12. Isa
ISA
The drive to his house was a familiar one. Like last time, it was made in silence.
Like last time, I tried to gauge what he was thinking and feeling, and was unsuccessful.
Like my brother, like his brothers, and like most made men, Elio wasn’t an open book. And there was just something about Elio that made him seem even more closed off than his brothers, even Romeo.
We pulled up to the house among the four other houses that I knew belonged to his siblings. They were close.
He didn’t say anything when he put the car into park and shut off the engine, killing all the sounds that came with it. I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable with the sudden silence.
“Come on,” he said, opening his door. “Let’s get you inside.”
He was out of the car before I could say anything, and I quickly followed after him.
Even though I had already been to his house before, it still wasn’t a familiar place for me. And I didn’t get the chance to snoop around the last time, considering Tommaso had come by to pick me up before I had the chance.
I looked around the darkened living room as he led me further inside the house.
I didn’t think I would ever get used to it, even if I were to spend time here, and with my plan already set in motion inside my head, hopefully it would be often.
I realized the second time he kissed me that I didn’t want to get over Elio.
Far from it.
I wanted him.
And he would need to want me.
Enough to marry me.
Enough to take me as far away from my father’s home as possible, and enough to protect me from all the monsters in the world.
I moved in closer to him, taking in his strong, muscular back as we climbed up the stairs. I lifted my hand, but it hovered in the space between us. He was close enough for me to reach out and touch him, yet…
I pulled back when we got to the second floor, and he led me right back to the bedroom he had set me up in last time.
My eyes moved from this bedroom door to the general direction of where his bedroom was located. He shot me a look as if to say, Don’t even think about it.
I smiled at him.
He shook his head and took a small step back, adding to my amusement. Was he scared of me?
“Go get ready for bed.”
“What if I’m not sleepy?” I asked.
“Tough.” With that, he turned and walked away from me before I could say or do anything.
“Don’t I even get a good night?”
He paused in his step, but he didn’t turn around to look at me. “Good night.”
“Good night, Elio.”
I couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like he had taken a deep breath. I stayed where I was until I saw him disappear into his room, leaving me standing there.
I wondered where I had gotten the confidence to do that with him.
I shook my head and walked back inside the room. Everything I had used the last time was still here. I quickly brushed my teeth and got in the shower, turning the water on as hot as I could stand.
My mind drifted to that kiss in the car with Elio. Then to that first kiss we shared in the alleyway.
I had a feeling I would be thinking about that for the rest of the night.
It was going to be a long night.
By the time I got out of the shower, my skin was flushed pink.
I quickly dried myself with a towel and wrapped it around my body.
I had forgotten to ask Elio for a change of clothes, which I quickly realized I didn’t need to worry about.
On the bed was a small stack of his clothes—a black T-shirt and a pair of boxer briefs.
I pulled them on, taking in his familiar scent coming off the clothes and wishing there was a way I could just keep it with me forever.
My eyes strayed over to the door as I pulled the blanket back and got under the covers.
I reached out and turned off the lamp on the bedside table, encasing the entire room in darkness.
I didn’t sleep.
I couldn’t sleep.
I was feeling too wired. It felt like my mind was running a million miles an hour, and there wasn’t one particular thought that I could focus on.
Plus, there was a part of me that didn’t want to be in this room.
This was the second time he kissed me. He could deny it all he wanted.
He could even say it was a mistake, but those kisses?
They didn’t feel like mistakes. They felt like the tightly held control of a man who was slipping.
And I wasn’t above using that to my advantage.
I let out a small sigh, threw the blanket off me, and climbed off the bed.
My bare feet touched the cold hardwood floors as I padded across the room and opened the door, looking down the darkened hallway.
I doubted Elio went to bed at this time, but the entire house was silent.
My eyes moved over to his room. The crack under the door didn’t show any light.
He could have just left, but I didn’t think that was the case.
I doubted he would just leave me alone in this house tonight unless he had to. Not unless Massimo needed him for something.
