28. Chapter 28
Chapter 28
Damon
"God- fucking -dammit!" I snap, irritable at myself.
My control slipped—again. I've rarely lost it at all the past few years, and now, it's happening more frequently. And there's one common denominator in all of it.
Avery.
Just hearing her say my name like that is more intoxicating than the expensive bottle of whiskey that's now forgotten about on the floor. I don't even remember placing it down. One minute I was fine, then the next it's as if my invisible cord snapped. My mouth was on hers, breathing her in like my life depended on it.
When I look up, I notice her watching me closely, forehead wrinkled with tension. I can see the worry in her eyes—the panic and fear that I regret what just happened.
I don't.
It just happened so suddenly. I'm mad at myself for losing control.
Mad at myself for hating how much I place my own value in her.
Mad for hating the way she makes me believe I'm not as bad of a monster as I think I am.
I hate that she sees good in me when I know there's none. But furious that sometimes I let myself indulge in that thought, believing it briefly.
Everything is so different in her eyes. She's too trusting, too quick to search for good. That's what's landed her in trouble before.
I don't want her to be so complacent. She needs to hate me.
I need her to hate me.
It would all be much easier.
But at the same time, the thought of her hating me makes it feel like my body is being torn apart from the inside out.
I've grown to like how she looks at me. While everyone watches me with fear, she gazes at me like the sun shines out of my fucking asshole. And I know that's how she feels… because that's how she looks at Grey too.
Despite everything that has happened in Lilydale, she always smiles at me. But she should hate me. The bad things that happen to her are because of me. And now because of my actions, she'll never leave Lilydale. By giving away that two percent, I've signed everyone's death warrants.
Arthur wants people to believe they leave this place once they are rehabilitated. But the truth is most people vanish downstairs. The rare exception when people do leave is because Arthur entices them with presents—blackmail in a pretty bow. He gets them on his side, doing a favor for their release—but there's always a catch. Even on the outside, you're never free of this place. You're still under his control, tied to him for life.
The ultimate goal was to get Lilydale shut down. If we overwhelmed the system, the courts would have no choice but to reevaluate everyone's sentences. One person trying to leave— easy for the federal prison system to handle. But trying to find spots for one hundred patients? Impossible.
By losing the contract, we would have forced Lilydale's financial hand. But it didn't dawn on me that signing away that two percent would be a mistake. It saved Avery initially—but at what cost?
I've just sentenced her to a lifetime of pain and suffering here. If that court order succeeds, there's enough funds in the trust to sustain the facility for the foreseeable future. They could easily replace the equipment, securing the continuance of the contract.
We will be overpowered, and eventually, it will just be a matter of time before they resume their activities. We can protect everyone, but not indefinitely. They will corner us somehow, starting with low-risk patients. Our focus will shift, and they will attack.
And it's all my fault.
I never make mistakes like that. I didn't stop and fully consider the consequences—I was determined to bring Avery back. And it sickens me that part of that reason was to continue tormenting her and having her under my control.
It all leads back to those gray eyes that are still staring at me with way too much emotion. I don't deserve it.
I don't deserve her.
"Damon…" she repeats, voice breaking slightly.
I cup her face in my hands, pulling back slightly to look at her. She relaxes in my grip, the guilt eating at me even more.
"It's fine," I mutter. "You're okay."
She frowns, clearly puzzled by my words. I want to reassure her, but the words get stuck on the tip of my tongue. I know I need to tell everyone about what happened, especially Grey, but a part of me is afraid. What if I tell her and she never looks at me like this again? I want to savor the moment for as long as possible before I'm the big, bad monster again.
"What happened?" she asks softly, resting her hands over mine on her face.
"My father happened," I hiss quietly, as if the familial tie is poison. "I fucked up."
Avery tilts her head slightly, her right cheek pushing into my hand. "What do you mean?"
I sigh, closing my eyes. "He's going to get access to the funds. Once he does, there's nothing to stop them from coming at us again."
"We knew this was a possibility," she defends. "We will sort it out."
Shaking my head, I open my eyes, letting her see how serious this is. "He is only able to do this because I gave him the power to do so."
I relax my hands on her face, giving her the opportunity to move away if she wants. She doesn't—her hands squeezing mine, holding them in place.
"Power?"
"The deal I cut with him for your return," I tell her, unable to stop the anger in my tone. "I gave him a percentage of my shares in Lilydale. It wasn't much—but enough to give him the ability to pull stunts like this."
Avery lets go of my hands as I anticipated, and I ignore the pain in my chest. I knew she'd see me for the mess I am eventually.
But her hands are suddenly on my cheeks, forcing me to face her.
