9. Isa #2
“Are you done with your breakfast?” he asked, pointing down at my nearly empty plate.
I nodded. He grabbed the plate and brought it to the sink.
He stayed there for a beat, and I watched his back, taking in his solid form.
He spoke without turning around to look at me.
“Good. Why don’t you tell me what you were thinking yesterday, sneaking out like that? ”
I didn’t answer him, not knowing what to say. He turned around and looked at me.
He didn't raise his voice when he asked it, and he didn't sound emotional, but his eyes…
I leaned back in my seat until I could feel the edge of the chair digging into my skin. He was angry at me.
I didn’t like it when he was angry with me, but I also didn’t like it when he questioned me like I was a little kid.
I glared at him.
His eyebrows rose, obviously not expecting that.
“I already got the lecture from Valentino. I don’t need another one.”
“Yes, and I’m sure Valentino put the fear of God in you, and you’re definitely not going to do it again.”
My eyes narrowed at the slight sarcasm in his voice. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you have Valentino wrapped around your little pinkie. Whatever lecture he might have given you wouldn’t be enough to deter you from doing it again.”
I placed the bitten donut back in the box. “That has nothing to do with you.”
“Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but everything you do has to do with me.”
I frowned. “What? You’re not my boyfriend, so I don’t see how that can be the case.”
Why would it have anything to do with him? At best, I was an annoyance he had to tolerate because of his friendship with Valentino. At worst, I was like an annoying little sister he felt obligated to look out for. The last thing I wanted from Elio was brotherly feelings.
I grimaced slightly at the thought. I’d much rather be an annoyance to him than “like a sister.”
Whatever it was, though, I knew it would never be what I wanted from him.
It was something I had long ago accepted, even if it hurt.
His jaw clenched at my words.
He stepped in closer to me, making my heart beat erratically. I resisted the urge to back away from him. We stayed like that for a moment.
“Go get ready.”
“I need a shower,” I said, wrinkling my nose a little. I didn’t exactly stink, but I didn’t smell nice either. I would be horrified over the fact that Elio was so close to me, but right now, the pounding headache was taking too much from me.
Elio walked over to one of the cupboards and pulled out some painkillers. He shook out two pills into his hand and moved back to me.
“Take these.”
“How did you know?” I asked, taking the pills from him.
His mouth twitched. “You’ve been squinting since the moment I arrived. You should take this as a lesson and hold off on the alcohol from now on, but I have a feeling that’s not going to be the case with you, is it?”
I crossed my arms over my chest. He said it like I had a problem. I could count on one hand how many times I actually drank, and most of them had happened recently.
“You’re not the boss of me,” I said.
One eyebrow rose from my words. I almost felt like a petulant child being scolded for eating sweets before dinnertime.
I stood up, forcing Elio to take a step back, but not far enough. I still found myself pressed up close to him.
I tilted my head back and met his eyes.
He didn’t say anything for a moment. Neither did I.
His eyes flared for a brief second, and for the first time, I saw something on his face that wasn’t the tightly held apathy he tried to present to me and everyone else around him, and it wasn’t the look of disappointment he had been giving me lately, but something else.
Something entirely different.
Something potent and dangerous and unfamiliar.
He had never looked at me like this before… like he was… interested ?
Impossible.
Yet, I couldn’t help the way my heart started to thud heavily in my chest, almost painfully in a way.
What was going on?
My eyes strayed down to his lips, and not for the first time, I wondered how he would taste. I wondered what a kiss with him would feel like. I licked my lips. He made a low sound in the back of his throat before pulling away from me first, leaving me feeling cold.
“Go get ready, sweetheart.”
I could only nod, feeling my face flame from the subtle rejection.
Great.
So much for trying to get over my feelings. Why couldn’t I just… not like him anymore? Why him? Out of all the men in the world, why did it have to be him and not someone more… approachable and emotional?
I shut the door to my room and headed straight for the bathroom. I avoided my face in the mirror as I brushed my teeth, trying to scrub the taste of night-old alcohol from my tongue, briefly wondering if he turned away from me because my breath didn’t smell all that great.