Quietly, I walked over to his room. My hand touched his doorknob, and I hesitated. What would I do if he rejected me?
It wasn’t anything new.
Elio had rejected me before, and like a masochist, I just kept coming back to him over and over again. But this time…
It was different, wasn’t it?
Our kisses flashed through my mind.
I didn’t know anymore. But there was one thing I was sure of: I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t do something— anything— tonight.
I turned the doorknob and pushed the door open.
His curtains were opened just enough for me to see his form lying on the bed.
He didn’t react to the door opening. I would have been convinced he was asleep if I didn’t know better.
Elio wasn’t. He would have heard it the moment I opened the door to my room and walked over to him.
And even if he had been asleep, he wasn’t a heavy sleeper.
I walked further into the room and over to the bed, to the side he wasn’t lying on, and climbed in. I felt him tense when I pulled the covers over myself.
“What are you doing, Isa?” he asked.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I came to be with you.”
“Isa.”
There was a warning in his voice when he said my name.
“Are you kicking me out?” I asked.
“It’s not a good idea for you to be here.”
“Why not?” I thought it was a great idea.
“My control is nearly gone when it comes to you.”
“Good,” I said, moving in closer to him, trying to soak up some of his warmth. He pulled back as if I had burned him.
“Not good. You need to leave.”
“Why?”
He let out a small sigh. “You obviously don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“Don’t I?” I asked. “I’m an adult. I can make decisions about my own body, or have you forgotten?”
“Jesus Christ,” he muttered under his breath, sitting up on the bed and turning on the lamp.
I squinted at the sudden intrusion of light before my eyes adjusted, and I could see him clearly.
I wished he hadn’t turned on the light in the first place.
While I had been feeling brave in the dark, seeing him like this had all my bravery fleeing.
I blinked.
“I know you’re an adult, Isa,” he gritted out. For a moment, I almost forgot what we were talking about. “That’s not the fucking problem.”
“Then what is the problem?” I asked, resisting the urge to pull the blanket over me, as if to use it for some sort of protection. I didn’t need protection from Elio… did I?
I mentally shook my head at the absurdity of the thought. Of course I didn’t.
“The problem is you’re inexperienced. I would be taking advantage of you.”
I looked him dead in the eyes, with an expressionless look on my face, and said, “How would you know?”
His left eye twitched, and his voice got dangerously low. “Are you saying you went against your father’s traditional rules and expectations and found someone to take your virginity? That you were able to get that past Valentino? Who is the stupid fucker with a death wish?”
His words made something inside me snap. He made it sound like my virginity was everyone’s business, even if what he said about Dad’s rules regarding expectations and traditions was true. Even if what he said about Valentino’s protectiveness was true as well, even if I wished that wasn’t the case.
“He might have kept a close eye on me when he was still living in my father’s house, but we both know Valentino couldn’t monitor me twenty-four seven after he moved out,” I said, egging him on.
He moved in closer to me. I held still, fighting against the instinct to pull back. “Did you?”
I pressed my hand on his chest, trying to get him to back off. He didn’t budge. “That’s none of your business.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment. His eyes darkened, and his breathing became erratic as we stared at each other. Then, “You’re lying.”
I smiled at him. “Only one way to find out.”
The hand I had placed on his chest was no longer trying to push him away. No, now I was trying to think of a way I could bring him closer. And closer still. And closer.
“Don’t push me, baby. You don’t want to see what happens when you do,” he said, his voice low with warning. Silly boy. Didn’t he know that was exactly what I wanted to do right now?
My smile widened. “I think I do?—”
His lips slammed against mine in a brutal kiss before I could even finish the sentence. My eyes stayed open in surprise for a few seconds before they slowly closed, and I succumbed to him.
Finally.
My arms wrapped around him as I pulled him in closer to me, feeling the way his lips molded to mine perfectly, and hoping, wishing, praying this wasn’t some sick, twisted joke my mind was playing on me, but reality.
I tightened my arms around him.
He felt real.
He tasted real.
He tasted like mine.
Like he had always been mine, no matter what.