"You did the best you could in a bad situation. We couldn't have anticipated that they would do this—you saved me. Both times, actually. And that counts for something."
Oh, my little innocent lamb.
If only you realized.
Leaving her hands on my face, I grab her waist, running my palms down the curve of her body. She shivers underneath my touch, sending an electric shock straight to my cock.
She's so soft and warm, and despite wanting to disagree with her, I simply fall victim to my selfish needs again. I kiss her, this time more slowly but with the same heat and intensity as before.
It's the least I can do. I can't turn back time, I can't change what I did. But I can change this. I can stop shoving her away to prove something to myself.
My strength is fading fast, and for once, I just want to forget—to give into the all-consuming thoughts that revolve around her.
I don't know what's going to happen. And I'm fucked beyond reason because I can't control the outcome. But I can control this at least.
We match energy, tongues dancing, and when I slow mine, dragging it teasingly along hers, she moans, hips jerking into me.
And fucking hell she feels good.
My hand skates along her thigh, caressing the inside of her leg until I reach the center of her shorts. Slipping inside the loose material past her thighs, my fingers brush against her underwear. When I feel her arousal starting to seep through the fabric, something snaps.
I grab the side of her underwear, ripping it aside forcefully. Avery lets out a gasp into my mouth as my finger wastes no time in running along her wet slit. I cup her pussy with my palm, pressing my middle finger in until it slides into her warmth. She's already wet, just from kissing me, and I store that knowledge away to reflect on later when she no doubt runs from me.
My finger glides in and out of her, feeling her clench around me. It's not enough for either of us, so I add another one while my thumb finds her clit. I draw circles around it, thrusting my fingers rhythmically into her eager body as she rolls her hips with need.
"Damon…" she moans, and I hear myself growl, dragging my teeth along her bottom lip.
I need to see her, reluctantly pulling my face back. Avery's lips are kiss-bruised, swollen and pink, while her eyes appear hazy. But she's looking right back at me, lips parted as she pants softly.
"Show me," I say, curling my fingers inside of her. "Show me what you look like when you come. I want to make you come so hard that it will ruin your life in the best fucking way possible."
Her breath hitches at my words, eyes widening slightly. There's a glint in them, her lip curving into a smile even as she struggles to breathe properly.
"You've already ruined me," she murmurs.
"Then what's one more bit of destruction?" I press harder into her body, dragging my thumb over her clit.
She squeezes hard around me, almost stopping me from withdrawing, like her body can't bear the idea of my fingers leaving. My head dips to the side, lips locking onto her neck as I suck and lick the soft skin. The combination sends her over the edge, a whimper breaking free as she shudders, hips pushing down as she rides the high, moaning my name.
Our hips grind together, my cock threatening to bust through the dull gray material. I'm frustrated at the clothing between us, wanting to feel her naked body against mine. But it's not the time. I don't deserve it yet. Making her come was the most rewarding prize anyway, and I treat myself to a taste.
Bringing my hand up to my lips, I lock eyes with her, popping my fingers into my mouth. Avery's eyes flash with heat and when she leans forward to grip my wrist, I nearly turn feral as she encloses her mouth around my finger.
My hand shoots forward, grabbing her throat to hold her in place as she sucks my finger. She stills, but the lustful look doesn't disappear. I strum my fingers along the side of her neck, a smirk pulling on my face at the pretty red marks that decorate her throat now. I take pleasure in that alone, as if she's now my proud trophy—a fuck you to the system that's tried hard to keep us apart and destroy my life.
"Are you scared?" I ask her, applying more pressure.
She shakes her head slightly. "No," she breathes out in a staggered effort.
"I should tell you to run," I reply. "But I fear I'd just chase you now."
Slowly, I let go of her throat, watching as she takes deep breaths to calm herself back from the post-climatic high.
We stay like this for a few more minutes, until I notice that her legs are starting to cramp. I help lift her off my lap, shifting her over to the bed. She stretches out her legs, leaning against the wall.
Her face glows, eyes unfocused as we sit in silence. I think we both realize that we've now crossed the line and there's no going back. Not that I want to—I can't.
Having her light here is what's keeping me grounded in the dark. I was so close to letting myself fall after speaking to my father, but she pulled me back from the brink.
She's the reason I have to stay strong. I can't let her down—or Grey, or Byrone, any of the society members… hell, even Theo fucking Ashwood.
I promised my father a painful death and I intend to keep that promise. And if he gets that judge to grant his request, it just means we need to find another way to shut down Lilydale.
This place is a mockery of my mother's life and death. I'm going to destroy it, so that her true legacy can live on.
I'm not going to stop until we're all free.