And while that could certainly be a factor, I knew for a fact he rejected me because he didn’t have any feelings for me.
I tried to push the thoughts away as I hopped into the shower, letting the scalding hot water wash down my skin, hoping it would make my head clearer, and perhaps, somehow, just erase all the memories of last night from everybody’s minds.
It didn’t work—not that I had expected it to, and I knew sooner or later, I would have to go back out and face Elio again.
I closed my eyes and thought back to his face when we were standing so close to each other.
I didn’t imagine that look, did I?
I might not have as much experience as other women around my age, but I knew when a man was interested in me. Though I wouldn’t say Elio was interested in an obvious way, there had definitely been a spark in his eyes that hadn’t been there before.
And he had looked at me this morning, especially, when I had no makeup on, with barely any sleep, and was very obviously hungover.
Or maybe I finally broke. Perhaps I was projecting. Perhaps I had wanted this thing for so long that my mind decided to give me a small taste of it, even if it was a lie.
I kept my eyes closed and my thoughts on him.
I had spent so long studying Elio, I was sure I could make him out simply by touch alone.
I knew every mark and every scar on his face, including the small horizontal one beneath his jaw that he had gotten when he was younger, probably from some of those fights he and Valentino used to get into.
While Elio wasn’t as wild as his younger brother, Matteo, or as volatile as Massimo was when he was younger—from what I had heard, he wasn’t exactly calm or collected, like his third brother, Romeo.
He was a unique combination of all his brothers, and something—someone—I was wholly fascinated by, even after all the years I had spent in his life.
I moved my head under the spray of the water, closing my eyes just as Elio’s face popped in and out of my mind.
My hands moved of their own accord, my skin feeling highly sensitive wherever I touched, especially when I could so clearly recall that look in the kitchen.
In my fantasy, he didn’t turn me away. He didn’t pull away from me.
I imagined him wrapping his arms around my waist and hauling me close to his hard body. I imagined the feel of his hardness against me, the contrasting softness that just about had me coming undone right before he bent his head down and kissed me.
I imagined what his lips might have tasted like.
I didn’t have any reference to go by, so it was hard to grasp, but still, I could feel my heart pounding over the imagery alone.
I imagined the hard press of his lips against mine as he pulled me in closer and closer until there wasn't even an inch of space separating us.
I let my hand move down, my stomach dipping from the sensation, just before I cupped myself between my legs.
I might not have had any experience with other men, but I knew enough things and had read enough to know what I was doing.
I had done this enough times to know it would feel good, but the other times, I had been in my room, in the dark, with no one home—not in the shower, with nothing more than a wooden door separating me from the only man I ever desired.
My finger strummed over my wet lips, and I clenched my eyes shut as a heavy feeling took over. I pretended they were Elio’s fingers.
I pretended he was the one touching me as he looked me in the eye, my name forming on his lips. I pushed one finger inside me, feeling a small tremor running across my skin from the move.
It had never felt like this before.
Maybe because Elio had never been so close by before.
I moved my finger in and out as my knees went weak.
Elio’s face stayed firmly in my mind.
My orgasm hit me suddenly and unexpectedly.
One moment, I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down, and the next, it felt like someone had pushed me over.
I kept my eyes closed as a small moan escaped, then Elio’s name.
The sound surprised me.
My eyes flew open as I took in my surroundings, pulling my hand back. My heart thudded wildly in my chest, and the shower water was still raining down on me. I tried to focus on the sound and wondered if it was loud enough to drown out my voice and any noise I might have made.
I pressed my forehead against the tile wall.
I could only hope.
But there was a part of me that didn’t think so.
And while Valentino’s apartment wasn’t small by any means, it was only one story. And what if Elio wasn’t in the kitchen where I had left him, but in the guest room? Or in the hallway? Or close by?
My cheeks felt tight.
God, what was I supposed to do if he had heard me?
Die.
That was what I would do.
I would just die of humiliation.