. I’ll be sure you get some.”
I continued down the side of the table where Killian was next up. He stood, taking my hand into his. Though firm, I immediately assumed he was the more tolerable of the three men at the table other than his father. A charmer.
“Nice to meet you, Rather. I’ve heard great things.” He lifted my hand to kiss.
“He’s lying. We’ve heard literally nothing about you,” Kleigh admitted.
“This nigga, man,” Kofi scoffed, slouching in his seat.
I moved right along, rounding the table to reach the end where the dark presence was brooding. A nod of his head corrected Kofi’s behavior. Words weren’t exchanged, but Kofi clearly understood his posture had become an issue. He sucked his teeth while straightening himself up and stiffening his spine.
Don.
Boss.
Head.
Leader.
Capo Mandamento.
I realized.
Chemistry. My brother’s position made it easy to understand his and it didn’t take a few minutes. Milliseconds was all I needed to fully comprehend.
“Rather.” I extended my hand to shake his.
He stood tall and he stood long, buttoning the jacket of his suit in the process. Not until he was ready did he take a good look at me, studying me like an open book, and take my hand into his. Words never evaded him. His eyes fell from mine, onto my hand where my grip was firm and full of confidence.
Yet, somehow, the sight of it seemed to have grown more repulsive by the second. He released me forcefully, abruptly ending our introduction. Unfazed by his disdain for my presence, I stood unmovingly, peering into his dark eyes. Maybe he was head of the people around him, but there was only one head of the Childers and his name was Chemistry.
With a roll of my eyes and a frustrated stream of air from my nose, I decided to end the stare down. Though I didn’t want to give up, I’d seen his kind and knew they didn’t give up easily, either. I made it clear, however, he wasn’t establishing his dominance over me. It didn’t exist. He’d be better off saving that energy for the people he shared blood with.
I gathered my bearings and sat in the chair designated for me. Because I could feel his eyes piercing my flesh, I went against my logic and took a look across the table where he sat. Finally, he set his sight on something else. On someone else.
Asshole!